El Goonish ShIVe: Damn It, Dan, Stop Teasing Us!

[Celestia]

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Sure there is. It's called copious amounts of alcohol.

[Shogo]

Hmm. An interesting situation. On the one hand, she tore through the school dating pool with the explicit intention of basically exploiting people for free food and gifts. On the other, the rumors that they are spreading about her are pretty messed up.

Am I allowed to think what those boys are doing is wrong but still not really sympathize with Diane?

[Fyraltari]

Am I allowed to think what those boys are doing is wrong but still not really sympathize with Diane?

You don't have any obligation to sympathize with anyone.

[Mechalich]

Hmm. An interesting situation. On the one hand, she tore through the school dating pool with the explicit intention of basically exploiting people for free food and gifts. On the other, the rumors that they are spreading about her are pretty messed up.

Am I allowed to think what those boys are doing is wrong but still not really sympathize with Diane?

I think so. Diane has basically spent most of her high school career living out the plot to the movie Easy A (which for the record, I don't find particularly believable, the idea that Diane hasn't had at least one sexual encounter by this point without having a massive Susan-sized neurosis is laughable). The rumors are a natural consequence of the lifestyle she adopted. Also the idea that she's only just now finding out that practically every boy in the school claims to have slept with her is also laughable, since that's something every girl in the school would have long since confronted her over. High school reputation circles back fast, people like Elliot - who go through life largely oblivious to how everyone else views them - are exceedingly uncommon.

This whole situation is poorly structured.

[Celestia]

I think so. Diane has basically spent most of her high school career living out the plot to the movie Easy A (which for the record, I don't find particularly believable, the idea that Diane hasn't had at least one sexual encounter by this point without having a massive Susan-sized neurosis is laughable). The rumors are a natural consequence of the lifestyle she adopted. Also the idea that she's only just now finding out that practically every boy in the school claims to have slept with her is also laughable, since that's something every girl in the school would have long since confronted her over. High school reputation circles back fast, people like Elliot - who go through life largely oblivious to how everyone else views them - are exceedingly uncommon.

This whole situation is poorly structured.

I find it perfectly believable that she hasn't had sex. Just because most teenagers do doesn't mean she has to. Dating doesn't always lead to sex, especially if she dropped the guys quickly. Hold out for two or three dates, then dump them. It works, even if I would have expected her to get with at least a couple of them.

You are completely right about the reputation thing, though. There's no reason for her to not already know that.

[Mechalich]

I find it perfectly believable that she hasn't had sex. Just because most teenagers do doesn't mean she has to. Dating doesn't always lead to sex, especially if she dropped the guys quickly. Hold out for two or three dates, then dump them. It works, even if I would have expected her to get with at least a couple of them.

The thing is, most teenagers, including the girls, have massively overpowered sex drives. If given the opportunity, they tend to act on them. Diane's lifestyle involves her practically drowning in opportunity - remember she's eighteen and a senior, she's at the end of her high school career not the beginning. The only reason for her to be a virgin is if she deliberately and consciously made a choice to avoid all possible sexual encounters (or, alternatively, made a specific decision to restrict herself to only non-penetrative ones, but that's not really consistent with the 'I'm a virgin' mentality either). Such a choice is deeply inconsistent with her character as shown so far.

I don't expect her to have lots of sex. Diane's character is completely consistent with someone who had one or two lousy or unsatisfying sexual encounters (also extremely common for teenage girls) and avoided any further ones. I'd absolutely believe that she hasn't had sex in years, but not that she's never had sex at all. This is doubly true given that the rumors are people claiming to have had sex with her consistently - if rumor says you're easy and you go around dating a bunch of teenage guys, they are going to push for sex. If Diane consistently rejected such overtures (which is absolutely her right and there's nothing wrong with doing that), rumor would change accordingly to reflect her unwillingness to, ahem, 'put out.' Consistently fooling an entire school - especially in our modern, social-media dominated hyper-aware environment - is very difficult to do over the long term.

[Yuki Akuma]

Reminder: this webcomic is written by Dan Shive, a man who has gone on record as saying he thinks sex is kinda gross and uninteresting.

[John Cribati]

This is doubly true given that the rumors are people claiming to have had sex with her consistently - if rumor says you're easy and you go around dating a bunch of teenage guys, they are going to push for sex. If Diane consistently rejected such overtures (which is absolutely her right and there's nothing wrong with doing that), rumor would change accordingly to reflect her unwillingness to, ahem, 'put out.' Consistently fooling an entire school - especially in our modern, social-media dominated hyper-aware environment - is very difficult to do over the long term.

First Boy Diane "dated" says that they totally banged, for the sake of clout. Second boy Diane "dated," not willing to be shown up, also says they totally banged. As does the Third. And the Fourth. Until it gets to a tipping point where anyone she dates has to continue the lie because she's now the easiest girl in school, and if she didn't "put out" for you, that's negative clout.

I'm with you on the "why has Diane not heard of this already?" bit, though. Unless nobody says it out loud near her or her posse.

[Celestia]

The only reason for her to be a virgin is if she deliberately and consciously made a choice to avoid all possible sexual encounters (or, alternatively, made a specific decision to restrict herself to only non-penetrative ones, but that's not really consistent with the 'I'm a virgin' mentality either).

And may be that is exactly what she did. Her main story in the comic so far is that she is trying to find the "right guy,' so maybe she's saving herself for him. Or maybe she's one of those people who wants to save it for marriage. Or maybe she's afraid of getting STIs/pregnant and doesn't trust that condoms are enough. Or maybe she just doesn't have a very strong sex drive and is perfectly content just playing with herself every so often. There are actually many perfectly reasonable explanations as to why she hasn't had sex.

And there are also people who do believe that things like oral and hand jobs aren't "real" sex.

Such a choice is deeply inconsistent with her character as shown so far.

How so? The reason that we have been given as to why she dates is so that she can get guys to buy her things. Nothing about that indicates a propensity for loose legs.

[Shogo]

If nothing else, you'd think one of the people who are supposed to be her friends would tell her that people think she's a crappy person who likes to sleep around.

[Yuki Akuma]

If nothing else, you'd think one of the people who are supposed to be her friends would tell her that people think she's a crappy person who likes to sleep around.

Those people who are supposed to be her friends are either part of her Girl Posse (and therefore nobody's going to mention it around them, either) - or have only been friendly with her for a couple of months at most and probably just assumed she already knew her own reputation.

[Mando Knight]

If nothing else, you'd think one of the people who are supposed to be her friends would tell her that people think she's a crappy person who likes to sleep around.

They might assume she knows. After all, she's been pretty explicit about the "manipulate guys to spend money on me" plan. They might not even realize she isn't actually "putting out."

That she isn't actually sexually active (or at the very least has a narrow view of what "counts" vis-à-vis her virginity) is rather more consistent with the narrative of her "Susan's same-but-different foil" role, rather than any concern for self-described realistic social dynamics.

[RowenMorland]

Maybe the people who would have confronted her about it were too afraid to. She did punch that one guy in the face over the cola bottle thing. She seems pretty formidable.

[Vinyadan]

Tbh, Dan may call the main cast virgin, but Ellen has actually had sex in her alternate dimension. I don't consider her a virgin because of that.

Also, a phrase from old posters that would still be effective:

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You can't beat the Axis if you have VD!

[Celestia]

Tbh, Dan may call the main cast virgin, but Ellen has actually had sex in her alternate dimension. I don't consider her a virgin because of that.

Also, a phrase from old posters that would still be effective:

Spoiler

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You can't beat the Axis if you have VD!

Pretty sure she's also had sex in this dimension, too.

[Rater202]

Pretty sure she's also had sex in this dimension, too.

At least by now--the indication that she an Nanase were doing "sexy things" came long after the claim that they were mostly virgins.

[Vinyadan]

These have been some of the most wtf moments in the comic, as far as I am concerned.

[Fyraltari]

May I ask why?

[Celestia]

I swear Lucy's boobs are getting bigger with each page.

[Calemyr]

It really looks like Rhoda is enlarging Lucy.

[Frozen_Feet]

There seems to be a vocabulary issue. Let me help!

Slut = has sex with you for free.

Whore = has sex with you for money.

Vamp = takes your money, does not have sex with you.

All those high school dudes spreading rumours of Diane being a slut, are committing malicious slander - towards actual sluts.

[John Cribati]

Colloquially speaking, "slut" and "whore" are synonyms.

[Frozen_Feet]

Wrong; they're just both used as slurs and words used as slurs tend to lose their normal semantics.

[Celestia]

Well, I've just found a new ship.

[Lizard Lord]

Judging by the first panel it would seem that "magazine" representative that was talking to Rhoda way back when is not the first time Diane punched a guy for upsetting her friends.

[AmberVael]

Well, I've just found a new ship.

Can we call it Dicey?

[Celestia]

Can we call it Dicey?

Luciane rolls off the tongue so well. *nod*

[Lord Raziere]

Ok, these three latest strips are so Luciane shippy, I can't help but see Lucy having a thing for Diane but unable to admit it, she didn't seem to be interested in any of the guys, all the conversations were focused on Diane and they have a more meaningful relationship than whatever they get from their actual dates, this has been going on for years, so I can't see Lucy just doing it for the friendship since she was wiser about the dates what should be about but the latest strip had her not answer Diane when she asked, the first two I still wasn't assuming anything, but this strip just confirms it for me that Lucy has a thing for Diane for me, and if she has had for that long, it must be serious in some way.

[Rater202]

Okay, while it was pretty heavily suggested before, this I feel pretty much confirms that Lucy has a thing for Diane.

[Fyraltari]

So Lucy became nicer to Rhoda when she started dating Somebody who isn't Diane Catalina, right?