Funny D&D Stories

[GallóglachMaxim]

With the water...eve if he had decided it would break the ship, I probably would've modified my 'I dump water on the ship' to 'I dump just enough water to put the flames out, spread over a wide enough area so as to not break anything big'

Well you must be a lot more sensible than our cleric, maximum amount of water on the two squares with fire in them, I did ask, just in case.

[daggaz]

DM: Make a survival check.
New Player: But I'm still alive!

Thats hil-lar-i-ous!

[Lioness]

Well you must be a lot more sensible than our cleric, maximum amount of water on the two squares with fire in them, I did ask, just in case.

I'm a very cautious newbie. I don't want to die again. Or break the campaign, which I almost did. It's related to losing our ship.

DM: Sable, would you do me a favour and write down all of the items you had stored on the ship? Then give the piece of paper to me.

A couple of sessions later...

DM: Oh, by the way guys, you know that list you gave me...it's all sunk. I hope you didn't leave anything important on there.

Me: Errr...the golden bat statue we found a while ago isn't important is it???

DM: *speechless*

...You realise you just broke the campaign, don't you? That was a crucial plot item!!!

Me: Well, you could've told us! Umm...err...

*Ranger puts on cloak of Manta Ray and dives to the ship to collect our lost treasure*

[cn69]

In my current 3.5 campaign I'm DMing, which started late last year.

JD, playing a rather snoopy bard: Okay, the half-orc's looking pretty thrifty, time to pick a couple pockets.

Me: Alright, make your checks.

(I pause as he goes to roll the dice)

Me: Just bear in mind all his things are tied under his loincloth. Do you want to risk grabbing onto any... undesirables?

JD: ....

Me: So, moving on....

(No one has dared look under the cloth since, I might add)

[Katana_Geldar]

Ended up tied to my horse today as I was mentally impaired. And suffered two hits from my fellow party members on their natural 1's. Grrr.

[TheConundrum]

In a homebrewed campaign that my friend, Andrew, came up with we have 3 players. Andrew decided that we each need to play 2 characters (not fun, but whatever). 9th Level campaign

We fight high end monsters for low xp but lots of money. AKA - Andrew the GM spoils us by giving us have more money than we should but pumping up the monsters to the point where we SERIOUSLY have to use everything we have.

Me
- Human Fighter (Drarin "The Fizzler") - +1 Adamantine Spiked Chain of Frost with +1 Spiked Full Plate studded with +1 Defending Flaming Armor Spikes. He also has a Gold Dragon Hide Tower Shield that he had made from skinning a previously slain Gold Dragon.
Tactics - Enlarge Person + Bull's Strength (from a Ring of Spell Storing that was stolen by my Gnome) Stand 15 Ft away and wail away and baddies. If a wizard comes into play, I drop the chain, pull out the Tower Shield pile Combat Expertise and knock his punk a** down. On my next action I grapple with him and ignite my Armor Spikes
- Gnome Illusionist (The Conundrum) - Lawful Evil, Old Gnome with a +6 Headband of Intellect that I stole from a Wizard Lich that is a reoccurring baddy (The human fighter wrestled his punk a** and disarmed his helmet, necklace, and gloves at the cost of taking a lot of damage) and decked out with Illusionist Variants from the UE and Races of Stone. +3 Illusions per spell level per day, 31 Intelligence due to him starting out as an OLD character and taking a dip into a colorful pond that either raised abilities or lowered them (I got +3 to intelligence mmmmmmm) this Old Gnome likes long walks on the beach and spending his calm afternoons trapping fools in portable holes with well placed Illusionary Walls.

Keenan
- Half Orc Barbarian (Conan the Muscle)- +1 Greatsword of Speed (we stole from the King of Whatever-Land-We-Were-Playing (I forgot the name)
- Half Orc Barbarian (He-Man of Grayskull)- This is the time you say - "TWO HALF ORC BARBARIANS AND A CHAIN FIGHTER?!?!?!!!!" Who is an accidental clone that was created on a previous expedition. He is identical to Conan in every way except personality. He is insane. (He is possessed by the spirit of Keenan's last character, who was a LE Monk that was Energy Drained to death by Vampires. For being a devout follower of his Deity he was saved from Vampirism, and was instead changed into a possessing spirit. Conan was captured shortly afterwards and used in a Gnome Vampire's Cloning Device to try and create an army of Evil Barbarians of WTF all of which he would turn into vampires. In short, we stopped him, and the Monk returned to Possess one of the Barbarian Clones.

Kyle
- Rogue ***** - Generally a useless character who has only come in handy in town when he steals things. Even then, he usually gets caught and imprisoned.
- CoDzilla - Andrew knows of CoDzilla, but allowed its use. And has thoroughly been punishing us for it.

For all who WILL argue with me about the Lich take down-
I used Clairvoyance to look on the other side of a door and saw a Lich creating a Bone Golem. I casted Invisiblity on myself and the whole party rushed through the door in a shouting fury of LOL TIME TO DIE!!!!!!!!
They all hit a Wall of Force spanning from north wall to south wall. The invisible old gnome walked to the south wall and prepared to cast Persistent Image.

After a thorough verbal taunting, the Lich dropped the wall of force. Momentarily afterwards I dropped an illusion of a Steel 10x10x10 box around the Lich so his Line of Effect/Line of Sight was blocked.
The Barbarians charged and got into position, the Rogue went to flanking position, and the other cleric positioned himself about 20 ft from the Illusionary Box.

When we were all in position, I dropped the box to find, to our dismay, an empty 10 ft square with a Delayed Blast Fireball waiting for us.
Gnome rolled a 20 Initiative and put up an Illusionary Wall where the Wall of Force WAS to hopefully make the Lich think he was trapped in that little area. The Cleric was next and did Invisiblity Purge and found the Lich trying to make a run for a Lever to animate his precious Bone Golem.

Barbarians Charge, do a little bashing, Chain Fighter Grapples and Disarms (we get an amulet and his helmet).
After a few rounds of us taking and dealing damage, the Lich teleport saway (obviously pissed at how we dealt with him)

Of COURSE the DM played the Lich wrongly by allowing him to be put on the defensive and not having all his defensive buffs ready (mostly because the Lich had NOOOOO idea we were coming... "YAH RIGHT". But he learned his lesson.

FINAL START TO THE STORY
I have made it my personal goal to break every campaign that has been created. The Amulet that we disarmed from the lich was his phylactery. The gnome guessed that and had telepathically communicated this to his Fighter Buddy (it had skulls and was generally giving off an EVVVILLLLL aura... As to why a Lich would walk around with his Phylactery.... apparently later in the Campaign it made a difference that it was a amulet, but I wasn't paying attention... It was disarmed as an attack of opportunity as the Lich made it out of the grapple, and was making a run to where he could safely use his Teleport. SO LOL)

I used the Phylactery to enslave this Lich. I hired another wizard to cast a few spells for me, but in short- I made it so that in the event of me crushing a certain Ceramic Globe (held in an Unbreakable Vial that would shatter on my command alone) the Phylactery would fall from its resting place into a volcano, that we recently discovered while battling the Gold Dragon.

On our most recent campaign, that Andrew had to completely write on his own after spending months creating our Lich battle, I enslaved a Female Red Dragon. I did this by kidnapping 3 of its babies and organizing a way to have them killed if it did not do as I say (it's complicated). We killed the father in a grueling battle and used its skin as armor, head as a trophy, and made dragon teeth/claw weapons.

I used these two allies to attack the King of Whatever-Land-We-Were-Playing's keep in the dead of night. (I had to slay a certain Lawful Good Cleric CoDzilla in his sleep to get the right to do so). After a well orchestrated attack, the city was currently at war and had most of its army positioned on the front lines, we quickly took control of the keep and held the king for ransom against his allies. Now, with the king of a powerful nation under foot, the command of a Red Dragon trying to keep it's babies alive and a Lich, our campaign is spiraling entirely out of control so fast that Andrew the GM has no way to keep up with.

<3 Campaign Breaking with a level 9 Gnome Illusionist

[ficedude12]

Let's see... the DM had us on a ship, being attacked by pirates. The barbarian in the group decided to pull his great sword and two-hand it. He goes to attack and rolls a 1... he throws it overboard. On his next turn, he pulls his long sword and rolls ANOTHER 1!! Throws another overboard... Sadly, the DM was merciful and he got both swords back...

Well, next session, he does THE EXACT SAME THING!!!!! Rolls a 1 and throws his Great sword overboard. I noticed first and started laughing!! Pretty soon, everyone was busting up. Sadly, he eventually got it back...

another time, a friend of mine was playing someone else's character and wasn't familiar with some of their spells. Our party ran into a wall of tentacles in a hallway. My friend had this brilliant idea of casting "Detect evil magic". He forgot, however, we were inside a Drow temple! The ENTIRE place started to glow. Someone else said "I'm surprised your head didn't explode!!!". Seriously, it was like an acid trip for the character!!!

In another game, there was one person who decided to cloak themselves and go down this hallway. Well... there were 2 elite Fire Giants in there and they some how spotted her and threw her in an iron maiden. Apparently, that same iron maiden was used on trolls before, because, after we killed one giant and turned the other, AND rescued a member from the bottom of a waterfall they fell in, we revived her and a little later she noticed a weird growth on her leg. It was a part of a troll that was revived with her and started to grow into a full sized troll. Someone in our party cut it off and ran down a hallway to throw it in a pool of lava.

[TheCountAlucard]

Last night's game featured an epic battle. The party is a half-fey human Healer, an elven Scout/Ranger, a human Warlock, and a dwarven Fighter. They're having to help defend a city wall from an army of goblins led by black dragons.

After some prolonged skirmishes, the party encounters a lance-wielding half-dragon goblin on dragonback. After nearly taking out the Warlock in one hit, the rider dismounts and continues to battle the Scout, (enlarged) Fighter, and Healer atop the wall, while the dragon chases after the fleeing Warlock. That's when the Fighter gets his brilliant idea; on his last round of being enlarged, he charges and bullrushes the dragonrider, intending to push him off the wall. Thanks to there being two size categories' difference between the two, the Fighter succeeds and pushes him off. However, the Fighter has no ranks in Balance and is wearing heavy armor; his Balance modifier is in the negatives... and he rolls a 1.

The goblin miraculously survived the three hundred foot fall, slowly sitting up with seven hit points left, and then notices that he's sitting in a massive shadow, and looks up...

The party found the dwarf, now back to his normal size, sitting uncomfortably atop the goblin's spiked armor in a crater as deep as a refrigerator, wringing every last charge out of his healing belt.

[Pocketa]

I have a confession.

I've never played D&D. Closest I got was Neverwinter Nights. I have no idea how it works.

[Meirnon]

With dice, pens and paper, along with a set of rules on how situations are resolved using said dice and things written down on the paper. Some think it's complicated, although some think it's simple. I can empathize with both groups, and I can understand why you haven't played.

Anyways, I am soooo glad no one's calling thread necro. This thread doesn't deserve to be called necro simply because people post on it alot, just with big gapes in between.

[Andre Fairchilde]

I post when I have a funny story.

But lately, the stuff that's funny is kind of hard to explain.

Like we had a session a few months ago where we went for at least 10 rounds with two dominated party members trying to grapple a third party member - and none won.

"Roll to grapple... you hit... roll again... you don't pin..."

It was basically a slap fest.

[Meirnon]

Alot like all of the fights at my school. Done by people who say they're gangsters, done like people who are really sissies.

And to think my school's the "hood" one

[Arachu]

I just killed a Lich by reading his surface thoughts, sending an Unseen Servant to retrieve his phylactery, and casting Erase on it.

Yep, I killed a Lich with Erase. My party was level 5, and the Lich was level 10. And the best part, is that I'm actually a DM controlling an NPC main character.

I spent an hour making that Lich. And I broke him. With Erase.


I must be... The worst father-being... >:D

[TheCountAlucard]

So, you used DM Fiat to score a victory in the name of your DMPC?

...Where does the funny come in?

[Arachu]

He's a Lich. He's spent decades making himself immortal with magic. And he got annihilated by a 1st-level spell.

... It sounds quite boring on paper...

[Meirnon]

And very "I'm so awesome, I just did this" egotistical, because you're the DM. It would be much funnier if you didn't use DM fiat (you stole my term!) and metagaming to beat him.

[Andre Fairchilde]

I just killed a Lich by reading his surface thoughts, sending an Unseen Servant to retrieve his phylactery, and casting Erase on it.

Yep, I killed a Lich with Erase. My party was level 5, and the Lich was level 10. And the best part, is that I'm actually a DM controlling an NPC main character.

I spent an hour making that Lich. And I broke him. With Erase.


I must be... The worst father-being... >:D

Erase just removes magical writing from a scroll, how would that effect a Wonderous Item?

I don't mean to butt in, but the Phylactery is a Wonderous Item - what was the DC? How does Erase work on a Phylactery, which is usually an item that is enchanted? If the caster level was 11th level (minimum to create the item) - the minimum DC save of the item should be a DC of 21. Also, if the item had a SR of 1, the Erase spell would not work.

[Solaris]

Last night, had the Neanderthal barbarian stand in the way of a boulder an enemy tribe rolled down the path at him and his party. He critted the Strength check while using an action point and raging.
The boulder went back up the path.

[Jokasti]

Okay, so my party had to combine the Elemental Planes of Fire and Water. Easy, no? (12th level DnD 3.5)
To get to the Demiplane (sort of a Wood Between the Worlds for you C.S. Lewis fans) we had to go through... the Gate. A fifty-foot high vortex of fiery death. To use it, we had to have the Renduvian Heart and Scroll, found inside, you guessed it, the Gate itself. While the Druid, Loremaster, and Sorcerer discussed how to get them, my bored monk decided to run inside and grab them (160 feet every six seconds!).
DM: Roll 3d20, 1 saving throw each.
Me: *Roll**Roll**Roll*(They were pretty good) I have Evasion, too.
DM: Okay... 150 (or so) damage.
Me: Crap, I'm negative. But alive.
Well, then Boney, the Lich Sorcerer DMPC teleports me out, but the fire kills me. He transplants the Heart into me, and reads the scroll himself. Now we can travel anywhere through the Gate as long as we hold hands. Our Cleric Rezzes me, and we proceed to combine the Elemental Planes of Fire and Water.
Me: Wait. I have Improved Evasion.
We went back and did the scene again, but the lich had to kill me to get the heart in.
Later, my monk had died, and we needed to travel again, so our fighter did the same thing, but this time, a PC got a great know(Arcana) check, so the DM said: Did you try Create Water?
Everyone: ...
Everyone: #$%^&*(*&^%$%^&*()(*&^%$%^&*()
He saunters in, soaked, takes no damage, grabs the items, and calmly walks out. His clothes weren't even crispy.
Later, the same Dwarf Fighter died, and the Druid reincarnated him, and he became a Tiefling (Female). My new character (Blessed, check my homebrews. My DM only let me play it if he let another player smother my monk in his sleep. I agreed, but the player forgot to loot. W00t awesome magic items/Heart of Awesomesauce! Needless to say, I didn't) high Charisma, tried to seduce the Tiefling. Conversation at bar:
Me: So, do you come here often?
Tiefling Female Fighter: (OOC I like Dwarven Females.) Yes. Why do you ask?
Me: Never mind. (Walks off, Disguise Self)
Me (As a Dwarven Female): So, do you come here often?
We had a weird relationship after that. If only there was a Medieval Jerry Springer.
My Blessed later almost died after he insulted Asmodeus. He got a Ruby Rod through the chest, at -9 HP. Luckily a cleric got to me, but I have a nice scar and a better story (for the ladies.)
And now my DM wants my BLessed to be a villain. I plan on having him crack at breakfast when his iron rations aren't like halfling rations.

[brandr]

So playgrounders, CoC.

My investigation team is a little left of center. For those of you not familiar with the Call of Cthulhu game system, you can make your own skills at the keepers discretion, and can lead to some interesting sessions.

One for instance, played this last halloween. The muscle of our party, an Italian fellow known as Benito Saravecci is a large man (size class 11) and is a prodigy with the baseball bat. As a joke, referrencing the fact that the character used to be a scrawny new yorker as a kid, the player decides to give him scout like bat wielding abilities. hence the skill "bat-fu". Im not sure how many people ITP are familiar with martial arts in the CoC setting, but they basically make melee attacks SICKHAUS. The best part about this being, that the mansion we were investigating was crawling with alien beings, who for some reason i dont think the keeper payed much attention too, are extremely succeptible to bludgeoning damage. IE being beaten to death by an angry Italian.

Now, mind you, i am an unconscionable tomb robber with a love for 'splosives, and a quarter stick of dynamite blows holes in walls all over the mansion, but do relatively little to the alien horrors. however it doesn't matter, because benny beat them all to death :).

more to come later

[Ormagoden]

A druid character at our table recently inherited (Read: awakened) a lycanthrope(SP?) bloodline of sorts that allowed him to take on the werewolf forms along with his normal wild shapes.

At some point later on another character was describing this change to an NPC at a bar.

the line was something along the lines of <quietly> "...and so now he is a weredruid."

The NPC exclaims "WEREDRUID!"

And another one of the players points to the druid's player and says "There Druid!"

[Ormagoden]

Last night's game featured an epic battle. The party is a half-fey human Healer, an elven Scout/Ranger, a human Warlock, and a dwarven Fighter. They're having to help defend a city wall from an army of goblins led by black dragons.

After some prolonged skirmishes, the party encounters a lance-wielding half-dragon goblin on dragonback. After nearly taking out the Warlock in one hit, the rider dismounts and continues to battle the Scout, (enlarged) Fighter, and Healer atop the wall, while the dragon chases after the fleeing Warlock. That's when the Fighter gets his brilliant idea; on his last round of being enlarged, he charges and bullrushes the dragonrider, intending to push him off the wall. Thanks to there being two size categories' difference between the two, the Fighter succeeds and pushes him off. However, the Fighter has no ranks in Balance and is wearing heavy armor; his Balance modifier is in the negatives... and he rolls a 1.

The goblin miraculously survived the three hundred foot fall, slowly sitting up with seven hit points left, and then notices that he's sitting in a massive shadow, and looks up...

The party found the dwarf, now back to his normal size, sitting uncomfortably atop the goblin's spiked armor in a crater as deep as a refrigerator, wringing every last charge out of his healing belt.

Ha ha that's awesome. I tend to have at least one incredibly reckless moment with each character, it just ends up that way don't ask me why.

Some of them include:

Jumping off a 80ft crenelation onto an epic wizard holding an artifact weapon.

Jumping out the window of a stopped monorail (300 ft in the air) only to whip myself back into the next window over for a snappy double kick.(I love physical adepts)

Botching a roll in shadowrun and having the GM tell me. Yeah you think a pallet of C-4 is enough to blow up the house. 1 hour later on the news an entire city block is gone attacked by "terrorists". My character hangs her head.

Swallowing creepy evil magic gem in order to get it by security at a gate.

and other such tales of "damn the consequences!"

[varthalon]

DM: Sable, would you do me a favour and write down all of the items you had stored on the ship? Then give the piece of paper to me.

Reminds me a bit of my first long running gaming group, back in 1st edition and DM required character sheets to be written in pencil. Occassionally he'd ask to see someone's character sheet... look over it... erase something... write something... look over it some more... hand it back.

You want anxious players... watch them watching you tinkinger with their character.

He did it for a wide variety of reasons: erasing a bit of gold after your character was pick pocketed... adding a bit of XP other characters didn't get for some reason... checking what items you had on you or your ability scores... and of course just to mess with our heads.

We'd get our sheet back and try to figure out what he'd changed but he was pretty good at duplicating our handwriting and it was sometimes hard to tell if you money had gone down a few gold or your XP up a couple hundred points or if your intelligent +3 dagger had gotten bored with you and teleported itself away to find a new owner... or if nothing had changed at all (half an hour later... player: I pull my dagger and threaten him... DM: what dagger? player, looking down at his character sheet: my +3 dagger of... er... my dagger.. oh crap.)


Another big thing in that campaign was passing notes.

The DM would pass a note to the Rogue who was off doing something out of sight.... just to tell him he hadn't found anything (and thus instantly assuring that the rest of the players were certain he had since he'd been passed a note about something).

The DM would pass a note to the player of the cleric regarding a prophetic seeming dream his character had just had that the party fighter would be murdered by the party rogue unless the cleric killed him first.

The party wizard was often passing notes regarding reading peoples minds to find out who was plotting against him (and other various 'secret' arcane activities). DM would reply with information about what other characters were plotting.

The player of the party ranger would through a note to the player of the party wizard to ask if he'd like to go in on ordering a pizza.

The wizard's player would pass a note back the the ranger saying "yes, ham and pinapple for me" and "The cleric is insane, he's going to murder the rogue... we should kill him tonight in his sleep."

The player of the ranger throws a note back to the wizard... "sounds good... both the pizza and getting rid of the cleric, he never heals me in combat anyway".

The DM would pass a note to the party rogue, off again by himself, that he'd just encountered a doppleganger (flurry of back and forth notes in which the rogue looses a fight, is killed and replaced by the doppleganger and the player is instructed to return to the party as the doppleganger pretending to be the rogue and start privately picking off other characters, starting with the fighter).


We were kind of a paranoid group for some reason.

Edit:
Some other fun moments I've thought of:

In a first edition D&D game:

Travelling through some forested hills we find a Green Dragon napping in front of his cave at the foot of a huge cliff. I decide that my fighter, still really beat up from a recent fight with some hill giants (our party being without a cleric - see above) doesn't stand a chance of surviving a fight with a dragon but I come up with a clever idea to go out in glory.

The rest of the party gathers and prepares for the battle as I quietly run around and up the back of the cliff. Taking careful aim I draw my two handed sword and jump. I figure I'd die from massive damage from the fall but could at least inflict as much damage by falling, hopefully sword first, on the back of the dragon... giving the rest of the party a fighting chance.

Unfortunately it turned out to be only a statute of a green dragon. Splat. The cave turned out to be a good place for the party to camp for the night and I rolled up a new character... a cleric.


In a 3.5 edition D&D game:

Party finds an old ruined tower and is attacked by a flying invisible creature just outside.

Party barbarian finally gets tired with the fight since he can reach the thing nor aim at it and goes into the tower alone... triggering another combat. The tower is hollow and floating in the center of it is a beholder.

Barbarian leaps (rolls really well on his jump check) and attempts to grapple the beholder (rolls a critical hit) so I judge he's landed on top of the beholder (who had been slightly below him when he'd jumped) and grabbed an eye stalk in each hand.

Next 20 minutes of game time was barbarian wrangling the beholder (trying to keep from being bucked off while simultaneously trying to figure out which of its eye stalks and forcing them to aim AWAY from him) and hoping that the other party members could get to him before it all came apart while the rest of the party figured out a way to deal with the flying, invisible outer guardian not knowing what was happening to the barbarian.


Another 3.5 edition game (monstrous campaign):

Party is exploring underground. They cross a water-filled pit trap with a rope swing across it (minor monster in the bottom of the pit which doesn't turn out to be to much of a problem) Shortly afterward the group finds the tomb of a death knight. Some good treasure right out in the open but they determine that if they take any it will awaken the dormant death knight. Realizing that they are out-matched by such a powerful undead they retreat back to the to the rope swing and start going back across to explore other areas of the dungeon.

One of the players (playing a lizardman) has figured he could loot the tomb, triggering the Death Knight, and still get away. The other players, realizing his intentions begin trying to talk him out of it. The party is almost all on the opposite side of the pit trap and lizardman, still on the tomb side, bolts back toward tomb hoping to get there before anyone can catch him.

Initiative is rolled and intraparty non-lethal (well, mostly non-lethal) combat begins... The lizardman rolled poorly on his initiative and it doesn't look good for him. The party fighter and druid both miss their attempts to stop him but the drow wizard starts casting a full round spell that will certainly work. Then, completely blind siding everyone (including the DM) the Kenku rogue sneak attacks the wizard disrupting the spell and allowing the lizardman to get away. The wizard, druid, and fighter all attack the traitorous rogue and battle ensues with much of it being fought ON the rope swing with character trying to either get to one side or the other of the pit while keeping others on the other side or trying to climb over other characters to get a higher and more advantageous position on the rope.

Eventually the party, bruised, exhausted, and barely conscious, calls a truce... just as the lizardman comes sprinting back down the hallway happily laden with treasure and with a very powerful and very angry death knight right behind him.

[Thundrpigeon]

Best story I can think of involved a party of 4. We had a half-orc fighter with a low int. score so he roleplays himself as an idiot, a human cleric who act like the opposite gender, a half-elf ranger that like to kill people, and me, the human sorcerer that enjoys turning party members on each other, breaks the game on accident and blows stuff up. Our DM hates us sometimes...

We are searching for a ship that has a captive on board that we must save. We reach the coast that the ship was last seen on, and we find the ship...in the water at the bottom of a 100 foot cliff. Now our fighter and cleric don't get along. So our fighter charges the cleric and attempts to knock her off the cliff. She succeeds in a reflex save to jump out of the way and then proceeds to trip him off the cliff. By a miracle roll and some likely DM fudging, he misses hitting to boat and the pier and happens to just get hurt a lot. He climbs up on the pier and starts yelling at our cleric, which attracts the pirates out of the boat.

I succeed in a spot check to notice that the pirates are coming after our dear party member and then decide to take the best course of action to save him. I hit the ship with a fireball...three times. At this point I broke our DM because he was baffled by the fact that I was willing set the boat on fire, but he kept forgetting about my alignment.. Luckily for our captive, we drew enough of the forces out of the ship for him to fight his way out, but what was supposed to be relatively simple battle turned into a very interesting one. The sad thing was that we never went back to collect our reward.

[TheCountAlucard]

Ha ha that's awesome.

I thought so, anyway. It was also funny, having the Fighter take three rounds to take out a summoned Earth Elemental (with help, even!), only for the Warlock to make the second one go "poof" with a dispel.

[Zilfana]

This happened earlier today actually and it required and bit of a backstory. Me and one of the two rogues in our party is quite notorious for stealing from party members and everyone else, not caring for the well being of the party, etc. just general rogue like behavior with the exception of killing an old lady, he won't start a "fair" fight

Anyway, so everyone hates him, but he's never too much of a problem. Anytime he steals something we get it back or we can otherwise fix the problem, but because of this, we can never really get him back for the things he's done. In our encounters my character, a chaotic neutral human avenger and I try to play the part, comes into the possession of some wine that knocks people out if they drink it breath it, etc. I've even poisoned a few of my daggers with it I am the only one with a bottle of this wine in our party.

So we come into this small fishing town, and the first thing the rogue decides to do is "go get wasted!" As soon as he says this, an idea pops into my head as a few of us follow him to the tavern. He buys a glass of the strongest stuff and downs it. Then proceeds to buy two more glasses, where I then buy a glass of my own. After he quickly drinks the two new drinks, I slip a bit of the wine into my drink and offer it too him. Being so drunk, he had no choice but to except it, and he tried his best to get out of it, and was knocked unconscious. And so finally the rogue got what he was due. To bad we couldn't take advantage of it and buy us nice meals with his money, because the cleric had to stick up for him. The dragonborn cleric

[Zilfana]

Rogue: When I wake up, I'm going to kill you!
Me: Really? I don't think you will.
Rogue: Yes I will, you poisoned me.
Me: You don't know that.
Rogue: Yes I do!
Me: Yeah, but your character doesn't, you where pretty drunk!

[Zilfana]

Its about right I would post in this thread the moment of its death.

[Meirnon]

Thread's not dead. Just very very slow.

[RandomNPC]

I play in an epic game, I've got a lich, and the only other character to show up was a human druid. We came up against a gibbering orb, basicly an epic beholder, 24 ray attacks a turn. So the DM rolls a dice and goes even/odd, to see if the ray is aimed at the bard or the lich. Everything that hit the bard stuck, and everything that hit the lich either missed or was something in the immunities list.

Greater disspelling? hit bard,
Irrisitible dance? Hit bard
Harm? healed me
charm monster? saved
insanity? immune

it went on like this for an hour while the DM tried to figure out saves and who was being targeted. As a finisher I cast time stop an got 4 rounds. 1: gate to bottom of a lake of lava on the plane of fire. 2: Iron wall with the tip over varriant, to push the thing down into the portal. 3: rock to mud on the cave ceiling, just in case. 4: sit and wait, time started back up, and the gibbering orb was pushed to the bottom of a lake of lava, sealed under an iron wall and a ton of mud that was turned back to stone by the druid, and then i let the gate close.