Any good D&D Jokes?

[TheManicMonocle]

So, I want to change up my signature to a different D&D joke every once in awhile, any suggestions? I prefer "pithy one liners," but I'll also laugh at longer ones, probably won't use them though.

[JNAProductions]

There's an old thread about this. Here.

[Jay R]

RP diem! (Roleplay the day!)

Carpe DM! (Seize the Dungeon Master!)

[Armok]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler

Show

Roll for insight.

[Scarlet Knight]

Minotaur: "Yes, my upper half is a mighty bull and my lower half is human."
" Dude, that's such a bad break" replied the centaur.

[Keldrin]

Why do elves have pointy ears?

So they can count to twelve!

[lio45]

That alignment one in your sig has just made me realize it's entirely possible for this one to play out in real life, all you need for it is a nerdy shop employee:

A man brings a red-and-white 1958 Plymouth Fury into a tire shop/garage and asks if they could check its alignment; shop guy takes a look and guesses "Evil".

[TheChelaxian]

Rolls Perform (comedy)

Who gives the best hickeys?
A neck romancer!

How do you measure the radius of an enchanted forest?
Find the centaur!

What do you call a bard with a lot of hit points?
A con artist!

What do you call a dragon after it eats a group of adventurers?
A party pooper!

Those do anything for ya?

[onikataki]

Rolls Perform (comedy)

Who gives the best hickeys?
A neck romancer!

How do you measure the radius of an enchanted forest?
Find the centaur!

What do you call a bard with a lot of hit points?
A con artist!

What do you call a dragon after it eats a group of adventurers?
A party pooper!

Those do anything for ya?

LOL Those are great.

When I first saw the title of this topic,I was going to say My Brother... perhaps the biggest joke playing Dungeons & Dragons. I mean how many people can manage to single handed kill off one of every Gem, Chromatic, and Metallic Dragonsjust by playing as one in Counsel of Wurms?!

[gooddragon1]

Another name for casting defensively?
Focus Pocus.

[onikataki]

I think I may have to borrow some of these for my next game night lol.

[Armok]

A human, a dragonborn, and a halfling walk into a bar.

The dwarf had darkvision.

[JaggedSun]

A human, a dragonborn, and a halfling walk into a bar.

The dwarf had darkvision.

Yep, using this one for sure.

[JaggedSun]

What do you call 1 gnome at the bottom of the ocean? a problem
What do you call 10 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean? a problem
What do you call 1000 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean? a problem
What do you call EVERY SINGLE GNOME IN THE UNIVERSE at the bottom of the ocean? problem solved.

[Gaurdian_Angel1]

WHy do dragons not eat paladins?
BECAUSE THEY TASTE TOO LAWFUL!!!

[shawnhcorey]

Q: You met a group of spearmen marching down the road. How do you know they are dwarves?

A: They're call chanting:
Pointy end goes out.
Pointy end goes out.
Pointy end goes out.
...

Q: What do you call an elf that can count past 10?

A: Barefooted.

Q: How many halflings does it that to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 2

[Shamash]

What time is it when the heros find your best friend phylactery?

Time to find a new Lich.

[ArgentumRegio]

Why do elves have pointy ears?

WARNING ANSWER IS 'NAUGHTY'.

Spoiler

Show

Satyrs like hand-grips.

[Zyzzyva]

An oldie but a goodie:

Q: How many PCs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: All of them! NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY!

[danzibr]

What do you call a dragon after it eats a group of adventurers?
A party pooper!

While I like a lot of the jokes in this thread, this one's my favorite.

[digiman619]

This one's D&D 3.X/PF focused, but here's one:

Why did the ghost take a level of psion?
So it could manifest.

[Cluedrew]

Good collection, I think I liked the never split the party one best so far. Here is the first one that popped to my mind:

GM: "The Grim Reaper attacks you, you take 6 damage."
P2: "How far are you from death?"
P1: "Melee range."

[Ruslan]

A human, a dragonborn, and a halfling walk into a bar.

The dwarf had darkvision.

No, no, no.

A human and a dragonborn walk into a bar. The halfling walked under it. The dwarf had darkvision.

[shawnhcorey]

The halfling walked under it.

The joke was over his head.

[The Key]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer, and a mop."

[Haluesen]

Best thread confirmed Just wanted to say that, (especially TheChelaxian, find the centaur is my fav so far) hopefully I'll return with some actual material myself

[BronzedDrake]

What's the difference between a wizard and a sorcerer?

Class.

[TheChelaxian]

Rolls Perform (comedy)

Why do rogues prefer leather armor?
Because it's made of hide!

Why do barbarians love dealing damage?
Because it's all the rage!

What do you called being tripped by an ochre jelly?
An acid trip!

Ah? AAHH?!?

[golentan]

Did you know that dice used to be called lots? It's true! But when Gygax decided to make them the basis of his system, people started calling it a "Die."

[Simetra Irertne]

Q: How many orcs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: What's a lightbulb?


Q: How many grimlocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: What's a light?


Q: How many goblins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Fifty-one. Fifty to make a ramp with their corpses, one to walk up the ramp and change the bulb.