Sparta-man: the Villain's Story.

[nobodylovesyou4]

Corpsecraft stands up from the rubble, covered in dust and debris. He picks up his gun and looks down at Logan. Logan screams out in pain, as his leg is obviously broken. Corpsecraft laughs to himself, and points his gun directly at Logan's face. "It's all over now, Logan. I win." Suddenly, a voice cries out -
"TOMMY!"
"Huh?"
Lindsey is staring right at him, obviously pissed. "Tommy, do not shoot Logan."
"But... but... he's my archenemy...."
"NO."
"But..."
Lindsey glares at him.
"Oh, damnit." Corpsecraft lowers his weapons and begins to slink back over to Ahz. Before he can get there, though, there is a blinding flash of steel, as Corpsecraft is stopped dead in his tracks...

[nobodylovesyou4]

Corpsecraft stands in his place for a minute, a blank stare on his face. "Wh... Wh... Wh..." he stutters, before his top half slides off onto the ground. He lies there in shock. Everyone looks over to see his killer, and they see standing there, a man in dark clothing, with dark hair and a red ribbon tied around his head. He holds a japanese sword straight out. "Who are you?" Sharese cries out.
"Who am I?" the stranger responds. "I am..." he turns around.
"Justin!" Lindsey shouts.
"Goddamnit, Lindsey, I was trying to be mysterious!"
"Oh, sorry. I wonder who that man could be?" she responds.
"I'll tell you," Justin says. "I am... Ninja-to! And I am the one who has killed Tommy!"
"So, that's a confession?" a voice cries out. Justin turns to see a few cops standing behind him, guns pointed directly at his head...

[BizzaroStormy]

Oh ****! A ninja! Concentrating his powers on the cops, Beardo forces their hair to grow and rapidly overtake their bodies, turning them into hair zombies. The zombies unload on Ninjato as Tschudy bolts out of the mall with Holly and jumps into his Zepplin piloted by a midget in a goblin costume. Once inside, Tschudy looks around frantically.Wheres the mini-map?!? the pilot responds I threw it in the lake! WHAT!?!

[nobodylovesyou4]

Meanwhile, back in the mall, Ninjato is managing to fend off the zombies by cutting them into a bunch of pieces. He dashes over, grabs Lindsey by the hand, and runs out with her in tow. Corpsecraft looks over at Justin leaving, connects his top half back to his bottom half, and picks up his gun. The barrel had been slashed in half, ruining the gun forever. "Damn," he said, "I loved this thing." He looks over and notices the gun from the explosion lying on the floor. Hmm... he picks it up, looks it over, and finds it wanting. He approaches Logan, gun in hand. Logan is still lying on the ground in pain, lamenting over his broken leg. Sharese is standing over him, sobbing. "If you're going to kill me, Corpsecraft," Logan says, "Don't let Sharese see. I... I don't want her to go through that..."
Corpsecraft looks at Logan. Just looks. It seems forever passes, Logan wincing in pain the entire time. Finally, Corpsecraft speaks. "I'm not going to kill you now, Logan. I have a new vendetta... on Justin. I will let you go this time, but damnit, you owe me one." He walks away from Logan and over to Ahz. "Come, Ahz, I need to make a call to an old friend about a hit."

Corpsecraft exits the mall, with Ahz following, before taking out his phone and hitting speed dial. "Hey, it's me... no, I've been good, how bout you?... good to hear. Look, I've got a favor to ask you. I want you to kill someone for me... I hear you're good at it, that's why... yeah, I'll send their information to you in a text message... 40k? Are you kidding? C'mon, man, we're friends, can't you do this for me?.... Sweet. Thanks a ton, Will." Corpsecraft hangs up the phone before turning to Ahz. "Come, Azraelle, we must find Tschudy."

[Fusecase]

Well, Well, Well... I've got work... Listen guys I'll be back soon, please don't miss me too much. says the voice from the other side of Corpsecraft's phone call.

Oh, but now I'll have to clean up the evidence, and there's only so many times you can call the flayed bodies Halloween decorations... I'll just leave it up to 'Craft to deal with it.

Stepping out of the torture chambers, Morticalicus sighs to himself. Patting his axe, Quietus. Why did Death have to give me this job. Sure its cool and all to be able to end people, but I can't have anymore hugs...

After a minute of chanting from Morticalicus, a portal opens next to Corpsecraft. Out pops a familiar face, save for the black lines burned into the skin. Well now old friend. You asked for the hit, now just where, when, and who?

[ahzreal]

Ahz jumped as a portal opened up in front of him. He blinks then turns around to Tommy. "Okay, Corpsecraft, two things: One, finding Tschudy shouldn't be too difficult, because there's a giant zepelin overhead... With a beard logo on the side... And two, PLEASE warn me next time we're expecting someone to come through a rift in space."

[nobodylovesyou4]

"Hey, Ahz, we had a friend come through a rift in space. How's it going, Will?"
"It's Morticalicus now."
"That's a mouthful, now isn't it? I'll call you Morty." Corpsecraft looks Morty up and down, with one eyebrow raised. "Damn, that academy has really changed you, hasn't it? Anyone, your target has just left, but it shouldn't be too hard to track them down. I mean, how can you miss them?" Corpsecraft points up to the zeppelin floating overhead. "Check with Tschudy first... he should be able to help you." Corpsecraft hands Morty an envelope, which, upon opening, contains pictures of Morty's target. "I think you should recognize this person," Corpsecraft says. "Good luck."

[nobodylovesyou4]

Meanwhile, on the zeppelin, Tschudy is making his advances on Holly. She is taking them in stride, and it looks as though Tschudy might get some, until...

Tschudy hears a loud BANG! come from behind him. He turns around to see a slender figure, not much taller than Tschudy himself. It wears a yellow robe that covers its entire body, except for its long, bony fingers. The hood is up, and covers the figures face except for its mouth, and from what Tschudy can tell, the figures face is very slim. "Hello, Tschudy," he speaks. "We need to talk." The figure holds up a book, almost a foot thick, which is written in a language Tschudy can't understand. "This story is being written in a fifty-fifty style." The figure flips open the book to a seemingly random page and begins to read aloud. "One half of it is comedy, and one half of it is action. You are doing a very fine job of writing the comedy, and Tommy is doing just as well by writing the action." He turns the page. "However, romantic subplots are to be allowed between the following characters: Logan and Sharese, Justin and Lindsey, and Ahz and Corpsecraft. Wait, how'd that last one get in there?" The figure scratches furiously at the book with his finger until that last one is written out. "Anyway, no where in here does it say that you and Holly may have a romantic subplot. She was introduced to be an adversary to you, not a lover. While it is possible that she may be both, and a lot of stories have been written that way, you are not doing it as such. It's starting to get rather creepy. Either lose the girl, or suffer heavy penalties."
"Yeah?" Tschudy asks. "Why should I listen to you?"
"Because," the figure says, as he drops his hood. "I am your Dungeon Master."

[BizzaroStormy]

Romantic? We were just hanging out. She's my buddy's ex, Timon. Anyway...HAVE AT THEE! Tschudy pulls three swords from his side, grasping one with his beard and slashing wildly at the figure. Spazzit! Take the mini-zepplin and get out of here! The little man takes Holly into a small basket and drops out of the blimp. 4 large balloons inflate on it and carry them away. You damn honkey! I told you mah name was Leeroy! The midget now yells in a deep barotone voice.

[nobodylovesyou4]

"Tschudy, you are making a huge mistake. Don't you realize you are my... SLAVE?!" Timon holds up his hand, and a flash of light bursts out of his palm. A glazed look comes over Tschudy's eyes as he falls prey to Timon's hypnotism. "Now, Tschudy, you work for me. Tell Tommy that he is to do my bidding. Gather your team and report to my lair at once. Go!"

[Fusecase]

This... Succubus should be no problem, but only if the body, er witness count is a minimum. I'll kill her, but I'll have to charge. I'll make it 5k plus expenses. Thats my cheapest rate, friend.

Suddenly the escape zeppelin launches from the bay of the main zeppelin.

Don't tell me... Tschudy found some "problems". I guess I'll pay a visit to who's inside the escape pod. Mort pulls out his axe and throws it to the front of the zeppelin. The axe soars on a path that curves back, cutting all the strings of the blimp. As he catches the axe, Morty chuckles, Thats only about a hundred and fifty feet. Beard-o won't even be scratched. Good job Quietus.

Well shall we say hey to them before you all head off on your ragtag adventure? Morty says with a wide, toothy grin.

[ahzreal]

"... huh... Hey, corpsecraft, I'm getting that feeling again." Ahz looks around. "..Almost like some kind of all-powerful force just came into our world and took control of one of out allies... weird.." Ahz shrugs it off. Several spiders climb out of his hair to rest on his shoulders, speaking to him telepathically. He leans his head this way and that, listening to what they have to say. "Corpsecraft, Leggy and Fangy inform me that we are being spied on.... by some creepy kid." He gives the words a few seconds to sink in. "Should I send a few scouts our for recon?"

[nobodylovesyou4]

"Creepy kid? We've already got you and Will here. What could be creepier? Anyway, yeah, send someone out for recon." Corpsecraft turns to Will. "Alright, Emo, I'll pay your little "fee". Just kill her so we can progress the storyline."

[nobodylovesyou4]

Corpsecraft looks at his stationary allies before finally letting out a heavy sigh. "Alright, I'll advance the story then." Corpsecraft walks over to the twisted wreckage of the Zeppelin, only to find...

[BizzaroStormy]

...that the bloody thing went down like the Hindenburg. What lies there is now the burning metal skeleton of the blimp. There is movement inside the burning wreckage as the smell of burning hair begins to fill the air. Suddenly flaming tentacles of hair lash out at Corpsecraft, grabbing his extremeties and pinning him to the ground. Stepping through the flames, Beardo, somehow in full costume, tells him in a strange voice. You serve Lord Tataraus now! instead of singing the hair, the fire appears to be an integral part of his beard.

[nobodylovesyou4]

"Lord Tataraus? You mean Timon? You think he could use a better name than his internet name." Corpsecraft looks at his arms and legs, which are losing their flesh at a rapid rate due to the flames. "You wanna do me a favor and get off me before I have to sick William on you as well? Also, if you think that this fire is going to become part of your super powers, you're sadly mistaken." Tschudy doesn't appear to be moving, and the fire doesn't appear to be dwindling any at all. "...crap... alright, look, if I promise to do Tataraus' bidding, will you promise to get up?" Tschudy continues to stare into Corpsecraft's face. "*sigh*... alright, you can keep the fire as well." Tschudy lets up his grip and stands up, beard still on fire. "You and fire, Beard-O, sheesh..." Corpsecraft looks around expectantly. "Well? Where is Timon at?"

[ahzreal]

Ahz, having paid no attention to the fiery wrath of Tschudy, turned to the burnt up Corpsecraft. "Ew.... What smells like burn sh... oh, it's just you." Ahz snickers. "Anyway... Two things, one, the creepy kid spying on us is Luke.. you remember my cousin, right? The one who was staring at Lindsey's boobs..." Ahz rolls his eyes. "You straight people.. I swear...."

[Lord Tataraus]

"*ahem* Behold it is I, LORD TATARAUS!!! Kneel before me mortals, for I am your new master!!" A gold-robed figure declares to the gathered, arms pointed up and out to display his rippling robes. His face is covered except for his grinning mouth and he holds a black obsidian staff with an oversized crimson rose at the top whose thorny stem winds its way down the staff.

In the ensuing silence, the figure remains in his stance but looks around to see everyone except Bread-O motionless and still-standing. "I said KNEEL!!! Lord Tataraus shouts again, pointing his staff at Azh and Corpsecraft in a threating manner.

[BizzaroStormy]

Bread-o? BREADO!?! I AM NOT BREADO!!!

[nobodylovesyou4]

Corpsecraft laughs. "Kekeke... that's your new name. Breado." Corpsecraft looks at Ahz and sighs. "Anyways, Luke? What the hell is he doing here? You wanna explain that?" Corpsecraft glances over at Lord Tataraus, who is still standing in that dramatic pose, with the fire behind him. "Alright, Tim-un, show me something supervillainular and I'll bow down to you."

[ahzreal]

"Good question... " Ahz ponders this a moment then shrugs it off. "Oh well. He was probably just following us because he's stalking Lindsey." Ahz now turns to face Lord Tartaraus. He rasises a brow at the command to bow. "Well... he's not the first guy to ask me to bend over."

[Lord Tataraus]

"That's Lord Tataraus to you stinky, you want evil? I'll give you evil!" Lord Tataraus pulls a glass vial from inside his robes which seems to contain a small creature. He then takes out some chalk and draws an intricate seal on the ground then proceeds to open the vial releasing a puff of multi-colored smoke which he pours into the middle of the seal. As the smoke clears a young woman dressed in a simple thin white dress cowers on the ground. Tataraus then raises his staff in the air as the crimson rose seems to wilt and turn black while he chants a vile incantation. At the end of his brief chant, Tataraus slams the blunt end of his staff into the seal, causing the black and wilt to bleed away and the seal glows red. After a brief pause, the woman screams in pain and explodes in a burst of blood and gore, a portal of blood forms in the ground and a great demon emerges. "Great lord of Pestilence, I command thee to send a plague of death upon the eastern nations of Asia and grant me the only cure." The demon roars mightily and explodes into a black cloud of locusts and flies off into the distance leaving a no trace of either seal or demon other than a blood-stained patch of ground. "There, how about that? Or should I just get rid of you once and for all?"

[BizzaroStormy]

Beardo's slight erection is killed by the girl exploding as he stands near Tataraus, scratching his beard furiously.

[nobodylovesyou4]

Corpsecraft looks on in absolute disgust, as Timon raises beings of Hell to do his dirty work. "Christ, Timon, that's a bit brutal even by my standards... what did that bitch ever do to you?" He shakes off these feelings, then quickly adds: "In any case, I s'pose I don't have too much of a choice at this point. Take me to your evil lair, or whatever."

[nobodylovesyou4]

anyone wanna do anything?

[Lord Tataraus]

"Never mind that," Lord Tataraus brushes off Corpsecraft's question with a waive of his staff, "to my fortress!" He pulls a second vial from his robes, this time containing a yellow liquid with a swirling blob of blue inside, much like a lava lamp. Tataraus carefully places the vial on the ground then smashes it with his staff whilst crying out a single word of gibberish, a plumes of blue and yellow smoke issues from the broken vial and forms a swirling vortex into which Tataraus motions the others to enter.

Upon entering each is slightly dazed and dizzy taking a minute to be able to take in their surroundings. The chamber is grand in scale and decor, lots of gold, platinum and gems line the walls in intricate patterns displaying various scenes of epic battles between wizards and mighty mythic beasts. At the far end of the chamber is a large golden throne upon which Lord Tataraus is already sitting, before him is a large table set with fine crafted chairs and a modest sprawl of food and drink. A very small, strange man with ridiculously long eyebrows is clogging off to the side, he pauses only to munch on a handful of what looks like moss from a large bowl set behind him. "Now then, to business, you may take some snacks while we talk, but please do so in a civilized fashion." After a short pause, he continues, "It seems that I am in need of so minio-...uuhhh paw-..uh...friends I can trust with a dangerous task. It is of the utmost importance and I ensure you shall be compensated, do you accept?"

[BizzaroStormy]

Sitting at the table with a blank stare on his face, Beardo sees a piece of raw meat on the table. A piece of prime rib. It had been 6 years since he last tasted its tangy jucies. Mrr...STEAK!!! He grabs the hunk of meat with his beard and cooks it right then and there, scarfing it down noisily followed by a satisfied belch. Ahhhh..... so good. Ok Timon, while I accept your offer, I'm freakin loaded now but there are somethings that not even mastercard can buy. Basically my price is...1 catgirl eternally devoted to me and immune to any divine wrath brought about by physics discussions buy pizza-faced D&D players.

((Tartaraus, what are you doing up so early/late? Don't you have a game to DM in like...9 hours?))

[nobodylovesyou4]

"Timon, I will gladly help you in your quest to do whatever it is you're trying to do... as long as the quest involves killing either of my archenemies. Does it?" Corpsecraft looks at him expectantly.

[Lord Tataraus]

Tataraus smiles knowingly, "Yes, Tommy, yes it does. I seek to...aren't you going to have something to eat? Anyway, I seek to gain some control in this world, but alas pesky heroes tend to get in the way. I need you to destroy Spartaman...or at least keep him busy for awhile. You need to do something big, not any of this foolish small-time kidnapping and bank robbery, I mean large scale international news crime. To this end, this is what you shall do. Capture the state of Conneticut and put it up for ransom." Tataraus beams evilly at his genius and watches the other's reactions. After a short pause and a glance over to Tschudy he adds quickly, "...and of course you shall receive a just payment."

[Fusecase]

Well, Its nice of them to invite me along to wherever the hell they went. But I've got money to make anyway. Mort notices the escape zeppelin rushing away from the scene of the crash. Noting the crowd gathering, he begins a small chant as he runs for the smoke emanating from the flames. He steps through to find himself standing on top of one of the zeppelin's baloons. Morticalicus mutters to himself, Knock, knock Ms. Succubus. He raises his axe in his right hand and throws it forward letting it arc back to the balloons. As the blade slices through the first baloon, Mort jumps down to stand on top of the carriage. I haven't had this great of a chance in so long, I might just cut the expenses cost out of this. Tommy you lucky son of a... Mort is cut off by the carriage crashing into a building. He is thrown through the fifth floor window, while the rest lands on the fourth. Mort cuts his way down to collect proof of the kill to find both the pilot and Succubus crawling out of the wreckage. I'm sorry milady. Mort's raspy voice rumbles, But my business needs your life to end and I'll need your mask as proof.

After finishing both lives before him, Morticalicus reaches down and rips the mask from the still body. As the hair falls down unto her face, Mort realizes just who he killed. Tears build in his eyes and curses spew from his very core. TOMMY! Arggh! Why her? Of all people! This will cost everything he's got at the least, and heads will roll for the rest of today. Mort's eyes spew dark shadows of energy as the colors of his body and clothes invert. He draws Quietus and cries out before clearing the population of the nearest 4 buildings.

Before any heroes interrupt his frenzy, Mort suddenly calms down and pulls out a rag. He opens a portal and attempts to clean the blood and gore from himself as he steps through. YOU! Having a diner party while sending me to do that?!? He reaches into his pocket and throws the bloody mask of the Succubus to Tommy. You will pay me twenty thousand for this! And I don't care how long it takes, you will pay it.