Little things that make you realize something about yourself

[SirKazum]

I was going over the pile of papers in my desk, and realized... you know you've irrevocably turned into a bureaucrat when you know where to find stuff in your desk pile based on stratigraphy Finding and taking into consideration the angle of repose of computer keyboards was another defining moment though.

What about you? What little things you find yourself doing or taking into consideration that make you realize "dang, now I'm a full-on <fill in the blank>"?

[Potato_Priest]

In both D&D and empires, I have several times come to understand my character or nation concepts after I make them and their relevance to me at the time.

For example, a recent D&D character was kicked out of a school of necromancy for being a terrible wizard, and I realized that this mirrored my anxiety about going off to college the coming fall.

[2D8HP]

Let's see, in the last month at work, and getting to and from my job I've seem multiple corpses, hundreds of homeless beggars, and many hundreds of imprisoned men.

The month before last I went to do an annual inspection (of part of the water supply system) at the Richmond Police Station, and an older woman came crying that she lost her granddaughter, and unlike my co-worker I couldn't even pretend to care or offer any reassurances that she would be found.

Ever so often, something I read, or a song I hear, or a movie I watch will get my eyes misty, but all the actual real-life-in-front-of-me human misery just evokes simmering annoyance and fatigue.

I fear I'm being turned into a kind of sociopath, and I also fear that may be for the best.

[Peelee]

I realized I've been at my job too damn long when I discovered I knew at least one doctor's NPI by heart.

[SirKazum]

I realized I've been at my job too damn long when I discovered I knew at least one doctor's NPI by heart.

Dude, I know a few suppliers' CNPJ (a 14-digit number used to uniquely identify corporate entities in Brazil) by heart

[Peelee]

Dude, I know a few suppliers' CNPJ (a 14-digit number used to uniquely identify corporate entities in Brazil) by heart

If it was a career, I wouldn't mind. It's not. It's a holding pattern until I get my higher learning done.

[SirKazum]

If it was a career, I wouldn't mind. It's not. It's a holding pattern until I get my higher learning done.

Gotcha. Well, guess you're a career man now, no denying it

[Sajiri]

We were rearranging our house last week, so I was cleaning out some of the old papers and trash I had in my desk I was getting rid of. I found a bunch of old papers where I'd been doing algebra for some reason. This wasnt in any old schoolbook or anything, just loose bits of paper I'd been doing algebra on for the sake of it that made me remember I really loved math apparently when I was in high school. My husband has also found my architectural doodles for house plans in building games. I realised I'm a nerd.

Also I forget how to do algebra now.

[SirKazum]

We were rearranging our house last week, so I was cleaning out some of the old papers and trash I had in my desk I was getting rid of. I found a bunch of old papers where I'd been doing algebra for some reason. This wasnt in any old schoolbook or anything, just loose bits of paper I'd been doing algebra on for the sake of it that made me remember I really loved math apparently when I was in high school. My husband has also found my architectural doodles for house plans in building games. I realised I'm a nerd.

Also I forget how to do algebra now.

Wow, that's cool (and nostalgic). Too bad you lost that spark, but I'm sure you can rekindle it at any time I've got a sketchpad on my desk that's full of calculations, algebraic expressions, and a bunch of other random stuff (like plans/diagrams/numbering etc. for fiction I'm working on), which sounds a bit like what you're describing. A lot of it are attempts to achieve greater efficiency at Swarm Simulator, which I recognize I spend an unhealthy amount of time on

[ve4grm]

We were rearranging our house last week, so I was cleaning out some of the old papers and trash I had in my desk I was getting rid of. I found a bunch of old papers where I'd been doing algebra for some reason. This wasnt in any old schoolbook or anything, just loose bits of paper I'd been doing algebra on for the sake of it that made me remember I really loved math apparently when I was in high school. My husband has also found my architectural doodles for house plans in building games. I realised I'm a nerd.

Also I forget how to do algebra now.

You live on GitP, and you just now realised you might be a nerd?

Algebra is easy to pick back up with a little bit of effort. I will never lose it, as it's required for my job, but I've forgotten more calculus than I've ever known.

[AuthorGirl]

I realized I'm fairly okay at my job (and quite accustomed to its idiosyncrasies) when the fire alarm went off for no reason and I wasn't even surprised. I checked to make sure there was no fire, then went back to swearing at the printer and muttering under my breath about the dratted e-mail system (and don't even get me started about the church membership lists). Not even a setback, just another thing that happens in this crazy church.

On a slightly more depressing note, I realized how much of an idiot I've been being for the past several months when my ex-boyfriend said "cancel our earlier agreement to start dating again soon; let's just be friends" and I was like "okay. Not even surprised. Time to start picking up the pieces of myself, for real this time."

I put those realizations together and realized I'm oddly tired inside, not really giving two electrum pieces about very many things anymore, and maybe I should want to stay that way.

. . . geez, this went a little dark, sorry.

[The Ari-tificer]

Wow, that's cool (and nostalgic). Too bad you lost that spark, but I'm sure you can rekindle it at any time I've got a sketchpad on my desk that's full of calculations, algebraic expressions, and a bunch of other random stuff (like plans/diagrams/numbering etc. for fiction I'm working on), which sounds a bit like what you're describing. A lot of it are attempts to achieve greater efficiency at Swarm Simulator, which I recognize I spend an unhealthy amount of time on

Now you've got me hooked on Swarm Sim.
Thanks. :P

[Anonymouswizard]

I only realised how much I adore technology when I was comparing notes with other amateur science fiction writers and I was the only one who had detailed how my artificial gravity works (and the lack thereof in this situation), how much of my ship was dedicated to reaction mass, production facilities aboard a starship, the reaction drive used, how unrealistically efficient my reaction drive was, and the fact I was actually working out my acceleration time and thrust, as well as the force and energy supplied by weapons.

I also only realised realised how much I adore someone and want to be near them when they confessed they had feelings for me. It's just not where I need to be right now (they're on the other side of the English Channel, and neither of us are in a position to move), and the reason behind my location line. Annoying to find out I'm the kind of person who wants to drop everything and move to a place I don't speak the language just to be with someone.

[danzibr]

I'm writing a book series with multiple planes. The usual plane, a heaven-like plane, and a hell-like plane. The three planes interact in a very precise way. And... I realized some time later, it reflects my beliefs on how reality works.

[Mith]

Let's see, in the last month at work, and getting to and from my job I've seem multiple corpses, hundreds of homeless beggars, and many hundreds of imprisoned men.

The month before last I went to do an annual inspection (of part of the water supply system) at the Richmond Police Station, and an older woman came crying that she lost her granddaughter, and unlike my co-worker I couldn't even pretend to care or offer any reassurances that she would be found.

Ever so often, something I read, or a song I hear, or a movie I watch will get my eyes misty, but all the actual real-life-in-front-of-me human misery just evokes simmering annoyance and fatigue.

I fear I'm being turned into a kind of sociopath, and I also fear that may be for the best.

Emotional fatigue is a thing. When you are faced with the reality of the majority of harsh situations, you cannot really promise the unlikely outcome. I would say you shouldn't worry about developing sociopathic tendencies, because you still care that that might be the end result. But take that with at least your daily recommended dosage of salt, as I am no expert on this sort of thing.

[The Fury]

Taking stock of things I like revealed that I actually like things, taken on their objective merits, that are bad. I like bad movies, bad TV shows, bad comic books, bad food and whatnot. Taken a step further, I usually won't like an activity very much unless it involves something bad. I thought that I didn't like driving for years until I drove a car that was in rough shape-- the windows didn't seal properly, it was noisy, it shook when it idled, the shifter didn't always go into gear, and I actually had fun. Being able to get satisfaction out of something despite, or even because of, how bad it is can definitely be positive. Only getting enjoyment out of bad stuff... that's weird. I'll admit that that's weird.