Let's Read The Immortal Handbook Bestiary

[ColorBlindNinja]

Image link.





3rd party books aren’t really known for being well balanced, but one among their number stands tall above the rest. One book is spoken of in horrified whispers throughout the dark corners of the D&D 3.5 community…

The Immortal Handbook!

This terrifying tome was meant to be part of a series, but alas, it was never finished. The intention of the Immortal Handbook was to be a sort of replacement for the Epic Level Handbook and Deities and Demigods. Hardly a concept one could fault, after all, both the books are flawed (especially the Epic Level Handbook). Tragically, it fails miserably at this worthy goal, by somehow managing to be even worse.

To that aim, the Immortal Handbook Bestiary and the Immortal Handbook Ascension were printed. Perhaps I’ll talk about Ascension someday, but for now, we focus on the Bestiary. This book had an especially lofty goal, to provide appropriate encounters for characters whose levels were in the triple, nay, quadruple digits.

Anyone who knows anything about how epic D&D is would be well aware that this a fool’s errand. That D&D 3.5 becomes hopelessly broken by level 15 or so. Level 21 and beyond are a screaming nightmare of game imbalance, imagine how horrifying attempting to run an encounter with a monster with a triple digit challenge rating?

The opening pages of the book detail some new feats and then begin to tinker with the size rules. I like the idea of having size categories beyond Colossal +, but I could have done without the rest of these rule changes. Having a character’s weight increase with their strength score seems like a pointless love affair with realism when this tome contains a golem that can tear the planet asunder with a single punch.

Even less welcome is the Immortal Handbook’s insistence on changing the cosmology of the setting. D&D already has an exceedingly complicated cosmology, switching things around only makes things more perplexing.

But that’s not why you’re here. No, you’re here to see the ridiculous monsters that populate the Immortal Handbook and I don’t intend to disappoint. For anyone who has the book at home, see if you concoct a way to kill these beasts at level 20 or lower. Now, without further ado…

Spoiler: Table of Contents

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Amilictli
Anakim
Gibborim
Odium
Sadim
Akalich
Akishra
Amidah
Cherubim
Flaga
Kyriotates
Malakim
Sandalphon
Seraphim
Atata
Syzygy
Cogent
Cicatrix
Kabiri
Maskim
Cometary Dragon
Nexus Dragon
Platinum Dragon
Polychromatic Dragon
Timber Dragon
Titanium Dragon
Void Dragon
Quintessence Elemental
Unelemental
Diamond Golem
Force Golem
Ioun Golem
Mercury Golem
Neutronium Golem
Orichalcum Golem
Grigori
Final Thoughts

[ColorBlindNinja]

Amilictli, CR 46

Spoiler: TREMBLE IN FEAR MORTALS!

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This book starts out with Abominations, a concept first coined by the Epic Handbook. Basically, the spurred offspring of gods. An interesting concept to be sure, but what do we get? A walking tornado. What a way to start, huh? And this fellow gets the honor of being on the front cover!

The fluff for these guys is that they’re the product of fits of rage from storm gods. So, I guess if Thor ever had a really bad day, he might spawn a Amilictli.

This first thing I noticed is that this monstrosity has over 2000 HP. While the Epic Handbook may not be the best standard, I feel it might be useful for a point of comparison. The Hecatoncheires is CR 57 and has just over a 1000 HP, while the Amilictli is CR 46. The Amilictli also has Regeneration 40 (epic and lawful), so this beast is an HP sponge!

For whatever reason, it casts its spell-like abilities at CL 89! That’s almost double its CR and more than its total hit dice! Good luck dispelling its buffs! It has a lot of SLAs, too, including Blasphemy, which will TPK the entire party if they aren’t immune to it. Fun.

To be completely honest, I don’t think the Amilictli would actually stand up to an epic party that are well optimized, even if they don’t have access epic magic. With the +20 cap on Greater Dispel, it’s not dispelling any of the party’s buffs and being immune to electricity protects you from about 90% of what it can do.

It does have good saving throws (+50 Ref is its lowest) and SR 99! But good luck getting your party to take the walking tornado man seriously.


I'll try to upload new monsters as frequently as I am able.

[Karl Aegis]

Yeah, but is it immune to Quivering Palm?

[OgresAreCute]

You say Tornado Man but it looks more like it's made out of hoover tubes.

Spoiler: Hopefully this works

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Yeah, but is it immune to Quivering Palm?

Well, it does have +67 to Fortitude saves. Even against a level 42 Monk with 86 Wisdom, it only fails the save 5% of the time. Unless the ability gets a boost in the Monk's epic progression, didn't bother checking.

Actually, never mind. Quivering Palm doesn't work on creatures immune to crits, and Henry the Hoover over here has Elemental Traits.

Also, the font this book uses for creature names and headings is just hideous. How could anyone think this was a good idea? Like in the beginning of the book where it has a heading called "Credits", it looks more like "Grenits". Quite possibly the worst font I've ever seen used in a real book.

[Theoboldi]

Will be watching this with interest. The Immortals Handbook has always been a personal fascination of mine for being filled with semi-cool ideas that have the worst possible execution.

Which the god-awful font, that really deserves some pictures just to show off how bad it is, actually is the perfect example of.

[noob]

I think it dies to regular celerity + blast spam chained with having a bunch of people dealing cdg on it with epic lawful weapons(something like +6 total modifier or +2 and greater magic weapon) until it dies.
If you want something more core only then spam planar binding until you have enough demons to swarm it to death.

[OgresAreCute]

Will be watching this with interest. The Immortals Handbook has always been a personal fascination of mine for being filled with semi-cool ideas that have the worst possible execution.

Which the god-awful font, that really deserves some pictures just to show off how bad it is, actually is the perfect example of.

Ask and you'll receive.

Spoiler: Grenits

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Spoiler: The first 3 monsters in the book

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You know, this kinda looks like a less legible version of Zalgo text.

[gkathellar]

Ask and you'll receive.

Spoiler: Grenits

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Spoiler: The first 3 monsters in the book

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You know, this kinda looks like a less legible version of Zalgo text.

Don't be alarmed, that screaming noise you can hear everywhere in the universe now is just me looking at this font.

[noob]

How could they make a font harder to read than what I write with my hands?
It is mysterious.

[gkathellar]

How could they make a font harder to read than what I write with my hands?
It is mysterious.

It appears that each letter is attempting to combine its upper and lower-case variations into one unreadable whole.

Why has this been done? I don't know, I'm too busy screaming to figure it out.

[Palanan]

Originally Posted by gkathellar
Why has this been done? I don't know, I'm too busy screaming to figure it out.

You're screaming for the both of us. I can only stare in slack-jawed horror.

I've never heard of this book before, and hadn't planned to comment on Henry the Hoover (which is bad enough), but...that font. That font.

[Theoboldi]

It appears that each letter is attempting to combine its upper and lower-case variations into one unreadable whole.

Wha-

*looks closer*

Oh my god, you are right. All this time, and I did not see that. I genuinely feel like you've just unveiled some horrible eldritch truth about reality to my unprepared mortal mind.

[OgresAreCute]

Wha-

*looks closer*

Oh my god, you are right. All this time, and I did not see that. I genuinely feel like you've just unveiled some horrible eldritch truth about reality to my unprepared mortal mind.

Some secrets must remain buried.

[Eldan]

Ask and you'll receive.

Spoiler: Grenits

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Spoiler: The first 3 monsters in the book

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You know, this kinda looks like a less legible version of Zalgo text.

Bwah?

Ten characters?

[Karl Aegis]

Well, do we know if it deals divine electricity damage or just regular electricity damage? Divine electricity is harder to deal with since you need like that one prestige class from Planar Handbook to resist it. Defiant.

[Ottriman]

I actually never had any issue with the font in this book.

Will be watching this with interest, the ideas were neat even if executed in the least balanced most boring way possible.

[ColorBlindNinja]

You say Tornado Man but it looks more like it's made out of hoover tubes.

Spoiler: Hopefully this works

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Yeah, you're right, that makes him even less intimidating.

Actually, never mind. Quivering Palm doesn't work on creatures immune to crits, and Henry the Hoover over here has Elemental Traits.

Henry the Hoover, LOL!

Also, the font this book uses for creature names and headings is just hideous. How could anyone think this was a good idea? Like in the beginning of the book where it has a heading called "Credits", it looks more like "Grenits". Quite possibly the worst font I've ever seen used in a real book.

Spoiler: Grenits

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Spoiler: The first 3 monsters in the book

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You know, this kinda looks like a less legible version of Zalgo text.

Yep, that may well be my least favorite part of the entire book.

Well, do we know if it deals divine electricity damage or just regular electricity damage? Divine electricity is harder to deal with since you need like that one prestige class from Planar Handbook to resist it. Defiant.

Some of its attacks deal half divine damage, but not most of them. IIRC, all of its ranged options just deal electricity damage.


Thanks for the replies everyone, I'll try to have the next monster uploaded later today.

[unseenmage]

This thread has made me chortle quietly so as not to wake the baby. Thank you.

Also. had heard of this book but never seen it. Will be following along.

[Karl Aegis]

Bluh it has Epic Spellcasting. Things borked.

[Aniikinis]

I think I have a pdf of this book somewhere. I used to scroll through it when I was bored to see if there was anything particularly stupid in it. I will be watching this with extreme interest.

Also, Henry the Hoover is by no means the dumbest thing in this book. Hand on Vecna's Heart.

EDIT: My gods, thank you for reminding me of this abomination. Also, I have loads of grievances with the book's cosmology and the depictions/descriptions of many of the monsters. Especially the angels. Although I do enjoy the templates they have in this book.

[OgresAreCute]

Anyway, about Tornadus over here, anyone figured out why the art depicts him shooting an intersection out of his eyes at some dude yet?

[Theoboldi]

Anyway, about Tornadus over here, anyone figured out why the art depicts him shooting an intersection out of his eyes at some dude yet?

Funnily enough, it does have an ability that lets it shoot rays dealing divine damage from its eyes. Which for some reason deals a heavy ton of backlash to Henry every time he hits with it.

[inuyasha]

I remember a much younger me hearing about this book and thinking wow that'd be neat.

Boy am I glad I never bought it

[Necroticplague]

It appears that each letter is attempting to combine its upper and lower-case variations into one unreadable whole.

Only the upper-case form of that font. The big names of creatures are ALL CAPS, and I still can't figure out WTF the lower-case of the font it doing.

[Kalkra]

After much staring, I've determined that the lion head on the cover isn't growing out of Tory. With that settled, I can stab my eyes out now.

[ColorBlindNinja]

Anakim, CR 32

Spoiler: 90s Comic Book Reject

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EDIT: Picture link.

Alright, who hired Rob Liefeld for the artwork on this one?!

In all seriousness, the Anakim is pretty uninspired, the fluff behind these guys is that god of strength and a demon loved each other very, very much… Wait? Isn’t that nearly identical to the fluff behind the Infernal? Whatever.

For a monster that looks like it’s supposed to punch things to death, the Anakim has a surprising number of SLAs, all of which it casts at level 49. Again, more than its CR or HD.

It also has a sonic attack, a strength draining gaze, a fear aura, and can summon a Titan. That last one could get insane if the Titan uses Gate.

The Anakim also has Regeneration 20, which can be bypassed by good and epic or just lawful. It also has SR 59 and is immune to sonic damage for whatever reason.

All in all, not much of threat for a level 32 party, in my own humble opinion. It’s also kind of boring. Next!

[unseenmage]

Pic isnt working for me. :(

[ColorBlindNinja]

Pic isnt working for me. :(

How odd, it's working for me.

I'm having a really hard time with these pictures.

Both finding them and getting them to work.



EDIT: Is anyone else having trouble viewing it?

[ExLibrisMortis]

I guess they don't allow hotlinking, but if you already have the picture stored in your cache (by viewing it on their website), your browser will be kind enough to display it anyway.

Why do Anakim have six fingers and six toes?

[ColorBlindNinja]

I guess they don't allow hotlinking, but if you already have the picture stored in your cache (by viewing it on their website), your browser will be kind enough to display it anyway.

I'll try to put links to the pictures from now on, then.

Why do Anakim have six fingers and six toes?

I honestly have no idea.