LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

[Irish Musician]

Thanks all, and further thanks for all the support I've gotten :)
@ Celtic - no party just yet. Still have to tackle my Dad, my daughter (and more importantly her mother - who will either be totally fine or find it clashes with her belief structure and make things... problematic). Daughter herself I'm not too worried about really, she's pretty easy going.

I am planning to have a party around the time I'm done with electrolysis & had a tracheal shave, however, as that's around the time I'll start going en femme all the time socially*.
Should co-incide with my hair being around shoulder length and very close to my birthday to boot!

Well hope all the rest of the "coming outs" go well!! Esp with the mother of the daughter.....she sounds *ahem* like an interesting lady.

[Mystic Muse]

Unrelated to anything except hair, but mine seems to be getting a reddish tinge. I hope it gets stronger - plain old brown hair is boring :I

I like my boring brown hair. Not actually sad or very serious. My hair actually has natural blond spots too for whatever reason.

Came out to my mum yesterday. It went far better than I expected - as well as it possibly could, really - but was still very, very draining.

Happy, but tired

Glad to hear it went well, Zorg.

[Lentrax]

Glad to hear about the coming out Zorg! I hope the rest of the family goes as well (if not better). Good luck!

[Mina Kobold]

Came out to my mum yesterday. It went far better than I expected - as well as it possibly could, really - but was still very, very draining.

Happy, but tired

Congratulations, I hope coming out will continue to go well. ^_^

Thanks all, and further thanks for all the support I've gotten :)


@ Succubus - I'd hoped to sleep in today a bit, but my daughter decided to come over early and wake me up about two hours earlier than I'd planned. And back to work tomorrow, then an early start for electrolysis after that, lol. So hopefully a good night's sleep tonight.

@ Celtic - no party just yet. Still have to tackle my Dad, my daughter (and more importantly her mother - who will either be totally fine or find it clashes with her belief structure and make things... problematic). Daughter herself I'm not too worried about really, she's pretty easy going.

I am planning to have a party around the time I'm done with electrolysis & had a tracheal shave, however, as that's around the time I'll start going en femme all the time socially*.
Should co-incide with my hair being around shoulder length and very close to my birthday to boot!

* i.e. all the time except work.

I really should focus on the fact that I wish you as much good luck with your co-parent (Is that the right word? I am not sure. ^_^') but I cannot stop imagining people with their children when they mention them.

I still imagine you as your avatar.

So adorable. @_@

Sorries. >_<

[Zorg]

Again, thanks to all for the kind words and support - I've never been very good at the giving of such advice, but I hope my experiences will help others here in some way

Maybe once you've rested up a bit, you could give us a blow-by-blow? Some of us still need tips on how to go about this sort of thing.

Well I basically had no idea what I was going to say until I said it
I just came out and said something like "I have something important to say... I've been seeing a therapist for a while as the first step on the process of gender re-assignment."

I chose those words to make it very clear what was going on in a very non-jargony way.

Her reaction was to go "reeaaaaalllly????" and for a moment I was terrified she wasn't going to believe me until she went "oh wow" or something. There was lots of crying from me and my GF (who was there, obviously).

Mum was sad, not because of it but because she knew what a hard life I was going to have because of stupid society.

What's dad like? Hopefully he'll be just as understanding about everything as your mom was.

Hahaha - no. Well, there is a slim chance but I'm expecting an initial explosion and calming down after a week or two (my brother agrees with this assessment as beign likely). Of course I'd much prefer him to surprise me, but I'm going to be prepared for it to go badly at first (maybe).

And now I'm worried for you again. I hope your daughter's mom doesn't make a big to-do about it - what could she do if she decides she doesn't like the idea? Only if you want to share, of course.

But either way, more congrats, *hugs*, and luck!!

I really should focus on the fact that I wish you as much good luck with your co-parent (Is that the right word? I am not sure. ^_^') but I cannot stop imagining people with their children when they mention them.

My daughter lives with her mother and step-dad (and other siblings unrelated to me). I see her regularly but don't have much to do with other parents. Last I heard they were still on the conservative side of religious, so while I don't think she could really do anything legally, making it socially awkward is my main concern.
I think it should be ok - I'm going to have to approach it carefully though.

I still imagine you as your avatar.

So adorable. @_@

Sorries. >_<

I'm cool with that ^_^

[Arachu]

Came out to my mum yesterday. It went far better than I expected - as well as it possibly could, really - but was still very, very draining.

Happy, but tired

Hope it keeps going well~


~Bianca

[KenderWizard]

Well, guess I'm back to ask a few questions.

What's the best way to wash my hair if I want to keep it healthy? My hair is about down to my shoulders (Longest portion a little further than that, and it's kind of thick and wavy/curly). I'm not sure how often I'm supposed to shampoo it, or even what sort of temperature I'm supposed to do it at, how long I'm supposed to leave the shampoo/Conditioner in, ETC.

Also, I'd kind of like to watch some more LGBTA related media. Anybody have any particularly good suggestions? I like both Live-action and anime.

If you're going to suggest anything really adult, make sure to contact me off the boards please.

Don't have much news. Going to try and start working on my voice tomorrow.

#latetotheparty

Re: hair
I generally find once every two days is good for hair. I like to wash it quickly with shampoo, concentrating on the roots, but not agitating the scalp too much. Then putting conditioner on my fingers and running it through my hair, concentrating on the ends. The roots are dirtiest, the ends are oldest and most fragile. I don't leave either in very long (my entire shower routine from clothed to clothed is about ten minutes.) This has worked very well for me. If you want to do some luxury, a no-poo wash is great. Have a bath (or a really long shower), use loads of conditioner, rubbing into the roots and brushing gently through with your fingers. Then leave in for 20 minutes and wash out completely.

Re: LGBT+ media
I second Modern Family
I've been meaning to take a look at Wandering Son, it looks really good.

Unrelated to anything except hair, but mine seems to be getting a reddish tinge. I hope it gets stronger - plain old brown hair is boring :I

Ooh, that would be nice. I think brown hair can be really pretty, though. Simple doesn't always mean boring.

Came out to my mum yesterday. It went far better than I expected - as well as it possibly could, really - but was still very, very draining.

Happy, but tired

Well done! Good for you!

[Kindablue]

Came out to my mum yesterday. It went far better than I expected - as well as it possibly could, really - but was still very, very draining.

Happy, but tired

Congratulations!

[Selpharia]

That's great Zorg, I'm so glad your mom was understanding, and I hope things go well with the rest of your relatives too. The good thing to remember where your religiously inclined, conservative family is concerned is that those views don't necessarily make them likely to hate you with the seething, burning passion of a thousand searing suns. A lot of times, those who oppose a particular group of people on abstract principle will make exceptions for people they know as different from "everyone else" in that group. As an example, my cousin came out as a lesbian a little while back, and even the least accepting of my family didn't disown her or anything. Granted, there were murmurs of disapproval, and some advice about having her consult some form of clergyman, but I have a feeling you're not worried if you aren't best friends with most of them afterwards.

[Thajocoth]

Congrats, Zorg

[Jeff the Green]

Congratulations Zorg, and good luck with your dad. It may be difficult for him to accept, but I'm sure he'll come around. It is possible to teach an old dog new tolerances.

[Mystic Muse]

#latetotheparty

Re: hair
I generally find once every two days is good for hair.

I've been doing every one to three days with shampoo,and been conditioning it every day.

I like to wash it quickly with shampoo, concentrating on the roots, but not agitating the scalp too much. Then putting conditioner on my fingers and running it through my hair, concentrating on the ends. The roots are dirtiest, the ends are oldest and most fragile. I don't leave either in very long (my entire shower routine from clothed to clothed is about ten minutes.)

I usually wash out the shampoo almost immediately after I make sure it's thoroughly in, and leave the conditioner in until I'm done washing my body. ]

This has worked very well for me. If you want to do some luxury, a no-poo wash is great. Have a bath (or a really long shower), use loads of conditioner, rubbing into the roots and brushing gently through with your fingers. Then leave in for 20 minutes and wash out completely.

I'll probably do this tomorrow a little after I wake up.

[QUOTE=Castaras;13947657]Depends on what shampoo and conditioner you're using.

The basics would be, for normal "put in, wash out" hair products - put shampoo in, massage scalp with shampoo, making sure you get shampoo from scalp to tips. Wash out. Rinse a bit. Then do the same with conditioner. Wash out. Rinse a bit. Temperature should be what you're comfortable with.

Alright.

Most important thing for hair care - don't use too many products. It'll drown your hair and cause all sorts of buildup and damage.

Can you elaborate what you mean a little more by this?

Depending on how you style it, I'd also recommend not straightening your hair that often (if at all). Straighteners lead to damage in the long run (burning your hair to make it straight - yep). Don't dye it too regularly either - again, it can cause damage if you do it too much.

I don't actually style it at all. It just waves and curls by itself. I've never used a straightener and have no intention of using one any time soon. Never dyed it either.

Temperature doesn't matter that much, I just use water at the temperature I want to shower in. I wash mine every couple of days. The way I do it is shampoo first thing when I get in the shower, like Cassie said, massage it from root to tips, rinse out. Conditioner, smooth it in all the way down. You don't want to run the same way you do with shampoo or you'll tangle your hair up something horrid. I then leave that in while I wash the rest of my body, and rinse it out last thing when I'm done.

I'll keep this in mind.

You're generally not supposed to wash your hair daily, but it hasn't killed me (or, more importantly, my hair) yet. Temperature is whatever you find comfortable. My conditioner is the sort that says to leave it in for a couple of minutes, so I put that in my hair and then I wash my body in the meantime, so I can rinse everything off at once.

Makes sense, and this is about what I do.

Well, honestly, it kind of depends on what type of hair you have. If your hair is naturally oily, like my is, then I would get a shampoo made for oily hair, like mine. I use Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo and it works like a charm for me. My hair is also down to my shoulders and very fussy about hair products that have oil in them, so I tend to stay away from them. Something else I use as a Conditioner, as opposed to an actual conditioner you use in the shower, is Biosilk: Silk Therapy. Now the Biosilk is on the expensive side, about $35-$40 a bottle, but mine lasts me for usually 9-12 months, sometimes longer, because you only use about half the size of a dime per use in your hair. After I get out of the shower, I dry my hair as much as I can with just my towel, and then put the Biosilk in. It is also a non-oil based product, so my hair loves it. Then, I let my hair air-dry(but it works equally as well using a dryer to speed up the process) and Viola! very nice, healthy, smooth, soft hair.

This is just what I do with my hair, which is super oily, straight, and hasn't ever been messed with, i.e. I haven't ever colored it, straightened it, or anything of the like, before. So, I hope this helps even a little bit. Any other questions, don't hesitate to ask, on here or by way of PM.

I'll keep this in mind too. My hair tends to be pretty oily sometimes.

I think I just read either in here or somewhere that you're not supposed to brush it while wet. Is moving it out of the way with my fingers, using a really large toothed comb, or using a hair clip to keep it out of my eyes a problem?

[Lentrax]

I think I just read either in here or somewhere that you're not supposed to brush it while wet. Is moving it out of the way with my fingers, using a really large toothed comb, or using a hair clip to keep it out of my eyes a problem?

It shouldn't be. It mostly has to do with the act of combing pulling your hair out, since between the heat and the water your pores grow larger enough to make it easier for you to remove more hair by combing, brushing, shaving, yanking, or whatever else you may do in the shower. But just moving it aside and holding it in place with a clip should not be a problem.

Just don't pull on it too much.

[Heliomance]

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

[The Succubus]

*hugs Helio*

For what it's worth, if you dislike what you see in the mirror, you're flying in the face of public opinion.

[Heliomance]

But it's all beard shadow and male and hairy arms and yuk >_<

I gave up - I have in fact just spent the last half hour curled up with my eyes shut, trying not to think about my body. Not fun.

[Lentrax]

Sorry Helio. Have a hug. *hug*

I know its hard to look in that mirror. That mirror is the worst. I may not be able to make it better, but I can tell you that you are awesome. You may not feel it today, and maybe not tommorrow, but you will feel good about yourself again. We are all here to help you, all you gotta do is ask!

*hugs Helio*

[Zorg]

*hugs to Helio*

I don't have super dark hair, but when I feel bad about my arms I imagine I'm a sultry Spanish seniority rather If I'm remembering correctly you have the dark tresses to pull that off easily

[Ninja_Grand]

*Hugs Helio* *Couple more just in case*
I rember your pic from like 3 threads ago. You. Are. Very. Pretty.
IDGAF what that mirror trys to pull. Your awsome.

(Hope that helps )

Oh! *Fistpump* to Zorg. Glad to hear it went well so far.

[noparlpf]

I think I just read either in here or somewhere that you're not supposed to brush it while wet. Is moving it out of the way with my fingers, using a really large toothed comb, or using a hair clip to keep it out of my eyes a problem?

That was me. Yeah, fingers and hair clips are fine. A wide-toothed comb shouldn't be all that bad. The main concern is that the water and heat make your hairs more likely to be pulled out and make them more likely to stretch and break, potentially leading to split ends if they break unevenly.

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear it.

[Asta Kask]

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

This too will pass. Remember that. *hugs*

[KenderWizard]

It shouldn't be. It mostly has to do with the act of combing pulling your hair out, since between the heat and the water your pores grow larger enough to make it easier for you to remove more hair by combing, brushing, shaving, yanking, or whatever else you may do in the shower. But just moving it aside and holding it in place with a clip should not be a problem.

Just don't pull on it too much.

This. It's not a huge problem. I usually brush my hair when it's still damp, because otherwise I end up with something approximating a bird's nest on the back of my skull. Especially since I often shower last thing at night and go to bed right after. So the trick is to just do it gently. Take a handful, just brush the ends out until there's no tangles in the last few centimeters, then brush the lower half until there's no tangles, then brush most of it, then brush all the way through. Don't just jam the comb in at the top and yank down.

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

*cuddles* Lots of women, cis and trans, have dark arm hair and even facial hair. Lots of women spend a lot of time smoothing all those "imperfections" away before they go out, so most of the world never sees it. Your distress is totally understandable, but you are not alone, and it will pass. And we're all here for you.

[Lycunadari]

@ Zorg: That's wonderful news. Glad it went well.

@ Helio: *so many hugs* I can just repeat what others already said: you are a truly beautiful human. *more hugs*

[noparlpf]

This. It's not a huge problem. I usually brush my hair when it's still damp, because otherwise I end up with something approximating a bird's nest on the back of my skull. Especially since I often shower last thing at night and go to bed right after. So the trick is to just do it gently. Take a handful, just brush the ends out until there's no tangles in the last few centimeters, then brush the lower half until there's no tangles, then brush most of it, then brush all the way through. Don't just jam the comb in at the top and yank down.

Yeah, I used to shower at night (showering in the morning with a bus to catch at 6:40, even if it never showed up on time, is a pain) and go to bed with my hair damp or wet. But I waited until morning to brush it anyway. I was quite used to spending half an hour to untangle my hair on bad days. Start at the bottom, holding it a bit higher up so you don't tug on the roots, then work up. If you start higher up, all you're doing is pushing the knots down and tightening them, which makes it a huge pain to untangle. I've had knots so bad I had to spend five minutes undoing them with my fingers, a couple of hairs at a time. Mostly the bad ones happened right at the bottom of my neck in the back.

[Absol197]

But it's all beard shadow and male and hairy arms and yuk >_<

I gave up - I have in fact just spent the last half hour curled up with my eyes shut, trying not to think about my body. Not fun.

*so many hugs for Helio*. I'm so sorry, I hate it when the mirror does that to me. I don't know what else to say, other than to hang on, and it will pass.

I just feel bad that you don't have anyone to be there with you this time. I wish I could change that...

[Mina Kobold]

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

*HUGS*

I can only provide few words of advice, but I am certain that things will soon get much better. Look forward and never give up, you are an amazing and beautiful person. Though the journey may seem long, it shrinks many kilometres shorter when you take another step.

[Lix Lorn]

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

(HUGS)
We're all here for you.

[Irish Musician]

(HUGS)
We're all here for you.

*Hugs Lixie and therefore Helio*

BEAR HUG PILE!!!!!!! And like Lixie said, we are here for you!

[Selpharia]

Ack, sudden massive attack of dysphoria. Disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and fighting the urge to just curl up and wait for the world to go away.

*cringes*

*hugs*

Hope you feel better, sweetie. That mirror has no idea what it's talking about. Go home mirror, you're drunk.

*more hugs*

[Mystic Muse]

*Offers hugs for Helio*

Thanks with all the help with the hair stuff guys.

EDIT: How often should one do the No-poo thing? I assume it's not necessary to do more than once every couple of months at most? And is it okay if I condition my hair every day, or should I only condition it after I shampoo it, making it ever 2-3 days?