Personal Woes and Advice 5

[ve4grm]

Gave them a call and it turns out that counselor led me a little astray. She said one of the mathematics classes I'd taken fulfilled the mathematics transfer requirement-- suffice it to say, it doesn't, and that's why the application was rejected. There's an option to appeal on this basis, but sadly, with no email trail or solid evidence that I was misinformed, it's not liable to work out.

I do feel significantly better than I did over the weekend. Still a little dogged by a sense of pessimism, but I guess that beats dejection and despair.

I suppose you can try to contact that counselor and see if she'll back you up that you were told that class would work. I wouldn't put a lot of stock in it helping you directly if her employment situation is at all tenuous since she'd be having to admit she screwed up, but being contacted by you on that subject might at least cause her to learn what the correct requirements are so the next person gets the correct information.

If she will back up what you were told, and maybe even if not, you can possibly ask for admission with the requirement that you take a supplementary math class.

Alternately, you can maybe take a math class yourself, and get in next year? Since you said math isn't your strong suit, this might be the better option since you can focus on it without the rest of the course load.

Regardless, this is a pretty good result. You know what's wrong, and have a specific thing to target to get in!

[Comrade]

Alternately, you can maybe take a math class yourself, and get in next year? Since you said math isn't your strong suit, this might be the better option since you can focus on it without the rest of the course load.

Regardless, this is a pretty good result. You know what's wrong, and have a specific thing to target to get in!

That's pretty much the plan. Unfortunately I have a hard time feeling too happy about it. Or in general, really. Started feeling a little better the other day, but that didn't last. It's silly, because if I had to point to the most direct causes of that, it's nothing all that bad-- but all those little things start to form a pattern and they start to feel a little less little. I feel silly even saying this but the past few days I haven't had much appetite, I've spent mornings in bed not wanting to get up and face the day (which is a heck of a thing for an avowed morning person), and I've been bad enough at concealing my general unhappiness that people have asked me if I'm alright.

Not sure there's much to be done about it though. Can't do much about feeling like things almost never go even a little the way you'd hoped. Just got to keep moving along until eventually that feeling abates, I suppose.

[ve4grm]

That's pretty much the plan. Unfortunately I have a hard time feeling too happy about it. Or in general, really. Started feeling a little better the other day, but that didn't last. It's silly, because if I had to point to the most direct causes of that, it's nothing all that bad-- but all those little things start to form a pattern and they start to feel a little less little. I feel silly even saying this but the past few days I haven't had much appetite, I've spent mornings in bed not wanting to get up and face the day (which is a heck of a thing for an avowed morning person), and I've been bad enough at concealing my general unhappiness that people have asked me if I'm alright.

Not sure there's much to be done about it though. Can't do much about feeling like things almost never go even a little the way you'd hoped. Just got to keep moving along until eventually that feeling abates, I suppose.

Depression's a pain, man. Whether it's chemical, or just due to some crappy occurrences in life, who knows, but it's fine to feel that way sometimes.

Whether or not you think it's chemical, I encourage you to try to force yourself into happier circumstances. Go grab a drink with friends, play some board games with family, anything that you know makes you smile. It won't fix things, but it can help make life more enjoyable despite any setbacks.

Also, if you have someone who wouldn't mind you dumping emotions on them, meet up with them and have a complaining session. Don't look for answers, just share the pain with someone else. It can be a great anti-depressant just knowing that someone else knows what's going on and has your back.

And if you do feel it might be chemical, or it looks like it's becoming overwhelming, try talking to your doctor.

A lot of us have been where you are. We've got you.

[Comrade]

A lot of us have been where you are. We've got you.

I appreciate that (also, the Thog smiley is oddly appropriate, not sure why though).

I've tried to find time with friends and do things I enjoy. Went out just last night with some friends, as a matter of fact, and the past few days I've been watching even more West Wing than usual, which is generally a surefire way to put me in a good mood. It helps for a bit, but it doesn't last. I had a good time last night but this morning I could hardly get myself out of bed. As for confiding in somebody, I've always had a bit of a problem confiding these things in people I know. Heck, I think confiding in people I know is part of why I ended up feeling like this. I suppose that's why I turn to this thread instead, haha.

I just hope this'll be a brief low and not a lasting thing. It's been less than a week but I'm already sick of feeling like this-- I can only imagine how much worse it is for people who feel like this for long periods of time.

[No brains]

Damn, sometimes I wish life would remind me that I'm alive instead of reminding me that I'm going to eventually die.

[Florian]

Damn, sometimes I wish life would remind me that I'm alive instead of reminding me that I'm going to eventually die.

Why? Being aware of mortality is maybe the best driving force to do something, ever, because, you know, there's no excuse to not do it and instead relegate it to tomorrow, next weak, next moth and so on.

[Bastian Weaver]

Why? Being aware of mortality is maybe the best driving force to do something, ever, because, you know, there's no excuse to not do it and instead relegate it to tomorrow, next weak, next moth and so on.

Because sometimes you don't want a driving force, however good it is, sometimes you want, you know, something else. This is why the Source of All Things had, in its kindness, given us weekends and holidays!

[No brains]

I'm feeling worn out. I don't want to be driven right now. I wish it were possible to relax and enjoy things.

[Thrawn4]

Why? Being aware of mortality is maybe the best driving force to do something, ever, because, you know, there's no excuse to not do it and instead relegate it to tomorrow, next weak, next moth and so on.

So much this. I mean, yeah, I guess your eventual demise is kind of scary, in a way, but there are several benefits: 1) as already pointed out, you have an incentive to put your limited time to good use. If you were immortal, you could always be lazy and never accomplish anything - basically a constant state of procrastination.
2) The fact that your time is limited is also a good reminder that certain day-to-day things are not as important as you might think. I am not saying that a job is not important, but in the grand scheme of things family, friends and espcecially health take priority.
3) Life is not always peachy. The fact that some people don't have to suffer forever is kind of reassuring insofar as in the end, all your problems come to an end.

I'm feeling worn out. I don't want to be driven right now. I wish it were possible to relax and enjoy things.

I know that feeling. Is there a way to sort out your priorities, take care of them, and ignore the rest? If you know what really matters to you, and you have done everything you could, there is not much else to do, right?
Alternatively, you won't accomplish anything if you burden yourself with too much. Can't save a drowning person if you can't swim.

[Bohandas]

So much this. I mean, yeah, I guess your eventual demise is kind of scary, in a way, but there are several benefits: 1) as already pointed out, you have an incentive to put your limited time to good use. If you were immortal, you could always be lazy and never accomplish anything - basically a constant state of procrastination.
2) The fact that your time is limited is also a good reminder that certain day-to-day things are not as important as you might think. I am not saying that a job is not important, but in the grand scheme of things family, friends and espcecially health take priority.
3) Life is not always peachy. The fact that some people don't have to suffer forever is kind of reassuring insofar as in the end, all your problems come to an end.

That seems like an unpleasantly bleak worldview

[Tvtyrant]

That seems like an unpleasantly bleak worldview

Seems about right to me. Eventually all of the failures and heart ache, the guilt and anxiety is going to pile up. An off switch is greatly appreciated.

[Bohandas]

No I mean the ideamthat death makes lofe meaningful is a bleak idea. It's even more bleak and dark than straight-up nihilism, approaching supervillain territory (IIRC Agent Smith makes a statement to this effect in Matrix 3)

EDIT:
I'm personally of the opinion that death negates any possible meaning because everything you are and everything you do is eventually going to break down into nothing. Seen from the long view it might as well already be nothing. And the prospect of death also makes life miserable because we must rush and be miserable if we are to accomplish anything even temporarily significant. It makes failure hurt because we may not have the time to start over. It puts knowledge in danger of being lost; It can't be held onto, it must be passed on if it is to survive.

EDIT:
If I could make myself immortal I would do it, no matter what the conditions were.

[No brains]

I'm sorry if I've just made things worse.

[Tvtyrant]

No I mean the ideamthat death makes lofe meaningful is a bleak idea. It's even more bleak and dark than straight-up nihilism, approaching supervillain territory (IIRC Agent Smith makes a statement to this effect in Matrix 3)

EDIT:
I'm personally of the opinion that death negates any possible meaning because everything you are and everything you do is eventually going to break down into nothing. Seen from the long view it might as well already be nothing. And the prospect of death also makes life miserable because we must rush and be miserable if we are to accomplish anything even temporarily significant. It makes failure hurt because we may not have the time to start over. It puts knowledge in danger of being lost; It can't be held onto, it must be passed on if it is to survive.

EDIT:
If I could make myself immortal I would do it, no matter what the conditions were.

It doesn't break down into nothing though, it breaks down into new things. I'm not even made of the same things I used to be made of as a child, the whole system refreshes itself. Even consciousness isn't really permanent within a lifetime, I spend 8 hours asleep a day and forget as much as I remember.

Personally I think doing my best to make the whole system better is what is to be aspired to. My DNA is going to last a very long time, and my making the world a better place is forever.

[Glass Mouse]

Oh wow, this was the wrong point to go into this thread to alleviate the kind of anxiety-caused insomnia that leaves me feeling worthless and insignificant...

Hugs to you, No Brains! I hope life gets better soon. I don't have any meaningful observations about death, but it sounds rough, and so you have my sympathy.

Spoiler: just venting

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Here in mouse land, things have been low-key sucking for a while. People keep asking me how I am, and I never know what to say. The truth is I'm kinda questioning everything from my job to my relationship to my nationality. In the grand scheme of things, nothing majorly is wrong. It's just general loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, being stuck in a rut, and just kind of trudging along rather than feeling alive.

But facing things is scary, and I'm so used to choosing the path of least resistance. And most things are genuinely alright now, more so than they have been in the past (though to be clear, I'm not exactly lining up to subscribe to the past's fan club). It feels like everything is squarely okay - not really worth complaining over, but nothing feels right either. And I have no idea whether the problem is me or my surroundings. If I'm just incapable of feeling content, then I'm broken, right? But on the other hand, I've always been a seeker, always been looking for new angles and challenges, and so of course a rut feels like pure suck. And I'll talk to friends who'll validate that it does indeed seem rough, but then they talk about their problems, and it feels like everything trumps my issues by magnitudes, so probably I should be thankful for my problems. Like, oh I feel lonely and useless at work? At least I have work.

I don't know. I'm just tired of everything requiring so much effort. I know relationships are work, but do they have to be this much work? I know I'm supposed to motivate myself at work, but does it have to be a daily reminder? I know I'm not supposed to be happy every moment, and the season doesn't help, but does the future have to feel grey and claustrophobic? I talk to a friend whose anxieties revolve around things going wrong so that her projected future doesn't happen, and here mine revolve around having to live like this forever. Which is OKAY, I mean, my head's not filled with suicidal ideation anymore (hooray), but there's GOTTA be a bar higher than that.

I just don't know what I WANT to happen. I know some things, but they all depend on other people (to hire me, to date me, to befriend me), which makes it super hard to control.

I suppose I'm still stuck somewhat in that mindset of being powerless against the world, against other people. It's not a great place to be, and I know there exists an alternative somewhere, but I don't know how to unlock it in my mind.

Sigh. I don't think I'm gonna get any sleep tonight. Thoughts still churning, stomach still all coiled up. There's something specific wrong tonight, but it's not a real conflict, and yet I feel anxious and restless and like a terrible person. I can't stop thinking. I hate that this anxiety has become such a common companion.

I hate this insomnia.

[Cozzer]

@GlassMouse: I feel you. I'm in a similar, though even-lower-key rut myself, I think.

The key is - at least, it is for me - that not having anything particularly bad happening in your life is not enough. You also need something good, or at least interesting, happening. What worked for me in the past is forcing some sort of change. You don't know what you want to happen? Then make random things happen and see what sticks. It might be starting a new hobby - it doesn't need to be something you're super-interested in, mild curiosity is more than enough. It might be focusing less on your long-term, estabilished friendship and more on deepening your relationship with people you barely know. Or, if you're more introverted and getting to know new people is more stressful than fun, getting your estabilished friends to do new things together.

When you have a bad past, and have had to work hard to get into a safe, non-depressed mindspace, it's easy to become super-cautious, as if you need to evaluate every move before you do it. But that attitude, while seemingly "safe", is very dangerous: your life needs a steady influx of low-key new things, places, people or you will slowly deplete your energies. So yeah, what this particular doctor recommends is: as many random, low-investment new things as possible.

(Of course, all of the above is what works for me. But while reading about your rut, I felt like there might be some similarities so here it is, hope it will be at least a bit useful).

[ve4grm]

There's something specific wrong tonight, but it's not a real conflict, and yet I feel anxious and restless and like a terrible person.

If it helps, know that through your postings here, and especially your well-thought-out and measured responses to questions and issues, you've touched the lives of a frankly absurd number of people for the better. Whether it helped them out of a funk, or just helped them understand something better, it's still true. So although you may be anxious and restless, there's plenty of evidence against you being a terrible person.

And it's on the internet, so it will always be there!

[halfeye]

And it's on the internet, so it will always be there!

It will be there as long as people repost it.

[Thrawn4]

I'm personally of the opinion that death negates any possible meaning because everything you are and everything you do is eventually going to break down into nothing.
If I could make myself immortal I would do it, no matter what the conditions were.

I see your point. However, I would argue that making the world better RIGHT NOW (as in, helping somebody, making friends, living your life, whatever...) is worthwhile, even although there is no guarantee that it last for a long time. Imagine I could make you feel better right now, would that not be something of worth, even though it might only last a couple of hours? It would make the world a better place, and nothing would stop me from trying it again.

As an aside, from a theoretical/philosophical point of view I would also argue that anything that gives one's live meaning cannot be bleak by definition. But maybe that's just me nitpicking

Oh wow, this was the wrong point to go into this thread to alleviate the kind of anxiety-caused insomnia that leaves me feeling worthless and insignificant...

As others have already pointed out, you are actively contributing to the well-being of this world every time you help someone in this thread, so please keep your head up. Regarding your other problem

Spoiler

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When I suffered insomnia from worries that were somehow hard to define, it really helped me to watch a sad or sappy movie to let it all (whatever it was) out before I went to bed. Hope that helps.

[Glass Mouse]

(Of course, all of the above is what works for me. But while reading about your rut, I felt like there might be some similarities so here it is, hope it will be at least a bit useful).

Huh. That's a very interesting perspective, actually. It's kind of like how chaos in games favor the least skilled player. Just, y'know, with life and the least happy.

I am generally pretty good at doing new things, but... On a small-ish scale. It's with things that don't cost me anything other than time or money. I wonder what would happen if I threw some more chaos into the things that matter.

I'm gonna be mulling this over for a while.

If it helps, know that through your postings here, and especially your well-thought-out and measured responses to questions and issues, you've touched the lives of a frankly absurd number of people for the better. Whether it helped them out of a funk, or just helped them understand something better, it's still true. So although you may be anxious and restless, there's plenty of evidence against you being a terrible person.

And it's on the internet, so it will always be there!

I read this yesterday, and, uh. Kinda sat on the floor crying for a while. Thank you. That's really sweet. And apparently helped me live out a version of Thrawn's advice?

Spoiler

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When I suffered insomnia from worries that were somehow hard to define, it really helped me to watch a sad or sappy movie to let it all (whatever it was) out before I went to bed. Hope that helps.

I occasionally do that to break through exhaustion or emotional numbness. I've never considered it for insomnia. Hmmm. Worth a shot, definitely.

[Cozzer]

Glad of being of some help! And, well, I think small-ish scale is perfectly OK to begin with.

Personally, I'm shaking up my status quo by signing up for a few events that look like fun and are a bit outside my confort zone. Events that are organized by and for people with a few less years and a bit more energy than me but hey, that's part of getting outside the confort zone, isn't it?

It's important to always have something to look for in the immediate future, I think, even if it's just a weekend filled with a lot of partying and not much sleeping.

[halfeye]

I think that maybe lack of sleep is a drug that you can get addicted to. Is that complete nonsense? it feels like a drug to me.

[Glass Mouse]

It's important to always have something to look for in the immediate future, I think, even if it's just a weekend filled with a lot of partying and not much sleeping.

Out of curiosity, what are the things you've signed up for?

It feels like you might be right about having something to look forward to. In my experience, having a current project (creative or otherwise) in which to immerse yourself is also of enormous help.

I think that maybe lack of sleep is a drug that you can get addicted to. Is that complete nonsense? it feels like a drug to me.

Yeah... For me, it's the numbness of it. If I can't deal with the emotions I have, sleep is a highly effective way of numbing them. Same as over-eating or starving. At some point, sleeping enough just makes everything too overwhelming.

Is that how you mean it, too?

[halfeye]

Yeah... For me, it's the numbness of it. If I can't deal with the emotions I have, sleep is a highly effective way of numbing them. Same as over-eating or starving. At some point, sleeping enough just makes everything too overwhelming.

Is that how you mean it, too?

I'm not at all sure that it is. I mean, lack of sleep seems to be a reasonable way of coping with stress, and it seems once you start missing sleep it's hard to stop.

[Mith]

I'm not at all sure that it is. I mean, lack of sleep seems to be a reasonable way of coping with stress, and it seems once you start missing sleep it's hard to stop.

In my experience, this is true up to the point your body does a forced reset. I had that during a capstone year where 2 weeks of at most 4 hours of sleep a night ended with me sitting on my bed 6pm on a Friday (just planning to change into something more comfortable) and suddenly waking up at around 10 the next day.

[Anymage]

It feels like you might be right about having something to look forward to. In my experience, having a current project (creative or otherwise) in which to immerse yourself is also of enormous help.

To generalize this, both learning new things and trying different things help as anti-ruts. When things are easy it's easy to autopilot through everything, and autopiloting rarely feels engaged. Finding something new to throw yourself into can help shake things up a bit.

[Cozzer]

Out of curiosity, what are the things you've signed up for?

For now, there's a weekend where college students and former college students from various European countries meet in the same city. See the city by day, party by night, that sort of thing. Most people will be younger students, but there's quite a lot of former students who want to recapture that feeling for a couple days.

Also, I signed up for a weekend of live RPGing. It's not a single big event, but a series of shorter experiences aimed at newbies. Interesting, low-investment and a nice place to meet new people.

It feels like you might be right about having something to look forward to. In my experience, having a current project (creative or otherwise) in which to immerse yourself is also of enormous help.

True. Right now I'm in the middle of writing a multi-author novel with my writing group and it's really great! But it's a group that I've been in for more than two years, so they're part of the "routine" by now and can't be used for this particular purpose.

To generalize this, both learning new things and trying different things help as anti-ruts. When things are easy it's easy to autopilot through everything, and autopiloting rarely feels engaged. Finding something new to throw yourself into can help shake things up a bit.

Yeah, "engagement" might be a good word to describe it.

[Fairy]

True. Right now I'm in the middle of writing a multi-author novel with my writing group and it's really great! But it's a group that I've been in for more than two years, so they're part of the "routine" by now and can't be used for this particular purpose.

I've never even heard of a whole writing group working on something like a novel. I can only imagine it having a lot of waiting around while one person types. Or do you all take turns writing parts or something?

[dehro]

I've never even heard of a whole writing group working on something like a novel. I can only imagine it having a lot of waiting around while one person types. Or do you all take turns writing parts or something?

I remember taking part to something like this back in the day when I was playing online text based rpgs... we'd take turns writing about a character and working up to them coming together. it all went well until the turn came for that one person who decided to write about her character in the first person, making it all about herself and forcing the narration to have her character in the main spotlight. two rounds of writing and a few gentle nudges in the right direction falling on deaf ears and the project fizzled out.

[Cozzer]

We spent quite a lot of time (we meet once a week) coming up with a character for each writer, a general character arc for each character and the ways they'll intersect and become major players in each others' character arc. Then each writer can write his solo chapter on his/her own, and make plans with other writers when they have to write a chapter in which two or three characters meet (Google Docs is a godsend). We all keep meeting once a week to read what we wrote to the group, keep each other updated on what we're writing and come up with new ideas or perfecting the ones we have.

Of course, we can do it this way because we've chosen to write a slice-of-life story with no big scenes where every character is present, so it's always one or two writers (three at most) working on a certain chapter. We're pretty slow because some of the authors have had real-life serious issues preventing them from making much progress for months, but the book is shaping up really nicely!