Finally go to a doctor, lectured for not going to a doctor

[Sajiri]

Im just venting a little here. I had some things going on for a few weeks or a few years, depending on which specific thing it is, and I've been continuously putting off seeing a doctor for the longest time. I just never have good experiences with doctors, but I finally let my husband convince me into seeing one today, I admit straight up 'yes, I should have come for a checkup sooner, I have a lot of anxieties and-' 'well why didnt you come sooner if this has been going on for so long?!'

On top of that, without going into the specifics of what some of the issues were, the doctor then tells me it's illegal for me to drive with my 'condition' and seemed to be latching onto it as something particularly terrible without letting me explain how rare it is or the specific conditions for it to even come up (which never involve driving). So on top of the lecture, I'm now at threat of losing my license and I am dreading she is going to throw something else at me like I'm not supposed to be working with kids now either :/ even though I see absolutely no way my health issues could affect my performance in this job (just recently started a new career in a school). I have to go back again next week for a follow up, while the husband is also wanting to organise for me to see a different doctor for a second opinion this week and I just...really don't want to.

[Togath]

I'd suggest trying to see a different one... the one you got sounds pretty dang poor. I know what it can be like getting a hostile one.
*hugs tight*

[Brother Oni]

On top of that, without going into the specifics of what some of the issues were, the doctor then tells me it's illegal for me to drive with my 'condition' and seemed to be latching onto it as something particularly terrible without letting me explain how rare it is or the specific conditions for it to even come up (which never involve driving).

This depends on whether you actually drive or not. If you do and have a medical condition that makes it illegal for you to drive (regardless of whether it actually affects your driving in your opinion), your insurance company is highly likely to use that as an excuse for not covering you in the event of a claim, with all the repercussions that entails.

While I'm sympathetic to the issues of a hostile doctor (it's why you get a second opinion), ignoring the issue isn't going to make it go away and not dealing with it now may come back to bite you at a far more unfortunate time.

[factotum]

ignoring the issue isn't going to make it go away and not dealing with it now may come back to bite you at a far more unfortunate time.

Like, a few seconds before your car ploughs into a group of schoolchildren, or something like that? Of course, without knowing Sajiri's specific illness we can't make an assessment like that, which is what the doctor is there for.

[Glorthindel]

I can certainly sympathise - I absolutely hate going to the dentist, and most of that revolves around how they invariably lead off by berating you about how stupid and careless you are. I just want to yell at them - yes, I know what I should and should not be doing, and I know what the consequences are, but I am ****ing paying you to do a job, so shut the **** up and do it.

I don't know if they teach sanctimoniousness at medical schools, but you wouldn't put up with it from a car mechanic, plumber, or anyone else whose job is basically to repair and/or correct damage you have caused through your own ignorance and inattentiveness, yet for some reason, we seem to be expected to put up with it as part of the ordeal when visiting a medical "repairer".

It is counter-productive too. If you hate the whole process, being told off like a five year old is not going to miraculously fix a lifetime of bad habits, its just going to convince you to fully say to hell with it, and stop seeing the doctor/dentist altogether. which will only accelerate the problem.

[Chen]

I can certainly sympathise - I absolutely hate going to the dentist, and most of that revolves around how they invariably lead off by berating you about how stupid and careless you are. I just want to yell at them - yes, I know what I should and should not be doing, and I know what the consequences are, but I am ****ing paying you to do a job, so shut the **** up and do it.

I don't know if they teach sanctimoniousness at medical schools, but you wouldn't put up with it from a car mechanic, plumber, or anyone else whose job is basically to repair and/or correct damage you have caused through your own ignorance and inattentiveness, yet for some reason, we seem to be expected to put up with it as part of the ordeal when visiting a medical "repairer".

It is counter-productive too. If you hate the whole process, being told off like a five year old is not going to miraculously fix a lifetime of bad habits, its just going to convince you to fully say to hell with it, and stop seeing the doctor/dentist altogether. which will only accelerate the problem.

If I continue to strip the clutch on my car or empty battery acid in my sink and require a mechanic or plumber repeatedly to fix it, I'm definitely ok with them telling you what you shouldn't be doing. Clearly they shouldn't be rude about it, but while I've experienced the "you should do X and not do Y" it's never been super rude or anything. Maybe I'm just lucky with the practitioners though.

[Rynjin]

I can certainly sympathise - I absolutely hate going to the dentist, and most of that revolves around how they invariably lead off by berating you about how stupid and careless you are. I just want to yell at them - yes, I know what I should and should not be doing, and I know what the consequences are, but I am ****ing paying you to do a job, so shut the **** up and do it.

A doctor's job is not just to diagnose you and write a prescription. Their job is to do everything in your power to make you healthy.

If you make bad choices that are the direct cause of your health problems, guess what the most effective way to keep you healthy is: Stop you from doing dumb ****.

Quite frankly you shouldn't have this attitude toward ANY sort of professional, but it's exceptionally ****ing stupid to have it toward a medical professional. This makes you sound like the kind of person who, when the contractor tells you that he can't knock out a wall in your house to put your game room in because it's load bearing, you yell at him "Shut the **** up and do what I'm ****ing paying you to do" and then get pissed off because, no ****, your roof caved in afterward.

Part of a professional's job IS to tell you when you're doing something wrong so things like that don't happen. Listening to a reputable professional is how you save time, effort, money, and in the case of a doctor yourself from poor health and potential lifetime complications that can diminish quality of life.

Having to listen to the doctor go "Don't be stupid, stupid" twice a year is a small price to pay.

@OP: This applies to you too. If you have a medical condition that makes it illegal for you to not drive don't drive. It wouldn't be illegal for you to drive if it wasn't a health hazard for other people for you to be on the road. Complaining about it is selfish, though understandably so. Nobody likes to be told they can't or shouldn't do something but sometimes you just need to suck it up.

[Dr.Samurai]

I can certainly sympathise - I absolutely hate going to the dentist, and most of that revolves around how they invariably lead off by berating you about how stupid and careless you are. I just want to yell at them - yes, I know what I should and should not be doing, and I know what the consequences are, but I am ****ing paying you to do a job, so shut the **** up and do it.

Um... they are doing their job. Wtf? The dentist is an expert, telling his client why they have to get a longer, more uncomfortable deep cleaning with the periodontist instead of coming in for a quick check-up/brief cleaning with their regular dentist. And this is offensive to you?

I used to be a handyman, and if I told someone "I know they say they are "flushable" wipes, but they really aren't, and that's why your toilet keeps clogging up" and they respond with "I am ****ing paying you so shut the **** up and do the job" I'd wish them good luck with their plugged toilet and peace the **** out.

I don't know if they teach sanctimoniousness at medical schools, but you wouldn't put up with it from a car mechanic, plumber, or anyone else whose job is basically to repair and/or correct damage you have caused through your own ignorance and inattentiveness, yet for some reason, we seem to be expected to put up with it as part of the ordeal when visiting a medical "repairer".

But people do "put up with it" from mechanics and plumbers and anyone else. What are you talking about?? Maybe you don't, because I guess you think your money makes you... I don't even know. You just seem confused about what their jobs entail. When I call the plumber for my tenants, I want to know what the problem was. If he volunteers that information before I ask, even better.

Mechanic: I know it's annoying, but the best thing to do is bring the car in when the Check Engine light comes on, just to make sure it isn't a bigger issue like this one.
Person: Money has exchanged hands! How dare you speak to me? Did I ask for your opinion? Do you not think I know what the light is for? Simpleton!

Plumber: If you make sure to put the strainer down, it'll prevent back-ups like this in the future.
Person: I'm sorry, but, did I ask for your opinion? I thought you'd have the good graces to not look in my general direction while you were working, let alone address me directly. I am paying you to fix the problem, not offer your obvious insight. As if I don't know what the strainer is for. I don't feel like using it! Do not presume otherwise.

Doctor: It's best to get symptoms like this checked out sooner. With this condition, I don't think you are legally allowed to drive.
Person: I don't need to know that! Who are you to offer up that kind of unsolicited information?!?! This is stressing me out. I should have never come here!!!

Just because you admit that you're procrastinating and being irresponsible, it doesn't exempt you from having to hear expert advice and opinions when you finally do get around to going in to the mechanic's or the doctor's office. Because they *aren't* irresponsible, they are going to tell you what they think you need to hear.

Letting you know that you might not be able to drive sounds SUPER important and it is totally unreasonable to think the doctor shouldn't say anything because it bugs you to have someone speak to you. Especially if I've been putting something off for months let's say, the doctor might get the impression that I'm not taking it seriously, warranting some commentary that I might otherwise feel goes without saying.

It is counter-productive too. If you hate the whole process, being told off like a five year old is not going to miraculously fix a lifetime of bad habits, its just going to convince you to fully say to hell with it, and stop seeing the doctor/dentist altogether. which will only accelerate the problem.

Uh, no. Own your hang-up. You don't like going because you don't like going. Don't blame it on the person doing their job.

@OP: As someone who also waits entirely too long to get stuff checked out, I get it. Going to the doctor's is just not a fun experience, and it's scary not knowing what might be happening in/to your body. But it sounds serious. The doctor needs to get across to his patients the seriousness of their illnesses or injuries. The doctor doesn't know you, so don't take it personally. And for sure get a second opinion. Best of luck!

[Lord Joeltion]

I met quite a couple of doctors in my life, specially as a kid, and even tho I never found one really harsh on me, I know it's a fairly common practice for certain kind of professionals to be "sanctimonious" or to simply lecture the patient in order to reinforce the message of "never do this again".

While I think no doctor should be harsh on any patient, I think it's probably a good idea to lecture certain kind of patients about not falling into bad habits, specially when they show signs of having already fallen in those habits already. My dad caught the flu a few days ago, and since he didn't care for himself he spent almost a whole month in that state (he is in the risk factor because of age).

Having said that, to OP; just because a doctor had a bad day (could happen) or was simply being a jerk to you (also plausible), that doesn't mean his core message was wrong. Chances are that, given his background prepared him better for science-y things than you (while being a sucker in the social aspect), he has better knowledge than you when it comes about your health and safety. If I were you, I would probably still hold a "grudge" against him and look for a better practitioner, but I would still pay attention to his medical advice. You never know when you will find the real Doctor House.

[Mikemical]

Part of a professional's job IS to tell you when you're doing something wrong so things like that don't happen. Listening to a reputable professional is how you save time, effort, money, and in the case of a doctor yourself from poor health and potential lifetime complications that can diminish quality of life.

Having to listen to the doctor go "Don't be stupid, stupid" twice a year is a small price to pay.

Amen.

@OP, I had an aunt who didn't go to the hospital when she started to get severe muscle pains and episodes where she was breathing shallowly seemingly at random every day for over 3 years, until finally one day my uncle drove her to the hospital without her knowing(she thought he was taking her out for lunch). Turns out she had pulmonar cancer and because she didn't get a check up done early, it went untreated and allowed it to reach Stage IV.

So as someone who's lost a family member to stubborness and "hospitals make me anxious!/the doctors are meanies and tell me how to live my life!", getting a medical checkup AT LEAST once a year is a lot better than dying knowing you could've prevented it.

[Winter_Wolf]

People assume that they get what they get with doctors. That's a load of crap. You can interview them same as anyone else, and if they're not up to par, keep looking. Your goal is a competent doctor who cares about your health. Many doctors fail at least one of those criteria. I really like my current doctor, the guy actually cares about outcome, and certainly isn't afraid to tell me things I don't want to hear--but he's professional and he actually cares.

See another doctor, get another opinion. I've had to deal with several doctored looking for a couple good ones. And by that I don't mean "they tell me what I want to hear" I mean doctors who actually are competent and not complete *******s. There are several doctors in my area who for some reason are still allowed to practice medicine despite overwhelming complaints* and very unprofessional behavior. I've as much told my clinic that if (that particular doctor) was the only one available I'd literally rather walk out into the parking lot and quietly die, because it's less of a risk than putting my--or any member of my family--at risk with that hack.

*These complaints are a matter of public record and generally are valid complaints. Pushing pulls on patients rather than attempting to figure out what's wrong with a person, just up and walking out of a consultation for no good reason--some doctors have a real chip on their shoulder and think their word is gospel, but really they're the jackasses that got the lowest passing grades and managed to muddle through residency by some miracle.

[WarKitty]

Yeah, those of us with "specialty" health problems tend to have a lot of experience.

For example, I think I have a fairly good idea of when I'm feeling anxious. When I say, yes, I know X can be caused by anxiety, but it's happening when I'm not feeling anxious, and I have a family history of X being caused by a different condition, I'm not likely to be pleased when the doctor runs one test (which wouldn't even pick up the condition my mother had) and tells me "it must be anxiety, I'll prescribe you some Klonopin."

And don't tell me you're going to "wait and see" on my sinus infection. We've tried that. It's not going to clear up. It's going to turn into a resistant infection and it'll take 4 weeks of antibiotics and a round of steroids to clear.

[Sajiri]

I should make it clear, I really dont want to go back to a doctor, but I am still of course planning to. Just doesnt mean I have to like it.

The doctor herself isn't actually bad, in fact when I finally agreed to make an appointment I was relieved to hear this one was working at the local clinic again as I'd seen her when I was a teenager and she was always known to be very thorough and was very difficult to get an appointment with. Also she bulk bills, meaning I don't have to pay a cent for consultations, which is a bonus. I had two major things I was going to see her about, the first was a physical thing thats come up lately that she was very in depth about, and immediately sent me off to get a blood test which was another one of those horrible fear inducing moments...needles

It was the psychological stuff that she was not particularly patient with. Unfortunately this seems to be a trend with public healthcare in Australia from what I hear. I don't know if she was just not as experienced with it, or if she was trying to hurry along because by then the visit had gone on for a while, the particular part about not driving was to do with catatonia. I can absolutely see how it would be a danger to drive with that, but she didn't seem to take notice when I was saying that is something that has not happened in a long while (I was only bringing it up as she was asking about my medical history) and it was an emotional coping mechanism to an abusive living situation I was in for a long time which has since been resolved. Also I really only have my license for an emergency, typically my husband drives me to work since it's on the way to his, our grocery store is right next door to us so I can just walk and any longer trips he's driving. What I didn't like was that she seemed to be leading the conversation and recording some things as major (that weren't) and took no notice of others (that I did consider major). Yes she's a doctor and she knows better than me, but it felt like the wrong things were getting recorded to me. Either way, she's left it all there until I have an MRI scan tomorrow night and then I have my follow up with her next week.

I've had a lot of bad experiences with doctors in the past, from the one that kept upping my dosage of anxiety meds in the past per request of my parents without listening to me saying how they were having a negative effect (terrible headaches and fatigue), the one that lectured me on using such meds when I was not actually given a choice in the matter (who also lectured my sister and implied several things about her for getting a HIV vaccination even though she was getting it as a required shot to start working as a nurse in a hospital), the one that started telling me I should go to church and find god, or the two that when I went in basically shrugged and said 'cant do anything for you'. I know I should be seeing them, I just really hate it.

[Peelee]

I can certainly sympathise - I absolutely hate going to the dentist, and most of that revolves around how they invariably lead off by berating you about how stupid and careless you are. I just want to yell at them - yes, I know what I should and should not be doing, and I know what the consequences are, but I am ****ing paying you to do a job, so shut the **** up and do it.

In addition to what everyone else said, unless you're Mr. Moneybags over here, then your insurance is likely covering a good part of that dentist bill. And they absolutely want your dentist berating you for being stupid and careless, since they have a vested interest in you not doing things that would cost them more to fix later down the road.

[WarKitty]

I do sympathize with psychological stuff - there are a lot of doctors who really don't get it. And while I understand the purpose of a doctor bothering you about not going earlier...if it gets to the point where it could reasonably be called "berating", it's gone too far. Because that sort of behavior, realistically, isn't going to encourage me to go to the doctor more - it's going to up my anxiety and stress and generally give me more reasons to not go.

[Mitth'raw'nuruo]

As someone who has been involved in healthcare half my life, I can say that friendly doctors also tend to the incompetent ones, because a friendly personality avoids lawsuits more than being correct does.

I prefer my doctors to be "brisk" in his best mood. Most of the public has absolutely no clue about proper medical care, and would almost always make the wrong choice if they were allowed to. When you sugar coat things, people simply don't understand.

Example:
Nice:

Me: You're having a heart attack, I really think you so go to ABC hospital because They have a full suite of cardiac capabilities.
Patient: I've always gone to CDE hospital & they take good care of me, plus my family doctor works with them & they have my records.
Me: It is 2017, records are not a big deal, your family doctor has nothing to do with a heart attack & CDE hospital does not even have a cauterization lab.

Next 15 minutes trying to get Patient & there family not to be idiots. Sometimes God resolves this by smiting them, and people can't say stupid things when they are in cardiac arrest.

Or

Brisk: You are having a heart attack, we're taking you to CDE hospital because they can treat you and you are likely to die otherwise.
Patient half the time: Okay
Patient, other half the time: I've always gone to CDE hospital...
Me, interrupting: That's lovely, and I'd prefer to go there, it is much closer, but we can't because they can not treat you. We are going to CDE Hospital. Get on the stretcher.


And that is just the nice people who have bad things happen to them. That doesn't count the massive number of people who are trying to die because their idiots who deliberately did the wrong thing, like skipping dialysis, or didn't bother to take cough syrup or mucinex, take some hot showers or plug in a humidifier when they started with pneumonia.

[tomandtish]

In addition to what everyone else said, unless you're Mr. Moneybags over here, then your insurance is likely covering a good part of that dentist bill. And they absolutely want your dentist berating you for being stupid and careless, since they have a vested interest in you not doing things that would cost them more to fix later down the road.

Depends on where you are. In the US dental insurance is usually separate from Medical insurance. IF (and that can be a big IF) your employer offers it, it tends to cover a much lower percentage of the costs for a fair number of things.

Mine is through my employer, and it was actually cheaper for me to have my tonsils removed than to have a root canal.

[2D8HP]

...In the US dental insurance is....

....it was actually cheaper for me to have my tonsils removed than to have a root canal.

When I switched dental plans from pay some each month and then pay some more with treatments, to pay more each month but don't supplement, suddenly cavities were no longer found, which makes me wonder, was I being given unnecessary treatment before so that my dentist could charge more, or am I not getting needed treatment now because my dentist is already paid?

I won't soon forget the Doctor who told me, "I should have been a plumber instead, do you know how many physicians commit suicide? ", at the "workman"s comp" clinic I was forced to go to after an injury on the job.

I'm convinced that if I had been actually treated properly after another on-the-job-injury I may have been spared some lifelong pain and disability.

Think of how much of you doing your own job is just guesswork, and reflect on that physicians are just humans like ourselves, and how much they are "stumbling in the dark" like most people.

[Sajiri]

So I had the brainscan last night, that was..an experience. Came home with a headache because of how noisy it was >_< Well Im going back to another doctor this morning about the psychological stuff and catatonia. I dont think the results from the scan will be ready but apparently this is just for a second opinion, and hopefully when Im going specifically about just this one thing I wont feel like Im getting pushed out the door because the visit is taking too long.

[JaneStop]

Ugh. Going to the doctor sucks but gotta do it.

[Sajiri]

New doctor turned out to be great. For the first time in my life I actually liked my doctor! It was nice he listened to what I was saying fully before tunneling into some epilepsy thing and the threat of me losing my license seems practically buried now. My brain scan came back fine too so thats a load off my mind. Although then he referred me to a specialist and when I got home I googled the name only to find bad reviews about how this one seems like he can barely understand english (which is not his first language) and is completely unempathetic towards anyone with anxiety, depression, etc.

So, I finally found a great doctor, only to be referred to a specialist that sounds awful :/ Of course I won't judge him until I've gone to see him, but still it doesnt inspire much confidence.

[Peelee]

I don't know how you Aussies handle it, buy can you not look up a better psych doc and ask for a referral to them instead? Or possibly make an appointment without a referral? I know US specialists usually need a referral, but my PCP had no problem referring me to a neurosurgeon I find online when the first one she sent me to sucked.

[Sajiri]

I really have no idea. I figured I'd see this person at least once, and if it doesnt work out then I'd ask for a referral to someone else. I'm likely going to need to anyway as this one is at a private hospital and I don't have private health insurance, so I'm going to have to get into the public system which...I don't really know how that differs either, but that is what the doctor had said to me.

[Serpentine]

So I had the brainscan last night, that was..an experience. Came home with a headache because of how noisy it was >_<

Heh, I had that recently. I actually found the thing quite soothing...

Great that you found a GP you like. I was going to say, if you happen to be in Brisbane, I could point you at a few I've found really good, and two I found awful.
I'm predisposed to like doctors well enough (my mother is one), but there's definitely plenty of bad ones out there, and plenty more that just won't be compatible with you. Like, a couple of years ago I moved and needed to find a new doctor. I had a weird acne problem around my mouth and chin, and Dr Mum had told me what she thought it was and a likely treatment for it, but I still had to see a GP. Went to see a new one, told him about my problem, and he immediately went "Mhm, yep. Probably a cold sore. Get a blood test, and in the meantime here's a prescription for cold sore medicine". I mean, I didn't know for sure that my mum was definitely right, but I definitely knew that a cold sore was definitely what it was not.

Pretty much the same goes for psychs. You are allowed to shop around to find one that works for you. Reviews aren't necessarily useful, since people usually only make them when they've had a bad experience, so they're going to be skewed there already. I think it's fair for you to give the one you've been referred to a shot, and it's also reasonable for you to try others if they don't work for you - especially since it'll be pretty exxy unless you have a health care plan or similar (also, consider talking to your GP and/or psych about getting a plan or similar. They can help direct you to budget options). Again, if you're in Brisbane, I could tell you about mine and even ask some friends for recommendations if you like. ...or if you're on the Coffs Coast in NSW I could ask Dr Mum for recommendations

[Sajiri]

Again, if you're in Brisbane, I could tell you about mine and even ask some friends for recommendations if you like. ...or if you're on the Coffs Coast in NSW I could ask Dr Mum for recommendations

Actually, I am in Brisbane. Ha feel like I never meet others from here online :p

I'm a poor person having just changed careers and relying on relief work/on call at the moment until I can get something more permanent so I haven't been able to afford private health insurance. I have a health care and medicare card so so far everything has been bulk billed for me (actually the new GP I went to said he doesnt normally bulk bill but did so for me). This next person being in a private hospital I'm certain I can't get bulk billed, not sure how much it's going to cost but a family member called me yesterday and has offered to help me out if I couldnt afford it. I'm not that poor and I don't really want to ask a relative to help me with money, but it's a nice reassurance at least.