My Little Pony XX

[Kris Strife]

EDIT EDIT: Wait, I have an angle! It's advice that's amusing because it should be obvious! The book is telling you what you already know, and it doesn't offer any genuinely helpful tips perhaps?

Clearly, this calls for multiple books. One with "Well, duh." advice, one that gives horribly outdated advice, and one that gives advice that anyone not Snips and Snails could figure out was bad advice.

The outdated book should be 1850s, not 1950s.

[MCerberus]

I'm eating chips that Pinkie would enjoy. This fact makes them even more delicious. Also, they're quite efficient at making it impossible to go to bed.

Delicious ton and Mills would love them, especially since they're chips YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

[Lord Raziere]

Not that it would be a bad thing, mind you...

That is an improvement.

Mostly because there are less memes, useless trivia and monty python quotes in the world. Making people happy is just an unexpected beneficial side effect to my way of thinking.

Though I myself seem to be relatively normal. Everyone else here seems obsessed on some level but....I dunno, I guess I just have greater willpower or something.

[the_druid_droid]

Wing-flaring is tied to instinctual threat-display and mating-ritual responses in pegasi; nevertheless, many adult pegasi attempt to suppress this response and become embarrassed when it occurs. So remember: be sensitive! If your date's wings begin to creep up, try not to draw attention to the matter, and give them the space they need to regain their composure.

EDIT: Should I find writing a dating advice book for magical technicolor ponies this easy?

[EsperDerek]

Yeah, I'm going to be aiming for either silly or just woefully out of date, like, sensibilities have gone so far past it that it is completely useless. 'Don't grope a pegasuses wings on the first date.' is fairly sound advice.

EDIT: Your second attempt at pegasus stuff is much more fitting.

Now, sleep!

[darthbobcat]

Wing Boner are on the list of things that will never appear in my fics.

How about

"Unicorns are naturally vain. When dating a unicorn, be sure to compliment their appearance and then give them a firm swat on the flank."

[Kris Strife]

Wing-flaring is tied to instinctual threat-display and mating-ritual responses in pegasi; nevertheless, many adult pegasi attempt to suppress this response and become embarrassed when it occurs. So remember: be sensitive! If your date's wings begin to creep up, try not to draw attention to the matter, and give them the space they need to regain their composure.

Change it to give them support and let them know it's okay.

The 1850's book should have been written by Luna between the pilot and when she shows up in Season 2. She's been busy finishing and publishing books she wrote during her 1000 year banishment.

[the_druid_droid]

Wing Boners is on the list of things that will never appear in my fics.

Fair enough, but it sort of followed from my last post. I think I'm done for now...

[MCerberus]

Wing Boners is on the list of things that will never appear in my fics.

You are threatened with horrible slow death if your fic does not include two of the following: which do you include?

1. Molestia
2. Twixie
3. Wing boners
4. Cupcakes Pinkie

[darthbobcat]

Fair enough, but it sort of followed from my last post. I think I'm done for now...

I'm just saying; I know others around her use them. It just always struck me as a bridge too far.

[Kris Strife]

You are threatened with horrible slow death if your fic does not include two of the following: which do you include?

1. Molestia
2. Twixie
3. Wing boners
4. Cupcakes Pinkie

Twixie, so Midnight can be in it, and Molestia, as being overly affectionate with her Significant other, rather than every pony she sees.

The god princess deserves a romantic life too.

[darthbobcat]

You are threatened with horrible slow death if your fic does not include two of the following: which do you include?

1. Molestia
2. Twixie
3. Wing boners
4. Cupcakes Pinkie

Molestia and Cupcakes Pinkie, in a fight to the death/grope.

[the_druid_droid]

Molestia and Cupcakes Pinkie, in a fight to the death/grope.

Would these even be distinguishable, considering the combatants?

[MCerberus]

Molestia and Cupcakes Pinkie, in a fight to the death/grope.

and in the end they both find true love.



Also: Ponville Post staff

Ace Reporter/Head Editor: Whadda Scoops
Foreign Affairs Adjunct Columnist: Gilda G
Weekly Horoscopes: Pinkamena Diane Pie
Opinion and Political Cartoons: Macintosh "Mac Twain" Apple
Arts and Entertainment: Lyra
Page filler provided by the Ponsociated Press.

[darthbobcat]

Would these even be distinguishable, considering the combatants?

Celestia would inflict it in the order grope/death. Cupcakes Pinkie would inflict it in the order death/grope. There's the distinction.

[the_druid_droid]

Celestia would inflict it in the order grope/death. Cupcakes Pinkie would inflict it in the order death/grope. There's the distinction.

Hmm, a time-resolved victory condition. Touche.

Although given Molestia's characterization, it might also be grope/death/grope which could muddy the field...

[Thanqol]

You guys keep coming up with terrible pony dating 'advice' like this and Thanqol's excerpt, and I'd be incredibly pleased, and would have to use the best of them in the fic itself, using Thanqol's suggestion.

CHAPTER 23: THE SCENIC LOOKOUT

"While the scenic lookout spot is a staple of many dates, they can also be extremely risky. Firstly, you must never look directly at the sunset; looking directly at a sunset, no matter how pretty it is, can cause permanent eye damage. Unfortunately, many ponies are very badly educated about this and your date may attempt to look directly at the sunset. Bringing up the topic of eye damage can very quickly kill the mood, however, so you should do whatever you can to prevent your date from looking at the sunset without explaining why."

CHAPTER 12: THE PROPOSITION

"When asking a pony on a date, care must be taken to ensure the conditions are right. Shyly asking 'What are you doing on Friday?' may seem the natural question for a lot of ponies, but Friday seems to be the day a lot of ponies are washing their manes. Therefore, you must be both certain and commanding. Begin by complimenting your intended on the cleanliness of their mane, and if they seem flattered or confused, immediately follow up with an observation about how it is very difficult to get one's mane dirty at a theatre. When they agree with your obvious logic, you should confidently command them to be at the intended theatre at the intended time to ensure the ongoing cleanliness of their mane. It has never failed."

[the_druid_droid]

CHAPTER 23: THE SCENIC LOOKOUT

"While the scenic lookout spot is a staple of many dates, they can also be extremely risky. Firstly, you must never look directly at the sunset; looking directly at a sunset, no matter how pretty it is, can cause permanent eye damage. Unfortunately, many ponies are very badly educated about this and your date may attempt to look directly at the sunset. Bringing up the topic of eye damage can very quickly kill the mood, however, so you should do whatever you can to prevent your date from looking at the sunset without explaining why."

Clearly the only delicate solution to this conundrum is makeouts. Lots of them.

[Kris Strife]

CHAPTER 12: THE PROPOSITION

"When asking a pony on a date, care must be taken to ensure the conditions are right. Shyly asking 'What are you doing on Friday?' may seem the natural question for a lot of ponies, but Friday seems to be the day a lot of ponies are washing their manes. Therefore, you must be both certain and commanding. Begin by complimenting your intended on the cleanliness of their mane, and if they seem flattered or confused, immediately follow up with an observation about how it is very difficult to get one's mane dirty at a theatre. When they agree with your obvious logic, you should confidently command them to be at the intended theatre at the intended time to ensure the ongoing cleanliness of their mane. It has never failed."

I can actually see this working in show.

The other one has the flaw of meaning that Celestia lets her sun hurt the eyes of her subjects.

[darthbobcat]

and in the end they both find true love.



Also: Ponville Post staff

Ace Reporter/Head Editor: Whadda Scoops
Foreign Affairs Adjunct Columnist: Gilda G
Weekly Horoscopes: Pinkamena Diane Pie
Opinion and Political Cartoons: Macintosh "Mac Twain" Apple
Arts and Entertainment: Lyra
Page filler provided by the Ponsociated Press.

Sagittarius: Something will fall tomorrow. There will be a gator in your bathtub. Also, there will be a doozy. You'll know it when you see it.

And that's why this newspaper needs to spend less time covering the banal stuff and talk about the real issues, such as the unconscionably high tariffs that Griffonland has placed on our apple exports.

[MCerberus]

Sagittarius: Something will fall tomorrow. There will be a gator in your bathtub. Also, there will be a doozy. You'll know it when you see it.

And that's why this newspaper needs to spend less time covering the banal stuff and talk about the real issues, such as the unconscionably high tariffs that Griffonland has placed on our apple exports.

You forgot the picture of Celestia with dollar sign eyes sweeping her sister underneath a rug labeled "public opinion"

edit- I also seem to have given BigPink a location to meet.

edit the two- Mac Twain would be more of the calm opinionist.
Seems to me the high Griffonland tariffs on apples and the ongoing food shortage in the Eagle Mountains just don't add up.

[darthbobcat]

You forgot the picture of Celestia with dollar sign eyes sweeping her sister underneath a rug labeled "public opinion"

edit- I also seem to have given BigPink a location to meet.

Wow, that's the best drawing of bureaucracy I've ever seen!

Huh. Ain't never had anypony recognize it without the labels.

[the_druid_droid]

Lightning round ponythreaders:

Big Pink
Fluttermac
Twimac

Which do you choose?

[MCerberus]

Lightning round ponythreaders:

Big Pink
Fluttermac
Twimac

Which do you choose?

<--- BigPink supporter, for I have done ARTS.

Which pairing looks best to you, Mac?
Ayup.

[darthbobcat]

Lightning round ponythreaders:

Big Pink
Fluttermac
Twimac

Which do you choose?

I'm going to assume that you mean for stories. Fluttermac wins for cuteness of the drawings. Big Pink I'd like to see more art of (the energy level is a cute contrast), but Twimac gets second place in art.

As for the order in which I'd be willing and able to write a fic based on them getting together, it goes

Big Pink
Twimac
Fluttermac

Fluttermac is hard to build a plot around. I've seen a few fics attempt it, but none were satisfying beyond the initial meeting IMO. It'd be awesome as an established fact in a fic, but them getting together would most likely be boring, since it'd be

Step 1: Meet.
Step 2: Click on a personal level.
Step 3: Remain clicked.

[Thanqol]

Clearly the only delicate solution to this conundrum is makeouts. Lots of them.

Mask: See, the advice is so bad it'll result in both horrible faux pas following faux pas and yet has subtle outs that will keep the truly devoted couple together.

You forgot the picture of Celestia with dollar sign eyes sweeping her sister underneath a rug labeled "public opinion"

edit- I also seem to have given BigPink a location to meet.

edit the two- Mac Twain would be more of the calm opinionist.
Seems to me the high Griffonland tariffs on apples and the ongoing food shortage in the Eagle Mountains just don't add up.

Mask: Best political cartoon ever.

CHAPTER 2: DRESS SENSE

"You always want to be dressed at least two levels of formality above your date. If she shows up wearing nothing and you show up in a full gala dress then you are in the best possible situation. She will be aware of how much more important and beautiful you are than her and will accept that she would be lucky to have you. The impression is made even more powerful if you wear such a gown to an otherwise unfitting location, like a baseball game."

CHAPTER 11: CONVERSATION TOPICS

"What many ponies look for in a partner is a strong husband. This is why you must, whenever possible and as soon as possible, turn the topic of conversation towards children. Talk about how much you want to have children, and how you want to have them extremely soon. Give anecdotes about how many children are born every year, or humorous stories about times your friends' foals made messes. Speculate as to the hair and eye colours of potential foals had with your date. If there is a crying foal in the restaurant, talk loudly about what you would do to discipline the child. You must set a very good impression of your parenting skills on the first date."

[the_druid_droid]

Razznfrazzn forums ate my post. One more time, now with image dump!

I personally like Twimac. I think it's because I really like the idea of Big Mac having quite a bit lying beneath his taciturn exterior which surprises Twilight as she starts to discover it. Also, I like the idea of Twilight falling for a pony that is on the surface a stallion's stallion because I think she might dismiss the idea under other circumstances, because she might not see enough there to keep her interest.

Random pony images (probably not as amusing as I find them at this hour):

Spoiler

Show

Gothic?!Rarity

[darthbobcat]

So, what's in store for tomorrow? Y'all've been at that typewriter all day.

I can't think of anything! I'm not having any twitches or itches!

Well, you ain't gonna get any inspiration from that there doohickey. How 'bout we go get some lunch?

(Blush) O-okay, Mackie.

Ponyville Post reporters date! What a scoop! (takes a picture)

Con SARN it, boss.

[RdMarquis]

CHAPTER 2: DRESS SENSE

"You always want to be dressed at least two levels of formality above your date. If she shows up wearing nothing and you show up in a full gala dress then you are in the best possible situation. She will be aware of how much more important and beautiful you are than her and will accept that she would be lucky to have you. The impression is made even more powerful if you wear such a gown to an otherwise unfitting location, like a baseball game."

CHAPTER 11: CONVERSATION TOPICS

"What many ponies look for in a partner is a strong husband. This is why you must, whenever possible and as soon as possible, turn the topic of conversation towards children. Talk about how much you want to have children, and how you want to have them extremely soon. Give anecdotes about how many children are born every year, or humorous stories about times your friends' foals made messes. Speculate as to the hair and eye colours of potential foals had with your date. If there is a crying foal in the restaurant, talk loudly about what you would do to discipline the child. You must set a very good impression of your parenting skills on the first date."

You need to compile this when it's finished and submit it as a fanfic or something like that. Maybe add a little bit of story at the end where it is revealed somepony was actually going to follow this advice for a date. Then a concerned friend shoves the book under Spike's nose and tickles him with a feather.

[darthbobcat]

Y'know... I gotta say, I think a big part of me liking Big Pink is finding the idea of Pinkie's voice actress saying "Mackie" absolutely adorable. Every single time I picture it.