Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Fauna: Katari is an incident waiting to happen.

Katari: Again!? I'm going to have a whole session which is just me roleplaying all of the characters I have in jail together!
Fauna: Way to go, Captain Captured.

Lost quote: My notepad has a single line on it reading "turned into jam". I have no idea who said this, nor why, but I think it's out of context enough to post.

[TurboGhast]

Dagro: I'll still find a way to kill you!
Veit: You can't kill what's already-
You can't kill what you can't see!
Dagro: I can see you.
Veit: You can't kill what you can't metaphorically see!
Dagro: What does that even mean?
Veit: You can't kill what you can't metaphorically see!
Dagro: What metaphor?

[Guizonde]

Johnny: "You know the hair of the dog that bit you? I'm gonna need the whole kennel."

that's pretty much the vibe going on for josé after friday's session. that session was weird by my standards, and believe me, when a session makes me play the straight man, summat's wrong.

[Gideon Falcon]

GM: "Karashi, you recognize the bouncer. His name is Eli. You used to run guns for him."
Quieteyes: "His name is Eli?"
GM: "Eli."
Quieteyes: "Oh."
GM: "...ow."
Karashi: "So that's what walking into a glass door looks like."

...I don't get it.

[Mutazoia]

Simmons: I sneak up to the perimeter fence.
GM: ....And just how were you planning to "sneak" in a 50 ton mech?

[DigoDragon]

...I don't get it.

"Eli Eli Oh" played out like the Old MacDonald song.


Sniper: “Someone distract [Red Tape] while Sniper breaks into his office looking for gift ideas.”
Rose: *brings Red Tape a four-inch thick stack of paperwork from the hospital for funding all her surgeries*
Red Tape: “Aw! You know just what I like! Order! Paperwork! Triplicate! Ha ha! I shall properly document everything!”
Rose: “I... don't know what I was expecting.”

Love: “Now we just need to start training up Rose to use multiple weapons at once. She'll float her twenty rifles up and unleash the daka. It'll practically be a war crime to field her!”

Rose: “It will take a butt to convince Rose to install a jack in her head.”

Love: “Awesome. It's hard to believe, but Love would have gone crazy over it. It reminds her of home. She likes confined spaces. It's so Rose. Can she sleep over? How old is that pizza? Can I have some? What, you shouldn't ask for another woman's floor pizza?”

Rose: “Party might not be over, but Seppuku tends to interrupt the flow of a good time. Plus, it stains fainting couches.”

Sniper: “I would like to point out that Love was far more effective at killing this party than Sniper ever was.”
Rose: “I'll say! That was probably chaos that Discord would be proud of.”
GM: “Oh he was. He is very pleased with this party so far. And with Love.”
Sniper: “Buddy, when Discord approves of your actions then you know you done messed up but good.”

Love: “Maybe Love was pregaming?”
Rose: “I need to stop drinking so much water. I thought you said Love was pregnant, and I was gonna ask how the heck a drone gets preggars.”

Brazen: “Come on, kiss her already. You already gave her some love bites.”
Love: “Touch her cyberwing!”
Sniper: “Apparently, to get yourself shipped with the Mane 6, you just have to be a psychopathic serial killer.”

[D.KnightSpider]

I only have a few good ones this time around. Certain last names are entirely coincidental. I think.


GM: So you have to make a choice. Go ahead and pick.
Stethy Scope: All of them.
GM: ...
Truly Sweet: 'All of the Above' is a good answer. It's always right on the tests.
---

Truly Sweet: So you're a 'glass half full' pony?
Stethy Scope: I'm a 'there is no glass and the water's ruining the table' pony.
---

Truly Sweet: I'm good at finding them, not following them!
Stethy Scope: Those are the exact same thing.
---

Stethy Scope: Here. You be 'baby mommy' for a while.
Truly Sweet: I guess this is what being a grandmother feels like?
---

Stethy Scope: You leave me no choice! *pokes the belly*
---

Truly Sweet: *bellowing at the top of her lungs* WILL YOU BE QUIET!

[Gallade]

"This pickaxe handle...IT MUST BE A BAGUETTE!"
(Chomp)
"Ew, it's stale."

[Necroticplague]

"This pickaxe handle...IT MUST BE A BAGUETTE!"
(Chomp)
"Ew, it's stale."

Nah, that's just some finely aged dwarf bread.

"Here's one of the benefits of undead you don't hear about as much as the rest, but really should: since you don't need all your internal organs, damaging them through corseting and surgery isn't a problem. Wonder if that's where the vampiric beauty stereotype comes from."

[Coventry]

...I don't get it.

Thank you for asking. I was confused, as well.

"Eli Eli Oh" played out like the Old MacDonald song.

*Blink Blink*. *SMILES*. I think I have just found the name for my next character! (Pathfinder. Skald.)

Although maybe I should write up a summon-based druid. Hmmm.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

Stethy Scope: I'm a 'there is no glass and the water's ruining the table' pony.

I like her already. ^__^

Although maybe I should write up a summon-based druid. Hmmm.

With a black bear here and a dire ape there...

I can see this working.

GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”

Rose: “So, give it 24 houses from now.”

GM: “I think it's high time we started mission two! I have power. I have internet. I have a year’s supply of bagels. Let's do this thing!”

News Reporter: “Rose, you just got out of the hospital, what are you going to do?”
Rose: “I wanna party tonight like—”
Cmdr. Wildcat: “HARRIER SQUAD TO NEXT MISSION GO!”

Sniper: “It says something that the stallion who regularly engages in death matches with gravity is the sanest member of the team.”

GM: “Yes indeed! Now, instead of an occasional NPC, Happy can come along for fun and adventures.”
Rose: “My condolences to her for having to put up with us.”

Love: “Hey, Song Weaver. Do you know me? I mean, before Twilight told you about me... Erm, never mind. Prepare for animals. We brought a lot of animals.”
Love: *brought no animals*
Song Weaver: “Um. Yes. I mean no. What?”

Sniper: “I'm waiting for Love to panic and think that her matchmaking business is DOA because Sniper's talking to a maid.”
Rose: “Oh come on, Love isn't that much of a shipper that she—”
Love: “Mental log 2: Scope has a maid fetish. I shall test this hypothesis as soon as possible.”
Rose: “Well nuts.”

Princess Twilight: “All the bugs have been worked out, far as I can tell, and it won't decapitate you. Probably. There is a 0.000001% chance of that still. Fortunately, the first time was only a test dummy.”

[Guizonde]

GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”

EEEEEEEDWAAAAAAAR.... wait, wrong pc. as you once said, "bazookus would be proud". i will be quoting you irl about that one, and i may just sig it it's so perfectly violent.

(also, i currently have a pc that wields a benelli m4 loaded with incendiaries and a lemat centerfire as a backup piece. the subtlety is non-existent)

[Beacon of Chaos]

Katari: I unbuckle my seat belt.
GM: Good. That gives you an advantage to not be on fire.

GM: ...Meanwhile, back at the hideout, [the gangster] is dead.
All: Wait, what!?
Fauna: Did we just skip a scene here!?
Sinclair: Hold on, let me see the script...

Lucis: What did you all do!?
Sinclair: I should be annoyed that you just assumed it was us, but to be fair, it was us.

Ceras: What happens to me if you die and fall off a building!?
Katari: I promise that if I think that's going to happen I will put you down first.
GM: Make a willpower roll to not die and fall off a building.

Lucis: Where is the enemy?
Sinclair: *gestures vaguely* Pick a direction.

Katari: Is this happening in slow motion?
GM: Yes.
Lucis: Oh, because of the time bubble!
GM: No, because it's cool.

Fauna: I'm just checking to make sure I haven't been stabbed in the side.
Sinclair: Ah yes, the full Sara Wong.
Katari: Looks like you let the Wong one in!

Fauna: Sinclair, look! Something really distracting!
Sinclair: What? Where!? Woah, that is distracting! I'm going to take a closer look.

[DigoDragon]

Love: “I'm not abandoning this ship yet! Scope says there is a pony out there for everyone. He's into pulp. He's obviously a secret romantic, injured by love. He just needs Rose to break his hard external shell and suck out his candy filled insides.”
Rose: “Wait, what?”

Love: “Magic weapons, huh? That makes a lot of sense actually. A very respectable weapon given with cause.” (*touches the electric sword*)
GM: “Love just took 3 damage. Congratulations.”

Rose: “"Hey Love, are you good at tracing comm calls? We got a weird one that forced its way through and asked if our refrigerator was running.”
Love: “I am the master of circuits. The ruler of code! Devices swear fidelity to me and I shall recharge you before I go to bed! Mwhaha!”

Mystery Caller: “Hello there! Are y'all a real pony?”
Love: “That's a difficult question. I'm not sure if I'm a real pony. Are you a real pony?”
Mystery Caller: “Actually, we're all dead. How are you feeling?”
Love: “I'm feeling well. I've never talked to dead ponies and gotten an answer back.”
GM: “The line suddenly goes dead.”

GM: “Meanwhile, the audience wonders where Rose suddenly disappeared to and blames the scriptwriters for leaving such a blatant plot hole.”
Sniper: “...We have a script? Why wasn't I informed of this? I've been ad-libbing everything!”
Rose: *puts Rose back into the story plot*
GM: “Oh, we're putting stuff inside of plots now?”
Brazen: “whistles innocently.”
Rose: “You better buy that plot some dinner first.”

GM: “Well, well. When did this become a soap opera?”
Brazen: “Uuuuuh... Ponies?”

Rose: “Okay, I'm off to the kitchen. ...wait, this is a castle. So would that be, a meadery?”

[Gallade]

DM:"You head downstairs for breakfast, and everyone in your extended party is there just eating and chatting"
Ricwart:"Everyone? Including demigods, dragons, werewolves and immortal sorcerers?"
DM:"Yup."

[Gideon Falcon]

DM:"You head downstairs for breakfast, and everyone in your extended party is there just eating and chatting"
Ricwart:"Everyone? Including demigods, dragons, werewolves and immortal sorcerers?"
DM:"Yup."

Sounds like a party. No pun intended.



This time.

[ZeroGear]

Rugar: "Why are you stopping me?"
Brune: "The second mouse gets the cheese."
Rugar: "Huh?"
Brune: *tosses rock onto trap pannel*
Enemies further in: "What's that rumbling sound?"

Delilah: "Why is there a giant venus fly trap on the ceiling?"

Laurence: "I have the ring!"
Brune: "You have the ring?"
Laurence: "I have the ring!"
Delilah and Brune: "I have the ring right here."

Delilah: "Why does every temple have mine carts?"

Brune: "Laurence, could I see the ring?"
Laurence: "...I thought you had it."
Brune: "Wait, who's got it?"
Delilah: "Not me."
Rugar: "Nope."
Laurence: "I cast Locate Object!"
DM: *rolls dice* There is a faint glow coming from Conrad.

Rugar: "Cough it up! Cough it up!"
Laurence: "Will you stop! Choking the chicken won't help us."
Delilah: "Phrasing!"

Brune: "I can't believe your dumb chicken swallowed the ring."
Delilah: "I can't believe we actually got it and survived."
Laurence: "I can't believe my familiar's been turned into a plot device."
Rugar: "I can't believe I didn't get to kill anything!"
Peanut Gallery: I can't believe it's not butter!
*Table explodes into laughter for 10 minutes*

[Guizonde]

dm: ok, vb. roll endurance.
markus von bacon: 3 degrees of success. why?
dm: you just ate silver's boot.
vb: any ill effects?
dm: aside from silver's foot being cold? none.
vb: i add mustard and keep chomping.
silver: how did this freak ever get a diploma in medicine?!

dm: vb? endurance.
vb: 3 degrees again. what did i eat?
silver: it better not be my other boot!
dm: nah, you just ate a newspaper.
vb: that's news to me!

vb: pica's awesome! everything's bacon if you're absent-minded enough!
dm: dude, you shouldn't be able to digest plastic!
vb: my dice say i do.
silver: can we get another medic? please? this one's obviously broken.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Fauna: Did we just skip a scene here!?
Sinclair: Hold on, let me see the script...

GM: “Meanwhile, the audience wonders where Rose suddenly disappeared to and blames the scriptwriters for leaving such a blatant plot hole.”
Sniper: “...We have a script? Why wasn't I informed of this? I've been ad-libbing everything!”

I feel like our characters are trying to break the wrong 4th wall here.

[Guizonde]

mister x (spelled with a k): *goes up to raymond* you should have taken the shot when you had the chance.
raymond: what if it was a friendly?
mister x (still spelled with a k): *ominous silence*
raymond: right, this simplifies things. anything alive besides us in this hulk shouldn't be. hope i've got enough ammo.
seneschal dagonet: you've got 4 times more ammo than the rest of the team put together! i hope you do too!

raymond: ok, team. see that little button next to your triggers? that's a safety. turn it off now. flip it on again once we're back on the ship.
dm: spoken like a true stormtrooper!

seneschal dagonet: i put the 25kg of tube charges next to raymond and the auspex!
raymond: can i at least disapprove?
dm: yes, but the auspex blipped at least a dozen targets.
raymond: oh, so if we die, so do they. good.
navigator ross: can we at least try to die a few centuries after them though??

[DigoDragon]

I feel like our characters are trying to break the wrong 4th wall here.

There's a wrong fourth wall?


Xander: "I'll come along. We elves have a sixth sense for secret passages."
Xander: *rolls a 1 on search* "Okay, I guess our sixth sense is taste."

Zuke: "Could we lift the portcullis?"
GM: "No, it is a ton of solid wood."
Xander: "Wow. That's like me on a good morning."

Sign Painted on a Dead Cannibal: "Now I have a spear, whinny whinny whinny."

Alex: "I'm pondering St. Cuthbert as a muppet."

Zuke: "The door is a jar."
Alex: "The car is a lemon."
Ronin: "The cake is a lie."
GM: "Bethesda in a nutshell."

GM: "It's not that bad. The stable is a--"
Zuke: *rips a really loud fart*
GM: "Are you signaling life on another planet?"

Ronin: "No, number five is not behind partial color. Corner. Cover."
GM: "You can use English. I swear you are capable."
Ronin: "I. Am. Job."

GM: "I'm not sure how a halfling can stab him behind the knee and he's tasting the tip of the blade with his tonsils, but there you go."

Xander: "I shove a finger up my nose and heal myself for 6 points."
Alex: "What do you do if you took brain damage? Do you stick your finger up your butt?"
Xander: "I do my best thinking when I lean on that part."

Xander: "What is he saying?"
Alex: "He's speaking in Dwarven."
Xander: "Translate it. I don't speak short languages."
Ronin: "Well that's rude."
Xander: "High Elves don't make small talk."

[Beacon of Chaos]

There's a wrong fourth wall?

Correct 4th Wall Breaking: We're all characters in a game controlled by a bunch of humans and their dice.
Incorrect 4th Wall Breaking: This is a TV show, right?

I assume the latter is roughly the same as being Wrong Genre Savvy (not linking it).

Xander: "I'll come along. We elves have a sixth sense for secret passages."
Xander: *rolls a 1 on search* "Okay, I guess our sixth sense is taste."

Pretty sure the High Elf sixth sense is fashion.

[Fable Wright]

Zuke: "The door is a jar."
Alex: "The car is a lemon."
Ronin: "The cake is a lie."

Agh, one syllable short of a haiku. So close.

Pretty sure the High Elf sixth sense is fashion.

Counterpoint: Have you seen what High Elves wear?

[Lord Torath]

Zuke: "The door is a jar."
Alex: "The car is a lemon."
Ronin: "The cake is a lie."

Agh, one syllable short of a haiku. So close.

The door is a jar,
And the car is a lemon.
The cake is a lie.

Success!

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

I assume the latter is roughly the same as being Wrong Genre Savvy (not linking it).

Alright, fair enough argument.

Pretty sure the High Elf sixth sense is fashion.

Excuse me, but fashion is our second sense. Right after smart-mouthing the upstart little barbaric races (pretty much anything not a high elf).

Agh, one syllable short of a haiku. So close.

The door is a jar,
And the car is a lemon.
The cake is a lie.

Pfft haha, I didn't notice the near-haiku. Nicely spotted. And thanks to Lord Torath for correcting it. :>

Counterpoint: Have you seen what High Elves wear?

See?! Upstart little barbaric races! XD

Rose: “Rose is on her way to make a happy maid!”
Sniper: “I keep wanting to read that as 'Happy Meal'—which is both accurate and inaccurate at the same time.”
Rose: “Ha ha! Yeah that is a bit off, but only a bit. It's quite possible Rose still comes with fries and a toy surprise, but I'll leave the latter prize up for speculation.”
GM: “Weeeell. You'll see how accurate it is.”

Rose: “What do you get the pony that has it all?”
Sniper: “A gift card?”
Rose: “Yes, because what everyone loves is trading their money in for something that is kind of like money, but much more restrictive and with a potential expiration date.”

Love: “Star, Star, Star. You can go to Tartarus for lying just like you can for stealing. Speaking of stealing, I got you this.”

Caps Lock: “Nice to make your acquaintance, tall, dark, and handsome! Anyone told you that you’ve got killer eyes? Has my sister fallen for you yet? Say, you wouldn’t happen to have a younger brother, would you Mr. Sniper? Somepony my age who shares your sleek feathers and drop-dead mane?”
Star: “We are on duty, you know. And you’re already violating the List. Don’t make me have them throw you in jail again.”
Caps Lock: “Oh my poor, naive sister. They threw me out jail. And besides, the list is called ‘Things Caps Lock is not allowed to do in Canterlot’. We’re in Ponyville.”
Star: “Crap.”

Sniper: “'Sunbutt'? Who in their right mind would name—oh.”

Rose: “Luna so help me right now if this colt calls me a cripple again, I WILL SLAP FIRE FROM HIM!”

[Calthropstu]

GM: You find a lute that radiates magic.
Player 1: That's all he has?
GM: Well he has some gold and silver too, but nothing else magical.
Player 2: This loot is terrible for such a hard fight.
GM: Actually, the lute is pretty nice, the tuner knobs are made of fine gems even.
Player 2: No I mean the loot.
GM: Yeah, the lute.
Table groans.
GM: Heh, like how I A-lute-d to that?
Player 2: *throws a die at laughing GM*

[Gallade]

Trund:"I can't follow everything! In the span of 24 hours I have become student of an elder silver dragoness, disciple of a pixie stormlord that wants me to become an omnipotent elemental, inheritor to a lost power, a psychic, an enemy of the Lady of Pain, a planar stowaway and a woman. I'd like to exercise my right to flip my ---- out about SOMETHING."

[Beacon of Chaos]

Counterpoint: Have you seen what High Elves wear?

Spoiler: Yes

Show

And it's fabulous~

[Gallade]

Gnome:"I will return him to life"
Trund:"Preferably with his skin ON this time"

[DigoDragon]

Player 2: *throws a die at laughing GM*

I applaud the GM. :D


ScootaBot: “Ughhhhhh...”
AppleBot: “Please...so...slow... Scoots, ya'll are hogging the RAM. Move over.”
ScootaBot: “No way! I got here first!”
SweetieBot: “I have a headache.”

Rose: “It's one of her quirks to just have this need to be around others. In fact, she's vulnerable at the moment. Shields are down. Ship on screen, but not answering hails, and Kirk doesn't know that it's Khan on the other ship about to arm phasors. ...I dunno where I'm going with this.”

Rose: “Awesome butts need awesome shopping.”
Sniper: “I wanted to fix that to 'shipping' over 'shopping' but you can't ship Brazen. He came with his own girlfriend as a pre-order bonus.”
GM: “You bet your butt it is.”
Rose: “For Rose, that's potentially a large bet.”

GM: “Don't give Caps Lock alcohol.”
Rose: “Egads, I don't think we're THAT crazy. It was bad enough when the medic started twerkin' and the hacker ran herself through with a sword.”

GM: “If you could figure out a way to 'reform' Caps, the entire palace would worship the ground you walk on.”
Brazen: “... Take him to see Chrysalis?”
Rose: “That's less reformation and more sacrifice.”
GM: “Are you trying to get Caps Lock killed? Because that’s how you get Caps Lock killed.”

Love: “No one in the building has the surgery skills the letter suggested.”
Rose: “I do.”
Love: “Remind me never to piss you off.”

Justice Doom: “Do you know why you’re here?”
Chrysalis: “Because I snuck into your bed and showed your wife a better time than you ever did?”
Justice Doom: “You are charged with treason against Equestria, assault against its citizens, plotting to overthrow the government, conspiracy with our enemies, being our enemy, breaking out of jail, murder, and arson, among other crimes. Do you understand these charges?”
Chrysalis: “You forgot jaywalking.”

Rose: “Well I am a connoisseur of food.”
GM: “Says the mare that’ll not only eat everything put in front of her, but on three separate occasions has eaten something technically not classified as a 'food'.”