Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[AuthorGirl]

* I may no longer make elaborate plans and expect them to go well
** yes I am a novice DM

[Lord Raziere]

* I may no longer make elaborate plans and expect them to go well
** yes I am a novice DM

*** May not take four arcs and try to put them together into one big arc so that I can do all of them.
**** May not expect my players to go in stages so that I can nicely and cleanly only do one threat at a time so as to prevent overload of my own brain
***** Next time I'm just slamming the threat down and not letting them defeat the villain until what I've wanted to happen happens, even if they can interact and fight with the villain.

[AuthorGirl]

*** May not take four arcs and try to put them together into one big arc so that I can do all of them.
**** May not expect my players to go in stages so that I can nicely and cleanly only do one threat at a time so as to prevent overload of my own brain
***** Next time I'm just slamming the threat down and not letting them defeat the villain until what I've wanted to happen happens, even if they can interact and fight with the villain.

. . . oh

Uh, thank you.

Very much.

[Lord Raziere]

. . . oh

Uh, thank you.

Very much.

* May not assume the players will ignore a comment tossed out before my character teleports away
** May not assume that just because I want things to go slow that the players won't react faster than the arc is supposed to
*** May not count upon all the PC's being on one planet when the new arc starts
**** May not assume that the PC's know that something is sequence breaking
***** In fact lets just try to stop having these plot structures at all. They inevitably get ruined anyways. Instead maybe think in terms of characters rather than plots.

[AuthorGirl]

** May not assume that just because I want things to go slow that the players won't react faster than the arc is supposed to

That, most of all! In one session, they speed-ran three sessions' worth of my planning . . . ah well, I've got a cool experience to give them now (and possibly some treasures at the end).

Hide-and-seek in the dark with deadly weapons, awwww yiss

[Fable Wright]

* May not assume the players will ignore a comment tossed out before my character teleports away
** May not assume that just because I want things to go slow that the players won't react faster than the arc is supposed to
*** May not count upon all the PC's being on one planet when the new arc starts
**** May not assume that the PC's know that something is sequence breaking
***** In fact lets just try to stop having these plot structures at all. They inevitably get ruined anyways. Instead maybe think in terms of characters rather than plots.

Players are, collectively, the definition of High-Int Low-Wis. Collectively, they know what you're trying to do, and exactly what to do about it.

And armed with this foreknowledge, they will do the last thing you expect. Planning to account for this will only make you more surprised at what actually happens.

DMing is a strange game. The only winning move is to actually play.

* When the DM asks us to make an NPC as a shared part of our characters' backstory, we are no longer allowed to make him Samuel L. Jackson.
** He did not meet a PC in a dark room and propose an initiative to avenge fallen heroes.
*** He does not have incredibly strong opinions on dwarven credit lines.
**** He was not attacked by a shark immediately after a heartrending speech.
***** Nor did he hire the party's Druid to become the shark for the event.
****** No one has heard him loudly complain about reptiles while moving at speeds where the doppler effect kicks in.
******* He does not only have one eye.
******** He is not friends with "The Gimp"
********* He has not faked his death many times, to the point no one will actually believe when he dies.
********** I don't care if eight players bought into this gag, never again!

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot have more weapons than the rest of the party has limbs.
** Especially if that's just my axes.
*** I am to blame when the GM makes us track encumbrance.

[Katrina]

**** May not expect my players to go in stages so that I can nicely and cleanly only do one threat at a time so as to prevent overload of my own brain.

So much this in my recent WoD game. I have likened my single player (its pbp) to a small child just walking around and kicking over anthills.

* Foreshadowing has no place in an rpg, it either confuses players or tips your hand to the genre savvy.
* Players do not appreciate unforeseen consequences, even if warned of them by the most intelligent and occult knowledgable npc in the game.
* The warning of this item "never fulfilling a wish the way you expect." Was apparently too subtle.
* Transforming the love interest of the character who is potentially immortal into a short lived Feytouched is bad form and makes my player hate himself.

[TeChameleon]

* Foreshadowing has no place in an rpg, it either confuses players or tips your hand to the genre savvy.

* No longer allowed to use my players' genre-savviness against them by using misleading foreshadowing. Apparently making my players terrified of irrelevant scenery dressing is poor form. Especially when other things in the scene description that they thought were bits of irrelevant scenery dressing actually were a horrifying threat .

* Players do not appreciate unforeseen consequences, even if warned of them by the most intelligent and occult knowledgable npc in the game.

In my experience, players usually are the unexpected consequences. Maybe yours just don't like competition?

[Knaight]

*No longer allowed to inspire other GMs to run games that also feature cannibalism.
*No longer allowed to preface mind reading attempts with "Can you do me a favor: Don't think about the location of [hidden item]"
**For that matter, I'm probably just no longer allowed to have mind reading at all.

[Anonymouswizard]

* There is such a thing as too many throwing weapons.
** It starts before the point I need to use a bag of holding to carry my throwing weapons.
*** Archery Style does not apply to thrown weapons. Sharpshooter definitely does not. Surprisingly Dueling Style does work with them.
**** This really should be all moot because I primarily use my longbow...

Seriously, the party has two warriors. One got ridiculous stats and is playing an Aragorn expy. I was originally going to be a Barbarian but after rolling stats decided to go for a Fighter who carries as many mundane weapons as they can, blowing most of my background GP on a warhammer and then picking up a sling as the only real ranged bludgeoning option.

[Belac93]

*Implanting lightning rods in my head will not let me read the wind's mind.
**I cannot mind-control a thunderstorm.
***Just because I'm immune to lightning does not mean I can use lightning strikes as ropes.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The sky is not held up by four infinitely tall stacks of centaurs.

Brought to you by this month's Unearthed Arcana.

[Personification]

* The sky is not held up by four infinitely tall stacks of centaurs.

Brought to you by this month's Unearthed Arcana.

Obviously, four infinitely tall stacks of centaurs could wobble (or maybe not, because infinity is literally the point where all universal scientific and mathematical truths break down and nukes turn into whales and flower pots with bad karma). Obviously the sky is held up by three (a much more stable (no pun intended) number) of centaurs.

[John Campbell]

* The sky is not held up by four infinitely tall stacks of centaurs.

Brought to you by this month's Unearthed Arcana.

Of course not. It's held up by stacks of goliaths using Powerful Build to count as Medium for the purposes of riding, but Large for the purposes of being ridden.

** We may not exploit Powerful Build to play a totem pole of goliaths riding goliaths riding goliaths, all with lances and Spirited Charge.

[Reltzik]

* No longer allowed to combine feats, skill unlocks, and weapon enchants to the point where sniping from cover makes it EASIER for me to hide.
** That's supposed to be a -20 penalty to Stealth, for Gruumsh's sake!
*** No, I'm NOT firing arrows in such a way that they "misdirect" the enemy, they travel in an almost-straight line which leads right back to me, THAT'S FREAKING WHY THEY'RE CALLED ARROWS!
**** "Immortality through obscurity" is not a thing, and the DM will prove this by killing my low-HP, low-AC character just as soon as one of the villains passes a perception check.

[Reltzik]

Also:

***** The correct response to the DM griping about my +49 modifier to Stealth is NOT "Oh, wait, the bonus from Skill Focus increases when I have this many ranks, so it's actually +52. Sorry, thought it was lower."

[Anonymouswizard]

Obviously, four infinitely tall stacks of centaurs could wobble (or maybe not, because infinity is literally the point where all universal scientific and mathematical truths break down and nukes turn into whales and flower pots with bad karma). Obviously the sky is held up by three (a much more stable (no pun intended) number) of centaurs.

You want to support something as important as the sky without any contingencies?

Also:

***** The correct response to the DM griping about my +49 modifier to Stealth is NOT "Oh, wait, the bonus from Skill Focus increases when I have this many ranks, so it's actually +52. Sorry, thought it was lower."

I've had bad experiences with stealth modifiers, including a third level character who minmaxed stealth to the extent that if he rolled an 11 an ordinary guard wouldn't be able to see him with a natural twenty. Then got annoyed when I applied negative modifiers to stealth per bolt fired from the same location. Admittedly I made the modifiers too high, but he was annoyed about not being completely undetectable whole firing his heavy crossbow (with full sneak attack).

On the other hand, if he'd just been willing to move about a bit and reroll his Hide check it would have been fine.

[Personification]

You want to support something as important as the sky without any contingencies?

Of course, every religion needs an apocalypse scenario:

"And lo, the sinners will wail and the seas will tremble. And a plague shall sweep through the land, and smite even the gods. And the plague shall thusly enfeeble three Kings of the Centaur Pinnacles. And thus these three kings, Atlas, Yurtle, and Chiron, shall be laid low and stricken by the plague. And thus the three great towers of the Centaur Pinnacles shall crumble and fall. And the firmament, being thusly unsupported, shall fall and sunder on the blistering earth, as the end comes and the great abyss swallows the world. But then a new world shall be born from the ashes of its predecessor........."

And so on.

[DigoDragon]

* If my fat flank threatens half a TPK, I'm getting a Bowflex.

[Rater202]

*Proper gun use and actually aiming instead of firing wildly in random directions is not the Orkish equivalent of Ultra Instinct.

[sengmeng]

*I will not let my 14-year-old cousin play as a giant talking squirrel and expect him to not act like a total psycho.

[Guizonde]

*I will not let my 14-year-old cousin play as a giant talking squirrel and expect him to not act like a total psycho.

... my dm is currently regretting letting me play a giant white rabbit. according to him, "it's not believable that a giant rabbit plays a respected arms dealer".

also, sengmeng, "crazy" like conker or more like screwy squirrel?

[Anonymouswizard]

*I will not let my 14-year-old cousin play as a giant talking squirrel and expect him to not act like a total psycho.

** May not expect 14 year olds to play characters that act like anything but a total psycho.

... my dm is currently regretting letting me play a giant white rabbit. according to him, "it's not believable that a giant rabbit plays a respected arms dealer".

Is it wrong that I see nothing wrong with it?

[sengmeng]

** May not expect 14 year olds to play characters that act like anything but a total psycho.

Actually, between my 12 year old son and 13 and 14 year old cousins, the 12 year old was the voice of reason.

Edit: I just finished typing that and realized it's not really a counterpoint.

[Anonymouswizard]

Actually, between my 12 year old son and 13 and 14 year old cousins, the 12 year old was the voice of reason.

Edit: I just finished typing that and realized it's not really a counterpoint.

Yeah, 12 year olds can go either way.

[JAL_1138]

*The 11-year-old should probably not be the one with the most-optimized build at the table.
**Nor should the 11-year-old be playing one of only two PCs out of six whose alignment isn't "greedy muderhobo" or "insane goblin."
***The actual insane goblin PC should not be the other one, and should probably be the one with the "insane goblin" alignment, instead of the human noble paladin.

(For anyone wondering, the 11-year-old was playing a rock gnome wizard with Resilient: Con. And yes, this means that SOMEHOW THE TINKER GNOME AND THE GOBLIN WERE THE LEAST-CRAZY ONES. Up is down, black is white, dogs and cats living together, etc.)

[sengmeng]

also, sengmeng, "crazy" like conker or more like screwy squirrel?

More like a serial killer.

[Reltzik]

* The phrase "Half-Kender, Half-Tinker-Gnome" may no longer be uttered during polymorph spells, illusion spells, shadow spells, summoning spells, calling spells, disguise checks, perform checks, craft checks, character creation, at exactly-timed moments when someone is taking a drink, or ever.

[Personification]

... my dm is currently regretting letting me play a giant white rabbit. according to him, "it's not believable that a giant rabbit plays a respected arms dealer".

Is it wrong that I see nothing wrong with it?

I bet its because he has a pocket watch. As everyone knows, anthropomorphized white rabbits are fine, but the pocket watch shatters suspension of disbelief.