Ankh-Morpork Ombudsmen

[Benejeseret]

(( First some housekeeping. Here are the links to our OOC threads http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66826

The Basics
1) Write in the style you wish (first, second, or third person).
2) Try to have speech in colour and I suggest, "the use of correct grammar is preffered." Spelling, however, is more loose due to accents etc so long as we understand it (I am a bad speller).
3) Use [] to denote actions with rolls. I will do most rolls for combat etc and let you know the outcomes. example: Grax swings at the tree [+3 to hit, 1d6+1 x2]
4) Feel free to PM me anytime with secret ideas, thoughts, questions, and I will be PMing out things like knowledge or spot/listen results unless you all pass them. What the individual does with that info or who you tell IC is up to you.

5) Timing - I will be moving the story along after 2 'down' days or sooner if everyone responds. This means if I post something on Saturday, you have until Monday night to post your character's actions. If not, I will either move on anyway or assume your character acts according to your standing order (see #6 below).
6) Please PM me right away with your general character's combat preferences. This way if you are too slow responding or are away I will have your character act in the fashion that you have told me. You can PM new standing orders at any time if you are planning on being absent.
7) There is no upper limit of the number of times you can post. Please have conversations amongst yourselves if you want etc. Just try not to steal the show.
8) IF your character wants to do something away from the rest of the group like sneak off etc.....do this by PM with me. ))

[Benejeseret]

A layer of sooty snow has wrapped itself around Ankh-Morpork. It fell last Octeday evening during the annual Hogwatch Parade. In preperation for the big day, the city has taken on the traditional smell of the season. The smell of pig manure.

Herds of squelling pigs are pushed through the Gates of Endless Street and squeezed across the inner city bridges towards Pseudopolis Yard. One porker nearly runs the lot of you down on your trek across the city towards your new post.

The local guildhouse for the Merchants and Traders is tucked among the bustle of Ankh Street and the four jewelery shops. Hints of grandeur days lays beneath years of neglect on the guildhouse's yellow, peeling shutters. A hooded lantern hangs over the front stoop.

Under the lantern light the four of you stand upon the front stoop.

A letter is tacked to the front door.



[ to read the letter click here: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66973

Please do not repond on the Letters By Post, Clack, or Complaint Box thread as it is meant only for me to post letters, and notes for you to read. All IC post go on this thread you are currently reading.... ]

[Zyks]

Valkyn quickly scans the letter through, turns to the other sand says:
"Vell? Shall we go in?

Spoiler

Show

Incase you haven't seen the whole description of Valkyn on the sheet, his morporkian is good, and his uberwaldean accent is only slight, he occassionally pronounces w as v, but not always.

[Colt]

Grax runs to keep up with the others. Upon reaching the door, he crawls up Valkyn's back and looks over his shoulder in order to read the letter. As he reads it, he makes quick shorthand notes in a sizable notebook, copying down the important parts of the letter. "I'm all for checking out our new office. Hopefully it's warmer than out here. he then crawls down and waits for someone to open the door.

[Emperor Demonking]

"Yeth thir."Said Igor as he opened the door to look in and then opening the door to let them enter."Your abode Mathter."
"Grax, may I thee you in private, ith that ith thine with mathter."

[Zyks]

"Thank you Igor, yes you can see Grax in private."

Valkyn walks into the building, loosening his cloak slightly as it gets warmer. He looks around himself at the surroundings.

[Emperor Demonking]

Oh yeah, travel and magic domains.

Plus prepared spells.
Create water.
Detect poison
Guidance
Light

Cause fear
Sommon moster 1

Longstrider

Prestidigation, mage hand, ray of frost, prestidigation
Alarm grease

[Colt]

Grax slides into the room and looks around. After hearing Igor's request, he follows him and watches him closely. As soon as they get where they are going, he says to him, "Well, would you mind telling me what my mother has to do with any of this? She is a perfectly respectable women."

[Emperor Demonking]

"Your mother, I never mentioned your mother. May I othther you a chance to worthhip the mathter."

[Benejeseret]

The Guildhouse
Valkyn walks into a cluttered front office. Scores of old papers piled knee high cover much of the floor and fountain off of the lonely desk and from stacks on the worn oak chair. The air is warmer, no longer condensing the breath, but hardly warm enough to call comfortable. A distinct smell of burning paper and ink permeate the building.

The room is ten steps across between the bare wooden planks serving as walls. A path weaves between the entranceway and the right-most desk corner on which sits a small potted oak tree strewn with tinsel. Next to the pot lays a small box with the words, "Fruitcake," on a card in a overly flowery script.

A simple wood burning stove takes up the corner to your right, and by the looks of the embers and soot, the excessive amounts of paperwork laying about seems to be the primary fuel once crumpled and stuffed into the small kiln. The dying crackle of a weak fire can still be heard from within. Leading off into shadow behind the desk and chair is another room.

[Zyks]

Valkyn glances over to the other two talking, and then back to the doorway, where the 4th member is still standing.

I hope he comes in soon, maybe we can retain what little warmth there is in here once the door is closed

He picks up a piece of paper from the top of the stack nearest to him and reads it.

[Benejeseret]

(( The page on the up-most, nearest stack reads:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...39#post3701039 ))

[Also, let's assume he is late or making his own way here....or, my favorite ploy is to assume a character steps out to the privy if they are absent suddenly during a conversation. Combat will be more structured, but for now, I will respond and describe/advance/make-up things whenever your characters create the need.]

[Zyks]

Valkyn raises an eyebrow at the mention or Mr. Tulip, having heard rumpurs of him before. Although wasn't he dead now?

Spoiler

Show

Just wondering what time this is set, in relation to the books? since Mr. Tulip dies in The truth

Well I hope these unpaid money issues don't fall on us now. I'll have to discuss it with the Chairman sometime

Vlakyn puts the letter back on the pile and goes and peers into the next room behind the desk.

[Colt]

"Well, after a not particularly long and not particularly thoughtful consideration, I'm going to have to say no. I'm my own gnome, I serve no one less than a god." after saying this he walks back over to the middle of the room, crawls up on to the desk, and looks through the papers for anything that looks like it pertains to them.

[Emperor Demonking]

Igor shook his head. "Thilly man, not theeing the whole point."

Igor walked up to see the back room.

[Benejeseret]

Backroom
Into a dimly lit room the sparse light from the stove embers behind you stretches your shadows across bunks and hammocks. A single rusted chest rests against the leftmost wall with a small gold-ish key hanging beside it on a string. Flanking the chest are two lumpy cots and swinging lightly above them are three hammocks stretched between the walls at ninety degrees to the beds. The middle of the rooms houses a crude galley against the back wall and to the right are two broom closet sized outrooms. One appears to be a privy and the second is currently empty.


Grax
Stacks tumble and papers wisp to the ground all around the shakey table. A single yellowed leaf comes off of the potted oak tree and drifts slowly down onto the brown, wrapped box.

Grax finds three pages that might interest him randomly strewn about the desk.

[ I need to write them in the letters thread and will do if I have a chance later today....otherwise they will come tomorrow or boxing day. ]

After tugging the last of the three intriguing notes from a particulary dense stack, Grax's right foot bumps the Fruitcake box....which begins to rattle and shake with an inner force. The oak leaf is dislodges and falls further to the ground.

[Zyks]

Valkyn says to Igor "Well we need to see the Chairman sometime about all this paperwork, otherwise I think this place is all right until we can find somewhere better, what do you think?"

He then heads to the desk and the fruitcake box, suddenyl feeling quite hungry.

[Colt]

Grax dives behind the desk yelling, "Oh my god, the fruitcake is ALIVE!" he then grabs his staff and edges around the desk to see what the cake will do.

[Emperor Demonking]

Igor walks quickly to the fruitcake. "Alive you thay."

[Benejeseret]

(( here are the 3 letters Grax uncovers in his search of the desk
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...=1#post3709080 ))

[Zyks]

with all the talk of living fruitcake, Valkyn simply opens the box.

{assuming the fruitcake is not alive}

He takes his well crafted knife out and cuts himself a slice.

[Benejeseret]

As Valkyn's knife descends into the box, a high pitched shriek of terror is followed by a blur of red movement.

"Ieeeeeeeeek....Fruitcake be good, Fruitcake be good. No cut cut mees!"

The small voice comes from a tiny impish creature huddled terrified within the potted oak's yellow foliage. The creature is no higher than a palm width, with leathery red skin, tiny goat horns the size of a fingernail, and a bright pink miniskirt with matching shoes and handbag.

It swing the handbag to and fro in an attempt to ward off Valkyn and noticing Grax also hiding scream to him, "Call the watch watch! There's a crazy man trying ta assault mees feminine virtues." A statement supported by the attire, but somewhat confused by the impish goatee capping its chin.

[Zyks]

Valkyn pulls back, looking shocked.

"Vot is this?! I do not understand, it is only a fruitcake.

[Colt]

Coming out from behind the desk, and seeing the creature, Grax says "Someone has an odd idea of what a fruitcake should be. We won't hurt you, now, who are you?"

[Benejeseret]

The impish little creature composes itself, though remains weary of Valkyn. It smooths out its skirt and performs a well rehearsed curtsy.

"Mees named Fruitcake. Meesa scribe, office assistant, and secretary." It hops down beside the pot, neatly puts the minute handbag down and presents a business card the size of a housefly to Grax. "Meesa employed by the big big Guilda Merchants ta rep-er-ree-sent," it stumbles over the long word, "yur buseeness interests."

"Meesa be here, right here, day and night ta see ta yur buseeness needs," it says while taping the side of the small box it came in, which begins to fold in on itself and form a complex series of creases. As the thick paper comes to rest, it has formed a teeny desk and chair. "Mees also know or-a-gam-eee."

As it seats itself and focuses on Valkyn. It leans forward accusingly and shakes a finger in his direction, "and mees knowsa sex-ew-all harassment lawyer as well so yusa better watch yurself bub."

[Zyks]

"ok then, I'm sure you can help for all this paperwork." Valkyn puts his knife away"I am sorry for this incident, I mistook the letter to mean we had a cake in the box. Do you know anything about all these papers in here?" He sweeps his arm across, indicating...well, the whole room.

[Emperor Demonking]

Igor looked at both the facial hair and the clothing. "Your a thruitcake thor thure."

[Benejeseret]

"Paper?" It scans the room for the first time before replying, "Nope, nope, nope, but mees can sort them if yus tell mees how yus want them. By date, by size, al-pha-bet-ee-cally, and uh...," it scratches its head, "and where yus wants them."

[Zyks]

"ok, can you sort them out by date for us? Then I think we should ask this Mr. Serius what we should do with them when he comes to visit."

Valkyn goes back into the back room. he undoes his bandoleer, which holds his knife and rapier, puts it on top of the chest and swings himself into a hammock.

[Colt]

Grax watches Fruitcake intently, then heads to the back room to look for any ideas of what jobs there are to do.