Is anybody else into heavier people here?

[CrackedChair]

So, bit of story. When I was a child, I was rather interested in bigger people than me. I was rather small, so being large, at least to me seemed great at the time.

Of course, as I got older, I realized being obese had some unfortunate implications, aside from the health problems, which made me sympathize with them.

I am still having a working relationship with a girl that was nice to me, but I am not into her because she is big, it's going on because we interact a lot, as well as our interest in pop culture.

Does anybody else have this quirk?

[Orcus The Vile]

Do you mean... Sexualy? I'm not sure if this is an apropiate topic here.

[CrackedChair]

It's platonically, I can assure!

[WarKitty]

It's platonically, I can assure!

Yeah...this is honestly sounding kind of weird, and not in a good way.

If you're not interested in her sexually, why does her weight matter to you at all?

[Aedilred]

Pretty sure it's just you.

[pendell]

My beloved is ... shall we say, a lot to love ? :)

I didn't marry her because I particularly like that aspect about her. I married her for many reasons -- among them her faithfulness, her integrity, her care for others, and her absolute commitment to someone who gives loyalty in return. Mostly things that don't have much to do with physical appearance. But I can't say "chunky" = "eye candy". At least not for me.

I'm told being large is attractive in several cultures . Evidently sexual attraction is something that can be culturally learned and trained, and sometimes a culture can have .. interesting ideas about that.

Personally, I suspect that "fat" is a more healthy attraction than the "starved waif" look popular in the west these days, since that second one means things like this happen.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[CrackedChair]

My beloved is ... shall we say, a lot to love ? :)

I didn't marry her because I particularly like that aspect about her. I married her for many reasons -- among them her faithfulness, her integrity, her care for others, and her absolute commitment to someone who gives loyalty in return. Mostly things that don't have much to do with physical appearance. But I can't say "chunky" = "eye candy". At least not for me.

I'm told being large is attractive in several cultures . Evidently sexual attraction is something that can be culturally learned and trained, and sometimes a culture can have .. interesting ideas about that.

Personally, I suspect that "fat" is a more healthy attraction than the "starved waif" look popular in the west these days, since that second one means things like this happen.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Understood. A lot of people when they saw this might have been... weirded out for such a question, but this is the kind of response I can wholeheartedly agree with.

[Shamash]

Yeah...this is honestly sounding kind of weird, and not in a good way.

If you're not interested in her sexually, why does her weight matter to you at all?

Hey now everyone is allowed to have a type and liking heavier people is actually more common than the OP imagines.

[WarKitty]

Hey now everyone is allowed to have a type and liking heavier people is actually more common than the OP imagines.

Having a type is one thing. Publicly discussing the aspects of your female friends that you do or do not find attractive is someone else.

There's already too much of a sense that female bodies are up for public commentary.

[Shamash]

Having a type is one thing. Publicly discussing the aspects of your female friends that you do or do not find attractive is someone else.

There's already too much of a sense that female bodies are up for public commentary.

We are in a online forum, this is hardly "publicly discussing", but do you want know what is real bad? Shaming other people for their sexualities and/or attractions.

[WarKitty]

We are in a online forum, this is hardly "publicly discussing", but do you want know what is real bad? Shaming other people for their sexualities and/or attractions.

It's a public discussion even if you're not discussing in front of people who know the other person.

What you think of the body of someone you are not dating or considering dating is frankly not something anyone needs to know about. If she is, as OP insists, just a friend, why does it matter what he thinks of her body?

It's not "shaming" someone's sexuality. I'd have the exact same opinion if he discussed not liking skinny girls, or women with red hair, or whatever.

[Shamash]

It's a public discussion even if you're not discussing in front of people who know the other person.

What you think of the body of someone you are not dating or considering dating is frankly not something anyone needs to know about. If she is, as OP insists, just a friend, why does it matter what he thinks of her body?

It's not "shaming" someone's sexuality. I'd have the exact same opinion if he discussed not liking skinny girls, or women with red hair, or whatever.

I think it's perfectly ok for people to discuss what they think is or isn't attractive, if you don't like that... Well no one is forcing you to participate on this thread; I'm for instance really attracted to muscular guys to the point where they are the main fuel for my sexual gratification. Do you have a problem with that?

Besides it's quite clear the Op is interested in dating her so I don't know what you talking about.

[WarKitty]

I think it's perfectly ok for people to discuss what they think is or isn't attractive, if you don't like that... Well no one is forcing you to participate on this thread; I'm for instance really attracted to muscular guys to the point where they are the main fuel for my sexual gratification. Do you have a problem with that?

Besides it's quite clear the Op is interested in dating her so I don't know what you talking about.

It's platonically, I can assure!

I am participating in this thread, to say it's not just something I "don't like" - it's something that I don't think is an appropriate topic of discussion. If you want to have a public discussion, one of the things some people may say is what they think of the appropriateness of that discussion.

In any case...I think there's a big difference between saying, in general, that you're attracted or not attracted to specific traits, and discussing the body of a particular person, whether present or not.

(I'd also note that "chubby chaser" is generally considered a rather insulting term.)

[Shamash]

I am participating in this thread, to say it's not just something I "don't like" - it's something that I don't think is an appropriate topic of discussion. If you want to have a public discussion, one of the things some people may say is what they think of the appropriateness of that discussion.

In any case...I think there's a big difference between saying, in general, that you're attracted or not attracted to specific traits, and discussing the body of a particular person, whether present or not.

(I'd also note that "chubby chaser" is generally considered a rather insulting term.)

Well that's a terrible way to contribute to the conversation. Can you imagine talking to someone about something and then a random person shows up a goes "Yeah, that's not appropriate, you should not think or say that" What's this? 1984?

Well the op just said he likes a girl despite the fact she doesn't have the type of body he is usually into so I dunno what the problem is.

(That's just the name of the trope.)

[WarKitty]

Well that's a terrible way to contribute to the conversation. Can you imagine talking to someone about something and then a random person shows up a goes "Yeah, that's not appropriate, you should not think or say that" What's this? 1984?

No, it's 2017, and we get to say that we find some things are not appropriate for public discussion because they are things that contribute to or are part of unhealthy social structures. Like the aforementioned "women's bodies are a topic of public discussion."

[Honest Tiefling]

Dude, it's just bad manners to talk about people you are attracted to with strangers. Talking about traits you find hypothetically attractive is a lot different then talking about people you know. Not being a creeper is still a thing.

If you don't agree, post a picture of yourself and we can discuss your physical attributes once you leave the thread. Dibs on the butt!

[The Eye]

Dude, it's just bad manners to talk about people you are attracted to with strangers. Talking about traits you find hypothetically attractive is a lot different then talking about people you know. Not being a creeper is still a thing.

Is that still a thing? Oh dear D:

[Comrade]

What's this? 1984?

Indeed, when Orwell wrote his legendary polemic against the evils of totalitarianism in the 20th century, what he was really referring to was the oppression of the ever-marginalised 'chubby chaser' class.

[Shamash]

Dude, it's just bad manners to talk about people you are attracted to with strangers. Talking about traits you find hypothetically attractive is a lot different then talking about people you know. Not being a creeper is still a thing.

If you don't agree, post a picture of yourself and we can discuss your physical attributes once you leave the thread. Dibs on the butt!

The whole point is that he never named her or showed a picture of her so I dunno what the problem of talking about her.

But it seems I'm wrong, I'm sorry WarKitty I was having a bad morning.

[INoKnowNames]

On the one hand, I know this can be a controversial topic and probably isn't worth entering into just because there's a good chance of sparks flying, if they aren't already. It probably isn't too good to get -too- public with one's personal interests, because depending on where it is stated and how, it usually gets pretty messy pretty quick. I think Humanity just needs to get its crap together and stop judging everyone period, and stop getting nervous about its own desires, and the world would be a better place for it, period.

Spoiler: On the other hand, I -MUST- post this image.

Show

I'm still mourning/celebrating the end of the Samurai Jack era.

[S@tanicoaldo]

No, it's 2017, and we get to say that we find some things are not appropriate for public discussion because they are things that contribute to or are part of unhealthy social structures. Like the aforementioned "women's bodies are a topic of public discussion."

Yeah it's 2017, people should be allowed to talk about their kinkies without fear of repression, don't be a prude with different values.

[WarKitty]

Yeah it's 2017, people should be allowed to talk about their kinkies without fear of repression, don't be a prude with different values.

It's not about what your kinks are or aren't. It's about how you talk about other people's bodies, and whether it's respectful of them as people beyond whether they are sexually attractive to your or not. It doesn't really matter what particularly you like or dislike about those bodies, or whether it's a socially acceptable preference or a "kink" or whatnot.

[Fri]

I don't have any money on this topic, I don't even necessarily think this current topic is inappropriate, but I just want to add on how not everything is kinkshaming.

For example (using argument from absurdity, bear with me), you can like seeing people being tied up. It's a common kink. But if you bring that up in a children's card game forum, that's inappropriate. It's nothing to do with kinkshaming. It's about appropriateness, it's just that.

[2D8HP]

....the "starved waif" look popular in the west these days...

I don't know if it's projection or marketing, but in the U.S. both men and women are deluded about what the other thinks is attractive.

Men think women are more attracted to bulkier bodies than women are usually attracted to, and women think men are attracted to thinner bodies than men are usually attracted to.

Women buy diet drugs and injure their health, and men buy steroids and injure their health, both trying to achieve false ideals of what's "attractive".

[Sarcasm]But it's good for commerce, so that's for the best, right? [/sarcasm]

[Shamash]

I don't have any money on this topic, I don't even necessarily think this current topic is inappropriate, but I just want to add on how not everything is kinkshaming.

For example (using argument from absurdity, bear with me), you can like seeing people being tied up. It's a common kink. But if you bring that up in a children's card game forum, that's inappropriate. It's nothing to do with kinkshaming. It's about appropriateness, it's just that.

"Hellos, goodbyes, and other casual conversation goes here. Especially if it doesn't fit better into one of the other forums."

This is what this section of the forum is about. The OP. wanted to know if he is the only one who has this kind of body preference, seems pretty ok to me, my philosophy of life is, don't like that conversation? Don't participate! And let the thread die naturally; add your hate to the conversation will only artificially prolong the thread lifespan.

I was especially pissed off because my father was just shamming me for liking games and super hero movies and not having a girlfriend yet, at MY OWN house, saying it wasn't appropriate "for a young man of my age to do what I do" that such things are for kids. Then I go to the forums and I see someone do basically the same thing to another forum user? It got my blood boiling and I’m sorry.

But this is supposed to be a safe non-judgmental space, as long as it follow the forum rules it’s fine to talk about it.

[Chen]

It's platonically, I can assure!

Then what did you mean by "not into her"? This conversation becomes very different depending on if it's "I'm not attracted to someone because they are fat" and "I can be friends with someone because they are fat". There's usually little questioning of the former and everyone has their own individual preferences in what they find attractive. The latter is significantly more complicated but could presumably lead to discussion if you have more to elaborate on it. This would delve into reasons why someone might be overweight, or obese or whatever. Still a much more difficult position for people to agree with I'd imagine.

[WarKitty]

I was especially pissed off because my father was just shamming me for liking games and super hero movies and not having a girlfriend yet, at MY OWN house, saying it wasn't appropriate "for a young man of my age to do what I do" that such things are for kids. Then I go to the forums and I see someone do basically the same thing to another forum user? It got my blood boiling and I’m sorry.

The thing is, some of us are used to being shamed because someone who doesn't want to date us feels the need to comment on our bodies and how they're attractive or not attractive enough and how we should be making ourselves look to be attractive enough for men - even men who have already declared that they are only platonically interested in us (as the OP said he's only platonically interested in this girl). We object because we don't want to watch another woman (or man, for that matter) being shamed that way, even if we're hiding it behind an anonymous forum.

[Shamash]

Then what did you mean by "not into her"? This conversation becomes very different depending on if it's "I'm not attracted to someone because they are fat" and "I can be friends with someone because they are fat". There's usually little questioning of the former and everyone has their own individual preferences in what they find attractive. The latter is significantly more complicated but could presumably lead to discussion if you have more to elaborate on it. This would delve into reasons why someone might be overweight, or obese or whatever. Still a much more difficult position for people to agree with I'd imagine.

I believe he meant that the reason he likes her is not her size but the fact that they interact a lot and have similar interests in pop culture.

To tell the truth that section of the text isn quite ambiguous and it may be the responsible for all the misunderstanding.

EDIT:

The thing is, some of us are used to being shamed because someone who doesn't want to date us feels the need to comment on our bodies and how they're attractive or not attractive enough and how we should be making ourselves look to be attractive enough for men - even men who have already declared that they are only platonically interested in us (as the OP said he's only platonically interested in this girl). We object because we don't want to watch another woman (or man, for that matter) being shamed that way, even if we're hiding it behind an anonymous forum.

Well clearly this is your own personal experience and issues and you should not generalize it to everyone.

Just because you had a problem with a similar, although completely different, situation it doesn't give you the right to just prevent people from doing it.

The Op. is not telling her that she should do anything about her appearance, you just assumed so because of your experiences, the op is not shaming her body, you just assumed so because of your experiences, and the op is not hiding he is just sharing an aspect of his psyche in search of empathy and acceptance.

It's very common for people in the internet to go "Am I the only one who _____" and then they found out they aren't and that there is a whole community out there who shares such desires or interests and they feel less alone or weird. This is a good a thing, don't ruin it.

[WarKitty]

Well clearly this is your own personal experience and issues and you should not generalize it to everyone.

I was especially pissed off because my father was just shamming me for liking games and super hero movies and not having a girlfriend yet, at MY OWN house, saying it wasn't appropriate "for a young man of my age to do what I do" that such things are for kids. Then I go to the forums and I see someone do basically the same thing to another forum user? It got my blood boiling and I’m sorry.

You're following it up with an anecdote of your own personal experience, so I don't think it's entirely fair to say I can't generalize based on my own experience.

Personally, I think my experience is far, far more similar to what is happening here than what you cited. In fact I'm not sure I even see the relevance of your experience to what OP is talking about. Obviously you disagree - but we're mentioning our experiences here because we do think something extremely similar and equally problematic is going on.

[Recherché]

I have to admit that I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable and creeped out by the objectification as well but I didn't want to post anything because the last time I complained about anything similar I got called a zealot and a bigot and basically told to go rot in hell.