Incredibly significant story central question about goblinoids

[CriticalFailure]

So, I noticed in the webcomic and in SoD and Good Deeds gone UNpunished that almost all goblin and hobgoblin men are bald while most women have hair - however, there are exceptions to this with a few goblin men being shown with hair and at least one hobgoblin woman being bald/shaven. This lead me to wonder, is men shaving and women retaining head hair a cultural thing, or do goblins just have really bad male pattern baldness?

I know this is a really stupid question but I just keep imagining the gods creating the goblinoid races and going “yeah, they’ll die at fifty if adventurers haven’t gotten them, how about some double stat negatives for the goblins, and the others should have a level adjustment... hm. Good. What, we need more fluff? I don’t know, fangs are scary, and yellow eyes, and, screw it, let’s go with male pattern baldness. Except for the bugbears, they can be hairy, lol.

[The Pilgrim]

It is for the same reason why male dwarves have beards and females doesn't (despite females being able to grow them). To help the reader tell a male goblin from a female. We humans aren't very good at telling one gender from another in other species.

It is even more difficult with lizardm... folk.

[ti'esar]

Actually, apart from a throwaway gag in SoD, we don't even have any reason to think female dwarves in OOTS can grow beards.

[hroþila]

Actually, apart from a throwaway gag in SoD, we don't even have any reason to think female dwarves in OOTS can grow beards.

Yeah, but why would we throw that away when it's not contradicted by anything else in the comic?

[CriticalFailure]

Maybe dwarf women have a higher percent of hirsuitism but those who do typically shave. I’d imagine if 5-25% of dwarf women were capable of growing beards its likely the convention would be to shave. A lot of dwarf men seem to shave, anyways, so maybe all dwarves grow beards but it’s conventional for the female ones to shave.

[D.One]

Yeah, but why would we throw that away when it's not contradicted by anything else in the comic?

The gag should be thrown away in order for the unbearded dwarves, male or female, be able to speak.

[Riftwolf]

Actually, apart from a throwaway gag in SoD, we don't even have any reason to think female dwarves in OOTS can grow beards.

You mean no-one's done a full comparison between bearded/non-bearded male/females in comic? With, like, a chart or something?

[CriticalFailure]

Maybe we’ve overlooked a table that gives percentage dice rolls for whether a character is capable of growing a beard based upon sex, age, and species.

[D.One]

Maybe we’ve overlooked a table that gives percentage dice rolls for whether a character is capable of growing a beard based upon sex, age, and species.

Be sure that, just as you said that, someone started putting such table together...

[woweedd]

Maybe dwarf women have a higher percent of hirsuitism but those who do typically shave. I’d imagine if 5-25% of dwarf women were capable of growing beards its likely the convention would be to shave. A lot of dwarf men seem to shave, anyways, so maybe all dwarves grow beards but it’s conventional for the female ones to shave.

Heck, even Dwarven KIDS have stubble in this comic, a fact I find ADORABLE.

[Riftwolf]

I'm looking suspiciously at High Priest(ess?) of Freyr...

[KorvinStarmast]

Be sure that, just as you said that, someone started putting such table together...

Didn't Gygax have a table for that? He had a table for nearly everything, didn't he? And if he didn't, some one sent one in to Dragon Magazine ...

[zimmerwald1915]

Heck, even Dwarven KIDS have stubble in this comic, a fact I find ADORABLE.

Human kids have stubble in this comic too, if Nale is anything to go by.

[Fyraltari]

Human kids have stubble in this comic too, if Nale is anything to go by.

Maybe they are part dwarves and that's why we don't know their family name. It's actually Rockhelmet.

[woweedd]

Human kids have stubble in this comic too, if Nale is anything to go by.

He's Nale. Also, one-panel cutaway gag.

[D.One]

Maybe they are part dwarves and that's why we don't know their family name. It's actually Rockhelmet.

Nale doesn't have a goatee because he's part-dwarf, he does because he's evil

Also, remember Kubota's mustache as an evil marker....

[Fyraltari]

Nale doesn't have a goatee because he's part-dwarf, he does because he's evil

I know...

Also, remember Kubota's mustache as an evil marker....

As we all know there are three evil 'staches the goatee and the fu manchu.

[D.One]

As we all know there are three evil 'staches the goatee and the fu manchu.

Now imagine the level of wickedness of the guy with a goatee and a fu manchu...

[Riftwolf]

Now imagine the level of wickedness of the guy with a goatee and a fu manchu...

You mean Shojo?

[Iruka]

Luckily, there is an official chart regarding the trustworthiness of beards.

[D.One]

You mean Shojo?

And that's why Miko thought he was the bad guy....

[CriticalFailure]

And a lot of older goblins seem to adopt the goatee

[Riftwolf]

And that's why Miko thought he was the bad guy....

I'dve liked it if 'Detect Evil' superimposed goatees onto positive matches.

[D.One]

I'dve liked it if 'Detect Evil' superimposed goatees onto positive matches.

And now I'm tempted to describe the spell just like that in my future games...

[CriticalFailure]

I'dve liked it if 'Detect Evil' superimposed goatees onto positive matches.

Amazing. Then only thing that can thwart a glorious hero’s evil-o-vision is a guy with a real organic goatee?

Maybe bad guys actually started growing goatees to confuse paladins.

[Peelee]

Amazing. Then only thing that can thwart a glorious hero’s evil-o-vision is a guy with a real organic goatee?

Maybe bad guys actually started growing goatees to confuse paladins.

Their goatee would have a goatee.

[D.One]

Amazing. Then only thing that can thwart a glorious hero’s evil-o-vision is a guy with a real organic goatee?

Maybe bad guys actually started growing goatees to confuse paladins.

And that's why we all came to be suspicious of people with goatees...

[Fyraltari]

Amazing. Then only thing that can thwart a glorious hero’s evil-o-vision is a guy with a real organic goatee?

Maybe bad guys actually started growing goatees to confuse paladins.

They get a fu manchu.

[CriticalFailure]

I love the goatee with a goatee.

What facial hair do the other Detect Alignment spells use? Is “Detect Law” a cop mustache?

[Riftwolf]

I love the goatee with a goatee.

What facial hair do the other Detect Alignment spells use? Is “Detect Law” a cop mustache?

And Detect Chaos shows Groucho Marx tashes. Good/Evil is on the beard axis, Law/Chaos is on the moustache.
As for Detect Good, mutton chops all the way. (Now picture in your mind Roy with a cop tash and chops. Let that image stay with you a while)