Personal Woes and Advice 5

[dehro]

this is probably silly advice which you're probably well ahead of, but I would not go and try to qualify yourself as one of the good guys, when you first broach this subject with someone new.
Here it makes sense because it comes on the tails of a pages long debate, but out there, your best option is to let people come to that conclusion on their own accord, if they're willing. If they are not, they're just going to assume that "that's what a bad one would say too".

[Dr.Samurai]

...people are stupid. Like really really really disturbingly stupid and panicky and prone to overreaction and honestly most of the world should probably be put on tranquilizers

Please. Don't judge people for being instinctively protective of their children. I'm sure it can manifest in some awful ways, and I'm not dismissing Jormengand's experiences in that sense. But this judgment and pronouncement that you're making is short-sighted and superficial.

If I have children, and I learn that my neighbor is a paedophile, do you think I'll be sending my kids over to play in his pool? Or asking him to watch the kids briefly because I'm late at work?

Do I *know* that my neighbor is "non-offensive"? Do I know that he hasn't conducted himself inappropriately with children before? Do I know there isn't a stash of child porn on his computer right now?

Is it worth the risk to my own children to give this person the benefit of the doubt and proceed as I would with any other person?

People have to make these judgment calls. And if you insist on letting everyone know that you're a paedophile, expect them to treat you very differently. Every time they see this person they'll instinctively think of their own kids. Yes, that will probably lead to alienation. No, this is not stupid. Unfair? Perhaps. Stupid? Not even in the slightest.

[WarKitty]

I expect the worry is more like "I don't want this person living on the same block as my children" or "I don't want to be in a store if they're there."

I think to most people's minds, that's not something you'd talk about or be open about unless you're someone who thinks that it should be ok. There are groups that argue that children, even very young children, have the same capacity as adults to give consent. So if you're open about it, they're going to assume that at best "non-offending" means "I would have sex with a toddler if it wasn't illegal."

I understand that's not where you're going, but it is likely to be what most people think. And even if you explain more, if it gets repeated you can expect most of the explanation to disappear in the repetition.

[WarKitty]

On a personal note:

My house is probably getting to health hazard state again. I'm really working on organizational skills, but I'm having a lot of trouble still. I know most of the ones I learned don't seem to work thanks mom, and it's hard to figure out how exactly to make them work. I'm finding I fatigue easily too.

I'm having some luck sorting things in sort of a multi-pass system. My historic problem was that cleaning tends to end up in a place of "well, this needs to go in that bin, but in order for it to fit this other thing has to move to some other spot, which means the papers there have to move..." and by the end of it I realize I have really just managed to move the mess rather than fixing it. I'm also having some luck taking bins to sort somewhere else - the laundromat seems to be good for this (it's also close to our local goodwill, which is nice). But it's still really hard to keep up with everything.

I would be entirely unsurprised if I did in fact have ADHD. But given how well me and mental health treatment get along, looking for an official diagnosis seems pointless.

Other challenges:
(1) It's very hard to remember where specific items go. My brain tends to pick a default drawer where everything should go, where it would be most handy. Unfortunately this tends to result in far more stuff that obviously has to go in this one spot than actually will go in that spot.
(2) I've heard endlessly to put things away right away, and it never actually seems to work. When I get home from the grocery store, the thought of going through all the work of putting everything away right then and there is just way too much to handle, especially if you want to add in things like making sure my shoes and my purse and my keys get put in a logical spot too. So stuff tends to sit out a lot because it's just way too much to get everything dealt with.
(3) I don't have a dishwasher at home, and the laundromat is about 20min away. The laundry one can be an issue, because much as it would be easier to manage fewer clothes, it tends to get pushed aside by the fact that it's hard to plan things when I'm constantly having to go do laundry. With cooking, the process of doing dishes reliably is very hard - the cooking isn't so bad if it wasn't for the fact that you have to wash so many dishes every single time.

[Bohandas]

Please. Don't judge people for being instinctively protective of their children.

I'm not even gonna get into the generalities of that matter because obsessively protective parents cause a lot of problems in society; not just related to this matter but related to all sorts of things. Censorship on tv for instance, and attempts to censor other media. And a vast myriad of other things. However if I tried to list all the problems caused by protective parents here it would turn into caustic acrimonious rant that would probably get me banned.

[Bohandas]

On a personal note:

My house is probably getting to health hazard state again. I'm really working on organizational skills, but I'm having a lot of trouble still. I know most of the ones I learned don't seem to work thanks mom, and it's hard to figure out how exactly to make them work. I'm finding I fatigue easily too.

I'm having some luck sorting things in sort of a multi-pass system. My historic problem was that cleaning tends to end up in a place of "well, this needs to go in that bin, but in order for it to fit this other thing has to move to some other spot, which means the papers there have to move..." and by the end of it I realize I have really just managed to move the mess rather than fixing it.

I've got a similar problem. I think it would work if I had more space to put things while they were in the intermediate state of being moved around but as it is it's like a computer drive that's too full to be properly defragmented

[2D8HP]

On a personal note....

Except of course for the fact that they'd have grown up enduring the same stuff as you, in reading your posts over the years WarKitty I really get the impression that it's a shame you don't have a big sister to turn to (a big brother might be helpful, but not for your clothes questions).

Oh well.

Hang in there, and best wishes.

[Bohandas]

With cooking, the process of doing dishes reliably is very hard - the cooking isn't so bad if it wasn't for the fact that you have to wash so many dishes every single time.

Maybe use paper plates? Even though you'd still have to wash pots and pans and stuff thet you've cooked in, at least you won;t have to wash plates as well

[Honest Tiefling]

I would be entirely unsurprised if I did in fact have ADHD. But given how well me and mental health treatment get along, looking for an official diagnosis seems pointless.

ADHD is a spectrum, most people will have a sign or three of it. However, if you genuinely think you have it (and didn't say that as a joke, I'm terrible at detecting that) please seek help. It is quite serious and does cause serious effects. It is important to get treated, because it is dangerous NOT to do so, as it will cause impairment in tasks such as driving a motor vehicle and ADHD is literally described as an inability to function.

PSA OVER!

As for the cleaning...Just make a pile. Shove everything into one corner, I'm not even kidding. If you need to move things to clean, just stack it all in one corner of the room and deal with it a bit at a time. Sometimes cleaning does involve just moving the mess around until it starts to get smaller.

As for the food, try to find recipes that involve one pot or plate or that you REALLY like. A part of the reward can be tasty food.

[WarKitty]

ADHD is a spectrum, most people will have a sign or three of it. However, if you genuinely think you have it (and didn't say that as a joke, I'm terrible at detecting that) please seek help. It is quite serious and does cause serious effects. It is important to get treated, because it is dangerous NOT to do so, as it will cause impairment in tasks such as driving a motor vehicle and ADHD is literally described as an inability to function.

Keep in mind pretty much every time I've sought mental health help it's caused serious effects that result in an inability to function for an extended period of time, included multiple cases of rapidly induced suicidal ideation from a previously fairly stable state, and where some form of normal functioning is only restored on the cessation of treatment.

Also, ADHD isn't progressive, so it's not like I'm going to start having problems with things I haven't been having problems with. That said, it's quite clear that what I'm doing now isn't making for a sustainable life where I can feed myself and live in acceptable conditions. So need to try something different.

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff: This is just a reminder to keep your posts on topic and away from all real world political discussion.

[WarKitty]

Except of course for the fact that they'd have grown up enduring the same stuff as you, in reading your posts over the years WarKitty I really get the impression that it's a shame you don't have a big sister to turn to (a big brother might be helpful, but not for your clothes questions).

Oh well.

Hang in there, and best wishes.

Yeah, the main thing here is I got a bunch of "You're not such a unique snowflake that the habits that work for literally everyone else won't work for you. You just don't want to." That happened a lot - mom's solution to pretty much everything tended to be to try harder.

Of course, now I'm realizing that the literally everyone else part isn't true anyway - lots of people find that certain organizational tools don't work for them. (And our house was a mess growing up anyway, my room was often the cleanest part.)

[dehro]

Put up a board with a bunch of Post-Its... One for each task that needs doing. Once you've done the task, take the Post-It down and write it again in a different colour. Work through the tasks one colour at the time

[WarKitty]

Put up a board with a bunch of Post-Its... One for each task that needs doing. Once you've done the task, take the Post-It down and write it again in a different colour. Work through the tasks one colour at the time

The main thing I'm struggling with right now is figuring out how to do tasks in a way that doesn't create even more tasks, plus keeping daily life from creating more tasks. Right now the big problem is that I can spend a lot of effort on getting one task done, but if 2 more area created during the same time it doesn't actually help much.

It's not that I'm not accomplishing tasks, it's that I keep getting a cascade effect where finishing one task creates a new task, and tasks are still piling up from things like laundry and grocery shopping and the like, and I'm spending a lot of effort for a net negative.

[Recherché]

Another ADD sufferer here. What I do is obsessively make lists of what needs to be done what priority it is and how long I think it should take. Then I work through the lists and check things off. If something is taking longer than I think it should have and it's not super high priority I abandon it as soon as I hit a stopping point. Obviously I'm not up to doing whatever today and I should move on to something else where I'll be more productive.

I also try to break tasks into the smallest possible components. It's not "clean the kitchen" it's "wash the mugs". That way I feel like I've finished something and can be satisfied and stop instead of working myself into a lather trying to do something enormous that I don't actually have the energy for.

Tasks always cascade a bit. You can't help it. However keeping to the list as much as possible means that I at least get the essentials done most days and I can work on the non-essentials on days when I have more time and energy. I keep an emergency supply of "no energy, no focus" food and other stuffs for days when I just can't deal with even the essentials as well. Because burning myself out trying to make things work on bad days is a lot worse for me than digging into a pre-made frozen dinner, plastic utensils and emergency clothes.

Last trick that works for me is multitasking when I can. A fair amount of chores don't require your full attention or have waiting periods. So bring along something else to do. I work on embroidery while waiting for laundry to finish and I have my home set up with speakers so I can listen to podcasts while washing dishes. Forcing myself to focus on something when it doesn't really need focus is a good way to burn myself out. Letting myself wander within safe boundaries keeps me sane-ish.

[sktarq]

Something I found helps....make habitual mini games or mini jobs....like when I put the kettle on for tea-I clean up the kitchen a bit-usually this means doing the dishes-but only until the keetle pops-keep rough mental note of how many I've done and try to beat last run....if no dishes scrub out the range...etc.

Use similar mini timers from life where i'm not "doing anything" to be productive. Restarting computer? Take out the trash while you wait, that sort of thing.

[Honest Tiefling]

Also, ADHD isn't progressive, so it's not like I'm going to start having problems with things I haven't been having problems with. That said, it's quite clear that what I'm doing now isn't making for a sustainable life where I can feed myself and live in acceptable conditions. So need to try something different.

ADHD isn't progressive, but it can cause depression, severe anxiety, chemical dependences, and vehicular accidents. So I don't really think it needs to be progressive, but I really do want folks who think they have it to get treatment, unless they are in a position such as you. You have a genuine reason to reconsider getting help.

Yeah, the main thing here is I got a bunch of "You're not such a unique snowflake that the habits that work for literally everyone else won't work for you. You just don't want to." That happened a lot - mom's solution to pretty much everything tended to be to try harder.

Let's just go ahead and assume you have ADHD, because it is seeming like advice for normal folks for whatever reason isn't working. The idea that things are piling up does make me think a good first step to consider to start small. Just get ONE thing done this week, no matter how small. Just ONE thing. And then keep doing THAT thing. Don't worry about the rest for now.

Doing things while waiting for tea to brew can also work, and has worked for me. I also find trying to stick to a schedule helpful.

[WarKitty]

The cascade problem is more...I can do that one task. But as I do that one task, the process of doing that task plus making sure I have food to eat and clothes to wear and all that, those create 2 or 3 more tasks. So tasks are being created faster than tasks are being done. Or tasks get done in a manner where I spend a lot of effort, but it doesn't really end up accomplishing a task. Like, the problem with organizing is I'll start sorting a pile, only I get worn out and overwhelmed and then it's in the way and I have to move it to get to the bathroom. So I start with a pile and I end with...another pile the same size as the first one but in a slightly different location.

I get the "just focus on one thing at a time" problem, but what ends up happening is those one things aren't getting done fast enough to keep up with the normal accumulation of trash and dishes and laundry and dirty toilets and all that. So I'm trying to figure out how to restructure things because what's happening is that I'm spending a lot of energy, but I'm still having things that need to be done created faster than I can handle them.

[RazorChain]

Is it worth the risk to my own children to give this person the benefit of the doubt and proceed as I would with any other person?

You should never give anybody benefit of the doubt. My opinion may be colored by my experiences from the military and private security but giving anybody the benefit of the doubt is monumentally stupid.

In my line of work it is one strike and you are out because the ONLY way to predict future behavior is to look at past behavior.

[Chen]

I'm having some luck sorting things in sort of a multi-pass system. My historic problem was that cleaning tends to end up in a place of "well, this needs to go in that bin, but in order for it to fit this other thing has to move to some other spot, which means the papers there have to move..." and by the end of it I realize I have really just managed to move the mess rather than fixing it. I'm also having some luck taking bins to sort somewhere else - the laundromat seems to be good for this (it's also close to our local goodwill, which is nice). But it's still really hard to keep up with everything.

Other challenges:
(1) It's very hard to remember where specific items go. My brain tends to pick a default drawer where everything should go, where it would be most handy. Unfortunately this tends to result in far more stuff that obviously has to go in this one spot than actually will go in that spot.
(2) I've heard endlessly to put things away right away, and it never actually seems to work. When I get home from the grocery store, the thought of going through all the work of putting everything away right then and there is just way too much to handle, especially if you want to add in things like making sure my shoes and my purse and my keys get put in a logical spot too. So stuff tends to sit out a lot because it's just way too much to get everything dealt with.
(3) I don't have a dishwasher at home, and the laundromat is about 20min away. The laundry one can be an issue, because much as it would be easier to manage fewer clothes, it tends to get pushed aside by the fact that it's hard to plan things when I'm constantly having to go do laundry. With cooking, the process of doing dishes reliably is very hard - the cooking isn't so bad if it wasn't for the fact that you have to wash so many dishes every single time.

Some thoughts:
1) Get rid of stuff. Im not sure why you’d constantly be having to put stuff into bins. Limit wardrobe, dont keep random papers you will almost certainly never need again. Set all your bill payments, banking and such to paperless. You’d be amazed at how much this saves in terms of organizing and throwing out mail.
2) Routine. When you get home take your shoes off and put them in the same place. Same with keys and purse and jacket. If these are actually problems making them routine and basically working off muscle memory is key. Make it something you dont have to think about. Really the same goes for groceries. I assume you dont forget to put things that go in the fridge away so focus yourself on putting things into familiar spots. If that means always buying the same groceries do so.
3) Get an attachment or something for your faucet that lets you get some high pressure from it. After a meal run the water very hot and rinse as much food as possible from plates/utensils. Generally its pretty quick. These still need to washed properly but rinsed like that they wont stink or attact bugs. Pile them up next to the sink. When you run out of dishes/utensils wash the WHOLE pile. Its tiring and inefficient but will get things done. Save for a dishwasher (even if its a portable one). They are the best kitchen appliance ever.

[WarKitty]

Spoiler

Show

Some thoughts:
1) Get rid of stuff. Im not sure why you’d constantly be having to put stuff into bins. Limit wardrobe, dont keep random papers you will almost certainly never need again. Set all your bill payments, banking and such to paperless. You’d be amazed at how much this saves in terms of organizing and throwing out mail.

I mean, where else would you keep stuff? Bins are good. When things are actually organized, they're in a bin. The headphones are in the electronics bin. The needle and thread and spare buttons are in the sewing bin. Extra cat toys are in the cat bin. It's summer, so most of my blankets are in the big bin.

The one problem I have with my wardrobe is finding the time and energy to wash clothes is hard. Spending 2-3 hours every single weekend just doing the laundry doesn't work well, and I haven't really found anything else I can do with that time.

2) Routine. When you get home take your shoes off and put them in the same place. Same with keys and purse and jacket. If these are actually problems making them routine and basically working off muscle memory is key. Make it something you dont have to think about. Really the same goes for groceries. I assume you dont forget to put things that go in the fridge away so focus yourself on putting things into familiar spots. If that means always buying the same groceries do so.

I've been trying to make myself do this for years. I'm finally having some luck if I put spots right by the door. But no matter what I do, coming in, taking my shoes off, walking over to the closet, putting my shoes away, and then going back to what I'm doing just doesn't happen.

That was always the biggest challenge as a kid and as an adult. I've been told, over and over and over again, I need routines, put things in the same places, all that sort of thing. But no matter what I try it doesn't seem to work. I've tried to set reminders, but after a few days I simply tune them out. I forget for days on end, or I only remember at 3am when I'm in bed.
I understand that routines are important, but all they seem to do is frustrate me.

With groceries, it's not that I forget, it's that the process of putting away groceries AND putting shoes away AND putting my purse away AND still having enough energy left over to get food back out and fix dinner and eat it is just way too much. I have lost cold foods to this because I'm just tired. I also find if I buy the same thing too often, I get bored with it and then I stop eating.

3) Get an attachment or something for your faucet that lets you get some high pressure from it. After a meal run the water very hot and rinse as much food as possible from plates/utensils. Generally its pretty quick. These still need to washed properly but rinsed like that they wont stink or attact bugs. Pile them up next to the sink. When you run out of dishes/utensils wash the WHOLE pile. Its tiring and inefficient but will get things done. Save for a dishwasher (even if its a portable one). They are the best kitchen appliance ever.

Might work? I don't have a lot of dishes - it's usually the cooking dishes that are the issue, not the eating dishes. So I only have 2 pots to boil things in, for example, and if one of them gets gummy with sauce it's a problem. And heaven help me if I actually burn something, it won't be cleaned for ages.

I don't know. I'm noticing I'm tired a lot too and I don't get hungry. I've been to the doctor before, but I won't be able to afford to go back unless I forgo the dental work I didn't get done last year. I ended up spending around 5k and it didn't go anywhere at all.

Less depressing version edit: A lot of what I'm doing right now is kind of focused on accepting that building the habits I think I "should" have isn't working, and trying different things. Once I can get to sustainable, maybe I can focus on better habits.

So right now, I have a clean laundry bin and a dirty laundry bin. I know laundry is supposed to be hung/folded and put away, but at least this way there aren't any clothes on the floor and I can tell what's been washed. I'm looking at putting some racks/boxes/hooks by the door for my purse and shoes, since getting to the closet isn't working. Maybe repurpose some of these old coffee tins to hold silverware and cooking utensils on the counter so I don't have to fuss with drawers.

I've spent years as an adult trying to make things work in the way an organized house should look, and it hasn't resulted in any improvement yet. Clearly, the answer is to try something else.

[Chen]

A lot of the examples you gave seem like minutiae. Perhaps prioritization is more needed. For example, shoes definitely dont need to go into a closet. Keep em by the door you’re going to use them again next time you leave anyways. Purse, same deal, leave it right next to your shoes. Keys, bowl/shelf by the door or in your purse.

Basic point is that you seem overwhelmed so its time to start cutting corners and you do that by getting rid of the minutiae. Things you use frequently dont need to be put away if you’re just going to take em out again often enough (headphones as an example you gave).

Ideally removing these more trivial items will leave you more energy for the priorities (i.e., getting cold food into a fridge right away). Putting groceries away right away IMO should be what you focus on first. All the shoes/purse/keys bit I already made suggestions for. Cooking after getting groceries either make it in advance (previous day’s leftovers for example) or get some sort of precooked meal for grocery day. The tasks after bringing groceries in will always have to be done. Minimizing them via elimination or pre-planning is the only real option. See if you can have your groceries delivered. Gives you some breathing room between doing the groceries and putting them away. Don’t know how common that is wherr you are, the big grocery stores do it here.

[WarKitty]

Ideally removing these more trivial items will leave you more energy for the priorities (i.e., getting cold food into a fridge right away). Putting groceries away right away IMO should be what you focus on first. All the shoes/purse/keys bit I already made suggestions for. Cooking after getting groceries either make it in advance (previous day’s leftovers for example) or get some sort of precooked meal for grocery day. The tasks after bringing groceries in will always have to be done. Minimizing them via elimination or pre-planning is the only real option. See if you can have your groceries delivered. Gives you some breathing room between doing the groceries and putting them away. Don’t know how common that is wherr you are, the big grocery stores do it here.

Grocery delivery is really not a thing here. And frankly I'm amazed when delivery services can even find me. It really looks like there shouldn't be an apartment here.

Honestly, I'm thinking getting cooking dishes under control is more important than food management. I don't buy much cold food lately, so it's getting better about getting it under control and at least getting cold food put away. Getting the kitchen itself clearer is probably going to be more important. I'm also honestly doing better by scratching the idea of weekly grocery shopping and grabbing stuff on the way home from work.

One asset I am working with here is I have a very good memory when I'm thinking about what I have. So I can pretty much sit here right now and tell you what there is to eat here. I'm getting pretty good at thinking about whether or not I have dinner/next day lunch when I leave work and then picking up a few items, rather than attempting menu planning and all that. This results in the consumption of a large amount of eggs, but there's worse options than that.

Hmm, now that I think about it - I seem to need about a 15min window when I get home. Trying to do much of anything in that window usually fails. But I suppose it would be simple enough to put a timer at the door. They have ones that reset to the original time when you turn them off.

Basic point is that you seem overwhelmed so its time to start cutting corners and you do that by getting rid of the minutiae. Things you use frequently dont need to be put away if you’re just going to take em out again often enough (headphones as an example you gave).

Side note: Headphones here are only used when I'm gaming with friends and need to avoid feedback. Also, I have a cat. Leaving something out doesn't mean it'll be in the same place the next morning.

A lot of the examples you gave seem like minutiae. Perhaps prioritization is more needed. For example, shoes definitely dont need to go into a closet. Keep em by the door you’re going to use them again next time you leave anyways. Purse, same deal, leave it right next to your shoes. Keys, bowl/shelf by the door or in your purse.

And this is where the stuff from my mother is bleeding through and I'm fighting against it. Because I'm used to the idea that only stupid, lazy people can't make things work, and I'm realizing that's not the case. But it's a lot of reevaluating what is and isn't important and thinking about alternate ways to accomplish it. I'm used to the idea that things have to be a certain way and having them not be that way is bad and why even bother if you can't do it properly?

I know what my mother would say. If you can't be bothered to hang up your clothes, what's the point of even buying clothes? You're seriously telling me you can't manage to walk across a room and put your shoes in the closet rather than leaving them by the door? You could do it if you'd actually try!

So yeah, there's probably going to be a lot of things that would be minutiae to a lot of people in that are something I have to actually sort out. Believe me, the idea that I could store my shoes somewhere other than my closet and not have it be some sort of banner announcing how lazy and worthless I am is rather revolutionary to my brain.

[Recherché]

It also sounds like you're fighting against a certain amount of perfectionism here whe "good enough" is your friend

[factotum]

Laundry is definitely one thing that works best as a routine, I think. I do two clothes washes a week (Thursday and Sunday mornings) and I do one set of ironing (Saturday evening). Every fortnight I have an extra wash on Saturday morning for bedclothes and towels. Seems to work well enough, although I maybe use less clothes than you do so you'd need to modify accordingly.

[Florian]

@WarKitty:

I don't think this is specific to your mother, but is something that is quite common across the after-war generation. Order, routine, or you're not worth it and everything is wasted on you, so to speak.

Long story short, when I moved to my first flat: Biohazard zone. Took some while to understand that how my parents did it is totally irrelevant to me, I had to work out my own system of order and routine that I'm comfy with and makes any sense in my head.

But: Part of that meant being critical with the whole basic setup, so to speak. Reducing everything to the least number of necessary steps and avoiding anything unnecessary.

To pick up two of your examples:

While I do have a shoe closet, that's for storing seasonal of special occasion shoes. My regular shoes for the current season are placed on a mat right next to the door, along with the house slippers.

While I do have an extensively stocked larder and everything is sorted by type, the stuff I use on a day-to-day basis just stands around at the counter top, unsorted.

Those things make sense to me, because I just want to do them without thinking about it, ie. open door, get out of shoes and into slippers, hang jacket on a hanger on the inside of the door, go to kitchen, unpack stuff to cook on the counter, prep food first and pack away what's not needed after that, eat and clean up tableware and working place in one go...

[WarKitty]

Laundry is definitely one thing that works best as a routine, I think. I do two clothes washes a week (Thursday and Sunday mornings) and I do one set of ironing (Saturday evening). Every fortnight I have an extra wash on Saturday morning for bedclothes and towels. Seems to work well enough, although I maybe use less clothes than you do so you'd need to modify accordingly.

The main thing on laundry is that not having an on-site laundry is definitely a motivation to do more clothes less frequently. There's not a whole lot else I can do while doing laundry, so it's quite a hassle and time sink.

It also sounds like you're fighting against a certain amount of perfectionism here whe "good enough" is your friend

I mean, that's kind of what I'm saying. I'm realizing I got the idea in my head that everyone else was able to keep an organized house with little to no effort. Settling for "good enough" was basically admitting you were either so extremely lazy or so majorly incompetent that you had to struggle to do things everyone else did easily.

Now I'm realizing that (1) a lot of people struggle with organization, and (2) people who struggle with things others find easy aren't worth less anyway.

[2D8HP]

The main thing on laundry is that not having an on-site laundry....

We had the same issue (apartment, without a laundry) when our son was born so we got a Ventless Washer & Dryer Combo with the hook-up so that it gets water from and drains into the kitchen sink.

Besides the space it takes the disadvantage of it was that washing and especially drying takes longer than the machines at the laundromat (and heavy blankets, sleeping bags, et cetera won't fit), but it's at home!

[WarKitty]

We had the same issue (apartment, without a laundry) when our son was born so we got a Ventless Washer & Dryer Combo with the hook-up so that it gets water from and drains into the kitchen sink.

Besides the space it takes the disadvantage of it was that washing and especially drying takes longer than the machines at the laundromat (and heavy blankets, sleeping bags, et cetera won't fit), but it's at home!

Honestly a dryer by itself would do a lot. In my experience it's not terribly hard to handwash clothes for one. But the lack of a spin cycle leaves them a lot wetter than coming out of a washing machine, and it's rather humid around here. So line drying is really only useful if you're looking to document new strains of mildew.

Might be able to get away with a good dehumidifier for that though.

(That's my other resolution - I am replacing my sweaters come winter with stuff that GOES IN THE FREAKING DRYER.)

[Jormengand]

So the vulnerable girl was attacked again today, and got drunk off her face to try to forget about it. Now I'm sitting on the other end of Messenger wondering what to do, or what to say. I know how to save the life of someone who's bleeding out in front of me, but I have no idea how to save the life of someone who's being abused a couple of hundred miles away. I'm just sitting here, powerless to do much but try to comfort her. Knowing that something is essentially out of your hands, but having just enough ability to influence the result that you feel forced to spend time doing so, is a horrible feeling - you're obliged to focus on something that you can barely influence and you can only hope it will be okay.

What can I say to make it better? How the hell can I save her? I just... I feel totally helpless.