LGBTAitP #35: What Midlife Crisis? :3

[SaintRidley]

I feel I'll be remiss if I DON'T make this joke, so...
It'll look better on my bedroom floor :3
it looks nice though really so do you

Oh, I'm sure we'd love it off her too. But it's on her, and I work with what I got.

[TaiLiu]

If I ever have sex, my partner had darn well better wait while I fold my clothes at least semi-neatly. And probably theirs too.

Organisation is important, yes. The fires of passion can wait.

Oh, I'm sure we'd love it off her too. But it's on her, and I work with what I got.

...This is subtle innuendo that I'm missing out on, isn't it?

[SaintRidley]

...This is subtle innuendo that I'm missing out on, isn't it?

That depends on just where your line between subtlety and explicitness sits.

[noparlpf]

Organisation is important, yes. The fires of passion can wait.

If they've waited nineteen years already (and counting) I think they can wait a while longer.

[TaiLiu]

That depends on just where your line between subtlety and explicitness sits.

Hm. My line is probably pretty high up, then, considering that I have no idea what your second sentence is alluring to.

If they've waited nineteen years already (and counting) I think they can wait a while longer.

[Kittenwolf]

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?
I plan to talk a bit about the Lois McMaster Bujold "Vorkosigan" books since there's a few good examples there, but more would certainly be handy :)

[Lix Lorn]

You wouldn't happen to worship/be Slaanesh, would you?

Nope, but I respect the non-insane aspects of their faith.

[Mystic Muse]

For several reasons, I haven't been feeling all too comfortable in this thread lately, so I'm going to take a break. I'll probably be back in a week or two.

[TaiLiu]

For several reasons, I haven't been feeling all too comfortable in this thread lately, so I'm going to take a break. I'll probably be back in a week or two.

All right. Enjoy your respite, Comrade!

[Eldest]

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?
I plan to talk a bit about the Lois McMaster Bujold "Vorkosigan" books since there's a few good examples there, but more would certainly be handy :)

Glasshouse, by Charles Stross (I think). First one I can think of off the top of my head.
Minor spoilers.

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The main character was part of a group of four poly people, who were all either naturally bi or modded themselves to be that way. Bodymodding is very popular, with a centauroid or two showing up, the main character's love interest having four arms for the start, switching sex happens (no idea about gender, but since it's a changed brain as well I'd guess that changes too.)

[Kindablue]

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?
I plan to talk a bit about the Lois McMaster Bujold "Vorkosigan" books since there's a few good examples there, but more would certainly be handy :)

Xena, Buffy, and Torchwood are some famous examples of TV shows I've never seen with either openly gay characters or with strong homosexual undertones.

Anyway, good luck on the panel! Is it an hour long lecture or a Q&A sort of thing? I've never been to anything like that before.

[Kittenwolf]

For several reasons, I haven't been feeling all too comfortable in this thread lately, so I'm going to take a break. I'll probably be back in a week or two.

*Hug*
Take care, hope you're back soon :)

Glasshouse, by Charles Stross (I think). First one I can think of off the top of my head.
Minor spoilers.

Spoiler

Show

The main character was part of a group of four poly people, who were all either naturally bi or modded themselves to be that way. Bodymodding is very popular, with a centauroid or two showing up, the main character's love interest having four arms for the start, switching sex happens (no idea about gender, but since it's a changed brain as well I'd guess that changes too.)

Ah, you're not the first person to mention that one. I should take a look if I get the time

Xena, Buffy, and Torchwood are some famous examples of TV shows I've never seen with either openly gay characters or with strong homosexual undertones.

Ah, what we're more talking about is complete societal shifts in the way that gender & sexuality are depicted, where the (mythical) 'norms' are so to speak.

Anyway, good luck on the panel! Is it an hour long lecture or a Q&A sort of thing? I've never been to anything like that before.

Basically it'll be four or five of us up the front of a theater of people (no idea how big the theaters are). We'll have a bunch of things on this topic to discuss, but there's also a lot of Q&A and audience interaction as well.

[Astrella]

Hi MuffinPuffin~

-----

Re; my post from Sunday, thank you everyone for your support. I'm feeling a teensy bit better, but still rather down.

About my endo, I'm thinking of at least sending her another email when I'm feeling a bit better asking if I can at least have the check up earlier and then possibly raise my dose.

About asking someone else, I'm not really sure? Are medical professionals allowed to give advice to someone they're not treating? :<

And switching might be hard, considering I need a letter from my psychiatrist, so I'd have to convince her about it too and she was (initially) a bit hesitant about me starting hormones a while back, though she did give me approval and I feel she's turned around on it a bit.

So I'm not really sure, I'm giving myself a bit more time to overthink it. :/

I had the most awesome day in...i don't know how long ^__^

First, i talked to this really cool guy on the train to Nuremberg (where i had my psychiatrist appointment) and he was really open minded. We even talked about transsexuality, so he really was awesome. And he was in his 40s.
Then, the psychiatrist. He was simply awesome He said he doesn't want to lay stones in my way and he ultimately let's me decide if i want to start with hormones Since i only know i'm trans* for 5 months i'll still wait a bit, i got the next appointment in 4 months. If i don't change my mind until then i can probably start with hormones not long after that.
And i bought a new dress. For....180€ <.< I hope i won't regret it, it was just irresistible:

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So yeah, fantastic day

*offers everyone hugs*

That's sound really great! I'm glad you had a good conversation and that the talk with the psych went well!

Also that's a lovely dress and you look very cute in it~

So in other news I've been super depressed lately, working long hours and hardly going out on top of being lonely (really missing my ex). Last weekend I went out (in girl mode) to the shops just to get out of the house for a bit to somewhere that wasn't work. Went ok, felt pretty good, but the shop assistant kept calling me "mate". Yes, we're in Australia, but it kinda bugged me as it was so damn ambiguous whether she was just being casual or misgendering me (was in jeans and a jacket so is possible).
Wasn't super upsetting, but a bit, I dunno, deflating. Of course it could all just be in my head and it's kinda making me want to go back in a dress now out of principal...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling that well, Zorg.

*offers hugs*

Yeah, it's... I dislike how masculine terms are seen as neutral cause it's sorta iffy in general and it just feels a bit more invalidating when people refer to me as such even if they might mean it in a neutral way. :/

[TaiLiu]

Yeah, it's... I dislike how masculine terms are seen as neutral cause it's sorta iffy in general and it just feels a bit more invalidating when people refer to me as such even if they might mean it in a neutral way. :/

Hm. Do you mean something along the lines of "guys" as reference to a group of people, or is it something else?

[noparlpf]

About asking someone else, I'm not really sure? Are medical professionals allowed to give advice to someone they're not treating? :<

And switching might be hard, considering I need a letter from my psychiatrist, so I'd have to convince her about it too and she was (initially) a bit hesitant about me starting hormones a while back, though she did give me approval and I feel she's turned around on it a bit.

So I'm not really sure, I'm giving myself a bit more time to overthink it. :/

Probably. "Getting a second opinion" is a common piece of advice, so presumably it's possible, although in the case of an endo where you need the psych's note, it's probably a bit more difficult. Try telling your psychiatrist that the endo isn't communicating well with you and that you're not comfortable taking things without being told why that drug and not another more common one.

[Astrella]

Hm. Do you mean something along the lines of "guys" as reference to a group of people, or is it something else?

A bit, or terms like "dude" and such.

Probably. "Getting a second opinion" is a common piece of advice, so presumably it's possible, although in the case of an endo where you need the psych's note, it's probably a bit more difficult. Try telling your psychiatrist that the endo isn't communicating well with you and that you're not comfortable taking things without being told why that drug and not another more common one.

Yeah, I'm not really sure how to approach it is the thing. Oh, and it's not about the type of medication right now cause I am on the common variant now, it's just about my dose being only half what other people start on...

[noparlpf]

Yeah, I'm not really sure how to approach it is the thing. Oh, and it's not about the type of medication right now cause I am on the common variant now, it's just about my dose being only half what other people start on...

Same issue. Just tell the psych something more vague, like the endo hasn't been communicating well with you, and you're concerned about taking drugs without good explanations or when they brush off your questions. That should be simple enough and a good reason, right?

[TaiLiu]

A bit, or terms like "dude" and such.

Hm. Okay; understood.

[SaintRidley]

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?
I plan to talk a bit about the Lois McMaster Bujold "Vorkosigan" books since there's a few good examples there, but more would certainly be handy :)

It's reaching back quite a ways, but Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote Herland, which was a short utopian science fiction novel about a women's society. Only thing coming to my mind right now, though.

[Kindablue]

Ah, what we're more talking about is complete societal shifts in the way that gender & sexuality are depicted, where the (mythical) 'norms' are so to speak.

Oh, I see how I misread that. I got nothing. Good luck, though!

[Absol197]

And i bought a new dress. For....180€ <.< I hope i won't regret it, it was just irresistible:

Spoiler

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So yeah, fantastic day

*offers everyone hugs*

...Tanail is soooooooo preeeeeettttyy...*gushes*

Seriously, I would...no die, because that would be counter-productive, but sacrifice a great many things for a body like that. And your hair...!


~Phoenix~

[Hylleddin]

Yeah, it's... I dislike how masculine terms are seen as neutral cause it's sorta iffy in general and it just feels a bit more invalidating when people refer to me as such even if they might mean it in a neutral way. :/

I know exactly how you feel. Bugs the crap out of me.

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?
I plan to talk a bit about the Lois McMaster Bujold "Vorkosigan" books since there's a few good examples there, but more would certainly be handy :)

Ian Banks' Culture series has citizens of The Culture able to intentionally swap sexes (It takes a few months). Most citizens try switching for a while. Some of them stay and others keep switching a lot.

[golentan]

Hey guys. I return after a long absence. HUGS TO EVERYONE! A whole hell of a lot has gone on in my life, but I'm going to try to limit my post to things that touch on the subject at hand. For now. I'm sure my crazy will burst forth once more, to run rampant as is its wont.

I do have to say, I don't mind gendered terms being used for a group not entirely of that gender. That said, I still have real trouble with a lot of the gender baggage people have.

Next, I suppose it bears mentioning that I am enrolled in a course of study for a field that is >90% female. Many of whom are attractive, witty, in my age range, and share my interests. This is stirring up a lot of weird (or not so weird) reactions in me, not least that as much as I love my girlfriend I am nostalgic for body parts that she just doesn't have. Really, really nostalgic. I'm getting all confuzzled about this. I continue to be annoyed by the fickleness of my sexuality.

Next, on the subject of my girlfriend's parts, she is MtF and hasn't yet managed to undergo surgery. She wants to go swimming again, but is self conscious about bathing suit selection and the possibility of mishaps. Any advice?

[Kindablue]

Welcome back, golentan! You were missed.

[golentan]

Thanks. It's good to be back.

[theangelJean]

Yeah, thats pretty much what i expected (Demi) but its still scary... So I guess I can just keep this a secret (except of course, to my s/o, relationships and trust and all that( but do i really have to tell her))

Hello and welcome! You're definitely not alone here, there's a small number of us demis about.

As for whether you have to tell her, my thoughts are that you don't have any obligation to tell anyone about everything you feel, even your SO. I think it's useful to tell them things that will affect them or things that will affect your decisions and actions, on general principles. This doesn't seem like it's necessarily one of those things, though.

For example, in my case, the fact that I'm not attracted to anyone other than my husband doesn't actually mean anything to him, because I already discussed with him that we both wanted an exclusive relationship, and that's a decision we made that supersedes any attraction we might or might not have to other people. On the other hand, if your SO was interested in polyamory, it might be very important for her to know how you feel. Or if you had agreed on a non-physical relationship so far but you want to change that in the future because you find that you are attracted to her now, I would definitely recommend telling her! So it depends on what kind of relationship you have and what you both want.

Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her if it's something important to you and you've been thinking about it a lot. (I did tell my husband. He shrugged. It doesn't change anything for us.)

So in other news I've been super depressed lately, working long hours and hardly going out on top of being lonely (really missing my ex). Last weekend I went out (in girl mode) to the shops just to get out of the house for a bit to somewhere that wasn't work. Went ok, felt pretty good, but the shop assistant kept calling me "mate". Yes, we're in Australia, but it kinda bugged me as it was so damn ambiguous whether she was just being casual or misgendering me (was in jeans and a jacket so is possible).
Wasn't super upsetting, but a bit, I dunno, deflating. Of course it could all just be in my head and it's kinda making me want to go back in a dress now out of principal...

Sorry to hear you're feeling depressed. Hope you feel better soon! As for the shop assistant, to me it sounds like she was trying to be friendly but it's also possible that she was unknowingly misgendering you. (Not sure if I'm using the right term here. "Misgendering" doesn't have to be deliberate, does it?) I think here in Australia people are probably more aware of transvestite culture than they are of actual transgender issues, so they might be more likely to assume that an androgynous-looking person is a male-identifying person in feminine mode rather than a female-identifying person in a male body? Of course the solution is not to make assumptions, and you would have been well within your rights to ask her to stop, but I can also understand not wanting to have to explain your sexuality and gender identity to someone you don't know.

You know what this thread needs more of? Pedantic arguments about semantics where people dissect each other's posts line by line, 'cause those always turn out great

I agree that it's unproductive. But internet forums are prone to that type of thing, and I get the feeling it probably happens even more in places like this forum where people take their discussions seriously...

And i bought a new dress. For....180€ <.< I hope i won't regret it, it was just irresistible:

That is a fantastic dress. :) I like your sense of taste!

On a totally different topic, I'm talking on a few 1hr panels at a fan run fantasy/sci fi convention in a few days, and one of them is about depictions of Gender & Sexuality in Science Fiction (especially future fiction).

Does anyone have any good/bad/interesting examples on G&S being treated differently to mainstream normal in some way?

I found the Ursula K LeGuin science fiction novel The Left Hand of Darkness to be an interesting take on both gender and sexuality.

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The inhabitants of the planet Gethen, also known as Winter, are agendered asexual people some of the time, and gendered sexual beings only some of the time. That is, each individual is agendered/asexual for most of each month, and then for a few days in each month they enter "kemmer", a state where they experience sexual desire and are able to mate. Physical sexual attributes can develop when two people become partners, with one of them becoming "female" in the sense that they can become pregnant and bear a child; but this isn't a permanent state, so the same person can be "mother" to one child and "father" to another. The main character of the novel is from Terra (Earth) where physical gender exists from birth, and this is considered "perverted" on Winter because Terrans are physically (and emotionally) capable of mating 100% of the time. The emotional relationship between the Terran character and an inhabitant of Gethen is explored.

I seem to have misplaced my copy of the book, but the Wikipedia article about the novel has more detail and seems to fit with what I remember of the book (at least at the current edit).

About my endo, I'm thinking of at least sending her another email when I'm feeling a bit better asking if I can at least have the check up earlier and then possibly raise my dose.

About asking someone else, I'm not really sure? Are medical professionals allowed to give advice to someone they're not treating? :<

Umm, well I don't think there's any law against giving advice you're already qualified to give, but I suspect many medical professionals would hesitate to give specific personalised advice without knowing all the details. And because that would entail taking a thorough history and looking at your previous bloods etc, I am guessing most would want to charge you the normal price of a consultation. And depending on your health system, that might require a referral etc. So yeah, getting a second opinion from a specialist isn't as easy as it sounds.



Lastly, I'm curious now, and I have a question for other demis. I've noticed a couple of people describe initially thinking they might be asexual. I never did - for a reason; anyone else? Or does this mean maybe I'm not really demisexual, just not a visual person?

Reason I've never thought I was asexual:

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Two words: erotic fiction. Sure, I've never been physically attracted to any person other than my husband. However, I've been capable of physical arousal since puberty, long before I met him. My experience of reading erotic writing (mostly trashy romance novels) is that I don't actually have a visual image of any of the characters, or even necessarily any particularly emotional connection with them (they're usually not any kind of realistic characters anyway), but the interesting physical sensations are still there. I wouldn't say I have a high libido but it definitely exists! I've just never associated it with any person, until I became attracted to my husband.

I've also always been interested in emotional relationships (although that could be social conditioning), so yeah, never thought of myself as asexual. That's part of why the idea of being demisexual hasn't made any kind of practical difference for me. Does this make sense to anyone else?

[Lauren]

Tanail, you look simply smashing.

*Hugs*
It really is hard to know there! Unfortunately I don't think any of my female friends use 'mate' much so I don't know if I've heard a girl call a girl 'mate'.

I use it. I also use 'dude' as a non-gendered term though so I'm maybe not the best source here (and am trying to train myself out of it since I know some people don't appreciate it).

For the panel, I'm not sure if this is SF or more utopian future-fantasy, but Starhawk's novel The Fifth Sacred Thing features several multi-sexual characters and poly characters. I sort of feel like it's more fantasy than SF but I'm trying to contribute, dammit.

[Lea Plath]

So, found an intresting piece in the news. Basically, there are about equal numbers of people who are FtM and MtF. Of course, it was from The Metro, so I would like to try and a dig up the research myself and get a proper look.

Also, if you are intrested in my Shadowrun game, drop me a PM. I've DMed before but not done a proper shadowrun game DMing so be warned.

Now.
@Golentan: *huuuuuuuuuugs*

Anyone else need hugs or bites?

[The Succubus]

Thanks. It's good to be back.

Gollyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

*pounces*

A bit, or terms like "dude" and such.

My go-to neutral term when addressing a group of people is "folks".

[Halae]

So, found an intresting piece in the news. Basically, there are about equal numbers of people who are FtM and MtF. Of course, it was from The Metro, so I would like to try and a dig up the research myself and get a proper look.

Also, if you are intrested in my Shadowrun game, drop me a PM. I've DMed before but not done a proper shadowrun game DMing so be warned.

Now.
@Golentan: *huuuuuuuuuugs*

Anyone else need hugs or bites?

Interesting. a thing I'd read a little while back said that there were three times as many MtF as there were FtM. Wonder what's up with that? I'd definitely like to see survey stats. Also, I'll go for hugs.