[Nexus] The Wall III: Wall Harder

[The Bushranger]

Clearly they're made from dragon's livers. Duh.

[Darkcomet]

...Shouldn't that be illegal? I mean, those are supposed to be as smart as any of us, right?

[OrchestraHc]

Depends on the dragon. Smaug, Alduin, Maleficent on a bad hair day, they were fairly smart. Generally any one that gets a name is intelligent, but a lot of them are just animals, which I can't guarantee the intelligence of. Some with brains like dinosaurs others, who knows. It might be like eating monkey or dolphin.

[Ashen Lilies]

Dolphins are intelligent, though. And also *******s. I think most of the Circles of Hell have a special section reserved just for them.

[BladeofObliviom]

Hey! Dolphins can be intelligent, decent people too, you damned bigots!

[Asha'man]

Dolphins also taste great!

[Aric Kale]

I second that too.

[Lord Magtok]

Clearly they're made from dragon's livers. Duh.

Ew. No, they bust dragon livers, which are supposed to be stronger than normal livers. Because the drink's just that obscenely potent.

[Morty]

As you all know, the Nexus has been crawling with adventurers for as long as anyone can remember. There's always plenty of people solving other people's problems for money - be they adventurers, mercenaries, bodyguards or troubleshooters.

The thing is, there's no organization to it. Never has been. The teeming masses of problem-solvers just find jobs, often with disreputable employers. Sometimes they're thoroughly unprofessional and fail or betray their employers.

One would think someone should do something about it, and one would be correct. Which is where we come in. The Neutralist Organization has been working for the people of the Nexus for years - never taking sides, completing contracts and gathering experience and information. That means we have the experience, contacts and resources to change the current unfortunate state of affairs.

From now on, the Neutralist Organization will start issuing Official NO Licenses in an effort to finally bring the adventuring and mercenary industry to order.

Any mercenary, adventurer, bodyguard, troubleshooter or another person who works by solving people's problems for money on a contractual basis will be free to receive one in our offices in Inside and Riverside or our base in the mountains. The license will come with several benefits:

• Discounts in Erin's Emporium, Azik's Enchantments, Trog's Tavern and Black Dragon's Den
• Access to job offers and opportunities in our offices
• NO's support if an employer tries to cheat them out of the money they're owed - NO will make sure they're paid what they can expect based on the contract, and mark the employer as untrustworthy
• Access to NO's information-gathering services for a reduced fee.

In exchange, the holder of the license will pay NO a percentage of the profit they earn for the jobs they take, whether they are one-time adventures or longer contracts, such as bodyguard jobs.

Of course, we're not doing it just to provide people services for a cut of their profits. No, the purpose of this campaign is to introduce order and professionalism into the mercenary population of the Nexus. As such, the license will be revoked upon following conditions:

• Attempting to claim the reward when the job has not been completed
• Turning on one's employer while still bound by a contract
• Engaging in capturing, keeping and trading of slaves
• Working with or for the terrorist organization known as AMEN
• A glaring breach of the professional standards and competence expected from our licensed mercenaries

Needless to say, we will only be issuing licenses to those who meet the standards of conduct and competence the people of the Nexus deserve when they pay to get something done.

Remember - morality is relative. Professional standards are not.

[Hattish Thing]

Ooh, ooh! Or their employers betray them... Remember that? Still remember it all so fondly... I wish I had been able to record your face. I'd stare at it whenever I needed a good laugh... Aaah... The good old' days.

[Darkcomet]

Who are you again, orange?

[Zefir]

"Mr. Orange still appears as someone who seeks trouble. It may be good to know who you are to avoid trouble."

[happyturtle]

Nelp* Review

Ritzzz Casino
Category: Nightlife

Review: I went to Ritzzz with my boyfriend. There was plenty of variety in casino games, the staff was polite, and the ambiance was lovely, right up until the part where THE BOUNCERS STARTED SHOOTING MACHINE GUNS. I don't know who they were shooting at or what their infraction was. I'm guessing they won't do it again.


Rating: Can I give 0 stars? I want to give 0.

[Hattish Thing]

Who are you again, orange?

I'm Mr. Nobody. I've jut been around. Ya know?

[Lord Magtok]

Who are you again, orange?

I think he's the guy with the lame casino. Or maybe the one with the lame tower? The one who popped like a bloody balloon in Trog's? Or the one with the lame robot who's going after me now? I can never keep these jerks straight.

[Morty]

He sounds like exactly the kind of person NO will be protecting the mercenaries from.

[Lost_Deep]

If any of those thinks it's a bad idea, then it's likely one of the best ideas of our time.

[Hattish Thing]

Nelp* Review

Ritzzz Casino
Category: Nightlife

Review: I went to Ritzzz with my boyfriend. There was plenty of variety in casino games, the staff was polite, and the ambiance was lovely, right up until the part where THE BOUNCERS STARTED SHOOTING MACHINE GUNS. I don't know who they were shooting at or what their infraction was. I'm guessing they won't do it again.


Rating: Can I give 0 stars? I want to give 0.

Oooohkay. Hello. I am Mr. Ritz. Ignore the other dark orange text, I don't know who'd be copying MY text. Anyway, what happened there, Ms, was I was assaulted in my own office, by a cross dressing devil and his companions, over a dispute with a client interested in becoming an employee. I had to have my men shoot in order to defend myself and my companions. No innocents were shot, or harmed. This deil is a trigger-happy terrorist, probably looking to steal from me as well!

I apologize to you, and I did have my people attempt to provide you with passes to any show for a week, and free chips. Sooo, do not sully my casino's name. I did what I had to. Here's your proof, Nexus.

On the wall, are several photographs of the dead Kal, lying in a puddle of blood.

[Darkcomet]

Pictures of a dead guy in a pool of his own blood are totally going to make you more popular. It's clearly your best idea ever.

[Deathkeeper]

A corpse doesn't prove he's a terrorist, technically. Or that it's not a copy if he was recognizable enough for that to be common knowledge. They're not that hard to make.

[happyturtle]

On the wall, are several photographs of the dead Kal, lying in a puddle of blood.

I liked it better when I wasn't sure if anyone had died.

[Zefir]

"At least, people may not need to care for the casions business anymore. I assume Remnant or the other local authoritie close the casino soon."

[happyturtle]

Not in Remnant's jurisdiction.

((I assume it's not, since it's in its own thread. I'll edit this if I'm wrong.))

[Hattish Thing]

We're not in Remnant's jurisdiction. I mean, come on. If that was the case I would've just called police. I had to take matters into my own hands. Er... Hand.

Well, actually... I have video tape if you wanna see those too? He threatened to kill me in horrible, horrible ways. When I was giving the client a nice ear scratch, and making everything better! He burst in and started attacking my bodyguards!

Take the tapes, watch 'em later.

Sure enough, several videotapes are taped to the wall. They record Kal fighting the old ninja man, and Mr. Ritz cowering and shouting for it to all stop. Then there's gunfire, and it shows Kal's death. Brutal.

[Rebonack]

Eldritch abomination seeking mortal avatar

The following qualities are required for all applicants
-Strong mind capable of enduring the sanity-shattering vistas of the Far Realms
-Must have read an unabridged edition of Necronomicon and at least two of the following: The Last Moments of Carcosa, The Scrolls of L’mur-Kathulos, Isknar's Hymns to the All Mother, The Withering Thing, Shelby's Poems of the Outer Spheres, Wiles of the Aes Shee, The Watchmaker Blind No More, Dread's Conflict Unseen
-Must be willing to have one's will subsumed by an alien intelligence
-Must enjoy working with children! (very important)

Applicants already tainted by an Old One, enchanted by the Aes Shee, or possessing an allergy to shellfish will not be considered.

Please send all applications via ritual burning in a summoning circle anointed with finch blood and addressed to K'rax-Naggath.

[Morty]

See, the debacle in the casino is what happens when you hire unprofessional security workers. We at NO plan to change that, making sure every business owner has access to better quality of services.

[Hattish Thing]

See, the debacle in the casino is what happens when you hire unprofessional security workers. We at NO plan to change that, making sure every business owner has access to better quality of services.

Oh? That actually reminded me. I am in need of professional security workers. Bodyguards, that I can hire that won't abandon me or die quick. Is there a way I can see if I can hire one of your men for a while?

[Earl of Purple]

How easy are those listed tomes to find and how long do you suppose it will take for their contents to be properly absorbed?

I otherwise fulfil all of the required fields.

[Halae]

Eldritch abomination seeking mortal avatar

The following qualities are required for all applicants
-Strong mind capable of enduring the sanity-shattering vistas of the Far Realms
-Must have read an unabridged edition of Necronomicon and at least two of the following: The Last Moments of Carcosa, The Scrolls of L’mur-Kathulos, Isknar's Hymns to the All Mother, The Withering Thing, Shelby's Poems of the Outer Spheres, Wiles of the Aes Shee, The Watchmaker Blind No More, Dread's Conflict Unseen
-Must be willing to have one's will subsumed by an alien intelligence
-Must enjoy working with children! (very important)

Applicants already tainted by an Old One, enchanted by the Aes Shee, or possessing an allergy to shellfish will not be considered.

Please send all applications via ritual burning in a summoning circle anointed with finch blood and addressed to K'rax-Naggath.

Is there a preferred breed of finch?

[Morty]

Oh? That actually reminded me. I am in need of professional security workers. Bodyguards, that I can hire that won't abandon me or die quick. Is there a way I can see if I can hire one of your men for a while?

You're free to hire anyone with our license once they start signing up for them in our offices.