1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[Vinyadan]

Mein Kampf is a lot worse. Ignoring anything political about it, Hitler starts sentences without ever finishing them, lost in a flurry of Tjas, Denns and Denochs, and other words that actually don't mean anything at all, and commits the most wholesale butchery of the German language in half-page-long sentences that don't have a verb in.

Are they made of a single word?

Kommunikationsverbindungsnotsküpfersteinalpenwinte reinsatzstaudengartenpflanzenackerlandesheimbauarb eitstierernärungslandwirtschaftsmachinenbauindustr iearbeitersvolkserregungsbuch.

When I wrote it, it was meant to mean "Book of Agitation of the People of the Workers in the industry of building machines for the agriculture having the purpose of feeding animals which are meant to work at building a home in a country field where plants are grown which are meant for gardens with perennial plants for use in winter on the part of the Alps sporting the copper ore needed for the emergence of communication links".

Which would be an interesting object to have.

So, 716: Kommunikationsverbindungsnotsküpfersteinalpenwinte reinsatzstaudengartenpflanzenackerlandesheimbauarb eitstierernärungslandwirtschaftsmachinenbauindustr iearbeitersvolkserregungsbuch. Effects: Sieh oben.

[goto124]

Effects: Sieh oben.

Should "Effects" be "Effekte"?

717: Book of Ultimate Translation: Can translate any language. Comes with a disclaimer about "possible inaccuracies". It's unclear how much inaccuracy it actually has.

[Simsimillia]

718) Duden: THE reference book for the German language. Contains correct spelling for pretty much all German words, explains rules for Grammar, etc.

[8BitNinja]

719) Scroll of Summon Presidential Debate: Things get so hot, the world melts

[data]

720) Ring of Light: A ring that when worn all spells (none cantrips) are casted as light.

[8BitNinja]

721) Glasses of Ed Sheeran: Makes you see fire on every mountainside

[Reboot]

722) Headband of odd socks. Will change one or both socks on the "victim's" feet so that the wearer can never have a matching pair on. (Cursed item which apparently vanishes once donned and can only be taken off with a remove curse or equiv. spell).

[8BitNinja]

723) Helmet of Sweet Tunes: A helmet that plays a song. The song can be heard by everyone, and the helmet tastes like sugar. however, the helmet cannot be eaten

[DavidSh]

724: Microtome of Sampling. Appears to be an unwieldy -1 knife, but if you read the tiny instruction manual that comes with it, you can use it to carve tiny slivers from any organic material (doing no damage).

[8BitNinja]

725) +5 Axe of Scent: Although it appears to be a +5 axe, it is actually just body spray

[FocusWolf413]

just for fun

This comment fascinates me.
What's just for fun? What item did you want to publish? Did you want to? What is going on in your head? Why are you crushing beetles all day? How many have succumbed to your onslaught?

KUH KUH KUH

[goto124]

726) Just For Fun: Makes its wearer obsess over the smallest things. Requires a spell of Remove Curse to... remove.

[8BitNinja]

726) Just For Fun: Makes its wearer obsess over the smallest things. Requires a spell of Remove Curse to... remove.

You capitalized remove curse

BERSERKER RAGE

[dramatic flare]

727) Amulet of Catipillar Control:
control 4 to 24 garden Catipillars.
gp: 25 XP: 5
- Encyclopedia Magica, Volume 1 pg. 29

This is a magic item that exists in AD&D.

[Rockphed]

727) Amulet of Caterpillar Control:
control 4 to 24 garden Caterpillars.
gp: 25 XP: 5
- Encyclopedia Magica, Volume 1 pg. 29

This is a magic item that exists in AD&D.

I can see that getting use if you are trying to run a silk farm or trying to keep caterpillars from eating your garden. But 4 to 24 (probably 4d6) is really low for trying to do pest control.

728) Giant's Nail Clippers:
This implement can cut through any nail, claw, scale, hair, or horn. It will never cut flesh. Helpfully sized for use by a giant, it can be resized by uttering the command word while holding the clippers in a single hand.

[8BitNinja]

I can see that getting use if you are trying to run a silk farm or trying to keep caterpillars from eating your garden. But 4 to 24 (probably 4d6) is really low for trying to do pest control.

728) Giant's Nail Clippers:
This implement can cut through any nail, claw, scale, hair, or horn. It will never cut flesh. Helpfully sized for use by a giant, it can be resized by uttering the command word while holding the clippers in a single hand.

729) Giant's Nail Clippers, Other: The Giant uses these to clip his nails

[Reboot]

730) Sock-eating washing tub. An oval tub, made from wooden planks with metal bracing, about 4 feet long by 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep. If you fill it with soapy water and place items of clothing (including hard armour), they will come out perfectly clean and intact with no need to scrub - except for socks, where only one from each pair will survive (unpaired socks will simply be eaten).

[Rockphed]

730) Sock-eating washing tub. An oval tub, made from wooden planks with metal bracing, about 4 feet long by 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep. If you fill it with soapy water and place items of clothing (including hard armour), they will come out perfectly clean and intact with no need to scrub - except for socks, where only one from each pair will survive (unpaired socks will simply be eaten).

"But only the left ones. What's with that?"

[8BitNinja]

730) Sock-eating washing tub. An oval tub, made from wooden planks with metal bracing, about 4 feet long by 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep. If you fill it with soapy water and place items of clothing (including hard armour), they will come out perfectly clean and intact with no need to scrub - except for socks, where only one from each pair will survive (unpaired socks will simply be eaten).

I might own one of these

[GuzWaatensen]

731.) Thumb of rule: This oversized severed digit grants you the power to approximate the disfiguring consequences of word twists.

[8BitNinja]

732) Original Dungeons & Dragons: An ancient relic which is the origin of the multiverse

[dramatic flare]

732: Arrow of Sleighing:
XP value: - GP Value: 50
When this powerful item is drawn in a bow, in a combat situation, it immediately expands and unfolds into a full-size, four-place toboggan.
Encyclopedia Magica, p 100

[Anonymouswizard]

732: Arrow of Sleighing:
XP value: - GP Value: 50
When this powerful item is drawn in a bow, in a combat situation, it immediately expands and unfolds into a full-size, four-place toboggan.
Encyclopedia Magica, p 100

Actually fairly useful, I can think of several variations on how to use this (the first being an easily carried toboggan). Just carry it in a separate case to your normal arrows.

733. Dungeon Master's Guide: details everything needed to be a dungeon master or mistress. Whip sterilisation, gagging procedures, even a section on choosing safewords.

[ThinkMinty]

725) +5 Axe of Scent: Although it appears to be a +5 axe, it is actually just body spray

#734. Axe Spray: This seeming can of aerosol deodorant sprays (as if they were thrown) scented +2 Throwing Axes made out of perfume when used.

[8BitNinja]

733. Dungeon Master's Guide: details everything needed to be a dungeon master or mistress. Whip sterilisation, gagging procedures, even a section on choosing safewords.

I used to only know a dungeon master as a guy who ran your D&D games (I miss you childhood). When I found out the second definition, I actually scared myself pondering if this existed, since the other Dungeon Master's Guide existed.

[Reboot]

Actually fairly useful, I can think of several variations on how to use this (the first being an easily carried toboggan). Just carry it in a separate case to your normal arrows.

Two things - firstly, it says "in a combat situation". That implies that if you just want transport over snow, it won't work.

Second, it says "when drawn", not "when fired". That more or less says it's going to expand while in your bow, which means your bow's a goner, and that it'll land on you.

[Anonymouswizard]

Two things - firstly, it says "in a combat situation". That implies that if you just want transport over snow, it won't work.

Second, it says "when drawn", not "when fired". That more or less says it's going to expand while in your bow, which means your bow's a goner, and that it'll land on you.

So carry a cheap bow specifically for toboggan making and have the fighter ready to punch you. Nobody said it had to be in a life or death fight.

[8BitNinja]

735) Magic Gloves: These gloves will give the user the power to do stage magic slightly better.

[JoeJ]

736. Ethereal armor. When worn, this set of plate armor is completely intangible. Any object or force impacting the armor passes through it without resistance.

[Lord Torath]

736. Ethereal armor. When worn, this set of plate armor is completely intangible. Any object or force impacting the armor passes through it without resistance.

But will it protect you from ethereal threats? Like ghosts and Ethereal Filtchers?