Trog's Tavern CLIII

[Rebonack]

"Evil wizards?" Zee echoes, her tone disdainful. "They're just the worst."

Zee seems to think quite a few different things are the worst.

She pulls out a pair of stainless steel bowls and begins mixing!

Baking ingredients, this time.

Nothing super fancy.

Just looks to be dough for bread?

Why would Zee be baking bread at night like this?

Probably because it really irritates faeries.

She just smiles at the assassin's question. "Oh, I got hit by a truck."

[Leostales]

Anatya's assassin instincts would normally cause her to get nervous around someone this crazy, but she's drunk, so yeah....

She's so drunk that she doesn't recognize the "evil wizard" approaching behind her wearing brown robes and a gold screaming mask.

"Hi," he says. "My names Tymaret, I'm the evil wizard." He looks at Anatya, none of this has been taken in by her yet. "Not here to cause trouble, I just need a good drink for before a party."

[Rebonack]

Once the bread dough is done and in the oven, Zee will being working on a fresh batch of brownies for the taverns. She's busy mixing a slurry of batter when suddenly an evil wizard appears!

Zee narrows her eyes at the masked man, stainless steel bowl held under one arm.

"Only dorks and Saturday morning cartoon villains call themselves evil," she asserts, pointing at the wizard with her chocolate batter-covered spoon. "So which are you?"

Come on, Zee.

That's not a great way to make friends.

"He called himself evil, though! People who call themselves evil are always trouble. Especially when they insist that they aren't!"

She gesticulates wildly with her spoon in the wizard's general direction.

He might get some brownie batter on his fancy robes if he isn't careful.

"You don't have a fu manchu mustache under that tacky mask, do you?" she inquires. "Because unless you look like Ming the Merciless, you're a pretty lousy evil wizard in my book."

[Leostales]

"Oh, I'm a certainly a saturday morning cartoon villain, but I'm from ADULT cartoons hahahaha."

Anatya is kind of taking a nap at this point.

"And no, I don't have a mustache, but I can make sure to grow one next time. Can I have a drink please?"

[Rebonack]

Zee's narrowed eyes don't leave Tymaret.

She sets down the bowl, collects A Drink, and slides it across the counter to him.

All while watching him.

Maintain eye contact to assert dominance!

"So what brings you to Trog's?" she asks. "Better not be murder. That's what Murder Mondays are for."

Wait what.

[Leostales]

"I just want to get a drink, I have a party I need to go to in the 1920s, but I thought I should have a drink from one of the best bars in the cosmos first. I won't kill anyone, I promise."

[Rebonack]

Zee gives a snort, followed by a laugh. "If you're looking for the best bar in the cosmos you are really in the wrong place. We're, at best, the most okay bar in the cosmos."

Apparently she doesn't hold Trog's in THAT high of regard.

She points out that A Drink has already been supplied!

It's...

Definitely a beverage.

Made of various types of fluid. Mostly water. Also alcohol. Pretty much the most generic inebriating beverage one might imagine.

"Time travel, huh? Feel free to leave me out of that nonsense. Time travel causes temporal paradoxes. And paradoxes give me hives."

Most people experience total existence failure, but sure, Zee, whatever you say.

[Leostales]

Tymaret laughs at all this. "Ohmigod, you are hilarious. I'll have to come here more often. Thanks for the 'A Drink'"

He pays and leaves. "Don't tell her by the way."

At this point, Anatya has snapped out of her nap. "Did I miss anything?" she asks.

[Rebonack]

Zee waves to the evil wizard as he departs. "Alright, bye!"

Then it's back to mixing her brownie batter!

She's pouring it into a glass tray for baking around the time Anatya wakes up and responds to her inquiry with, "Yes."

Yes.

You did miss something.

She doesn't explain what that something is right away, though. No, first she needs to put those brownies in the oven.

Oh.

And take the bread out. The smell of fresh bread is absolutely permeating the tavern now. It causes a pixie hiding in the rafters to begin coughing and gagging, stumbling about blindly before toppling out of the rafters and landing in a troll's mug of ale with a plop. The troll, who maybe didn't notice, downs the whole mug in one gulp. Pixie and all.

"An evil wizard named Tymaret stopped by, he said he's going to a party in the 1920s," Zee says as she sets the timer on the oven. She declines to mention that the wizard said that she's hilarious. That must have been what he meant when he told her not to tell Anatya, right?

[Leostales]

Anatya doesn't know that Zee is telling the truth, she's too drunk and to be honest, she has absolutely no clue that Tymaret would be in the nexus, so she laughs. "That's a good one, by the way, do you know any good places that I could buy a house at."

[Rebonack]

Zee's usually pretty good about being truthful.

That's what happens when your tongue burns with the Searing Light of Truth.

"Haha, yeah! I told him he needs to work on looking more like Ming the Merciless if he wants to get the evil wizard thing down. Not sure if he knows about Flash Gordon villians."

She gives a shrug.

"A house? Well, that depends on where you want to live, really," Zee reasons aloud. "There are plenty of different districts here in the City, depending on your preferences. Thematically similar neighborhoods tend to pop up on the same street. Riverside is another town off that-o-way," Zee continues, gesturing in an 'over there'ish direction. "Riverside is more geographically stable than Inside is, but it also recently got stomped into a mudhole by demons. Or so I've heard. Then there's Skyside, which is nice if you like mad science, crime, and slavers. And... Seaside? If you like islands and boats?"

Who doesn't like islands and boats?

"Oh! And there are lots of little villages in Outside. If you want to settle down somewhere that's a bit less urban."

Sounds like there are plenty of places to get started?

[Leostales]

"Outside and Seaside don't sound like our style, and Skyside sounds horrible. Maybe a nice place in inside. Would you know any good real estate agents in the city?"

The alchohol has very clearly worn off. Apparently assassins have very good assassin reflexes as well.

[Rebonack]

Zee blinks.

...real estate agents?

Umm...

"Not... really?"

Has she ever met a real estate agent here before?

Not that she can recall.

Given how often new building just sort of... pop out of nowhere?

Often with no one inside?

Doesn't make real estate a very booming business.

[Sniccups]

"Yes! Thank you very much, ah-"

"Hrrrrmf. Shut up and go inside."

"Right! Yes!"

Leslie eagerly takes the slip tot he bartender and returns with a small pouch of...

"...gold coins?" she asks as she sits back down to the booth, examining the ancient currency in her hand. By now another tray of nachos has arrived, along with some kind of smoothie on Changeling's side of the table. "I, ah, guess it kind of makes sense. Especially if you're planning to be paying mercenaries..."

Algernon the Rat stretches up to just barely see over the table and sniffs the nachos. He looks from them to the small stack of plates and back a few times, then runs under the table to climb into a seat, knocks one of the plates off of the stack with his paw, then pushes the plate up against the nacho tray with his nose.

"Squeak?"

J frowns. "I hadn't thought of that. Are we technically mercenaries now?" she says, pouring out another dose of the potion.

[Leostales]

Zee blinks.

...real estate agents?

Umm...

"Not... really?"

Has she ever met a real estate agent here before?

Not that she can recall.

Given how often new building just sort of... pop out of nowhere?

Often with no one inside?

Doesn't make real estate a very booming business.

"Well, where would the best place to purchase a house be?" she asks.

[Rebonack]

"I'll be level with you miss assassin lady," Zee says.

She isn't totally sure whether or not the woman actually said that she's an assassin out loud.

Maybe she just thought it really hard?

Or maybe that was just in the narration somewhere?

It's hard to keep track of, sometimes.

"I have absolutely no idea where you would buy a house or who you would talk to. The closest thing to a house I had was a big tree I planted and built rooms inside of, which in retrospect seems like a really elfy thing to do, even though I'm not even a little bit elfy."

That's apparent just from looking at her.

WAY not elfy.

"Given how often the Nexus grabs chunks of cities and plops them down? There are probably empty houses just kind of... sitting around. Though there may or may not be monsters squatting in them. You never know until you check!"

House Hunting takes on a whole new meaning Inside. You never know when you might encounter a werehouse.

[Leostales]

"So...you're saying I can just claim a random home in Inside as my own...FOR FREE!"

[Rebonack]

"No, I'm saying I really have no idea how it works," Zee corrects. "And not random houses. There are probably people in random houses. You would want to find a neighborhood that just recently started existing in the Nexus and scope it out. Go around, knock on doors, tell confused people who just go ripped into a new reality what's going on. Look for somewhere that's empty. And if it's empty, there will probably be monsters."

That's just a given, isn't it?

It's like adventuring!

Except instead of looking for treasures you're looking for real estate.

Zee gives a hum.

"You know, now that I think about it, I bet here are probably people who do that as a profession. House Hunters! With ninety percent more stabbing than the popular home and garden channel program."

Maybe even one hundred percent more stabbing!

Who knows, maybe House Hunters is more exciting than Zee is expecting it to be?

[Leostales]

"What would one of those new neighborhoods be? I'm new remember." she asks, this is more complicated than she'd originally thought.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

"Rat, you can pick up your own chips."
"Squeak!"
"You're already on the table, and no one cares."
"Grr..."

J frowns. "I hadn't thought of that. Are we technically mercenaries now?" she says, pouring out another dose of the potion.

"Ah... maybe? I don't know what the technical definition of a mercenary is. I think we're more of a, ah... collection agency-stroke-mystical studies institute." Seeing that Algernon survived his last dose, she tries the next one on herself with a series of timid sips. "I wonder what the chances of running into everyone on the list in order would normally be. Does the Nexus have anything like a census? For, ah... doors...?"

She decides to reach for the doorknob before the inherent silliness of that question can sink in.

[Rebonack]

'This was more complicated than I thought' describes the Nexus in general pretty well.

"No idea! You can sort of tell, though, since they would be marked NEW ROUTE! on Riftline. Just get on the train and ride it into one of the new areas. Start poking around, see what you can discover! Life's an adventure around here. And never forget it!"

A little ding from the oven announces that the new batch of brownies are ready!

Zee puts on some oven mits and pulls them out, setting them on a wooden cooling tray to speed up the whole 'give your mouth third degree burns' problem they've got going at the moment.

Then she waves over at the folks samplish potions nearby, since they appear to have escaped from deadtime.

"Hiya! If you guys need anything else just let me know, okay? My name's Zee."

Zee is, for the record, an unremarkable looking human woman wearing a Trog's Tavern apron. Black hair, tan complexion, steel blue eyes. One of the oldest PC barmaids at the tavern! Recently returned from a VERY long absence.

Yes.

A completely normal human female.

You suspect nothing.

[Leostales]

"I guess I'll do that." Anatya says, still confused. Maybe going to Inside will help her better understand.

Spoiler: ooc

Show

If you want to continue this in Inside, post there.

[Rebonack]

"Good luck!" Zee will call after Anatya.

There's probably a house worth finding out there, right?

Just gotta ride that train!

[bc56]

Achuak manages to swallow the sandwich. He coughs for a few seconds afterwards.
You know what he could really use?
A glass of water.

[Rebonack]

Zee, who appears to have returned at some point while all the tiny scaly children were dead timed, slides a glass of water over to the little lizardperson.

Navvy is quite pleased that his new friend isn't dying!

<Golly, you gotta be more careful!> he chides. Then he glances around to the others gathered. Everyone has done a pretty good job of eating their food, so now that just means they need to find something fun to do while they're waiting for Achuak's dad to get back.

<So what should we do now?> he asks between mouthfuls of sandwich. <I've never been in Trog's before. Are there usually all of those stuffed animals up in the rafters?>

Boy, there sure are a lot of them!

At that comment, Zee stiffens slightly.

Then makes an 'I've got my eye on you' at a little plush rabbit wearing sunglasses.

Assuming it's up there.

[Chaotic Bob]

That little plush rabbit is absolutely up there.
And in its usual made-of-stuffing sort of way, looks entirely indifferent to Zee's gesture.

A few of its animal cohorts do sort of seem to sort of...meld away into the shadows up there, though.

Karaglen, meanwhile, has at some point finished "helping" Cosmo acquire a clean towel and correct the lemonade-based damage he'd done with the dirty one.
"Helped." Mostly just did the cleaning herself.
Lazy gnome.

She's finally coming back over towards her own food! Complete with a functional mom!
"Oh hey, you're back! I was wondering if you were gonna be gone for a really long time like Uncle Xeni usually is."
And currently is.

No immediate answer to Navvy's query though, from her. She vaguely recalls the stuffed animals being around infrequently and maybe being dangerous?
But maybe it would be a good distraction for one of the new folks to think of a game. Her usual favorite (hat hunting), might not work as well if no one else is as accomplished a flier.

[Earl of Purple]

"I don't knows, I'm not being around so many squishy two-leggers afore. Humans and elfses and all sorts. I liker the duke's box, though. I's not been to a beach, either. My mum livering in a hollowlow hill outsider the city. She sented me here to be learnering huntering. I's... Not very good yet." Which is why he smashed through the window and into the table.

Zoster's not great at landing, but he's got quite good endurance for flying for a long time.

[bc56]

"I know some hunting. Dad taught me some." Achuak says proudly. He drinks the water slowly, much more slowly than he ate the sandwich.

[Rebonack]

"I had a disagreement with an evil wizard bug," Zee replies to Kara's unspoken question. "He banished me and I popped back in as quick as a could."

Thankfully Trog's Tavern is temporally fluid.

More so than anywhere else in the Nexus, really.

Makes getting back here at (approximately) the same time she left a little easier. Unlike many other places, time here still passes even when the occupants don't.

Meanwhile!

"All I've ever hunted before are fish," Navvy admits. "You just have to know how to swim real fast and sometimes zap them with lightning if you want to cheat. Sometimes swimming fast doesn't help because there are SO MANY fish and when you get close they go WOOSH!"

He spreads his wings out at the woosh.

"And swim two different ways! There are tricks though, like blowing bubbles in a big ring around them. That's a pretty swell trick my friend taught me," he says, scrunching up his nose a bit. Well, not the beak-y part of it anyway. Mostly just his muzzle. "I've chased birds before? I haven't never caught anything on land before. Maybe we can help Zoster practice? That sure could be a dandy adventure!"

Then he glances over at his sibling! "What about you, Kara? Have you ever hunted stuff before?"

[Chaotic Bob]

Has she ever hunted before...
Karaglen looks a bit uncomfortable with this question.
"Ah. Um. Not entirely comfortable hurting little animals."
Most of them are cute! Not all of them, but even the ugly ones are just trying to go about their little lives.

The problem here is that the other three clearly do have an interest in it and she would hate to ruin their fun.
She may not be a huge fan of the idea of hunting, but she won't condemn the practice entirely. Predation is natural!
She's had meat before, it's good (bamhacon, yum). Just not...willing to do it herself.
"But if that was something you guys were interested in, I could still tag along? If someone gets hurt, I'm good for helping that."