My Little Pony VII: The Grand Galloping Thread

[Raz_Fox]

Nitpick and Typos of Misted Stage:

Spoiler

Show

Chapter 1:
"Hey, Braeburn." He seemed mighty plum about something, so I gave him a grin. (you mean glum, I think)

"My apologies! Will not happen again, my lord! (should there be an "it" before "will not?")

So we ate, and laughed, and minded our manners as best we could, we actors being rather uncouth hooligans more suited for a bazaar's square than a royal dining-hall, and nothing of true import (other than that one wink) happened for a while, until a guards-pony approached me, coughing politely. (that seems like it should be more than one sentence).

No use repaying ill for ill, as Granma once told me. (I'd spell it Grandma)

I'd be right proper ticked at you right now, and no mistake. (I'd drop the word and there)

Chapter 2
The only pony with that kind of hair that I knew was the troupe magician, "Doctor" Whooves, (isn't Trixie a Troupe Magician too?)

Prediction: Nails is Spike, via Genie Wish. (went back to check. yup. hair/skin color confirms it. Also how he knew the lines.)

Stream of consciousness thoughts on Misted Stage:

Spoiler

Show

Hm, I found myself a little confused by Chapter 1. I figured out what was going on, but I didn't have a sense of why to start with. Was there a prequel to this that I missed?

It isn't always clear when there's a new scene or time has passed between paragraphs, like on page 2 and 3.

Oh wait. I missed the line "an admission, huh?" Okay, things make much more sense now.

Rainbow Dash is the Sultana's guard? ... And Celestia... is the Sultana. This is straight out Alternate Universe, or I'm really missing something.

It strikes me as rather OOC for Princess Celestia to offer to have Dash executed. I don't know if it's in character for Sultana Celestia or not, but it is jarring to me.

I like your first person take on Braeburn.

Really really do. Love his long winded speech to Dash.

Braeburn/Dash is potentially cute.

Finished Chapter 1. I felt really lost through a lot of it, since I hadn't realized this was an alternate universe. Arabian Nights + Ponies, starring a Cow-pony, is an interesting idea.

Chapter 2

I'm surprised you keep referring to Rarity, but she hasn't talked yet.

mouth like a weasel drinking Coltcuttan coffee. I love this line.

Conclusion: I probably wouldn't have read this fic without providing critique, but it's growing on me. I like how you write Braeburn. I generally prefer original flavor stuff, but this has gotten me hooked. Looking over my stream of consciousness stuff, the bit about Celestia

Spoiler

Show

casually offering to have Dash executed

seems rather out of character to me; everyone else is still themselves to a T, so while it's Arabian Nights world building flavor, it seems out of keeping with the character. That's the only issue I have with it, and I'll definitely read the next chapter.

Yes yes yes yes yes I got another critique- look, just imagine I'm doing the Twilight Hop.

Spoiler

Show

After consideration, those typos were all part of the dialectal voice I'm going for (stuff like Granma and "and no mistake"). Except for the run-on sentence; I may have to go back and look at that and see if I can split it.

As for confusion: it's a bit intentional. We start in medias res, and there's supposed to be some confusion as to what our lovable cast is doing here. The upcoming chapters seed some hints, but it won't be revealed until the final chapter. But it's one of my now-signature metatwists.

Hmmmm. You're right that the executing line is slightly OOC, but it comes from Grand Vizier Fluttershy, not Celestia. And we're going to see that Fluttershy's... not quite herself today, as it were.

And yaaaay, another compliment on my first-person voice.


And aaaaargh, I know I should give Rarity lines, but as I've been letting the story flow from my enflamed mind down my dark-stained arms, the story hasn't found a place where she can get some good lines.
She's actually had one line, back in the first chapter, but most of her dialogue wasn't interesting enough for Braeburn to recall and report upon, so...
Just wait till chapter four or five. Then she'll get her chance to shine.

[Mewtarthio]

This doesn't hold water. He wasn't deferred to for being royal, he was deferred to out of pragmatism. He's an introverted narcissist- the worst kind. I mean, even I am an extrovert! It makes the narcissism much easier to handle.
No, BlueBlood's nature is to be primped. There isn't a single atom in him which would be fit to rule in a ruthless fashion. He is instead full of Ruth.

Hey, I never said Blueblood would be the one performing the executions. Take any five random ponies and force them to spend a day with that guy, and by the time you turn around it'll be 1780's France.

("Have they no bread? Then let them eat cupcakes!" ~Attributed to Pinkie Antoinette)

[AlterForm]

Now I find myself worried I left my submission too late.

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/0...re-closed.html

Wait wait wait, what? Ugh, this is why we don't synchronize using "Midnight" as a timestamp. 11:59:59 pm, people, come on! Disambiguate!

Maybe Sethisto'll Cereal Velocity will still take mine, but if not hopefully I'll at least convince him to use a less ambiguous cut-off time in the future.

[Irbis]

Wait wait wait, what? Ugh, this is why we don't synchronize using "Midnight" as a timestamp. 11:59:59 pm, people, come on! Disambiguate!

Maybe Sethisto'll still take mine, but if not hopefully he at least a less ambiguous cut-off time in the future.

I wanted to send one, but seeing that dumb announcement I gave up and decided to rework it into something longer.

And the most funny thing is, if you use 24 instead of that archaic Am/Pm system, there is no ambiguity, at least in my experience

Also, happiness :P

Spoiler

Show

[AlterForm]

I wanted to send one, but seeing that dumb announcement I gave up and decided to rework it into something longer.

And the most funny thing is, if you use 24 instead of that archaic Am/Pm system, there is no ambiguity, at least in my experience

Also, happiness :P

Spoiler

Show

Well, we disambiguate the 12:00 am/pm (midnight/noon or noon/midnight?) conundrum, but it's only slightly better at disambiguating 0:00 (just before 0:01 on that day) and 0:00 (just after 23:59 that day). Does 0:00/12:00 going occurring at the "top" of the day make more sense numerically? Yes, but it is still a boundary time and you're still trying to use it to represent one of two such times possessed by a single day. It's much easier for to puzzle out what you mean you just say "23:59:59" or "Midnight of Wednesday to Thursday" or even better use "1:00 am Thursday." Don't let your audience think; do the thinking about when your specified time is for them. ("you" here being the general "you," not you specifically, Irbis)

Or you can appease the people most annoyed at such timestamps having ambiguity due to lacking a strictly defined normal form and just provide us CS types with a Unix timestamp.

[Irbis]

Well, we disambiguate the 12:00 am/pm (midnight/noon or noon/midnight?) conundrum, but it still doesn't help much with disambiguating 0:00 (just before 0:01 on that day) and 0:00 (just after 23:59 that day). Does 0:00/12:00 going occurring at the "top" of the day make more sense numerically? Yes, but it is still a boundary time and it's much easier to puzzle out what you mean you just say "23:59:59" or "Midnight of Wednesday to Thursday" or even better use "1:00 am Thursday."

Eh, here, in my country, the only usage of 'midnight' is always the end of day, that is, 23:59:60, 0:00:01 is one second past midnight and it is new day already.

Plus, before I came to UK, I never know how many times you can facepalm just wondering if, say, event at 8:30 is in the morning, or at the end of the day, or how much more convenient 24 hours system is when you need to quickly count/set hours

[PhoeKun]

Wait wait wait, what? Ugh, this is why we don't synchronize using "Midnight" as a timestamp. 11:59:59 pm, people, come on! Disambiguate!

Maybe Sethisto'll Cereal Velocity will still take mine, but if not hopefully I'll at least convince him to use a less ambiguous cut-off time in the future.

Cereal's not a bad dragon, he just made a bad decision. Or more accurately he opened his inbox, saw 103 submissions, and kind of freaked out.

Just go ahead and submit it if you haven't, and I'm sure it'll work out ok.

edit: and by the way, it's actually my fault for pointing out to him that Midnight is technically the first minute of a new day, so the ambiguity and sudden seeming shuffle of it all falls largely on my little pony shoulders.

[darthbobcat]

Hm, so apparently everyone was scared away from Chapter 5 of Fair Feather Friends by the massive number of spoiler tags.

Okay then. Let me ask this simple question.

For this story, at this point, would you rather have the week or two of waiting for both parts of the conclusion to go up, or would you rather have half now and half in that one to two week period?

How annoying do you all find cliffhangers?

I know I'm sort of backing away from what I said before about wanting to put both parts up the same day. The fact of the matter is, I am a very slow fiction writer, and reviewers are clamoring for an update.

So I wouldn't mind some input from people who aren't in my normal online social circle.

[Lix Lorn]

It's a simile.

I....
...
The Great and Powerful Lixie does not like being proved wrong.
The Great and Powerful Lixie is going to buy cupcakes now...

[darthbobcat]

I....
...
The Great and Powerful Lixie does not like being proved wrong.
The Great and Powerful Lixie is going to buy cupcakes now...

DID SOMEPONY SAY CUPCAKES?

Spoiler

Show

Wheelchair: AH'LL GET YOU, EY PINKIE, IF IT'S THE LAST THING THAT AH DOOOOOOOOOO!

[Irbis]

edit: and by the way, it's actually my fault for pointing out to him that Midnight is technically the first minute of a new day, so the ambiguity and sudden seeming shuffle of it all falls largely on my little pony shoulders.

...

Why do you do this to me?

[PhoeKun]

...

Why do you do this to me?

Because I am an irresponsible pony who wields great power. And like all powerful yet capricious ponies before me, I am wont to misuse that power.

Fortunately, all is well. Reparations will be paid out in the form of delicious, delicious cupcakes.

[Raz_Fox]

Hm, so apparently everyone was scared away from Chapter 5 of Fair Feather Friends by the massive number of spoiler tags.

Okay then. Let me ask this simple question.

For this story, at this point, would you rather have the week or two of waiting for both parts of the conclusion to go up, or would you rather have half now and half in that one to two week period?

So I wouldn't mind some input from people who aren't in my normal online social circle.

I'm reading it honeeest I just had to go out and ENGLISH this morning away from my lovely computer

Personally, I'd say go for the cliffhanger.

[darthbobcat]

And now for some legitimately Happy Luna. And another picture, because why not.

Spoiler

Show

[kpenguin]

Sweet Savoury Pie, KPenguin! You still haven't been able to see it? Golly. There is nothing that can save you now, except maybe a deep roiling dread, thick as a fog of grease pouring out of your mind and smothering your heart.

If you've had this long to build up the episode, it cannot possibly live up to your expectations

Well actually, it may be able to. Hm, now I want to know.

Ok, I bet that, despite the build up, the episode will live up to KPenguin's expectations. Any takers? Phoe, maybe?

Wait, no. That's backward, I kinda wanna lose. Ok, I bet the episode won't live up to his expectations, so if it does then I pay up, and ifit doesn't... Wait, Which side of this do I want robe on?! Ach.

First one, so if KPenguin is happy, good, and if not, I had to give him <insert ante here> so he'll still be happy. There we go.

Really, its unnecessary. I've tried to steel myself from expecting too much of the finale. The lack of people running round yelling "BEST EPISODE EVER" has done much to prevent me from thinking too highly of it...

Still, the wait is long and harsh. The spoilers are everywhere. A ponybeat waits in my inbox with a song name I've never heard of before.

Just need to hold on a couple more days...

As an aside, you can spell my name kpenguin or Kpenguin, but never KPenguin. KPenguin just looks off to me. I've also been called kpen, kpeng, penguin, kippy, kipster, kip, and "that penguin guy"

[EsperDerek]

So I've been in communications with someone who is apparently writing a fanfic about Midnight.

A Grimdark fanfic. He's already provided a sample of a couple of scenes:

Spoiler

Show

(Preview written by ruff1298, it's on his public deviantart journal)

"Mrs. Trixie? Ponyville Medical. We have grave news. It's about your daughter, Midnight."

Trixie would never forget that call. But then again, what parent would? You don't forget these things easily. As a matter of fact, you never forget them at all. They just burn into your mind, searing into every nook and cranny, till all that is on and forever will be in your mind is that bit of life-shattering news.

----

Applejack examined the wagon. Midnight's blood had stained a huge area, and the red had practically seeped into the wood. She shuddered.

This wagon wasn't going to be seeing work anytime soon, that was for sure.
Applejack paused. You know what? keeping it off the fields for a while wasn't proper. She started walking back to the barn, wondering where'd she put the axe, and where would be a good place to burn the future bloody jigsaw puzzle...

So, yeah, Thanqol? If this fic does get fully written and put out there, we have a new winner beating you in the 'Some other writer does something terrible to my character.' sweepstakes!

[PhoeKun]

So I've been in communications with someone who is apparently writing a fanfic about Midnight.

A Grimdark fanfic. He's already provided a sample of a couple of scenes:

Spoiler

Show

(Preview written by ruff1298, it's on his public deviantart journal)

"Mrs. Trixie? Ponyville Medical. We have grave news. It's about your daughter, Midnight."

Trixie would never forget that call. But then again, what parent would? You don't forget these things easily. As a matter of fact, you never forget them at all. They just burn into your mind, searing into every nook and cranny, till all that is on and forever will be in your mind is that bit of life-shattering news.

----

Applejack examined the wagon. Midnight's blood had stained a huge area, and the red had practically seeped into the wood. She shuddered.

This wagon wasn't going to be seeing work anytime soon, that was for sure.
Applejack paused. You know what? keeping it off the fields for a while wasn't proper. She started walking back to the barn, wondering where'd she put the axe, and where would be a good place to burn the future bloody jigsaw puzzle...

So, yeah, Thanqol? If this fic does get fully written and put out there, we have a new winner beating you in the 'Some other writer does something terrible to my character.' sweepstakes!

Huh. What you've got there is not at all what he's got on his deviant profile. It's like they're two completely different stories... I wonder which one is actually being written? Either way I don't really want to think about Grimdark!Midnight. I worked really hard on making her happy, darn it!

In other, totally unrelated news, I am now the proud owner of three pony shirts. The Trixie shirt is a tad... thin, shall we say, and I am not sure if I should wear it very often. But it's mine and it's awesome. Also available in Twilight Sparkle and Celestia Raising the Sun Like a Total Badass flavors. Best. Day. Ever.

[darthbobcat]

I think I arrived to the party late (I've seen references before, but I'm not sure what it's from). Who exactly is Midnight?

[Gamerlord]

I think I arrived to the party late (I've seen references before, but I'm not sure what it's from). Who exactly is Midnight?

Creation of EsperDerek from his Twilight/Trixie ship fic. Their kid. Well, partially also Luna's kid if I understood it correctly.

[Etcetera]

I think I arrived to the party late (I've seen references before, but I'm not sure what it's from). Who exactly is Midnight?

Daughter of Twilight, Trixie, and, I think, Luna in one of Derek's fanfics. Currently his avatar.

I think.

[Grif]

Daughter of Twilight, Trixie, and, I think, Luna in one of Derek's fanfics. Currently his avatar.

I think.

Ah, that explains alot. Though not how a pony can have three parents.

Also, in case anyone missed, CV extended the deadline for another 12 more hours. Happiness.

[Gamerlord]

Ah, that explains alot. Though not how a pony can have three parents.

A Wizard Unicorn The Book did it.

[EsperDerek]

Huh. What you've got there is not at all what he's got on his deviant profile. It's like they're two completely different stories... I wonder which one is actually being written? Either way I don't really want to think about Grimdark!Midnight. I worked really hard on making her happy, darn it!

It's on his front page, the 'New Moon Rising' journal entry, in the comments, a conversation between him and I. I have a feeling the one I just posted is going to lead into the other story.

I'm honestly not sure what I feel about it myself, but on the other hand, I'm willing to see where it goes, to see if it goes anywhere interesting. Who knows? At least I've inspired someone to write something, apart from my personal feeling about it. I guess I'll see what the result is.

That being said, I consider Shades technically the true continuation, myself.

Daughter of Twilight, Trixie, and, I think, Luna in one of Derek's fanfics. Currently his avatar.

I think.

Yeah, you're right, on all accounts.

Ah, that explains alot. Though not how a pony can have three parents.

A Wizard Unicorn The Book did it.

The author did it!

[Kairaven]

Midnight is both the name of Trixie's deceased mother and her child according to current fandom, propagated in large part due to Esper's fics.

Most of the time to avoid confusion, "Midnight I" is referring to Trixie's mom. While just "Midnight" refers to the current filly.

[Grif]

Midnight is both the name of Trixie's deceased mother and her child according to current fandom, propagated in large part due to Esper's fics.

Most of the time to avoid confusion, "Midnight I" is referring to Trixie's mom. While just "Midnight" refers to the current filly.

Wait, Esper's fic are official fanon now? Good sweet lord, how could have I missed this. Fanfiction of fanfiction.

[Kairaven]

Wait, Esper's fic are official fanon now? Good sweet lord, how could have I missed this. Fanfiction of fanfiction.

We have a lot of mover and shakers here in GitP that shapes the fandom with their fics.

edit: to explain... the main parts that is accepted as fannon seems to be that Trixie is a pony with tragic past, a mom named Midnight that was a great magician herself. The current Midnight as fannon is still in flux.

[PhoeKun]

That being said, I consider Shades technically the true continuation, myself.

This is now my proudest accomplishment as a pony author.

[darthbobcat]

Hm. Now I'm torn about FFF5. My friends are split on what I should do.

Is there anyone here who doesn't care about spoilers who'd be willing to hear my pitch for the rest of the story?

[EsperDerek]

Wait, Esper's fic are official fanon now? Good sweet lord, how could have I missed this. Fanfiction of fanfiction.

Technically, since what this dude is going for appears to be partly based on Shades of Midnight, but diverging? That makes it fanfiction of fanfiction of fanfiction.

I'm right with you with the whole thing, man. Not only this, I've had friends I haven't seen in a long while come out of the woodwork to talk to me about Midnight. I've introduced myself in chats and such, not even pony chats, and I get "Hey, I know you! You wrote that story!"

I am not used to it. It's weird.

We have a lot of mover and shakers here in GitP that shapes the fandom with their fics.

edit: to explain... the main parts that is accepted as fannon seems to be that Trixie is a pony with tragic past, a mom named Midnight that was a great magician herself. The current Midnight as fannon is still in flux.

As much as it feels weird for me to speculate about this:

Midnight I is easier to accept because it is background that can be slotted in. Midnight II requires a certain sequence-ie my story-to happen. The past is always easier to fit in than the future.

This is now my proudest accomplishment as a pony author.

You deserve every moment of it. I could have not asked for that story to be any better than it is.

[Raz_Fox]

Hm. Now I'm torn about FFF5. My friends are split on what I should do.

Is there anyone here who doesn't care about spoilers who'd be willing to hear my pitch for the rest of the story?

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEI'DLOVETOHELP