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2012-10-14, 02:26 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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2012-10-14, 02:27 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Because I like her and want to be like her.
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2012-10-14, 02:45 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression?
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
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2012-10-14, 02:48 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2011
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2012-10-14, 02:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2012-10-14, 02:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- Location
- In the Final Frontier
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Co-Founder of LUTAS.
For all you lesser superheroes out there.
Custom STO avatar by Durkoala.
A novella about a wizard and a rock star, cross-dimensional travel, and healing wounds neither knew were there.
Spoiler: Online stuffsLentrax has a Deviantart now, check it out!
Streaming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11CST on Twitch.
Follow me on Twitter!
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2012-10-14, 02:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Well, for starters it sounds like you're not actually looking for a relationship or have managed to completely hide your efforts from your friends somehow and for some reason and have never expressed any verbal or nonverbal interest in either the opposite sex or the same sex in their presence or in the presence of anyone they keep up with if they're saying that about you.
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2012-10-14, 03:19 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
@Nope:
Thank you. That's very helpful, considering that why that might be is what I'm asking.
I do at times, yes. The problem is that either they're random people I happen to spot while I'm out somewhere and will never see again, or in the case of the people I actually know, are already with someone (or, in one case (where I'm also not entirely sure if she's with someone anyway) I don't see them enough to make things work anyway, because she's still in-state, but lives very far off, and other than one thing in the summer that we've both recently soured on, we don't have much occasion to see each other, though that, at least, is something we're working on fixing). (And the latter, since apparently I'm not in the loop enough to hear about this unless it gets randomly mentioned in my presence because someone is discussing it with them, has made me rather wary of doing things like that.)
@Lentrax:
Possibly a mixture of the first and last, more heavily leaning towards the former. Does "doesn't talk a lot" really equate to "not interested in relationships" to people?
@Coidzor:
Interest in people in general hasn't really come up with this group of friends, at least not in a way that I've had a reason to comment on. Probably because all of us are, to the best of my knowledge, interested in the opposite sex, and they're all female.
As for expressing interest in one of them, see above for why that hasn't happened, though the short version is basically "every time I'm about to, I find out the person I'm interested in is with someone".
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2012-10-14, 03:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!
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2012-10-14, 03:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Well, that sounds like you've identified the issue there then. Need to meet more people and get faster on the draw with expressing interest or at least have people to discuss liking that aren't part of that circle of friends.
Or I suppose you could explain this to them, ask them to get off your back, and leave them to awkwardly ponder if you were referring to them personally.
If you don't want to talk to someone, generally people assume you're not interested in them or actively dislike them. Selective mutism, even in the non-psychiatric sense, is not interpreted in a favorable light by most.
If you don't want to talk to anyone, well, people assume you must not be interested in them or a misanthrope or judging them.
And doesn't talk a lot can easily be (mis)interpreted as doesn't want to talk to X.
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2012-10-14, 03:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- Location
- In the Final Frontier
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Co-Founder of LUTAS.
For all you lesser superheroes out there.
Custom STO avatar by Durkoala.
A novella about a wizard and a rock star, cross-dimensional travel, and healing wounds neither knew were there.
Spoiler: Online stuffsLentrax has a Deviantart now, check it out!
Streaming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11CST on Twitch.
Follow me on Twitter!
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2012-10-14, 03:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Well, that's really all I can see going on here. You don't give the appearance of interest in a relationship, so people assume you're not interested in a relationship. If you're not asexual, start talking about cute [guys/girls] or something. Or just explain that you're not currently interested, but that you could be if things worked out a certain way,
Jude P.
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2012-10-14, 03:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
This one?
I have people to discuss liking who aren't part of that circle, it just doesn't come up, because we're interested in different genders. (Also, I think that they may have already been with these people when I met them, so I'm not sure if having been faster to express interest would have helped or just been really awkward.)
And they're not on my back about it, really, it just happened to come up in a conversation, where they'd been complaining about people in general for various reasons, and specified me as an exception with that wording.
@Lentrax/Coidzor's edit:
Ah. Well, that could partly explain it then, yes. For various reasons, I tend to hang out with them and offer occasional comments on the conversation (oddly enough, the person I'm actually not interested in out of them is the one I talk to most) but mostly simply stand around in the background most of the time.
@Nope:
That was more useful - I knew I was giving the appearance of not being interested in a relationship, just not why.
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2012-10-14, 04:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Aye, that's the one. I do love tales of the fae.
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Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!
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2012-10-14, 05:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
- Location
- Yes, that is true
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
*Hugs* That's really cool of you.
Yay~
Once, *maybe* twice a year if I'm lucky.
Gah, that sounds awkward. *Hugs!*
That's the argument I've been using since I was ten. Everyone blew me off because I was young. My Senior-year Biology teacher even said that I was still a child and my brain still hadn't grown past my temples (note that I was 18).
That's a pretty good argument, but I counter with!
Snakes are sexier. REPTILES 4 LIFE
I
But
That's
Whyyyyyyy
How have you been, B? Haven't really spoken to you in a spell.
Good! You're a better teacher than I. My last attempt to correct faulty behavior backfired considerably. Took me a week to stop being angry...
I'm glad you're helping out even though it feels like a losing battle. Every step matters, and all.
D: *So many hugs!*
I dunno... I didn't realize someone could give that impression without outright saying it. *Hugs* @.@
~Bianca
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2012-10-14, 06:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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2012-10-14, 06:46 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2011
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2012-10-14, 07:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
It's not like it's immoral to express interest in other women to women in conversation, after all.
Heck, it can be much more entertaining than doing so to other men when one is one.
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2012-10-14, 07:32 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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2012-10-14, 07:44 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
You can bring things up yourself without being lead into it, and since you seem to indicate that you do not talk without being first prompted*, it might be even better for you to shake that habit up a little bit. Especially seeing as how this is a hypothetical deliberate behavior modification to change how your circle of friends perceive you.
*But perhaps I've misinterpreted your statements here.
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2012-10-14, 07:51 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Last edited by Lady Serpentine; 2012-10-14 at 07:52 PM.
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2012-10-14, 08:10 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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2012-10-14, 08:18 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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2012-10-14, 08:23 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
It's not a sin to have a tan every once in a while.
... I came to appreciate that mountains make poor receptacles for dreams.
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2012-10-14, 08:33 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Last edited by Lady Serpentine; 2012-10-14 at 08:33 PM.
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2012-10-14, 08:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
- Location
- Ashes...
- Gender
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Wow, I feel like I've only been gone a little while, and I get two new pages?
Huh? That wasn't me that posted that, it was Helio.
*Is very confused*
Wow, that's greeaaaat...
You know, I've never had a nickname before (my, uh, current name isn't very condusive to one), so it's kinda fun to be able to have one now, but if you could sort of...knock the second syllable off that, I'd appreciate it. IT violates both of my rules of nicknames (Hint - Rule #1 is: The nickname must be shorter than the real name; I'll let you figure out Rule #2 ).
I'm a little confused on how that could happen. You've probably already shared this, but if you wouldn't mind for those of us who were latecomers to the thread, would you be willing to regale us with the tale once more?
Yeesh! That sounds horrible! *Hugs!* You should definitely only tell them when the time is right for you. When talking about it with my therapist, she asked me something that I think that everyone who needs to do something like this should consider: when you look back on this moment, how do oyu want to remember it? My answer was that I didn't want to remember running away and taking the easy way out, but I also wanted to make sure I didn't have to answer all of the difficult questions myself, because I can be pretty bad at explaining things .
I would recommend the method I used, actually. I brought my parents with me to my therapist appointment, told them, and then she caught all the ensuing questions while my brain got unstuck and back in gear. Having backup, especially backup that has a medical degree and years of experience with the issue, was a real nice asset to have in that conversation.
That actually sounds very familiar! In my college house, if you had asked when we moved out, I'm pretty sure that everyone save one person would have said that they thought I was asexual (in different words, probably, but to the same effect). And the reasons were very similar to yours - I'm a pretty quiet person who prefers to listen, I don't like prolonged exposure to big crowds, and I was very subdued and introverted when it came to my sexuality, which created the illusion that I wasn't interested in anybody. An illusion I took no steps to break.
Of course, a lot of it probably had something to do with my confusion about my sexuality, and the fact that my favorite pass-time was imagining and/or praying for fastastic ways in which I could find myself in a female body. Probably not something you're dealing with ."It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale." --Iroh
LGBTAitP! If you want to talk, learn, or have some fun, stop by!
Avatar by the lovely Lycunadari!
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2012-10-14, 08:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Avatar by Rain Dragon
Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!
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2012-10-14, 08:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
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2012-10-14, 08:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quotebox
Avatar by Rain Dragon
Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!
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2012-10-14, 08:49 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2011
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- Avatar by Kasanip
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Indeed it isn't. If it were, I suspect that I'd just be happy I wasn't having to deal with starting a relationship that quite possibly wouldn't work out, whether due to prejudice or just due to the other person's orientation.
But yes, quiet, uncomfortable with large crowds (mostly due to crowd noise driving me up the walls - movie theaters and such tend to be fine for me - but partly just due to all the people), and not really likely to bring up who I'm interested in, sounds about right as a description of me.
Gah. Math jokes. Sorry for snapping at you, then, Kindablue. That's not my best subject at the best of times, so I didn't even realize they might have been there...