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2009-02-19, 03:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
I've always found people more or less attractive based on the calibur of their personalities rather than their physical looks, but then, I'm very strange.
Of course, I occasionally get bloody lucky and find a girl who's both a fantastic person and drop dead gorgeous. O'course, I always fail at step 2, having them like me.
Neither is Felix. I trip over a lot.
Personally Klose, I think you should try to forget about girls for a while and just enjoy being single - you're not in a good place for any love affairs right now and it all seems so sordid. I'd rest back and wait till something better comes along... believe me, being single is pretty fun
Heh. Thankyou It's so refreshing to talk to a person who does not yet understand my potential for foolishness
What I wouldn't give for your love skills I kid.
Coid, I don't think I can tell you anything you don't already know - this too shall pass, and sooner or later things will improve. I might reccomend the same advice I gave to Klose.Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-19, 05:00 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Aright, bit o' Honesty for Serpentine time: To what extent am I justified in being... some combination of annoyed, frustrated, insulted and peeved, that both ex and his girlfriend, my former friend, have started working at the front desk of my work?
Some possible pertinent information:
1. They both know I work there, and have been for a year already.
2. They are both working at the front desk. This means that I have to see them (or more likely, one one day and the other the next) every time I go in, and every time I leave.
3. They're working in IT. That means that any time I need computer help, there is a good chance I'll have to speak to one of them.
4. She mentioned to my beau that they'd gotten jobs at the uni (though she didn't say what, or where), in the context of "We're just so awesome at writing resumes, that we both got the first job we applied for!" That makes my hoped-for explanation, that they're just desperate for work and wouldn't have applied for that job if they had another choice, less likely, and more likely that it's a case of stupidity and/or selfishness.
5. They know I still can't handle being around them or even really seeing them. I know that she, at least, also finds it extremely uncomfortable having to even so much as momentarily make eye contact. They know, or at least could guess, that it would distress, discomfort or even outright upset me. I can't think that it would be especially comfortable or pleasant for them, either.
Now, I know I obviously have no right to dictate where they do or do not work - oh boy does he know his rights. I don't think that makes it any less rude, and surely they realise that it's just begging for trouble.
Really, I'm pretty over it at the moment. I've made it clear, from a distance, that I'm decidedly unimpressed with their appointment, and now I intend to just ignore them. I'm still bemused and irked by their decision, though.
Annnnnnd... over it 'least as far as here is concerned.
...
Nah, I got no advice for anyone this time. I'm having trouble with a friend of mine, but I don't know where to start articulating, much less expect to be able to get anything useful. Ah well.Last edited by Serpentine; 2009-02-19 at 05:09 AM.
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2009-02-19, 05:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- the abyss (aka NJ)
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
So my love life may or may not have just received a steroid shot to the arm:
Question: If a girl calls you "sir" what does that mean? Oh and the context is we're both college freshman taking the same art class. It's probably nothing, but I thought it was an odd choice of words to use.
In other news, I got an odd text the other day. Someone (not sure about gender, assuming girl based on message) text me out of the blue. No idea who it is. To quote the message, it said:
"hii :P I got ur numbr off a friend, I bet you won't guess who I am! LOL I'm so shy.. u can find me online, my page is ---*"
I tried to text them back but there was no return number. Weird.
*For obvious privacy reasons, I not giving out the web page.
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2009-02-19, 05:27 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Serp, I'd say you entirely within your rights to feel how ever you want to feel - unfortunately other than send them bad vibes, theres not much you can do unless one or both of them actually starts to harass you. Stay the course and continue to ignore them as best you can - unfortunately theres not much else you can do.
BM, I don't pretend to understand women... but I try. And I personally would have to say that a girl calling you sir, to me, doesn't seem to bely any romantic feelings - rather, it could be the other way around, since such a formal term might be a sign of distance. It really depends on how she said it and in what context. As for the text message... do you have any friends around with your phone number? And did you check out the web page? Do you recognise it? Do you think you could be interested in someone with such poor text speech? Also, not to bring you down, but since there was no return message, are you absolutely certain it's not phone spam that will download a virus to your computer?Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-19, 05:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Nottingham, England
- Gender
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2009-02-19, 02:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
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2009-02-19, 08:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
I get the same sort of emails, generally telling me that country girls like several things that make me go
Last edited by Felixaar; 2009-02-19 at 08:35 PM.
Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-20, 06:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- A Fine Shanty Town
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Ah, but the second that I stop trying my life loses this delightful sitcommish element. I'm literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Wait, no, it's still metaphorical.
SOMEUPDATES:
Had entire conversations with girl who sits next to me in maths. We would appear to be getting on really well, but there's still a bit of skull****ery about her.
Girl who freaked me out hung out with me and my friends today, and it was surprisingly non-awkward. Good times. She still scares the **** out of me, but don't tell her that, especially seeing as how eager she was to hug me.*Splendid Goatatar by that cool kid Serpentine
"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world"
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2009-02-20, 06:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Oh, right. I know that feeling Well, do it the way you want to I suppose.
Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-20, 07:55 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
@Serp: A wise man once said: Never attribute to malice, what can be sufficiently explained by stupidity.
I'm pretty certain they are not doing this to purposely antagonize you. They may or may not even know how much pain they are causing you.
But if they do, they either just don't care, or they have more important things to worry about than further ticking off former friend whom they have already offended. (Like having a job/career in the company of their dreams).
In any case, the best retort to this, is usually to show that you don't care that much and have moved on.
As PlayerZero mentioned, look at whether the site is reputable. And don't trust it simply because "myspace" of "facebook" is somewhere in the title. Lots of scammers can easily add a popular site's name into the address. E.g. myspace.spammers.com is NOT the same as www.myspace.com.
If you still need help deciphering it, you can post the main url without the specific page. E.g. "http://www.giantitp.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=30" would have the main url of "http://www.giantitp.com/". This lets us judge (part of) the address without breaching privacyLast edited by JeminiZero; 2009-02-20 at 08:04 AM.
ESPRE Super Powers Roleplay Engine: An open game RPG about super powers.
Spoiler
Trissociate 3.5 Homebrew Base Class. Mix & match abilites & templates to make virtually any sort of character! Emerald Legion A Mind Flayer's guide to breeding Ikea Tarrasques The Blob Ikea Tarrasques Redux through Fusion+Astral Seed Spellblade Tennis Throw out nigh infinite spells per round Sleeping Raven Infinite Blood Frenzy Nigh infinite melee damage exploit
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2009-02-20, 09:09 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Heheh, I live by that quote. Trouble is, sometimes things can't be sufficiently explained by stupidity... And somehow I doubt that working IT in a university library is the job/career of the dreams of a guy with a Bachelor of Communications and doing a Diploma of Education, or a girl with a Bachelor of Arts in Linguistics. But yeah, I know. It's just, you know, they insisted that they gave a flying expletive about me, and this is just yet another action that indicates quite the opposite.
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2009-02-20, 09:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Serp - perhaps they have no consideration for your feelings.
If they arn't your friends anymore, then its understandable that they show you no consideration. If you're not someones friend its a bit silly to waste time worrying about their feelings
If they did it to get at you, its a bit pathetic
Either way - making a big deal out of it, no matter how much it currently pains you, is counter productive. It either draws attention to something which isn't an issue, OR, plays into their hands... neither of which is desirable. Obviously you've still not gotten over the issue, and thats fair enough, but allowing yourself to get drawn into it won't help you in the long term
tough it out, act professional, and leave it at that - you'll feel MUCH better about yourself in the long term for it
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2009-02-20, 07:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- London, UK
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
I have a problem in a nascent relationship: I'm sort of with someone really smart, and really fun, and we enjoy spending time together a great deal... but on the other hand, I'm a long way from head-over-heels for reasons I can't identify. And I've just realised that I have no exit strategy. Particularly as I've just been moved into the same office as her at our Uni.
It would be unimaginably awkward to end this, no matter how I do it. I see no way to broach a conversation about how I really feel about her - it goes well beyond what we've talked about in terms of avoiding awkwardness with the new office arrangements. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be just a friend-with-benefits (as a friend, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want that for her anyway); and the longer this goes on, the worse it'll be if/when it does come crashing down.
OK, some details. We're both PhD students, she's Canadian, I'm British, I'm 28 and she's 36, we've known each other four months and been going out for one. I've never really been beyond this stage in a relationship before; the last time I started one (when I was 24) I ended it soon after since I was going to work in Uganda for two years (which turned into three). The previous one (also when I was 24) was ended soon after it started by the other party partly because she was going back to the States from London... and prior to that, there just wasn't very much happening in this way at all.
Right now, I see only two options that are remotely decent. Should I wait, and give us a chance, and just see how things go? Or should we talk right away, and work out how we feel about this? Your thoughts on my choices would be greatly appreciated.
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2009-02-21, 12:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Paddy - sometimes it takes a while for things to kick in... but as long as you keep it casual for the time being, and if the subject is broached, be honest about your feelings, at least to a point. As long as you tell her you don't want to rush further into the relationship, and just want to take things easy, then that will stop any awkwardness of being lead on... but i think giving it a fair chance is ok if you're honest with her about your feelings
if you don't mind my asking, what is it about her, or your situation that makes it unexciting?
RE: office awkwardness after ending things. As long as you act like a professional in the office, you'll be fine. Show her some consideration, by all means, but if you need to discuss something work related with her, then get on with it. If you act timid around her wondering how things will be then she may start asking herself "hes acting like there is a problem - is there a problem?". Sure you may not be best office buddies, but you can still certainly be great colleagues - as long as you end things in a respectful manner.
If however it does become an issue and affects your work, then ask the dean to relocate you if possible
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2009-02-21, 01:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
I'd play it by ear for a little. Right now, you seem to not know whether or not you think she is right for a long term relationship. Waiting a little bit to make this decision is alright.
However, she is 36, which means her biological clock is ticking. You do owe it to her to make a decision fairly soon. Take a month or so to reflect whether or not she is right for you and then make a decision.
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2009-02-21, 03:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Should I be worried at the vehemence with which my friends are suggesting I burn one of my ex's shirts that I just found where it had gotten lost in between my bed and the wall?
Considering that we're not openly trying to kill one another or anything.
v: Oh no, we're still talking. But I can't give it back since I don't wanna mess with her parents while she's in china, studying abroad.
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2009-02-21, 05:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Knoxville, TN
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Yes.
That sort of thing isn't healthy.
Burn wood, nothing else.
I mean, you probably don't want a reminder of her around... Have you considered giving it back to her? If you aren't speaking/don't have a mutual friend/can't bear to have a reminder of her around... I suggest giving it to goodwill. That way, it can suit someone else. Awfully wasteful to burn it. Not as bad as burning books, but pretty close, in my opinion.I am continuing to have a social life. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Serious-Jedi-Me-Avatar by RTG0922. Thanks. Cat-assassin-avatar by onasuma, who I was too dumb to thank. Thanks for that too!
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2009-02-21, 11:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- London, UK
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Wish I knew. It's not altogether a bad thing - I have a small obsessive streak that comes out when I really am head-over-heels about someone. Thank you for your advice - you make a lot of sense.
@Snoopy,
Yeah, I had considered the biological clock thing, and the related matter that if she wants to have kids she's right up against the deadline now. It's a conversation that maybe we'll have should things get more serious, and that I'm obviously not looking forward to.
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2009-02-21, 11:42 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
re: the whole biological clock thing...
not every woman WANTS children, and its pretty presumptuous to make any assumptions. So until she brings that up - or makes her views on the matter clear - it should not enter into your consideration
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2009-02-21, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Paddy, it's only been a month. Some relationships that work really well don't have the head over heels thing, some start off slower and you realize "Hey, I really really like this person". Maybe if you normally have the head over heels obsessive streaks, perhaps this is a healthier start than before.
As for the biological clock, I'm betting that if she's a PhD student, 36, and not pressuring a serious relationship by now that it's muted or non-existent. As Pancake said, not all women have or listen to their's. I wholeheartedly second that.
Coid, yeah...I'd be worried if friends were doing that, especially if there is a lack of malice between you and the ex. Just give the shirt back or give it to Goodwill or something if there is no way to contact her.Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-02-21, 02:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
OK, Syk, this has been nagging at me for a while now - assuming "Oz" is a pseudonym, did you call him after Oz from BtvS on purpose?
...Yeah. That's my big, serious relationship question.
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2009-02-21, 02:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Actually, no. I don't watch Buffy, actually.
I have another friend (who I've known longer) with the same name as him, so before we began dating my sister dubbed him the Other Z, or OZ for short (it just got confusing otherwise). The nickname just kinda...stuck. I actually call him that more in real life than his true name.
His old college friends who knew him by a different nickname or his real name actually like Oz a heck of a lot better, and it's approved by him, so it works.Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I envy the way that you move
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause I want something a little bit louder
Show me how pretty the world is
'Cause you're brilliant when you try
Show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
-Matt Nathanson "Pretty the World"
Various Syka-Foxes done by the wonderful Ceika
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2009-02-21, 02:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
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2009-02-22, 01:52 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Knoxville, TN
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
I am continuing to have a social life. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Serious-Jedi-Me-Avatar by RTG0922. Thanks. Cat-assassin-avatar by onasuma, who I was too dumb to thank. Thanks for that too!
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2009-02-22, 04:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Coid, don't go giving the shirt to goodwill - I almost lost a jacket to goodwill once and it was the most horrifying day of my life (it was a good jacket). Save it for her until an appropriate time to give it back.
Pad, I'd say don't worry about it just yet. Don't say things you don't mean or make actions that suggest things you don't mean, but there's no need to cast doubt. Things may work out, or the may not - so long as she doesn't think she's been guaranteed anyting she hasn't, then it's all okay.Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-22, 05:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Recent events have made it clear to me that I'm more bothered by this whole affair than I've been letting myself believe. Which I find somewhat bothersome, for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that, prior to now, I've been quite successful at being happy in spite of whatever external stimuli present themselves. Or, at least, I've been able to control the external stimuli to the point where I can make myself happy. I dunno. Point is it worked. Recently I've been having trouble just taking an interest in my surroundings.
I mean, this is completely stupid, and I know it's completely stupid. Not only is this stupid, but it's completely contrary to how I normally react to things. I'm used to either just making jokes or behaving in an ultra-rational manner in times of stress. I should be way past the point where I feel the need to whine incessantly about anything. The only reasonable conclusion I can come to is that part of me wants to feel like this.
It wouldn't be so bad, maybe, if I was able to open up to people more easily. I was talking with a buddy the other night, one of my oldest friends, and the only reason I was even able to tell him about this is that he related a similar problem to me. And even then I couldn't say anything beyond relating the facts without any emotional input. I mean, heck, the only reason I even started posting here was because I forgot that Felix posts here, and the first time he responded to something I wrote I freaked the heck out. I've since gotten used to the idea, but having someone I know find out things about me is something I have extreme difficulty with.
I mean, I do have one or two confidants, but I try not to bring up this subject a lot, just because it's all I really want to talk about, and I don't want to irritate them by just talking about one thing.
Part of me wants to just forget about this, let it fade. I mean, I could; it wasn't just a passing thought when I speculated that part of me wants to feel like this. I think part of it is that it's been so long since I've seen her that this is the only thing I currently can feel, and it's better than nothing. Some days it's hard to remember. So I could just forget. It would be much less troublesome. Then again, maybe a little mental distress is good for me. It's been so long since mental distress really challenged me that I might have been getting complacent. Anyways, I don't start things to quit them. So forgetting isn't even an option. It never was.
Well, I needed that. Thanks for bearing through.
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2009-02-22, 05:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
Joe, I hope you know and feel that you can trust me with such things - after all, I'm as much an impartial and zipper-mouthed observor as anyone.
Have you any way of contacting the girl? Because I think it's really time to go double or nothing and roll the dice on this one, so that you can move on form there.Live, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-02-22, 05:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
No, it isn't that I think you'll tell anyone, and I don't think I'd even care very much if you did. It's not you; as I said, I have this problem with my oldest and most trusted friends. The only person I really feel comfortable telling things to is this one girl I know, and that's largely because a lot of our relationship early on consisted of her telling me deep personal secrets about herself while she was going through a bad breakup and needed a neutral party to talk to (at least, from my point of view they were deep and personal), so there's probably a certain level of familiarity there, or something. I just have trouble opening up to people, for whatever reason.
Double-or-nothing is pretty much my plan, I just need time to implement it as she is currently across the country. So I'm just twiddling my thumbs until then. I think she'll be back in about a week, though, so I'll act then.
Edit: To be clear, I'm more concerned that my emotional state is what it is at the moment. Not having a plan would be very un-me.
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2009-02-22, 03:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Location
- Stillwater, Oklahoma
- Gender
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2009-02-22, 03:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Nottingham, England
- Gender