GLoG XI: We failed our "Witty Title" check (DC 3).

[Goblin Music]

Maric casts a Protect spell on DC-09

[Ashen Lilies]

A tank shell smashes into the wall near Caroline.

A hover drone is hit, and crashes into the far wall, exploding dramatically. The second one buzzes DC-09, firing on him.

And what if you win here DC? You just abandoned a strategically important position and all your friends, to fight for your enemies for some inconsequential backwater. Do you really hate me that much? What did I ever do to you?

((At this point he sounds like the unholy offspring of HAL and GLaDOS, with traces of his old HK-47 slipping in there.))

[Quinsar]

She screams...

[Darkcomet]

DC-09 is protected by the Protect spell, but takes slight damage.

You took my cannon, my dagger, and most of all, tried to imprison me. I'm not one to let that go unpunished.

DC tries to telekinetically smash the remaining hover drone into a wall.

[Ashen Lilies]

Fine! I'm done reasoning with you! From no on there's going to be a lot less talking and a whole lot more being turned into fertilizer! But allow me to grant you a parting gift.
[Insert unbearably loud sound feed of KR fending off centurions. On her own. ]

A hover drone is telekinetically smashed into the wall next to Caroline.

The tank drone tries to grind DC-09 under its treads.

[Darkcomet]

DC-09 jetpacks above the tank drone.

DC blasts the tank drone with the ion cannon.

[Goblin Music]

"Humph" Maric flies out of the main room in the direction of the airbase

[Ashen Lilies]

Hmm? That does not affect you? Listen! Can't you hear her muscles screaming for respite? She's going to collapse soon, and then she'll die. Your own daughter, abandoned to her fate by her Father. *sniff* I'm so proud.

The tank drone is blown up, but more are on the horizon, along with bomber drones, fighter drones, and the like.
A stream of Kaboom-bots swarm at 09, then go Kamikaze.

[Darkcomet]

Shut up! SHUT UP!

DC-09 prepares to be blown up, but DC tries to telekinetically send them flying at the approaching drones.

[Ashen Lilies]

Boom.

C'mon Dad! Let's celebrate! We never liked her anyway right? Hey! I know! Let's have a betting pool! I bet 1,000 credits she lasts less than 5 minutes, and her dying screams reach 100 decibels!

[Quinsar]

Caroline is crying...

[Darkcomet]

You're trying to bait me! I'd be useless there with your infernal devices! I know a trap when I see it!

[Ashen Lilies]

More flaming debris flies past Caroline. A bunch of lvlI security drones spot her and advance menacingly.

I might be. But really, I think you're just scared. Way to go. Dad.
Suddenly, there is a horrible ripping sound and a loud scream.
A screen flicks on, and a sound-o-meter spikes up to 50 decibels.
Oooh! I might win! ISN'T THIS TENSE?

[Darkcomet]

...Hold the fort, 09.

Affirmative.

DC-09 fires on the drones. The magical forcefield reactivates.

DC exits the way he came.

[Ashen Lilies]

Hee hee hee. Now what about you? Is there any way I could psych you out? I'd prefer it if no more of our robot comrades dies today.

A few drones blow up.

A few toaster ovens rattle towards DC-09.

[Darkcomet]

Cease your transmission.

DC-09 shoots the toaster ovens.

[Ashen Lilies]

The toaster ovens are shot. Whyyyyy????

Why should I? Oooh! I know! Maybe this will appease you.
Sexy sexy images of female robots are sent to DC-09's mailbox.

[Darkcomet]

...I believe you to be insane. What mad programmer spawned you?

[Ashen Lilies]

((But does DC-09 look at the pictures? ))

That one guy did. The one I called Dad.

[Quinsar]

She doesn't move...

[Darkcomet]

He did not, as he does not have such urges.

You must have broken your programming if you are fighting with him. You are broken. You are in need of repair.

[Ashen Lilies]

The sexy robot pictures sit in his mailbox. Alone. Unloved. They really are hot you know, best money can buy.

Yeah? Well, you look like a trash can. You really do. I'm surprised no one's thrown a banana peel at you, you trashidy trashidy trash can thing!

[Darkcomet]

DC-09 deletes them, as it's likely a virus.

Your insults do not affect me. You are hopeless.

[Lex-Kat]

You leave my friends alone!! Lex flies into GLoG, having been disrupted in her warm shower.

She starts throwing solid balls of pixie dust at the robotics advancing on Caroline.

[Ashen Lilies]

The drones... explode? Yeah, they explode in a totally dramatic way.

Yes. Well this might.
An oven hops up behind DC-09 and disgorges a half baked cake onto him.
Oh, and you have totally got mail.
Suddenly DC-09's mailbox is filled to the brim with ads for free capacitor enlargement and pleas for help from Nigerian washing machines with large offshore funds.

At the same time, a different speaker talks to Lex.
Oh! Pretty butterfly thing! I'd never hurt your friends. Except your cake. Because really, everyone hates cake. Unless it's Pixie Cake. Mmmmmm Pixie Cake!

[Fan]

A SUNBEAM shoots out from the library.
It is consecrated, and is entirely purity damage that is being done.

[Darkcomet]

DC-09's magical forcefield blocks the cake.

DC-09 activates SPAM BLOCKER! KR-15 is BLOCKED!

[Ashen Lilies]

... The robots aren't affected by the sunbeam. Because they're robots. Not Devils. Or Demons. Or Undead. Or Cake.


Fine. You're not being any fun anymore. I kill you now.
Two Tank drones roll in and shoot Napalm at him.

[Darkcomet]

The magical forcefield blocks the napalm. It does weaken significantly, though.

DC-09 jets around, since there's not much he can do against tank drones.

[Lex-Kat]

You want something to eat, eat this!! Lex generates a large ball of Pixie Dust, and throws it at one of the nasty tank things.

If it hits, it should splatter and gunk up the the working s of the tank. Maybe a little, maybe a lot. Your call, of course.

Never-the-less, it will be sparkly.