Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[JAL_1138]

*Must not abuse the “tailored armor” rules to have an entirely bulletproof wardrobe and no normal civilian clothes.
**If my character has bulletproof pajamas I am being too paranoid.
***Especially if bulletproof clothing takes up my entire budget and I can’t afford basic housing, any computers or electronics, a gun, or ammunition.

[Telok]

* I may no longer play dwarves named 'Urist Mc<anything>' in D&D.
** I may no longer start converting the drow priestesses to the 'Cult of the Close Shave' by shaving them with thrown battle axes.
*** I may no longer weaponize magma in character when that character is a D&D fighter.
**** I am no longer allowed to have characters with any mining or engineering skills.
***** Even if it is easier, faster, and safer, flooding the map with magma is not the only solution to every problem.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before playing RPGs.

* I may no longer introduce NPCs to the party named 'Urist McBlammo'.
** I may no long apply the feat 'Fan the Hammer' to dual wielded grenade launchers.
*** I may no longer mount magma cannons on spaceships, no matter how hilarious it is.
**** I may no longer have the enemy base be accessible only through a stifling hot underground tunnel with dimly glowing, hot steel hatches in the ceiling.
***** I may no longer have civilizations in my games where fire extinguishers are illegal.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before GMing any RPGs.

[Lord Torath]

*Must not abuse the “tailored armor” rules to have an entirely bulletproof wardrobe and no normal civilian clothes.
**If my character has bulletproof pajamas I am being too paranoid.
***Especially if bulletproof clothing takes up my entire budget and I can’t afford basic housing, any computers or electronics, a gun, or ammunition.

****The fact that the Fashion spell is incapable of affecting the protective value of clothing is to prevent you from turning a regular lab coat into a Secure^TM Long Coat, not to permit you to create a swimsuit with the protective value of full heavy armor.

[John Campbell]

****The fact that the Fashion spell is incapable of affecting the protective value of clothing is to prevent you from turning a regular lab coat into a Secure^TM Long Coat, not to permit you to create a swimsuit with the protective value of full heavy armor.

It can't change the overall coverage of the clothing, either, so unless you're talking one of those Victorian-era full-body swimming costumes, you can't do that anyway. It could probably turn an armor vest into a one-piece, though.

I played for a while an eight-year-old voodoo priestess who'd used that spell to turn a set of FFFBA into a princess dress and tights with 4/1 armor rating and chemical sealing 2.

[Lord Torath]

It can't change the overall coverage of the clothing, either, so unless you're talking one of those Victorian-era full-body swimming costumes, you can't do that anyway. It could probably turn an armor vest into a one-piece, though.

Here's the text I was looking at (2E Grimoire):

Fashion This spell instantly tailors clothing, transforming the target's garments into any fashion the caster wishes. The fashion spell requires a voluntary subject. The caster's extra successes measure the degree of style in the tailoring. The spell cannot change the clothing's protective value, only its cut, color, and fit.

If you can change the cut, you can change the coverage.

We apologize for this interruption, and now return you to your regularly scheduled discussion of Things I May No Longer Do While Playing.

[John Campbell]

Here's the text I was looking at (2E Grimoire):

Fashion This spell instantly tailors clothing, transforming the target's garments into any fashion the caster wishes. The fashion spell requires a voluntary subject. The caster's extra successes measure the degree of style in the tailoring. The spell cannot change the clothing's protective value, only its cut, color, and fit.

If you can change the cut, you can change the coverage.

Ah, it's an edition difference. 3E has the same text, but adds:

The weight of the clothing does not change, and it must cover approximately the same amount of area (a jump suit can't be converted into a bikini). This spell cannot change clothing with a total Armor Rating (ballistic and impact) higher than Force (+1 per 2 successes). The caster must touch the clothing.

[JAL_1138]

*The tailored-armor rules in GURPS Ultratech are not there so I can go on counterterrorism missions in plaid pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and a bathrobe.

[LordCdrMilitant]

* I may no longer play dwarves named 'Urist Mc<anything>' in D&D.
** I may no longer start converting the drow priestesses to the 'Cult of the Close Shave' by shaving them with thrown battle axes.
*** I may no longer weaponize magma in character when that character is a D&D fighter.
**** I am no longer allowed to have characters with any mining or engineering skills.
***** Even if it is easier, faster, and safer, flooding the map with magma is not the only solution to every problem.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before playing RPGs.

* I may no longer introduce NPCs to the party named 'Urist McBlammo'.
** I may no long apply the feat 'Fan the Hammer' to dual wielded grenade launchers.
*** I may no longer mount magma cannons on spaceships, no matter how hilarious it is.
**** I may no longer have the enemy base be accessible only through a stifling hot underground tunnel with dimly glowing, hot steel hatches in the ceiling.
***** I may no longer have civilizations in my games where fire extinguishers are illegal.

I may no longer binge play DwarfFortress before GMing any RPGs.

*I may not make the dungeon a collapsed Dwarf Fortress dwarf fortress.
**I may not make the dungeon an active Dwarf Fortress dwarf fortress, either.
***The dungeon is not a giant calculator powered by waterwheels and pumps and a vampire dwarf in an isolation box.

*Drawbridges may not be used as trash [or enemy] compactors.
**Cats are not a apocalyptic threat.

[Rater202]

May not conquered the world with an army of vampire cats.

[Malak'ai]

May not conquered the world with an army of vampire cats.

*Leading a raid at Hogworts with said army, though fun, would result with a book being thrown at my face.

[Personification]

*Leading a raid at Hogworts with said army, though fun, would result with a book being thrown at my face.

**No, this is not better than having the movie thrown at my face.

[Lord Raziere]

*May not start a roleplay with my character murdering someone in a basement because her family told her to.
** said character may not have Orochimaru's motivation of getting all jutsu and immortality but with a family placing intense expectations upon them
*** they cannot be the neji/sasuke of the group
**** May not intend for them to be heroic despite sending all the "future villain" signals of naruto.

[Rater202]

*May not play an atheist turned into a god against her will.

[JAL_1138]

*May not abuse the “Ally” advantage to start the game with 1000 combat troops.

[VelociRapture12]

*I may not play a paladin whos powers comes from the belief that he himself if a god.
**Playing a cleric in the next game is right out.

[Malak'ai]

*I may not play a paladin whos powers comes from the belief that he himself if a god.
**Playing a cleric in the next game is right out.

***Playing a Bard who thinks they're Gods gift to women is par for the course.
****The Bard's female, okay sure.
*****"What do you mean she's an Orc?!?"

[Lord Raziere]

***Playing a Bard who thinks they're Gods gift to women is par for the course.
****The Bard's female, okay sure.
*****"What do you mean she's an Orc?!?"

....I'm using that.

* My tiefling cannot also be a vampire
** she may not dual-wield swords while casting magic
*** she may not run away from her straight-laced Aasimar parents to join Chaos because its her goth/emo phase
**** she may not become a chaos twitch streamer so that she can get followers who donate blood while she live streams
***** She may not leave her vampire organization because the vampire leader is sparkly
****** upon returning to her parents, their reaction may not be "well I don't approve of your life choices, but at least you don't worship Malal!" then accept her back.

[Malak'ai]

....I'm using that.

* My tiefling cannot also be a vampire
** she may not dual-wield swords while casting magic
*** she may not run away from her straight-laced Aasimar parents to join Chaos because its her goth/emo phase
**** she may not become a chaos twitch streamer so that she can get followers who donate blood while she live streams
***** She may not leave her vampire organization because the vampire leader is sparkly
****** upon returning to her parents, their reaction may not be "well I don't approve of your life choices, but at least you don't worship Malal!" then accept her back.

Damn, Malal must be growing in power, last I heard he was trapped in Retconia and unable to contact his worshippers.

[JAL_1138]

*Not allowed to suggest a “Papers, Please: Greyhawk Edition” game if the upcoming Acquisitions Incorporated sourcebook has rules for Documancy.

[Lord Raziere]

Damn, Malal must be growing in power, last I heard he was trapped in Retconia and unable to contact his worshippers.

* May not mention Malal around people who haven't heard of Dungeons the Dragoning

[Guizonde]

*no attaching teammates under my shotgun as "underbarrel fireball and insult launcher".
** even if that's the only thing their character is good at.

[JAL_1138]

*May not put more points into bureaucracy than combat skills.
**Even if I put over 100 points into the bureaucracy skill, there is no roll that will let me take over the setting’s main evil megacorp conglomerate with a couple of forms and some fine print I slipped into my contract.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Not allowed to suggest a “Papers, Please: Greyhawk Edition” game if the upcoming Acquisitions Incorporated sourcebook has rules for Documancy.

** I am not allowed to derail the campaign into discovering Documancy's taboo.

[Telok]

* May not mention Malal around people who haven't heard of Dungeons the Dragoning

* Playing a paladin of Malal, god of team-killing ****-tards, is probably preemptively banned on and D&D game.

** Yes, still banned even after I point out that the sorcerer is exactly that but just doesn't have it written on the character sheet.

[x1372]

* If inter-party fighting is going to end a year-long campaign in a TPK, it probably shouldn't be the lawful good life cleric that initiates it.
** Even if it's because of a madness effect. Especially if it's because of a madness effect.
*** Having said cleric be a halfling and turned blue by an attack from a wand of wonder does not improve the situation or make him "angry smurf."
**** Between this and the "wiping out an island nation" incident in another game, I should probably not play a halfling again for a while.

* If the GM is iffy about a player using an uncommon race, he probably shouldn't shower them with gifts while draining everyone else's purses in sesion 0.

* If a GM offers you "a named artifact of your choice" and gives you four weeks to pick, you shouldn't still be scrambling the morning of the next session.
** (Seriously though if there's something awesome a true neutral 3.5 transmuter wizard could use I still haven't decided)

* A Tabaxi rogue's first use of his new potential 180' movement speed shouldn't be to flee at triple the speed of anyone else in the party in response to a fear effect.

* If fighting werewolves, the druid's Shillelagh cantrip should probably be remembered before the conclusion of the fight.

* If the party leader is knocked unconscious in a way we can't immediately fix, we probably should return to town rather than carry him around for a full session.

* The party should get on the same page before provoking and losing two of our members to the local guards.

* The introduction of a new goblin PC to the group should not be the first time we learn that both of our rangers picked goblin as their favored enemies.
** They should probably relax about this one after he beat a werewolf to death with a lit torch protecting them.

* The barbarian shouldn't be sad the fight ended so quickly when half the party is critically wounded and most of the NPCs we were escorting are down.

* If the wizard takes 10 minutes of looking over his prepared spells to find the only one he can use while grappled, he should probably dimension door more than 20 feet from his current position.

* While GMing for the first time, your first two combats should not each have over 10 monsters CR1 and lower as part of a combat against a party of 3 level 10 PCs.
** having a player targeted for 24 attacks in a row, due to held actions, action surge, and initiative order, is a bit unsporting.
*** Should not be surprised when said player ultimately systematically murders the fleeing/surrendered goblins after getting back on his feet.

* If the PCs run through a dungeon with nearly a dozen traps, the only one they spot early shouldn't be the one that was disabled before they arrived.

* Next time, check the range on spells used by PCs. Blindness shouldn't have worked on the beholder, at least that time.

* My first "wizard duel" shouldn't be a complete curbstomp in favor of the player because my NPC wasted one reaction.

* If the party's stated goal is to recover a specific magic sword, I should give them a description of said sword before throwing 2 different enemies wielding other magic swords at them.

* The room that you spent the most time preparing is inevitably the one the party will choose to dimension door past.

* The DM's first experience with "dispel magic" should not be a player inadvertently destroying their reward for winning a fight.
** Just because you included a half dozen magic items in the dungeon for your one-shot doesn't mean the party will acquire any of them.

[Telok]

** (Seriously though if there's something awesome a true neutral 3.5 transmuter wizard could use I still haven't decided)

Baba Yaga's Hut and the Machine of Lum the Mad are pretty randomly useful to anyone. There is, naturally, a wikipedia page.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magi...s_%26_Dragons)

* I will not be allowed to have the Machine of Lum the Mad cross-linked with Hewards Mystical Organ and mounted in a turret on top of Baba Yaga's Hut.

** Not even if I offer to let Baba Yaga use it on weekends when I don't need it.

[Socksy]

I've been running WFRP over the past few months, but using the Beyond the Wall group character gen rules to link everyone's backstories as teenagers growing up in the same small village. Character classes (randomly rolled, for the most part) are Smuggler, Embalmer, Hedgecraft Apprentice, Noble, and Whaler. About half of the randomly generated NPCs had magic of some kind (I rolled to see what everyone above their first career in the village was), so the village ended up several dozen miles north of Marienburg, on the coast of the Sea of Claws, pretty far from any authority. (Also, I'm pretty sure half my players are on these forums, so know this is loving, light hearted teasing). With that being said...

Smuggler

* If I am playing the Smuggler, I should probably not be the most level-headed and trustworthy member of the party.

* If I am given a lucky charm in the form of a symbol of Tzeentch while smuggling a generic apocalyptic doomsday device out of Nuln, should probably at least get the party mage to look at it.
** Hiring crew to sail the stolen boat containing a potentially stolen generic apocalyptic doomsday device and half a dozen Norscan spies out of Nuln is not the right time to roll a 100.
*** Yes, killing undercover policemen will be a Willpower save vs Insanity points.

Embalmer

* That nice woman in Marienburg with the finest dresses and wine you've ever seen, who has a library with a forbidden section containing anything you could possibly want and symbols that make your head hurt, with the child sister who has a freakishly high Strength score and no heartbeat or breathing? Probably not the best romance option.
** Transporting a mysterious magic item for said Herald level Daemon beautiful woman, after a friend threw it away for the safety of the party, is perhaps not the best plan either.
*** If I accidentally end up pacted to a Herald level Daemon beautiful woman, and aforementioned mysterious magic item is whispering to me, probably shouldn't follow almost all its instructions

* Spontaneously having Queekish as your default spoken language instead of Reikspiel will alarm the rest of the party, yes.
** While there is no right way of explaining that the magic item you're transporting for a certain Slaaneshi Daemon innocent librarian in Marienburg gave you the memories of a Skaven in order to teach you the language, if Skaven are the primary antagonists of the campaign and Clan Moulder especially has been getting involved in reshaping rats into other things, "I was a Skaven! I remember being a Skaven!" is almost certainly the wrong way.

* If I'm the primary healer and I almost die of Cholera, there will be teasing.

Hedgecraft Apprentice
* Trying to drop the safe onto the blacksmith's head is still attempted murder even if we do find out he follows Nurgle a couple of hours later.
** Not allowed to weaponise the Neiglish religious tapestry by flashing all the ruinous bits at people while looking away.

* Being at ground zero during a nuclear explosion is a poor plan.

* The "adult device" which qualifies as having the [experimental] and [engineering] weapon tags is a poor choice, and will result in a difficult Heal check being made when it blows up.

* Threatening to rat out the Embalmer to his mum for getting drunk and mutating (events mostly unrelated to each other) is mean.

* The Bride of Khaine is not called Princess Stabbyface.

Noble (who, in their defence, is new to the setting and system)
* Should probably check if the GM intends to have pistols in their setting before trying to enter the Duellist career.

* Removing the Warpstone bolts from the OwlRatBear by hand won't go well
** If the Herald of Slaanesh well-off owner of a combination library and adventuring supply store offers a ritual to fix the mutation problem, behind the forbidden section, should probably decline.
*** Or should at least decline when the circle under the library is full or painful, Ruinous symbols.
**** Or should at least decline when told to stand in the centre of the circle and take all clothing and weaponry off.

* Using the experimental double-barrelled repeater pistol that jams on 91+ and explodes on 96+ is brave.
** Stealing a grad student from Nuln's engineering college because they were trying to deliver ammo for said gun when the boat was attacked by police can only go well.

Whaler

* If someone doesn't answer their door, then after insistent banging tells you to **** off, the correct answer is not to break down the door.
** If said person comes downstairs pointing a crossbow at you and tells you to leave, should probably leave instead of ripping the door off its hinges to use as a shield.
*** Not allowed to steal the door but leave everything else.

* Taste and smell are appropriate ways to check if something is gunpowder. Putting it to your ear is not.

* If the Embalmer's mum calls up the stairs to ask who he's talking to, shouting back "No one!" will not, in fact, convince her that you aren't there.

*Being fourteen years old and 6ft2 with the highest Strength and Toughness in the party and taking the Whaler and Marauder careers will not lend credit to the story that you're Bretonnian, not Norscan, honest.

[Malphegor]

A Star Wars RP:

*Despite common perception, red lightsabers do not necessarily mean my Master is a Sith Lord
**Also I cannot romance them to find out where to get a 'cool black robe' and lighting powers
***Even if it turns out they were a Sith in the end

From an ooold forum rp thing

*No, I cannot make a dragonfly mounted fairy samurai
**Okay I can but bushido has nothing to do with plant magic apparently
***No a shrubbery has no mechanical benefit to my skills with the blade.
****I also can no longer attempt to go inside orifices to cut them from inside

[Rater202]

*May not build a superhero who is blatantly just Gabe from Penny Arcade.
**even if I have enough points.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My character can be a scientist without trying to take over the world.