A Fool's Errand

[Hank Pym]

Ric arcs his eyebrows at the creatures, but does not step back. He raises a hand to the party and says, "I believe they are speaking an ancient dialect of Elvish. Allow me a moment to attempt a parlay before we break down to brawling."

Ric steps out front toward the creatures and holds his hands open for them to see he has no weapon ready. Speaking clearly, and attempting to get close enough to their dialect that they understand he says, "Please stand aside. We mean you no harm, but we must enter that cave and climb those stairs." He indicates the stairway behind the beasts.

If they look like they aren't going to let us pass, Ric will say: "You've been on watch here for a long time, eh? Perhaps a song to entertain you before you kill us. . . You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put your extra arm in and you shake it all about! You do the monster hokey and you turn yourself around . . ."

Ric doesn't seem too off-put by the beasts nature, but the anatomical incorrectness does cause him to pause and curl a lip in disgust -- if he were going to build a creature out of the parts of other creatures, that's not where HE would put a third arm.

****

Player-speak version:

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Ric will attempt to simply calm the creatures so that the party can pass. If that isn't working, he'll attempt to fascinate them. If it works, he'll wave the party past as he moves slowly after them to the stairs.

SRD: To use the (fascinate) ability, a bard makes a Perform check (Ric's is +16; drum roll please: [roll]1d20+16[/roll]). His check result is the DC for each affected creature’s Will save against the effect. If a creature’s saving throw succeeds, the bard cannot attempt to fascinate that creature again for 24 hours. If its saving throw fails, the creature sits quietly and listens to the song, taking no other actions, for as long as the bard continues to play and concentrate (up to a maximum of 1 round per bard level).

[oliana0]

Oli

Fsu hisses and squeaks his disapproval of the creatures in front of them.

Oli's face takes on a pained look as he tries to pinch his nose.* "Oh, I agree, Fsu, nothing has smelled this bad since my brother was working on new improved smelling salts for the half-orc tribe. Phew! Hurts a gnome's finest sense! They're obviously guardians of some sort. Efficient ones at that." Oli guestures to the bodies on the ground then quickly moves his hand back to cover his nose.

"I don't know if we will be able to talk our way through these, but I fear that will will not be able to fight our way through either. Anyone know what they are saying? Ugh.. Blech."

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{OOC:
Evil? (Detect evil at will at any new creature, please.)

*A gnome with a proper size nose cannot physically pinch his nose the way other humanoids can. He must use both of his little hands to depress the sides of his nose.
}

[Lazlow]

Oli:

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Auto-detect noted. These creatures do not detect as evil.

[Lazlow]

As hard as it is to believe, the grotesques ignore Ric's anthem to frolic-ry and begin moving forward a bit quicker, extending their arms and growling a bit louder and more menacingly.

Roll for initiative!

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(I guessed at your placement there, if you'd rather be someplace else please tell me. You'll still all be in a small group near the entryway, though.)

[Hank Pym]

Ric goes wide-eyed. "WHHHHHAAA--?! That was my best pokey!"

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Initiative = (1d20+2)[8]

[an kobold]

Kat shouts as the creatures approach and readies herself to fight.

Apparently they decided that's not what it's all about!

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initiative - (d20+9)[15]

[oliana0]

Oli

"Oh, so, uh, they are attacking us then? Well, then, I know what to do. Pardon, me Dan, you don't mind if I play through, do you?" Before Oli has even stopped speaking, he has started guiding Fsu in front of the wizard as he draws his bow and knocks an arrow.

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Initiative - (1d20+4)[10]

[Bitzeralisis]

Dan

"Meh. I'm sot even sure what this password they speak of is, but we might want to shout out random gibberish while fighting and hope it's the password. ... bhluiriap!"

[soll=Initiative]1d20+4[/roll]

[Lazlow]

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In order to keep things rolling along, I'll roll initiative for Bob and re-roll for Dan:

Bob (1d20+1)[3]
Dan (1d20+4)[16]

Initiative Order:

Dan
Kat
Fleshy Thing 2
Oli
Ric
Fleshy Thing 1
Bob

You don't need to post in order, just post as usual and I'll roll up all the action for the round.

[Hank Pym]

Ric

(assuming Fleshy Thing 2 approaches and attacks on its turn)

Ducking, dodging and weaving, Ric sings out, "Uh-oh, it's magic!" and in response he splits and becomes several Rics. That done, he draws his sword and says, "I'll try to keep this one busy!" He steps forward, trying to keep the slower creature at bay.

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Like I said, I'm assuming that Fleshy Thing 2 steps up on its turn. If so, Ric will cast Mirror Image defensively {cast defensively, needs a 17 (15 + level of spell) (Concentration +14, Combat Casting +3), total = (1d20+17)[26]}. If FT2 doesn't move up to threaten him, Ric will cast the same spell without casting defensively (total Mirror Images 1d4+3 = (1d4+3)[7]). Using his move action, Ric readies his longsword and using his free action, he takes a five-foot-step forward diagonally into the path of Fleshy Thing 1, hoping to draw its attacks. Also, he will use his Dodge feat against Fleshy Thing 1 (so his AC will be 24 against it).

[oliana0]

Oli

Oli flashes out two arrows quickly at the fleshy thing nearest him.

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I was going to wait for Dan or FT2 to move, but I don't want to slow things down, and kind of want to bump this. If FT2 moves as fast as I think he's going to move, and Dan doesn't move forward, Oli will 5' step in front of him and shoot two arrows at FT2.

If FT2 moves quickly into the square in front of Dan, then Fsu will take an AoO on it and Oli will shoot at it.

Edit: Drat I knew I'd forget something. 1. Point blank shot. 2. If FT2 moves to two squares in front of Dan or within 5' of Oli, Oli will take the 5' step and Fsu will attack too.

AttackOli1 - (1d20+16)[19] (20 with PBS) DamageOli1 - (1d6+1)[2]
AttackOli2 - (1d20+11)[27] (28 with PBS) DamageOli2 - (1d6+1)[4]

To avoid double posting:
AttackFsu - (1d20+8)[23] Damage - (1d8+3)[6]
CritConf - (1d20)[7] DamageCritOli - (2d6)[4] DamageCritFsu - (1d8)[7] (If necessary, add 16, 11 or 8 to d20 roll, depending.)
Ride - (1d20+14)[25] for Fsu to avoid being hit, if necessary. Fsu AC is the larger of the result or 20

[an kobold]

Kat

Kat clambers up the snowbank, drawing her crossbow as she navigates the snow. Upon reaching a good vantage point, she lets a bolt fly towards the fleshy thing immediately across from Bob.

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She's essentially moving around Bob to get to the snowy patch immediately to the left of the lower left corner tile if it's possible to shoot from there. If not, she'll move in front of Bob to get to the level surface.

Attack rolls with criticals to avoid double posting.

Attack - (1d20+13)[31] Damage - (1d8+1)[3]

Critical Confirmation - (1d20+13)[28] Critical Damage - (1d8+1)[3]

[Lazlow]

Dan, suspicious as to exactly what these creatures are, quickly tests a theory: Holding his fingers apart in a "V" shape, he utters a few arcane words and a ray of fire springs forth at each of the creatures!

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Scorching Ray ranged touch attack: [roll]1d20+8[/roll]

Kat scrambles in front of Bob and unleashes a bolt at the closest fleshy thing. The bolt sticks in the thing's leg and it lets out a(nother) grunt.

Fleshy Thing 2 lumbers forward and takes a swipe at Ric with one of its long, fleshy limbs, but the Boisterous Bard is too quick for him and easily dodges the brute's blow.

Oli maneuvers Fsu in front of Dan and the Wily WarWeasel manages to sink its teeth into the grotesque creature's leg, latching on tenaciously! While the thing is busy dealing with that, the Plucky Pint-Sized Paladin unleashes a pair of arrows at the manufactured man, both of which stick but elicit little more than an annoyed grunt.

Ric belts out a hearty "Uh-oh, it's magic!" and in a flash seven more Rics appear all around him. He draws his sword and steps in front of the first Fleshy Thing, blocking its progress toward Kat.

Fleshy Thing 1 lumbers forward a bit and swings at Kat anyway, but misses the Rascally Rogue by a mile.

Bob scrunches up his nose, snorts, and calls out, "Bring forth your might and smite these enemies who would deny us entry into this tower, oh Might One!", to which an otherworldly voice booms in reply, "Yes, one might! AH HA HA!!" In a flash of holy light, a large glowing warhammer appears behind the fleshy thing in front of Ric and with a resounding "BWONNGGGG" the hammer gives the monstrosity a generous thump on the head - but promptly disappears in a poof of (still holy) light. The creature barely seemed to notice it.

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Changed to reflect Ric's actual actions for this round.
Ric:

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You also notice that these are indeed Flesh Golems.

In the interest of keeping this rolling, I've NPC'd Dan for a round.

Bitzeralisis: Does Dan have a weapon at all? I don't see one on his sheet.

[Diarmuid]

Bob

Scrunching up his bulbous nose above a forest of a mustache, the dwarf snorts at the strange things trying to harm his companions.

Beseaching Genericus, he gestures into the air and calls out for his god,

"Bring forth your might and smite these enemies who would deny us entry into this tower, oh Might One!"

A large warhammer appears in the air behind the monstrosity harrying Kat and takes a mighty swing at its back.

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Cast Spritual Weapon, targeting F1.
Spell Resistance - (1d20+10)[14] (if necessary)
Attack - (1d20+12)[20]
Damage - (1d8+3)[6]

[Hank Pym]

"Of course! These are flesh golems! -- constructed by magicians and used as guards. Save your spells, my friends, they cannot hurt these beasts -- but, perhaps we have no need to fight at all --"

Ric tries to make eye contact with the Golem right in front of him and says loudly and clearly "We are here in Ualraig's name! Ualraig!"

Hopefully that is the password they were looking for. If they stand down, great, if not, Ric attempts to cut a few pounds of flesh from the golem in front of him.

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If the password Ric tries is not correct, then he will full attack the one in front of him (with his magic sword, if it matters). Using Dodge on the Golem he's attacking.

Attack 1: (1d20+15)[29] and if I get a possible crit . . . heh, it doesn't matter, they're constructs! Okay, well, if I get a hit, here's damage: (1d8+7)[14]

Attack 2: (1d20+10)[12] and damage: (1d8+7)[12]

[Lazlow]

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Dan's Scorching Ray touch attacks:

FG1 - (1d20+8)[12]
FG2 - (1d20+8)[9]

Both rays of fire strike their intended targets, yet the flames do not seem to inflict any burning damage. However, the golems recoil at the attack momentarily, and as they recover they seem to be moving much slower than they were before.

==========

OOC: Round three actions, please!

[oliana0]

Oli

Oli hears "password" and as only a gnome can do, he takes a very large breath and starts listing off every password he knows in every language he knows.

"FriendPeacockZanzabarPassword12345DefaultNoneBlan kOrangesJOSHUA24601BuddyxyzzyplughRosebudSwordfish PencilRONCTTLAPurplePoseysAbracadabraOpenSesameMag icWordsSupercalafragalisticexpialdosiousBottlesofH air..."

"FriendPeacockZanzabarPassword12345DefaultNoneBlan kOrangesJOSHUA24601BuddyxyzzyplughRosebudSwordfish PencilRONCTTLAPurplePoseysAbracadabraOpenSesameMag icWordsSupercalafragalisticexpialdosiousBottlesofH air..."

"FriendPeacockZanzabarPassword12345DefaultNoneBlan kOrangesJOSHUA24601BuddyxyzzyplughRosebudSwordfish PencilRONCTTLAPurplePoseysAbracadabraOpenSesameMag icWordsSupercalafragalisticexpialdosiousBottlesofH air..."

At the same time he grabs another pair of arrows and delivers them to the golem in front of him. Fsu hissing and growling keeps his teeth latched onto the creature and starts to shake his head, like a dog with a chew toy.

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Oli:
Free Action: Speak random stuff. Gnome Goblin
Full Attack: Two arrows
Attack1 - (1d20+17)[30] Damage1 - (1d6+1)[6]
Attack2 - (1d20+12)[24] Damage2 - (1d6+1)[7]

Fsu:
Maintain Latch and do bite damage
Damage - (1d8+3)[4]

Extra Rolls:
Ride in case Fsu is attacked
Ride - (1d20+14)[21]
Crit confirm (if necessary, add 11 or 16 to d20)
CritConf - (1d20)[8] Damage - (2d6)[5]

[Diarmuid]

Bob

The dwarven cleric stands, mouth agape at the sight of Genericus's divine power being summarily dismissed by a mindless creature of terrible magic.

"Oy! I'll not be 'aving ye mocking me Lord in that manner. I'll be showing ye what Genericus be all aboot!"

Spitting and spluttering, he grumbles out words of power and makes grand gestures in the air with his free hand. When he is finished, he can feel the divine might coursing through his veins.

Cast Divine Power

Taking a step into the hole Ric abandoned, he draws his mighty warhammer and prepares to show these fleshy golem-things what for.

[an kobold]

Kat

As the. . .fleshy thing that has its arms in all the wrong places is considerably closer, Kat drops her crossbow and moves next to Ric, drawing her rapier in the process. As she stabs at its various extremities, she shouts out:

Happy millennial! Can we come in now?

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Attacking FT1 after taking a 5 foot step and drawing the rapier, shouting the millennial bit as my free action.

First attack - (1d20+14)[31]First Damage - (1d6+2)[6]
Second attack - (1d20+9)[12]Second Damage - (1d6+2)[5]

[Bitzeralisis]

Dan

Dan smacks his lips and says, "I've done my job." He then runs out of ideas and stands there, nearly drooling.

[Lazlow]

Dan runs out of ideas and stands there, waiting for... Something.

Kat sidesteps and takes two stabs at the first golem, one of which finds purchase in the thing's flesh.

Flesh Golem 2 reels from the giant weasel digging into its leg and takes a swipe at Fsu, but its actions are slowed considerably and the mount's thick hide easily fends off the blow.

Oli rambles off every password he can remember, but the golems don't seem to recognize any of them. Two more arrows fly from his bow, hitting the second golem squarely in the chest, and Fsu continues to dig his teeth into the foul-tasting construct, mangling its leg considerably.

Ric calls out "Ualraig!" but soon realizes that it simply can't be that easy. He follows up with a couple of blows from his sword, one of which carves a fair-sized chunk of arm off the monster.

Flesh Golem 1 swings a wild haymaker at Ric, but thanks to the golem's decreased mobility the Bard is able to deflect the mighty blow with his shield at the last second!

Bob calls upon Genericus to imbue him with holy power, and the Courageous Cleric steps into the gap, drawing his fearsome hammer.

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Round four actions, please!

[Diarmuid]

Bob
HP: 120/110
AC: 24

Measuring himself against the things now slowed movements, Bob ducks low and sends a low swing at the monster's leg and then follows that up with a backhanded swing upwards towards its chest.

Attack 1 - (1d20+19)[30]
Damage 1 - (1d8+8)[11]

Attack 2 - (1d20+14)[22]
Damage 2 - (1d8+8)[11]

[oliana0]

Oli

"Any of you magic users want to look about to see if there's a clue to the password? Magic writing, arcane glyphs, etc? I remeber once my great uncle had a really great box, he was a tinker, you see, this great box that you had to punch the letters in the right order to get the thing to open. It came with a set of clues though, because he thought it was more fun that way. Or does anyone know anything about local legend of the owner of this castle? Maybe a beloved pet's name? A mistress's favortie color?"

Oli keeps moving as he blabbers on, only partially gesturing with his hands as he draws another pair of arrows and steadies himself to Fsu's wriggling.

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Attacking the same guy (FT2)
Oli: (Note: Forgot Point Blank Shot included +1 to damage, fixed below)
Attack1 - (1d20+17)[18] Damage1 - (1d6+2)[7]
Attack2 - (1d20+12)[20] Damage2 - (1d6+2)[6]

Fsu:
Damage - (1d8+3)[4]

[an kobold]

[Kat

While fighting, Kat had a feeling that she was forgetting something, rather quite obvious really, about security systems such as this one. Stepping forward to get behind the subject of Fsu's fury, it suddenly comes to her. The four most common passwords used by magic practitioners were:

Love, sex, secret, and. . . Genericus!

She finishes by poking the unpleasant pieced-together person in the posterior.

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She moves in behind fleshy thing 2 with another 5' step, hopefully into a flanking position, and attacks:

Attack 1 - (1d20+16)[28] Damage 1 - (1d6+2)[7]
Attack 2 - (1d20+11)[29] Damage 2 - (1d6+2)[3]

[Bitzeralisis]

Dan

"Heh... only a complete moron would use passwords like those. Besides, many maguses... magi are indifferent about making love." He thinks through all that he knows, trying to find anything that would resemble a password into the tower. He also tries not to waste expendable spells, waiting while the others pound away with their infinite attacks.

Know Arcane - (1d20+14)[22] (Should be +24, roll raised to 32)
Know Planes - (1d20+18)[27]
Know History - (1d20+13)[23]
Know Architecture - (1d20+13)[29]
Know Local - (1d20+13)[31]
Know Royalty - (1d20+13)[16]
Know Geography - (1d20+13)[31]
Know Nature - (1d20+13)[17]
Know Dungeoneering - (1d20+13)[30]
Know Religion - (1d20+13)[20]

[Lazlow]

Dan wrings his brain for information arcane whilst his companions continue to wring the sewn-on necks of the golems, but alas, while his vast stores of knowledge recall many a password, he can come to no definite conclusions about one that might work here.

Kat slides into a flanking position behind the second golem and easily skewers its cheeks with her rapier!

Flesh Golem 2 still has no idea what to do about the weasel on his leg, and so resorts to Plan B: More pounding! But the rapacious rodent's hide is still too tough for him, and his pounding is to no avail.

Fsu continues to rip the flesh off his opponent as Oli nocks another arrow - but the bowstring slips from his fingers and the sudden snap causes him to drop his bow!

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Oh noes! Critical fumble!

Ric presses forth his attack and laughs a hearty "Ha HA!" as he stands alone against the first golem!

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Hank's home sick, so I'll NPC until he returns.
Attack1 - (1d20+15)[26], Damage1 - (1d8+7)[9]
Attack2 - (1d20+10)[30], Damage2 - (1d8+7)[8]

Flesh Golem 1 takes another swing at Ric, but the blow is slow and weak and is again easily blocked.

Bob, imbued with Genericus' might, smashes the monster's shin with a low swing and follows that up with a mighty backhand that caves the thing's chest in, sending it crashing to the ground! It lies motionless, except for the part that's still being chewed by Fsu.

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Round five actions, please!

Edit: Photobucket is a steaming pile of dung.

[an kobold]

Kat

Seeing how the first concoction of flesh has fallen and neither responded to her password attempts, Kat moves over to help Ric with his friend. Well, she could always try the magic word, though it did not typically come to her tongue given her profession.

Please let us in.

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Taking a 5' up and to the left.

Attack 1 - (1d20+14)[23]Damage 1 - (1d6+2)[6]
Attack 2 - (1d20+9)[23]Damage 2 - (1d6+2)[3]

[Hank Pym]

Ric begins, "Ah, Oli, speaking of 'a really great box', I once knew an elven maiden who could --" but is interupted to dodge a swing from the golem that almost seems to be trying to give him a hug.

Ric wonders for a second if maybe that IS all it wants to do. Perhaps these monsters simply weren't loved enough. He decides: yes, that's probably it.

And then he stabs the golem a couple more times and finishes his dialogue. "But, I'm sorry, this is neither the time nor place for such talk!"

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First Attack: (1d20+15)[21] Damage: (1d8+7)[8]
Second Attack: (1d20+10)[17] Damage: (1d8+7)[10]

[Lazlow]

Dan, lost in thought, continues to search through his vast stores of knowledge for any lore that might be of use.

Dan:

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That amulet in the golem's chest can be further examined now that it's dead.

Kat very politely asks the remaining golem, "Please let us in." But the golem rudely ignores her plea, and so she skewers it again for its boorishness.

Oli takes a few seconds to pull Fsu off of the dead golem and retrieve his bow.

Ric ponders giving the golem a hug, but thinks better of it and gives it a couple of vicious stabs instead.

The Golem, devastated that his hug was refused, promptly falls to the floor in despair.

Bob, ever cautious and still imbued with Genericus' might, gives the just-fallen golem "one to grow on", smashing its skull into little unidentifiable bits of splintery bone and pulverized flesh.

The remains of the two golems lie motionless on the floor, their corpses just another addition to the ones already there.

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The golem was barely hanging on anyway, so I just sped things up a bit to keep us rolling. Hope no one minds!

[oliana0]

Oli

Oli looks at Ric curiously a bit confused while he picked up the bow from the ground.

"I guess the password will remain a mystery." Oli looks about the room.

"These poor people that have fallen before our visit." Oli performs a typical gnomish burial ritual, which starts with him praying to Genericus, getting distracted by something and mumbling off for a bit and then going back real quick to actually pray for the souls of the departed.