Thufir's Third Random Banter #224

[sktarq]

I can give the objectively best advice for dating: go with what works. If dating sites work for you, that's your best bet. If they don't, ditch 'em. Everyone's different, if there were one surefire method it'd be one of the best known methods in the world.

Unfortunately what "works" for me seems to attract women who have mental/emotional issues they want me to wave a magic wand and fix. So secondary options are preferable.
Romantic partner as therapist is not my job description.

[Tvtyrant]

Unfortunately what "works" for me seems to attract women who have mental/emotional issues they want me to wave a magic wand and fix. So secondary options are preferable.
Romantic partner as therapist is not my job description.

I figured out after my last relationship that codependent people are the most likely to jump into a relationship with other people, which is why overeagerness is a red flag. I just assumed people were cynical.

[Mith]

While completely true, I'm talking about STP. Grab some distilled water and have fun with temperature. To superheat, pop it in the microwave. To supercool, throw it in the freezer.

Spoiler: Supercooling it is WAY cooler

Show

That's not even going into how boiling water thrown into frigid air will instantly form into snow (for this one as well, don't try this at home unless you know what you're doing), or how hotter water will freeze faster than colder water, or that water gets less dense as it freezes instead of more dense.

Water is weird.

Basically my research field, but in rivers.

Because the temperature difference between water and air drives the cooling rate, trying to bring water to equilibrium with above 0 temperatures takes a looong time. Over 24 hours to go from ~20 C to ~2 C.

That was annoying to say the least when needing to get 3 data sets for equipment calibrations. Thankfully I could just leave the tank in the cooler for thd last two runs to keep it around temperature.

[factotum]

While completely true, I'm talking about STP. Grab some distilled water and have fun with temperature. To superheat, pop it in the microwave. To supercool, throw it in the freezer.

Very true...but coffee and distilled water are very different things. Put coffee in a microwave and it will boil, I am 100% certain it won't superheat.

[Anonymouswizard]

I I'm starting to be of the opinion that dating sites are just awful and it's better to meet people other ways. This opinion was arrived at through no real process or evidence and has been countermanded by the personal experiences of tons of folks I know but I'm stickin' with it.

I'm starting to aggree with you, my experience seems to be that they're only of use to those who'll succeed anyway.

I can give the objectively best advice for dating: go with what works. If dating sites work for you, that's your best bet. If they don't, ditch 'em. Everyone's different, if there were one surefire method it'd be one of the best known methods in the world.

Consisting that for me that's 'nothing', do you have any objectively worse advice?

I rather like Bumble, because I don't have to get rejected or ignored constantly. That cuts out the worst part of online dating, trying to get someone to read my messages.

I've had less success with Bumble that Tinder. One reply in a hundred is still better than no messages ever.

[Bartmanhomer]

I love this forum.

[Tvtyrant]

I've had less success with Bumble that Tinder. One reply in a hundred is still better than no messages ever.

Are you by any chance extraordinarily picky about who you swipe? Because I get messages every few days and I have been compared to Peter Griffon by several unrelated people.

One thing I like about OKCupid is it tells you how attractive you are (although the messaging system is terrible.) The suggested matches are based on how many people look at your profile a day, so how attractive your suggested matches are is indicativebof how attractive people in your area find you.

[Fyraltari]

I’ve got a bad cold and I have several presentations and exams this week. Also I lost a hour-and-a-half worth of work because I got confused about the saving procedures. I feel like I’m having poor luck in love, the weather is all gloomy and I’ve learned that my best friend’s mother’s cancer killed her this summer (She was a nice woman, I’ll miss her).

All in all, I’ve been better but I’ve been worse. Life goes on I guess.

Wow, I was really feeling down yesterday, wasn't I?

I'm basically cured, one presentation and one exam down, the weather is better and I'm feeling more confident (if not luckier) so I'm in a better mood tonight!

[LaZodiac]

Wow, I was really feeling down yesterday, wasn't I?

I'm basically cured, one presentation and one exam down, the weather is better and I'm feeling more confident (if not luckier) so I'm in abtter mood tonight!

Sweet! These things tend to happen, I'm glad you picked yourself up out of it.

[Fyraltari]

Sweet! These things tend to happen, I'm glad you picked yourself up out of it.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[SZbNAhL]

One thing I like about OKCupid is it tells you how attractive you are (although the messaging system is terrible.) The suggested matches are based on how many people look at your profile a day, so how attractive your suggested matches are is indicative of how attractive people in your area find you.

Assuming that you have similar taste in [gender] as other people attracted to [gender] in your area. What you're really getting is people that people in your area think are approximately as attractive as other people in your area find you*. And that's assuming that people are only viewing the profiles of people they find attractive, which is rather a spurious assumption - maybe they're only looking at people with similar levels of attractiveness to how they perceive themselves, for example.

Is there a dating site/app that just tells you how many people have viewed your profile? Because that seems a lot more reasonable.

*I'm sorry, that's the most parsable I could make that sentence.

[Tvtyrant]

Assuming that you have similar taste in [gender] as other people attracted to [gender] in your area. What you're really getting is people that people in your area think are approximately as attractive as other people in your area find you*. And that's assuming that people are only viewing the profiles of people they find attractive, which is rather a spurious assumption - maybe they're only looking at people with similar levels of attractiveness to how they perceive themselves, for example.

Is there a dating site/app that just tells you how many people have viewed your profile? Because that seems a lot more reasonable.

*I'm sorry, that's the most parsable I could make that sentence.

I get what you are saying, but it doesn't change the case. Your attractiveness in general is socially determined, so you get matched with people of the same level of socially determined looks. There is going to be individual wiggle room, but if you don't get matched with models you are less desirable then a model. This is for the suggested matches, not match percentage which is based on question answers.

Edit For Clarity: Individuals are much more likely to look at people as or more attractive then them online. If you are really attractive OKcupid actually turns off less attractive people's ability to view you, because otherwise those people get spammed with messages and take up all of the sites views. When you make a profile if you get more then a certain number of hits a day the system moves you to a smaller que of attractive individuals, because it is very common to be messaged by someone less attractive and unlikely it will lead to dates.

The suggested individuals share a similar aggregate of views as you, suggesting they share a similar social desirability. This is unrelated to your answers and match percentage, just how socially attractive you are. As most people date within their own range of attractiveness (especially pronounced online) this tells you which people are going to be most likely to message you.

If you are getting no responses or messages, it is probable that you have over evaluated your looks/pictures/profile and are reaching. A famous one is reddit having a board where men would prefer a "7 with personality" to a "10 without one." Meaning that a large portion of individuals think they are well above average, when most of us are, in fact, average. Online dating is a lot like Lake Wobegon in that regard.

I'm not saying that this is the case here, but I suggested OKCupid because it gives an easy metric to see how attractive you look to society. Especially with online dating where you are flipping through people's profiles, the opening photo is what gets people to stop and read your profile.

[Anonymouswizard]

Are you by any chance extraordinarily picky about who you swipe? Because I get messages every few days and I have been compared to Peter Griffon by several unrelated people.

These days I swipe everybody, because I've learnt that I'm ugly and have to take what I get.

For the record, I get maybe one like a day. So clearly people don't find me attractive.

One thing I like about OKCupid is it tells you how attractive you are (although the messaging system is terrible.) The suggested matches are based on how many people look at your profile a day, so how attractive your suggested matches are is indicativebof how attractive people in your area find you.

Considering how rarely I get shown androgynous people on OKC then, probably not very attractive. (Here we run into the problem, what society finds attractive eludes and escapes me, because what I find attractive is quite different.)

I get what you are saying, but it doesn't change the case. Your attractiveness in general is socially determined, so you get matched with people of the same level of socially determined looks. There is going to be individual wiggle room, but if you don't get matched with models you are less desirable then a model. This is for the suggested matches, not match percentage which is based on question answers.

If you are getting no responses or messages, it is probable that you have over evaluated your looks/pictures/profile and are reaching. A famous one is reddit having a board where men would prefer a "7 with personality" to a "10 without one." Meaning that a large portion of individuals think they are well above average, when most of us are, in fact, average. Online dating is a lot like Lake Wobegon in that regard.

Edit: I'm not saying that this is the case here, but I suggested OKCupid because it gives an easy metric to see how attractive you look to society.

This assumes I have the faintest clue about what society find attractive. This, of course, isn't helped by me lacking all these incredibly staged 'look how attractive I am' pictures everybody within a decade of my age seems to use.

Also, again, little androgyny, I must be below average in looks.

[Tvtyrant]

These days I swipe everybody, because I've learnt that I'm ugly and have to take what I get.

For the record, I get maybe one like a day. So clearly people don't find me attractive.



Considering how rarely I get shown androgynous people on OKC then, probably not very attractive. (Here we run into the problem, what society finds attractive eludes and escapes me, because what I find attractive is quite different.)



This assumes I have the faintest clue about what society find attractive. This, of course, isn't helped by me lacking all these incredibly staged 'look how attractive I am' pictures everybody within a decade of my age seems to use.

Also, again, little androgyny, I must be below average in looks.

I don't know what you mean by androgynous here. That term could mean a couple different things in this context. If you are in a niche dating market it might be best to find dating sites or meetups for people within that market. There are androgynous dating sites, for instance. If androgynous individuals are a small subset of the total dating population you just might not be finding them.

A hit a day isn't terrible, especially if you have been on the site for a while. I think that would be a fairly average amount, as people like a small percentage of the profiles they look at.

The staged photos are important. Online dating is about making yourself stand out from a huge number of applicants; the photo is like the cover letter and the profile is the resume to get to the interview process. Having a cover letter that says "I want this job because I want money" is the same as having a bad profile pic, it shows you don't really care. Everyone on online dating is forced to put themselves up for public scrutiny, few people enjoy it but they try their best anyway. If you don't it sends a message.

Those are the things I have picked up about it, anyway.

[LaZodiac]

I just had the most wicked sense of deja vu. We've had this exact conversation before. And I don't mean like, oh it's just Anon Wizard being sad about romance being hard again (and it is, don't kid yourself) but like, this exact same scenario and all the lines.

[Tvtyrant]

I just had the most wicked sense of deja vu. We've had this exact conversation before. And I don't mean like, oh it's just Anon Wizard being sad about romance being hard again (and it is, don't kid yourself) but like, this exact same scenario and all the lines.

Now I'm feeling paranoid. The Matrix just reset and one of us is going to be Mr. Smith'd.

On attractiveness online but unrelated: Being a single mom must be really rough. I get disproportionate numbers of single mothers talking to me, and they are by far the most attractive women who message me. Portland has a very anti-children dating market (click wants kids and half or more of the profile disappear) so it must be very difficult to find dates/relationships.

Edit: Obviously is is rough for other reasons, I am referring specifically to the dating stigma here.

[Anonymouswizard]

I don't know what you mean by androgynous here. That term could mean a couple different things in this context. If you are in a niche dating market it might be best to find dating sites or meetups for people within that market. There are androgynous dating sites, for instance. If androgynous individuals are a small subset of the total dating population you just might not be finding them.

Yes it's a broad term, and I was using it in a broad way. Overly masculine/feminine turns me off.

A hit a day isn't terrible, especially if you have been on the site for a while. I think that would be a fairly average amount, as people like a small percentage of the profiles they look at.

The problem is I've learnt that to get anywhere near a match a week I need to be liking every profile I see. Apparently other people get to be picky, I don't.

The staged photos are important. Online dating is about making yourself stand out from a huge number of applicants; the photo is like the cover letter and the profile is the resume to get to the interview process. Having a cover letter that says "I want this job because I want money" is the same as having a bad profile pic, it shows you don't really care. Everyone on online dating is forced to put themselves up for public scrutiny, few people enjoy it but they try their best anyway. If you don't it sends a message.

True, and I don't have a terrible profile picture, I just don't have a bunch of photos all incredibly staged to make me look as pretty as possible (because I don't even get to meet up with friends these days, let alone get invited to outings even if the concert is for I band I ****ing like, so it's luck if I have a decent picture with an up to date hairstyle).

I just had the most wicked sense of deja vu. We've had this exact conversation before. And I don't mean like, oh it's just Anon Wizard being sad about romance being hard again (and it is, don't kid yourself) but like, this exact same scenario and all the lines.

To be fair we've had some new lines, and I'm starting to feel better enough to start snarking at some of the stuff. I just keep having the problem of seeing people in relationships and ending up feeling terrible (considering that of my three best friends two of them are married and one has been in relationships consistently for the past decade I think I'm allowed to have issues here). I didn't intend to restart this conversation, in fact I was less complaining about romance being hard (it bloody well is, and I'm still annoyed that the one relationship I've had ended because I was the only one to realise that) and more that a friend was trying to get me to use a dating site I just have no luck with (partially because I'm just not the kind of person the site is for). This went on to me having a bit of a moan at how dating sites were set up, but at this point I'm just tired to have to put so much effort into finding a chance of romance and being stonewalled due to a mixture of autism and good old fashioned social anxiety.

[LaZodiac]

Now I'm feeling paranoid. The Matrix just reset and one of us is going to be Mr. Smith'd.

On attractiveness online but unrelated: Being a single mom must be really rough. I get disproportionate numbers of single mothers talking to me, and they are by far the most attractive women who message me. Portland has a very anti-children dating market (click wants kids and half or more of the profile disappear) so it must be very difficult to find dates/relationships.

Edit: Obviously is is rough for other reasons, I am referring specifically to the dating stigma here.

Many beautiful women with wonderful children, and all free for the smoochin'. Sounds like a good plan.

[Tvtyrant]

Many beautiful women with wonderful children, and all free for the smoochin'. Sounds like a good plan.

Being an unemployed grad student, I am pretty embarrassed by adults with careers and houses. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

[DataNinja]

Now I'm feeling paranoid. The Matrix just reset and one of us is going to be Mr. Smith'd.

Never send a human to do a machine's job...
What? I'm just making a random non-sequitur about the perils of making humans work in hazardous zones that would be much safer to do with automation.

[Tvtyrant]

Never send a human to do a machine's job...
What? I'm just making a random non-sequitur about the perils of making humans work in hazardous zones that would be much safer to do with automation.

Haha I'm in danger.

I saw that Futurama so I know not to turn bolts with my wee fingers.

[Insane Jeenyus]

While completely true, I'm talking about STP. Grab some distilled water and have fun with temperature. To superheat, pop it in the microwave. To supercool, throw it in the freezer.

Spoiler: Supercooling it is WAY cooler

Show

That's not even going into how boiling water thrown into frigid air will instantly form into snow (for this one as well, don't try this at home unless you know what you're doing), or how hotter water will freeze faster than colder water, or that water gets less dense as it freezes instead of more dense.

Water is weird.

Distilled water is even more freaky then regular tap water as it has no impurities. a fact that affects conductivity as well. as in it does not conduct. I think I recall correctly when I say that distilled water is measured in megaohms per centimeter.

Of course super-cooling it is cooler! It can't have been hotter! No, I will not apologize for that pun.
Also, Happy Reptile Awareness day! You don't need to like reptiles, you just need to be aware of them. They're showoffs that way.

love or hate of reptiles is a sliding scale.

Put coffee in a microwave and it will boil, I am 100% certain it won't superheat.

don't you Dare do that to coffee!

[Teddy]

They are not random...totally. They are actually based off the same boiling and solidifying points as Centigrade. It was a ball stuck in water bath with a rod attached. As the water/ball warmed up it would expand the rod (originally made of copper IIRC) and move an attached roller that was fixed axially relative to the rod-and would thus rotate as the rod moved. The set up was an ice bath and boiling were produce a reading that was 180 degrees apart- opposite directions. But things got messed up when he tried for colder substances than normal ice...and here is the stupid part...instead of adjusting for negative angles based on the contraction of the rod he re-set zero to be the coldest thing he could find...salt ice which froze 32 degrees colder than pure ice. The whole 9/5th thing is exact for that reason.
So it made some sense at the time...not fully but some.

Actually, the fact that 180° also is half a circle is just coincidence, Fahrenheit simply multiplied an existing scale by 4 to create nicer numbers, then adjusted it a little to make his reference intervals divisible by large powers of two, then adjusted it again to make the freezing and boiling points of water non-fractioned, because thermometers ranging between those two points were all the rage thanks to Celsius.

Fahrenheit made the freezing point of brine his zero because a mixture of ice, water and salt will automatically balance at that point until all the ice has melted (or the entire solution has frozen, if done in a very cold setting). This made it suitable for calibrating thermometers at the time, making it quite a reasonable choice for a scientist.

Very true...but coffee and distilled water are very different things. Put coffee in a microwave and it will boil, I am 100% certain it won't superheat.

Coffee won't, but a cup of tap water may. If you then pour some instant coffee in it, it'll start boiling explosively, as a co-worker told me the other day ago they'd found out first- or second-hand (I can't remember which).

I just had the most wicked sense of deja vu. We've had this exact conversation before. And I don't mean like, oh it's just Anon Wizard being sad about romance being hard again (and it is, don't kid yourself) but like, this exact same scenario and all the lines.

Nah, my memory tells me this is at least 25% original analysis.

ION:
I'd just managed to shake off 9 days of unidentified fatigue when I come down with the next common illness. I don't want this, I want to figure out the exact byte width of a byte by hand-writing code on A3 papers (my job is weird right now).

Oh well, I guess I'll go back to nicely asking the people of the universe to please cease reproduction.

[Anonymouswizard]

*scrubbed*

Oi! Some of us haven't started it yet!

[factotum]

Coffee won't, but a cup of tap water may. If you then pour some instant coffee in it, it'll start boiling explosively, as a co-worker told me the other day ago they'd found out first- or second-hand (I can't remember which).

Yes, but I'm pretty sure we were talking about what happens when you put an already made cup of coffee into the microwave, since it all started with the discussion about that woman in the States who burned herself on a cup of McDonald's coffee.

[SZbNAhL]

Considering how rarely I get shown androgynous people on OKC then, probably not very attractive. (Here we run into the problem, what society finds attractive eludes and escapes me, because what I find attractive is quite different.).

Perhaps the problem is that you're using mainstream dating apps when you're actually looking for dates within a specialsed subset (you're an androgynous person looking for androgynous people). Given that the vast majority of people are neither androgynous nor seeking a partner who is, you're like a needle in a haystack trying to find other needles. Have you considered trying a specialist androgynous dating website (if such things exist, which I'm fairly sure they would)?

[Teddy]

Yes, but I'm pretty sure we were talking about what happens when you put an already made cup of coffee into the microwave, since it all started with the discussion about that woman in the States who burned herself on a cup of McDonald's coffee.

Oh, definitely. I just wanted to jump on the conversation and share an anecdote i picked up literally the other day due to freaky coincidence, and also mention that you can achieve superheating even without distilled water.

[Tvtyrant]

Oi! Some of us haven't started it yet!

How did you manage to attribute this quote to me?

[LaZodiac]

Spent aproximitly 20 minutes today getting my feet licked by a dog.

No reason I just felt like it.

[Bartmanhomer]

I have a confession to make: I can't rap and I'm a Spanish/African American. LOL!