LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

[Serpentine]

Hum, it's not well-worded, I agree (translating from French -- I always do strange things when I translate). I'll rephrase as: "acting in a way that happens to conform with the contigent norms defining gender self-indentification in a given society." Trans people, conversely, I certainly do not think cis people "want" to conform to anything. It just so happens that they do, whether they want to or not.

You fixed, like, 1/3 of my problem with your original definition. Which is understandable, since I didn't explain my problems.
I like fishing. I spit, I am amazing at burping, I'm active, I like getting dirty, I sit with my legs splayed, I can be assertive, I am interested in traditionally masculine things like science and Dungeons and Dragons, etc etc etc. In these and many other ways, I definitely do not "act in a way that conforms with the norms defining my gender". By your definition here, I, and I suspect most other cis people, are not cis. By your definition butch trans women and feminine trans men are cis. I do not believe that you can use a definition that depends on people "acting" a certain way, and I feel that saying it depends on social norms effectively makes "trans" meaningless. It has to be about identity and internal conflicts; external conflicts is where major issues of cis/trans come in, but I don't think it can define it. If you have a cis person and a trans person on a deserted island with no other people around, no "contigent norms defining gender", the cis person will still be cis and the trans person will still be trans; any definition that doesn't apply in this situation, in my opinion, doesn't work.

The wiki on "cisgender" includes the following definitions:
"Related types of gender identity where individuals' experiences of their own gender match the sex they were assigned at birth."
"individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity"
"people who are not transsexual and who have only ever experienced their mental and physical sexes as being aligned"

Aside from my own issue, already mentioned, with "assigned", what is wrong with these definitions? Or with just "not trans (or maybe not trans nor intersex)"?

[Mina Kobold]

Whoa.
Uh.
Maybe it's time for a change of topic. Like, to something less likely to cause a lockdown.

Spoiler: Here's some goats!

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Spoiler: GOATS

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Huzzah for goats! Especially the one posting them. ^_^

Why must every girl I take an interest in be asexual, straight, taken, or some combination of the above?

Probably related to chance, but I'm going to blame a secret society of evil warlocks and offer a penguin:

Spoiler: Penguins

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Wish I could actually help, but I'm not terribly good at figuring out that sort of thing. ^_^'

On the note of penguins: Copenhagen is hot. Way way too hot, though it's getting cloudier.

And on a completely unrelated note: Anyone I can talk to over PM or Skype? I kind of need a hug and some venting, kind of an odd week. >_>

[Jormengand]

And on a completely unrelated note: Anyone I can talk to over PM or Skype? I kind of need a hug and some venting, kind of an odd week. >_>

I'm here for you, if you'd like.

[Zorg]

Why must every girl I take an interest in be asexual, straight, taken, or some combination of the above?

For the same reason every girl I take an interest in is asexual, lesbian, taken or some combination of the above.

Can we add "whoops she's half my age" on there as well? *throws self into volcano*

[Athedia]

Why must every girl I take an interest in be asexual, straight, taken, or some combination of the above?

For the same reason every girl I take an interest in is asexual, lesbian, taken or some combination of the above.

I can sympathise. Fate is cruel indeed, my friends.

Not every asexual girl is averse to relationships....

[Marnath]

Sometimes I'm just really happy to be ace and aromantic. I will (probably) never have to know what that frustration feels like. You could also say I'm missing out on all the good parts too but... nope, I'm good.

[Miriel]

"conforms" is correct but often has the connotation of active intent. Maybe "behavior that generally aligns with society's gender expectations" or something along those lines, though I'm still not quite a fan of the definition.

Oooh, great! "Align" is indeed better.

I understand more clearly now dear as to what you are trying to say. I apologize. The word "conform" or any variation of it has a very, very negative connotation in my life so to hear it in reference to anything I am doing kind of sets me on the defensive immediately. I have, in the past and to my shame, conformed to what people wanted to see of me and expected of me. I was an ass to my real friends (not for long luckily as I got smarter quickly) but it was long enough for me to realize that I didn't need anyone's cookie cutters to know who I am, passive or active. People will group me as they will when they see/meet me. But to me conforming means that I am taking an active role and choosing to do so. That is the connotation it has for a lot of people here (by here I mean the US culture). To me to "conform" is the antithesis of what I believe in and what I stand for. So I hope I didn't cause too much offense with me defensiveness.

OK I understand better. I certainly did not want my words to carry this implication. I apologize for making you feel bad.

You fixed, like, 1/3 of my problem with your original definition. Which is understandable, since I didn't explain my problems.
I like fishing. I spit, I am amazing at burping, I'm active, I like getting dirty, I sit with my legs splayed, I can be assertive, I am interested in traditionally masculine things like science and Dungeons and Dragons, etc etc etc. In these and many other ways, I definitely do not "act in a way that conforms with the norms defining my gender". By your definition here, I, and I suspect most other cis people, are not cis. By your definition butch trans women and feminine trans men are cis. I do not believe that you can use a definition that depends on people "acting" a certain way, and I feel that saying it depends on social norms effectively makes "trans" meaningless. It has to be about identity and internal conflicts; external conflicts is where major issues of cis/trans come in, but I don't think it can define it. If you have a cis person and a trans person on a deserted island with no other people around, no "contigent norms defining gender", the cis person will still be cis and the trans person will still be trans; any definition that doesn't apply in this situation, in my opinion, doesn't work.

I didn't say "norms defining one's gender", I said "norms defining gender self-indentification" -- basically, how one can self-identify to a given gender category. Fishing and D&D do not break those rules, as they do not say anything about gender self-identification. However, a butch trans woman does break those rules, because her identity as a woman is different than her gender assigned at birth, which is meaningful in our society. Under my definition, most people from the Western world we describe as trans or cis remain trans or cis. Only a few cases change -- people who detransition, for instance, are indeed identifying with their birth assigned gender, but describing them as cis is misleading.

The internal conflict cannot be separated from the outside conflict, because the internal conflict only exists within or makes sense a system of gender. If, as in our gender-system, a person with a penis and MAAB can only identify as a man, then this person is trans if they do anything. If, as in some societies, the same person can identify as something else (e.g. hijras in India), there is no need for any conflict. In this case, characterizing this person as trans is using our gender categories to describe this experience and it colonizes it. Of course, as a result of the British Empire, we have colonized Indian gender and exported our binary system, so hijras are fairly marginalized. However, using our definition of "trans" (i.e. not birth assigned gender) is doing the same thing as British colonialism did: using our frame of interpretation to describe that of other people.

The wiki on "cisgender" includes the following definitions:
"Related types of gender identity where individuals' experiences of their own gender match the sex they were assigned at birth."
"individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity"
"people who are not transsexual and who have only ever experienced their mental and physical sexes as being aligned"

Aside from my own issue, already mentioned, with "assigned", what is wrong with these definitions? Or with just "not trans (or maybe not trans nor intersex)"?

The first one only works in Western society. It assumes that the gender-system of reference requires, as a norm, that birth-assigned gender be permanent. However, in several cultures, it is possible to change gender categories at some point, especially from third gender categories. Also, it doesn't account for people who are detransitioning, or

The second one does the same, but also only works if the body is meant to align with gender identity.

The third one emphasizes alignment between gender identity and the body, which is not a necessary component of being trans.

Note most people people who are cis under these definition would be under mine, as these describe the norms which rule gender self-identification in our society.

[Serpentine]

Then I have absolutely no idea what you mean by "gender self-identification norms", because as far as I can tell that makes it a completely meaningless definition - something like "you're cis if you self-identify according to the ways your society says makes you cis". If that's pretty much it, then the definition is circular and meaningless and defines nothing. If it's not what you mean, then your definition fails as a definition because it doesn't make sense. Your definition still doesn't work because I am cis, and I cannot recognise myself within your definition of cis at all, one way or another.
Why does the definition of cis and trans have to cover all gender identities in all cultures? Why can't your supposedly deal-breaking extremely culturally-specific examples just be something other than cis or trans, or just under the broader trans umbrella?
And that doesn't change the fact that revolving your definition around the way someone "acts" is a terrible way to define something that is, you have yet to convince me otherwise, fundamentally about what someone is and how they feel. Your claim that "the internal conflict only exists within or makes sense a system of gender" does not at all reflect the way I've heard many trans people, at least, describe their own experiences. To quote Astrella and SiuiS' own words in the other thread as an example (just because they're convenient, sorry guys):

I think you're misunderstanding a bit why trans people transition (those reasons vary a lot of course), but like, we're not dupes of gender. I transition because I feel dysphoria with regards to my body (my body feels alien, and the disconnect often hurts a lot), and my transitioning helps me deal with that. Sure, I identify as a woman cause that's the label I'm most comfortable with, in a genderless society I wouldn't identify anyway, but the way I feel about my body would still be the same and I would still transition.

I can assure you that my desire to have the appropriate gender is completely divorced from gender expression; if everything I wanted was coded male instead of female, I would still feel wrong and still transition (and would likely pick up some different traits just to ease the social process).

In turn, I would almost certainly still be cis in pretty much any other cultural context. I might hate what being a woman means in that society, I might even wish I'd been born a man just because being a woman sucks so much, but that's not the same as having an intrinsic conflict between what my body is (or was originally) and what my mind thinks I should be or whatever. I'm not cis because of my society's "gender self-identification norms", I'm cis because that's the way I am. The insistence on defining trans and cis by external standards completely bypasses and ignores these experiences with it as an intrinsic quality, independent of social context. It also ignores, and is counter to, the current medical understanding of it.
Basically, I don't find your definition either accurate nor useful *shrug* If you want to talk about cis privilege and the cultural issues surrounding gender identity, you can do that without making that the whole definition.

[Coidzor]

Sometimes I'm just really happy to be ace and aromantic. I will (probably) never have to know what that frustration feels like. You could also say I'm missing out on all the good parts too but... nope, I'm good.

Well, yeah, if you'd be interested in or enjoy those parts, asexual aromantic wouldn't fit quite so well, no?

Why must every girl I take an interest in be asexual, straight, taken, or some combination of the above?

Have you examined where you're meeting them? Venue can have an impact, but if it's persisting across venues then it could be something more ephemeral or just happenstance.

[Marnath]

Well, yeah, if you'd be interested in or enjoy those parts, asexual aromantic wouldn't fit quite so well, no?

There's room there for wishing you were interested, you know. Not everyone is comfortable with who they are, especially when it's not what society expects. I know I didn't use to be. I thought I would need a wife and kids to be happy because that's what everyone told me I'd want, so I expected those desires to manifest themselves. When they didn't my first impression was that something was wrong with me.


I'm happy, yes, but I didn't mention the part where it took the better half of a decade to get there.

[Ifni]

To quote Astrella and SiuiS' own words in the other thread as an example (just because they're convenient, sorry guys):

Ah, you found that quote by Astrella I was looking for!

I think you're misunderstanding a bit why trans people transition (those reasons vary a lot of course), but like, we're not dupes of gender. I transition because I feel dysphoria with regards to my body (my body feels alien, and the disconnect often hurts a lot), and my transitioning helps me deal with that. Sure, I identify as a woman cause that's the label I'm most comfortable with, in a genderless society I wouldn't identify anyway, but the way I feel about my body would still be the same and I would still transition.

I found this really interesting because I share the feelings about "woman" just being the label I'm most comfortable with, and that in a genderless society I probably wouldn't identify with it. (I can completely understand still feeling dysphoria in that context, though.)

Of course, I also acknowledge there are trans people who don't feel dysphoria and do feel a strong sense of gender identity, which transition helps them express, as well as people who feel both.

In turn, I would almost certainly still be cis in pretty much any other cultural context. I might hate what being a woman means in that society, I might even wish I'd been born a man just because being a woman sucks so much, but that's not the same as having an intrinsic conflict between what my body is (or was originally) and what my mind thinks I should be or whatever.

Just to add my 2c on this... I do actually have experience with cultural factors significantly affecting my gender presentation and my comfort with my assigned gender.

Rambling discussion of Ifni's personal history:

Spoiler

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When I was a kid I lived for three years in a non-Western country where being good at math was highly masculine-coded (in the late 90s, sigh). I had a school counsellor identify gender nonconformity as the reason I was being bullied (she was correct, although she phrased it as the cause being that I was "abnormal" and "unfeminine"), and push me to deliberately score low on math tests to stop the bullying. I couldn't do this - even then, being smart and good at math was a pretty central part of my identity. I came up with the idea that what was making people uneasy was that they couldn't fit me into a stereotype, and so maybe it would make things better if I gave them a stereotype to fit me into that was more livable for me. In accordance with this plan, I cut my hair short, stopped wearing skirts, wore baggy T-shirts to hide my body shape, and acted in every way possible as the stereotypical male teenage math nerd (which was a stereotype I was okay with - as I said, smart+nerdy is a more fundamental part of my identity than my gender).

And it worked, at least enough that I kept it up. I suspect it would spectacularly backfire in a modern American school, but in the place and time in question, being gay was a felony and I don't think the kids bullying me knew that trans people existed. Once I no longer looked like a girl or acted like a girl, the femininity-policing bullies (who were girls) just... left me alone. (By that point the school counsellor had left and I'd learned not to talk to any other teachers about it, and my math teacher was fine, the major problem was the bullying from other kids.) And the boys treated me like one of the guys, which is what I wanted.

During those years I hated female pronouns or titles (I preferred gender-neutral pronouns and male or gender-neutral titles wherever possible), was terrified of the thought of growing larger breasts that would be harder to hide, picked androgynous characters in computer games whenever possible, etc.

But I never felt that I was a boy or wanted to be a boy, and I never felt dysphoria with my body (as opposed to my presentation, on the occasions when my parents made me present more feminine - that did give me the "that person in the mirror is not me" feeling that I've heard people describe from dysphoria episodes). I didn't question the idea that I was a girl (I didn't know trans people existed either), but being regarded as a girl was much less important to me than escaping the resulting sexism. I read about cultures that allowed women to become "culturally men" (Romanian sworn virgins, etc), and that was very appealing to me, but the idea of physically becoming a man wasn't appealing at all.

And then I moved back to Australia, where while sexism about girls and math hasn't been wiped out, it is way less pervasive. There's an enormous difference between having to push to get teachers to take you seriously (which I had to do in Australia), and being ordered by teachers to fail so you won't show up the boys. In Australia there were some challenges in being female and really good at math, but I was never made to feel that the two were incompatible.

And over the next few years, as I internalized that, I gradually became more comfortable with having long hair, and wearing skirts or close-fitting tops, and otherwise presenting myself to the world as a girl. By now, my presentation is moderately feminine, although I still don't wear makeup or heels.

My life has never been negatively structured by transphobia, and I don't consider myself to be trans. I would generally call myself cis. But I have also been... pretty far away from conformity to cultural norms regarding gender and its expression, as a defensive measure against sexism.

Also, Heliomance's definition:

Cis: Content with the gender assigned at birth

Trans: Not content with the gender assigned at birth

is one I'd also be okay with personally, but I think it'll run into the cultural exceptions Caroline pointed out.

[Heliomance]

So, I had a fun experience today. Was out walking the dog, when suddenly there was a shout of "F***ing hell, it's a geezer!" and raucous laughter.

Yeah. Feeling a bit fragile this evening, thanks to that :/

[Astrella]

Ugh, that really sucks. :( Sorry you had to deal with that.

*offers hugs?*

[Heliomance]

Hugs are good. I remember Lenahugs. Lenahugs are very nice :3
Oh yes. Straight, asexual, taken, or several hundred miles away.

[Lentrax]

So, I had a fun experience today. Was out walking the dog, when suddenly there was a shout of "F***ing hell, it's a geezer!" and raucous laughter.

Yeah. Feeling a bit fragile this evening, thanks to that :/

I'm sorry hon. And this is just my ignorance, and probably a shining example of slang used differently in places, but the only thing I know geezer is used for is to call someone old. Is there another meaning I am not aware of?

[Maugan Ra]

So... I just told my mother and my sister that I was asexual. I've been putting it off for a while, mostly because I was aware that certain things were expected of me and I had this strange sense that something was wrong and...

I'm being incoherent. Anyway, I'd actually spun a whole complicated web of lies about a girlfriend in another country (in my defense, I was living there at the time, so it wasn't quite so hilariously stereotypical) in order to conform to the expectations that I felt were upon me. Never outright stated, of course, but it was definitely assumed that I'd move away, go to Uni, find a nice girl and start up a relationship etc etc.

But tonight, I finally told them, and they were fine with it. Completely blasé, really. Which I knew they probably would be, because they are both pretty awesome people, but it's still a relief to know for sure. Even if I did have to explain what being 'asexual' actually was - it was quite nice that they both defaulted to supportiveness anyway.

Still, never let it be said that knowing a worry is irrational actually stops you being worried about it, because whew, those were some energetic butterflies.

[Athedia]

So... I just told my mother and my sister that I was asexual. I've been putting it off for a while, mostly because I was aware that certain things were expected of me and I had this strange sense that something was wrong and...

I'm being incoherent. Anyway, I'd actually spun a whole complicated web of lies about a girlfriend in another country (in my defense, I was living there at the time, so it wasn't quite so hilariously stereotypical) in order to conform to the expectations that I felt were upon me. Never outright stated, of course, but it was definitely assumed that I'd move away, go to Uni, find a nice girl and start up a relationship etc etc.

But tonight, I finally told them, and they were fine with it. Completely blasé, really. Which I knew they probably would be, because they are both pretty awesome people, but it's still a relief to know for sure. Even if I did have to explain what being 'asexual' actually was - it was quite nice that they both defaulted to supportiveness anyway.

Still, never let it be said that knowing a worry is irrational actually stops you being worried about it, because whew, those were some energetic butterflies.

Rollercoaster isn't over yet. But good on you for coming out. I can't say it gets easier, but you will be happier.

[Lex-Kat]

Spoiler: GOATS

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Spoiler: More Goats! :smallsmile:

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Click picture to a story link.

So, I had a fun experience today. Was out walking the dog, when suddenly there was a shout of "F***ing hell, it's a geezer!" and raucous laughter.

Yeah. Feeling a bit fragile this evening, thanks to that :/

*Hugs Heliomance*

[Irish Musician]

So, I had a fun experience today. Was out walking the dog, when suddenly there was a shout of "F***ing hell, it's a geezer!" and raucous laughter.

Yeah. Feeling a bit fragile this evening, thanks to that :/

I'm sorry hon. And this is just my ignorance, and probably a shining example of slang used differently in places, but the only thing I know geezer is used for is to call someone old. Is there another meaning I am not aware of?

1)I'm sorry Helio, And Lentrax, looking it up on UD(which I wouldn't credit as any sort of a source normally) But it looks like in the UK, geezer is referring to someone as a man, dude, guy. Is that correct Helio? Either way, I am so sorry that you felt bad

So... I just told my mother and my sister that I was asexual. I've been putting it off for a while, mostly because I was aware that certain things were expected of me and I had this strange sense that something was wrong and...

I'm being incoherent. Anyway, I'd actually spun a whole complicated web of lies about a girlfriend in another country (in my defense, I was living there at the time, so it wasn't quite so hilariously stereotypical) in order to conform to the expectations that I felt were upon me. Never outright stated, of course, but it was definitely assumed that I'd move away, go to Uni, find a nice girl and start up a relationship etc etc.

But tonight, I finally told them, and they were fine with it. Completely blasé, really. Which I knew they probably would be, because they are both pretty awesome people, but it's still a relief to know for sure. Even if I did have to explain what being 'asexual' actually was - it was quite nice that they both defaulted to supportiveness anyway.

Still, never let it be said that knowing a worry is irrational actually stops you being worried about it, because whew, those were some energetic butterflies.

Love....love and support, and hugs!

M

[Maugan Ra]

Rollercoaster isn't over yet. But good on you for coming out. I can't say it gets easier, but you will be happier.

Oh yeah, still got to tell my father. He's out of the country at the moment. Actually, technically I told my mother and then my sister, as I could handle one person at a time. Still, that'll be immediate family, and I don't see much need to tell, say, coworkers, unless it directly comes up in conversation.

[Ifni]

So... I just told my mother and my sister that I was asexual. I've been putting it off for a while, mostly because I was aware that certain things were expected of me and I had this strange sense that something was wrong and...

I'm being incoherent. Anyway, I'd actually spun a whole complicated web of lies about a girlfriend in another country (in my defense, I was living there at the time, so it wasn't quite so hilariously stereotypical) in order to conform to the expectations that I felt were upon me. Never outright stated, of course, but it was definitely assumed that I'd move away, go to Uni, find a nice girl and start up a relationship etc etc.

But tonight, I finally told them, and they were fine with it. Completely blasé, really. Which I knew they probably would be, because they are both pretty awesome people, but it's still a relief to know for sure. Even if I did have to explain what being 'asexual' actually was - it was quite nice that they both defaulted to supportiveness anyway.

Still, never let it be said that knowing a worry is irrational actually stops you being worried about it, because whew, those were some energetic butterflies.

*hugs Maugan* Glad it went well!

And you're actually well ahead of me I'm not sure if my parents have figured it out, think I'm just celibate and strong-willed, or just think I'm discreet (I have lived on the opposite side of the world for the last eight years and don't use Facebook, so this wouldn't be very hard if I was sticking to casual relationships). But I haven't actually told them, in part because I don't think they're familiar with the concept and I don't want to try to explain and screw it up.

[Heliomance]

But it looks like in the UK, geezer is referring to someone as a man, dude, guy. Is that correct Helio?

Yeah, pretty much. It's not particularly common slang. Cockney in origin, I think, so probably more common in inner London.

[Thufir]

I'm sorry hon. And this is just my ignorance, and probably a shining example of slang used differently in places, but the only thing I know geezer is used for is to call someone old. Is there another meaning I am not aware of?

Some people might also use it that way over here, possibly, but even in that context it'd still be exclusively used to describe men.

*Hugs Heliomance twice* (Once for this and the other because I too know the frustration of repeatedly falling for people who are the wrong sexuality for me, inconveniently far away, taken, or just plain not interested)

[SiuiS]

For the same reason every girl I take an interest in is asexual, lesbian, taken or some combination of the above.

The threads you frequent?

Can we add "whoops she's half my age" on there as well? *throws self into volcano*

The double edged sword is when that stops being a felony >_<
Oh well! My filly is monogamous so it doesn't matter anyway XD

Then I have absolutely no idea what you mean by "gender self-identification norms", because as far as I can tell that makes it a completely meaningless definition - something like "you're cis if you self-identify according to the ways your society says makes you cis". If that's pretty much it, then the definition is circular and meaningless and defines nothing. If it's not what you mean, then your definition fails as a definition because it doesn't make sense. Your definition still doesn't work because I am cis, and I cannot recognise myself within your definition of cis at all, one way or another.
Why does the definition of cis and trans have to cover all gender identities in all cultures? Why can't your supposedly deal-breaking extremely culturally-specific examples just be something other than cis or trans, or just under the broader trans umbrella?
And that doesn't change the fact that revolving your definition around the way someone "acts" is a terrible way to define something that is, you have yet to convince me otherwise, fundamentally about what someone is and how they feel. Your claim that "the internal conflict only exists within or makes sense a system of gender" does not at all reflect the way I've heard many trans people, at least, describe their own experiences. To quote Astrella and SiuiS' own words in the other thread as an example (just because they're convenient, sorry guys):

You've kind of hit the problem. How do we know? We just do. It's true. We can only relate how we know through the effects it has though; where the rubber meets the road.

The unfortunate truth is that it's a heuristic knowledge. You'll know when you experience it. The question is how to explain to other people. And that's hard; did rolling an experience into a perfectly unambiguous formula that cannot be misunderstood requires it to be watered down, neutered. Discussing dysphoria and having dysphoria is the difference between discussing self defense laws and being violently assaulted your own self. The discussion does not, cannot address the subjective. We even consider subjectivity to be "lesser", until it's your own subjectivity, your own feat and emotion and pain and worry.

I guess really it's just difficult to come to an understanding of personal issues, even personal issues people share, by way of discussion.

So, I had a fun experience today. Was out walking the dog, when suddenly there was a shout of "F***ing hell, it's a geezer!" and raucous laughter.

Yeah. Feeling a bit fragile this evening, thanks to that :/

I'm sorry, Tam. (I don't recall; is Tammy out?)

[CWater]

So... I just told my mother and my sister that I was asexual. I've been putting it off for a while, mostly because I was aware that certain things were expected of me and I had this strange sense that something was wrong and...

I'm being incoherent. Anyway, I'd actually spun a whole complicated web of lies about a girlfriend in another country (in my defense, I was living there at the time, so it wasn't quite so hilariously stereotypical) in order to conform to the expectations that I felt were upon me. Never outright stated, of course, but it was definitely assumed that I'd move away, go to Uni, find a nice girl and start up a relationship etc etc.

But tonight, I finally told them, and they were fine with it. Completely blasé, really. Which I knew they probably would be, because they are both pretty awesome people, but it's still a relief to know for sure. Even if I did have to explain what being 'asexual' actually was - it was quite nice that they both defaulted to supportiveness anyway.

Still, never let it be said that knowing a worry is irrational actually stops you being worried about it, because whew, those were some energetic butterflies.

Glad to hear it went well for you. Hearing about experiences where someone was able to successfully explain asexuality and get support for it makes me happy.

Yeah, hi. It's been really long since I last posted here and I was never very frequent, so I don't expect anyone to remember.

I'm a straight demisexual, who lived to 21-22 thinking she was asexual. Still have met only one person with whom I have bonded with like that (my ex), but I guess that is enough to make the distinction.

So yeah, hi everyone. *awkward greeting*

[KenderWizard]

I missed you guys. Even the terminology debates.

Was there a big 'ol energy explosion?!

good to see you again

M

Nah, turns out the other guy was just a cosplayer and the shield was fake, so I flattened him. #awkward #Thorproblems #lol

Quick, start cloning Kender, that's our best chance for a world domination.

Damn right. We'd need a higher initial investment, due to the well-document Kender Inefficiency Bug, aka, myalgic encephalomyelitis, but once we got over that hump, it'd be smooth sailing. I'm competent, personable, politically minded, I've been proven capable of ruthlessness and manipulation, I'm an excellent public speaker, and I love attention and power. Hell, if it wasn't for the M.E., we might not even need the cloning part. It is genuinely my intention to run for President after I've raised my (future) children.

Hey! If the clones are grown rather than duplicated from the current specimen, we could probably prevent the M.E. too! (It was caused by a viral infection when I was about four.)

Hey Kender! What have you been up to lately? Besides saving the world from the kyriarchy with that big hammer.

Mostly that, and trying to sort my life out. It's been a bit of a ride. I'm waiting to hear (ANY DAY NOW, HELLO!) about my Masters results and my PhD funding applications. I'm also working on my writing and my drawing, with the aim of publishing some children's books to supplement the PhD funding (they don't actually make much of an effort to give you enough to live on... You gotta have savings - I have enough for a year - or rich parents, or extra funding sources, or a part time job, or live under a bridge. I can't get a normal part time job, waitressing or retail would be such a strain on me that I'd have to drop out of the PhD which would be a little counterproductive.) Also, cosplaying, losing weight, learning to run, getting deeper into comic books, reviving my Irish...

Bleh.

I just got a friend request on Facebook from someone I knew back in primary school. We weren't exactly good friends then, but I accepted, in the hope that he'd matured. I thought, if he'd managed to find me, and realised who I was despite my profile being very definitely female now, and sent me a friend request anyway, then maybe there was hope, he might be a decent person now. So we exchanged the following messages:

Me: Have to say, your sudden friend request surprised me. I'm amazed you found and recognised me!

Him: F*** off you c***!

Hugs? That was weird. And stupid. Some people are really weird and stupid, and I gotta say, you seem to be suffering from an abundance of them.

[noparlpf]

@Helio: Ew, rough couple of days with people being jerks, huh? I'm sorry. *offers hugs*

Mostly that, and trying to sort my life out. It's been a bit of a ride. I'm waiting to hear (ANY DAY NOW, HELLO!) about my Masters results and my PhD funding applications. I'm also working on my writing and my drawing, with the aim of publishing some children's books to supplement the PhD funding (they don't actually make much of an effort to give you enough to live on... You gotta have savings - I have enough for a year - or rich parents, or extra funding sources, or a part time job, or live under a bridge. I can't get a normal part time job, waitressing or retail would be such a strain on me that I'd have to drop out of the PhD which would be a little counterproductive.) Also, cosplaying, losing weight, learning to run, getting deeper into comic books, reviving my Irish...

Ah yes, university bureaucracies. I know them well. I decided to just get my degree and take my last grad school prereq near home while working instead of taking a full additional semester at my school because they were giving me a huge hassle about my minor. But by then it was already after May, so I had to apply for the degree retroactively. Then it turned out that my major department had lost some paperwork. Took them a month to find it, and now they've misfiled it again. *sigh* So yeah, best of luck with all that. You'll need it.
The kids books idea sounds cool though. I think you'd be good at it.

[Ravens_cry]

Gods, I just came out about being Transgender to a bunch of friends, and now I am consumed, absolutely consumed by self-doubt whether I did the right thing.

[Heliomance]

I'm sorry, Tam. (I don't recall; is Tammy out?)

I normally go by Tamsin, Tam to people that knew me while I was still feeling out my identity and don't want to switch to yet another new name. Tammy is... odd. I don't particularly object to it, but I never get called it so it doesn't feel like it means me.

[Lex-Kat]

Glad to hear it went well for you. Hearing about experiences where someone was able to successfully explain asexuality and get support for it makes me happy.

Yeah, hi. It's been really long since I last posted here and I was never very frequent, so I don't expect anyone to remember.

I'm a straight demisexual, who lived to 21-22 thinking she was asexual. Still have met only one person with whom I have bonded with like that (my ex), but I guess that is enough to make the distinction.

So yeah, hi everyone. *awkward greeting*

Hello. *Hugs*