Personal Woes and Advice 5

[Dire Moose]

I've been struggling with severe guilt-induced anxiety along with depression for the last few weeks. It's really putting a lot of stress on me and I'm constantly worn out. At some points I wonder why I'm still continuing to stay alive.

[The Fury]

I've been struggling with severe guilt-induced anxiety along with depression for the last few weeks. It's really putting a lot of stress on me and I'm constantly worn out. At some points I wonder why I'm still continuing to stay alive.

Is it OK to ask what you're feeling guilty over? If you're not comfortable sharing, I understand-- my own experiences with guilt... when it gets really bad can feel like it's actually killing me, and it's difficult for me to talk about.

So, what I'm getting at is that if you'd rather not get into detail, I'm not going to be offended.

[Some Android]

I've been struggling with severe guilt-induced anxiety along with depression for the last few weeks. It's really putting a lot of stress on me and I'm constantly worn out. At some points I wonder why I'm still continuing to stay alive.

First (and don't let this be misunderstood) it's good you're seeking help. We live in a society where it is difficult for people with (extreme) depression to talk about their mental state. It's unfortunate you're feeling down, but it is good you're seeking help. We live in a society that makes it difficult to talk about mental illness until it's too late. Video:



If you feel these emotions getting too out of hand I suggest contacting the police. Most towns/cities have trained members in the police force to deal with this.

To prevent it from getting that bad, may I ask what is causing all this guilt? I can assure you whatever it is you're not as guilty as you think you are.

[Dire Moose]

A lot of this is me worrying abou whether things I'm currently doing are illegal or morally wrong, and specifically over things that are still going on due to my lack of action. As soon as one random thing stops bothering me because I have managed to rationalize that it's ok, something else comes up to replace it, and I am constantly struggling with guilt and the feeling that I have todo something RIGHT NOW or else I can't keep going with my life. As far as what I'm afraid of happening if nothing is done, that's an issue of religion and can't be discussed here.

And yes, I am seeing a therapist on this.

[Some Android]

All good information to know. Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna call APS in like 80 minutes.

Yeah, about that. I kind of put that off. Like I kind of put that off for awhile. As in I just called like twenty minutes ago. Keep in mind this is a huge transition so hopefully you can understand my reasons for procrastination.

The woman I spoke to was very unhelpful. She dodged every statement I made, and was just generally unwilling to take an interest in my needs. She gave me the number of another service, but she just had an aura of cold, non-sympathy. And for the record I did state my mother was (a) refusing to let me find a job, (b) taking her abuse out on me, and (c) using my social security money for who-knows-what.

I'll try again tomorrow or Thursday. Hopefully I'll get someone more helpful. I'm not sure if this was a good idea, but I posted something in the Craigslist Community section saying I was in an abusive relationship and need help. Yes I know Craiglist and other areas on the internet are not the best place to trust people, and any response I get I'm greatly gonna approach with skepticism, but I'm desperate and need help.

[Anymage]

Yes I know Craiglist and other areas on the internet are not the best place to trust people, and any response I get I'm greatly gonna approach with skepticism, but I'm desperate and need help.

Reddit has a bad reputation in certain circles, but if you curate which subreddits you visit it can be a remarkably helpful and wholesome place. The same applies to most places that the larger internet scoffs at.

Obviously don't be stupid with internet strangers. But if craigslist were all pervs and degenerates, the site wouldn't be worth going to and would quickly die off from disuse. Especially in terms of support and advice, you'd be surprised how many thoughtful emails you might get.

[Some Android]

Reddit has a bad reputation in certain circles, but if you curate which subreddits you visit it can be a remarkably helpful and wholesome place. The same applies to most places that the larger internet scoffs at.

Obviously don't be stupid with internet strangers. But if craigslist were all pervs and degenerates, the site wouldn't be worth going to and would quickly die off from disuse. Especially in terms of support and advice, you'd be surprised how many thoughtful emails you might get.

Obviously - anyone who does reply I'm gonna want to meet in person in a very public place. There's a Burger King about 15 minutes from my house if you walk. Make sure their not a total loon. They might think I'm the dangerous person trying to con them.

I'll try Reddit too. See where that leads me. As I said earlier I'm in New Jersey close to Philadelphia. The last resort is just contact a few people I know in Philly to seek sanctuary for x amount of time until I'm on my feet.

I'm tempted to state the county I live in if anyone here wants to be of more help and is close by or knows anyone close by. Too personal/does that go against forum rules?

[ve4grm]

I'm tempted to state the county I live in if anyone here wants to be of more help and is close by or knows anyone close by. Too personal/does that go against forum rules?

While I don't think it's against forum rules explicitly (unlike, say, revealing another person's location) for your own personal safety it's probably a better idea to ask for anyone willing to help in NJ, and then discuss more via PMs or emails.

[Some Android]

Reddit has a bad reputation in certain circles, but if you curate which subreddits you visit it can be a remarkably helpful and wholesome place. The same applies to most places that the larger internet scoffs at.

Can you name any subreddits or places on reddit? I've never really used reddit before so I don't know where to start/look/what to look for or post about.

[Anymage]

Can you name any subreddits or places on reddit? I've never really used reddit before so I don't know where to start/look/what to look for or post about.

My experiences and interests are probably different from yours. Are you asking for generally wholesome places, or places where you can go to vent and find supportive people?

I was mostly using it to compare with craigslist. Maligned because lots of yucky stuff does come out of it, but on the whole it works well enough that people keep coming back.

[WarKitty]

Can you name any subreddits or places on reddit? I've never really used reddit before so I don't know where to start/look/what to look for or post about.

I'd start out on r/personalfinance (I think I mentioned them upthread). Couple related ones: r/almosthomeless is good as well. r/cooking and r/eatcheapandhealthy can be good for figuring out how to make your food money last; r/frugal for other stuff. R/randomactsofpizza I've been told can be handy when you just don't have the money for dinner that night. r/legaladvice might be able to point you in the direction of how to get control of your own money. And there's probably one or two if you look up your own locale or nearby ones.

[HalfTangible]

I hate my life as it is but also feel it's only going to go downhill from here.

I can't shake the feeling that there's nothing in life to look forward to. Individual things, sure, but overall?

It's frustrating because I'm not even really sure how to pin the feeling down to any one cause. I feel like everything is a mess but cleaning it up won't solve the underlying problem and it'll just be a mess again in less than an hour. I just hate and I'm not even sure what I hate. I want to cry but I don't know what about.

[Spojaz]

I hate my life as it is but also feel it's only going to go downhill from here.

I can't shake the feeling that there's nothing in life to look forward to. Individual things, sure, but overall?

It's frustrating because I'm not even really sure how to pin the feeling down to any one cause. I feel like everything is a mess but cleaning it up won't solve the underlying problem and it'll just be a mess again in less than an hour. I just hate and I'm not even sure what I hate. I want to cry but I don't know what about.

That... is a super accurate description of depression. The thing you are unhappy about is almost certainly that your brain is not making the correct amount of neurotransmitters. Get some help, medicine, and exercise.

[Jormengand]

So, I am currently shaking with fury because someone I thought was a good friend has decided that I'm an abomination against morality and a defective person, and should not be allowed in contact with society. Worse, he works at the gaming store where I go regularly.

Unfortunately, the thing he's being horrible about isn't a protected category, but I just hope that talking to the manager helps anyway. For now, though, I am almost crying with hurt and anger, and just trying to get through the 12 hours until I can actually go and get this resolved.

[Some Android]

My experiences and interests are probably different from yours. Are you asking for generally wholesome places, or places where you can go to vent and find supportive people?

Both I guess.

I'd start out on r/personalfinance (I think I mentioned them upthread). Couple related ones: r/almosthomeless is good as well. r/cooking and r/eatcheapandhealthy can be good for figuring out how to make your food money last; r/frugal for other stuff. R/randomactsofpizza I've been told can be handy when you just don't have the money for dinner that night. r/legaladvice might be able to point you in the direction of how to get control of your own money. And there's probably one or two if you look up your own locale or nearby ones.

Could you link please if that's not too much trouble? I went on reddit the other day and I couldn't really navigate my way around the site. I'll try again later today.

In other news I got a response from my Craigslist post. I'm debating how to handle that. I'm obviously gonna want to meet this person in public and know more about them before I do anything - I guess - irreversible or could cause me problems.

Also I'm planning on calling APS Monday as opposed to tomorrow unless anybody says otherwise. I just don't want to get that same person again, and if I do I want enough time to pass so they forget me.

[WarKitty]

The URLs on reddit are pretty much always the same. https://www.reddit.com/r/<<subreddit name>>

Financial advice:
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance
reddit.com/r/frugal

Food advice:
https://www.reddit.com/r/cooking
https://www.reddit.com/r/eatcheapandhealthy

Legal:
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice

General help
https://www.reddit.com/r/almosthomeless
https://www.reddit.com/r/randomactsofpizza

For local, generally if you google "reddit yourcityname" you'll get the right spot.

[Liquor Box]

So, I am currently shaking with fury because someone I thought was a good friend has decided that I'm an abomination against morality and a defective person, and should not be allowed in contact with society. Worse, he works at the gaming store where I go regularly.

Unfortunately, the thing he's being horrible about isn't a protected category, but I just hope that talking to the manager helps anyway. For now, though, I am almost crying with hurt and anger, and just trying to get through the 12 hours until I can actually go and get this resolved.

Did he ban you from the game store?

[Jormengand]

Did he ban you from the game store?

Nope; he wasn't actually working that day so he couldn't really, and now the manager ostensibly has a handle on things, but I'm not sure what's going to be done about it.

[Florian]

Nope; he wasn't actually working that day so he couldn't really, and now the manager ostensibly has a handle on things, but I'm not sure what's going to be done about it.

No victim blaming, but did you do anything to topple the status quo?

[FinnLassie]

Is it normal to have doubts about what if the abuse that caused your trauma ever happened?

It's just that after being systematically tortured by a family member for years without others being around to witness it (apart from the final confrontation)... I have these nightmares sometimes about it all being my imagination.

[ve4grm]

Is it normal to have doubts about what if the abuse that caused your trauma ever happened?

It's just that after being systematically tortured by a family member for years without others being around to witness it (apart from the final confrontation)... I have these nightmares sometimes about it all being my imagination.

Oh yeah. For sure.

Brains try to justify things, make them match what they think "should" be correct. It's completely normal, I think. Especially as the memories get further away and more foggy.

[Jormengand]

No victim blaming, but did you do anything to topple the status quo?

No; I simply was who I was and that leads some to offense.

[Liquor Box]

Nope; he wasn't actually working that day so he couldn't really, and now the manager ostensibly has a handle on things, but I'm not sure what's going to be done about it.

What do you think the manager should do?

[Jormengand]

What do you think the manager should do?

Honestly, I'm fine with anything at least on the level of "Let the dude know that treating people that way is not okay and he needs to treat me with respect or else", but not necessarily on the level of "Make this guy lose his job because he was a jerkface once". I'd quite like to have the employee put in a position where he's forced to listen to me and re-evaluate his position, at any rate.

EDIT: Never mind, they've taken the position of defending the person in question and banning me from the store instead. I do so love being a member of a persecuted minority!

[lio45]

EDIT: Never mind, they've taken the position of defending the person in question and banning me from the store instead. I do so love being a member of a persecuted minority!

Could it be possible that your attitude made you the toxic/guilty party in this...?

Normally, when you're in business, you don't ban customers unless they're really making trouble. I'd tend to give the benefit of the doubt to the manager, i.e. it's a pretty safe bet he wouldn't gratuitously ban a non-problematic customer from the store.

If you tried dialing down the sensitivity setting of your they-hate-me radar, and decided to stop looking that carefully for any really subtle signs that could point towards indicating they may think you're an abomination, wouldn't it be better for you?

(BTW, my perspective here is partly rooted in the fact that you in the past decided you thought I was also guilty of hating you, while the truth was that I never had anything against you, it was all in your imagination. So I can easily extrapolate to that guy's situation, and see similarities.)

[Sermil]

Normally, when you're in business, you don't ban customers unless they're really making trouble. I'd tend to give the benefit of the doubt to the manager, i.e. it's a pretty safe bet he wouldn't gratuitously ban a non-problematic customer from the store.

REALLY? You've never met managers or owners who are prejudiced or even just a jerk?

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good people working as managers and plenty of good people who own stores. But to say such good people are so overwhelmingly in the majority that we can take their side without further evidence is a bit much.

Jormengand, I don't suppose you got video? Maybe you can publish it...

[Jormengand]

REALLY? You've never met managers or owners who are prejudiced or even just a jerk?

To be clear, lio45 is both of those things, hence him following me from thread to thread to yet other thread to tell me "I don't hate you, but..."

Though, just for lio45' sake: they were clear enough what they were banning me for, and my attitude didn't come into it. They outright stated that they were banning me for who I am, and the staff member went on his tirade explicitly because of who I am, not because of anything I'd done. That explicit enough, compadre?

Jormengand, I don't suppose you got video? Maybe you can publish it...

Unfortunately, I'm not in the habit of live-streaming my personal life. Also unfortunately, the thing in question isn't a protected characteristic, so there's nothing legally I can do, and mistreatment of people of my calibre tends not to incite outrage so much as agreement. I've lost my home, been ostracised by friends, oh, and someone's tried to murder me, and there's not a great deal I can do about it. Each time, they were explicit about their reasons why, and apart from the person who tried to kill me (which doesn't count as a hate crime) none of them did anything illegal. I have no doubt that releasing a video would put me in more danger of losing my life than him of losing his job, even if I had one.

But of course, lio45's right and I just have a major victim complex here.

[dehro]

I must be missing something here.. what kind of minority group are you identified with and why shouldn't it be treated as a minority group with all the equality issues/rights that come with?

[Jormengand]

I must be missing something here.. what kind of minority group are you identified with and why shouldn't it be treated as a minority group with all the equality issues/rights that come with?

I'm identified with (read: part of) the kind of minority group that I... well, that I can't even say that I'm in without backlash. There's a reason I've been vague, but really, it's not the point. The point is that I'm in a minority group, that it's not treated as one by the law, and that it's not treated as one by most people either. Part of me is sick of hiding it but then I remember that I get hurt every time I reveal it.

[dehro]

I'm identified with (read: part of) the kind of minority group that I... well, that I can't even say that I'm in without backlash. There's a reason I've been vague, but really, it's not the point. The point is that I'm in a minority group, that it's not treated as one by the law, and that it's not treated as one by most people either. Part of me is sick of hiding it but then I remember that I get hurt every time I reveal it.

that really doesn't help me understand your plight any better, so I feel the sensible thing for me to do is to bow out and not try to give an opinion or advice or word of support, since I'd be literally doing it without knowing what I'd be talkind about.
Good luck finding a way to get your point across or, alternatively, finding a store that is more welcoming towards yourself