That perfect Wish

[EvilElf]

I have been pondering for a long long time, how would one word their wish perfectly so it's hard or impossible for a GM to screw you over on it? Some of the facts that I have run across when talking with other players is to keep the wish simple, an example would be “I wish for x amount of gold in my pocket.” But what about those that want to wish for something a bit more powerful? Such as godhood, immortality, or some artifacts? Those are the really tricky ones. Here is some of the examples I have come up with that might work out. “I wish for the staff of the Magi to be in my possession, and that the last person who owned this staff and anyone they have ever known to forget about the staff entirely”
What other ideas has anyone else come up with when trying to come up with that perfect use for a wish spell?

[Dogmantra]

"I wish I had a GM who didn't try to screw over all my wishes" comes to mind.

But really, the best way to stop your wish from going awry is to stick to the things explicitly called out as being perfectly fine. After all, it's in the spell description that you might get a literal or partial interpretation if you try for anything more powerful.

[EvilJoe15]

I'd word it in simple RAW. As in "I wish for a +1 Inherent bonus to my Intelligence ability."

[Dairun Cates]

I'd word it in simple RAW. As in "I wish for a +1 Inherent bonus to my Intelligence ability."

That's the thing, unless you can think of AND stamp out every single conditional modifier that your GM can think of, there's ALWAYS a way to corrupt even the most innocuous wishes.

"Sure... We'll just take it out of your con score."

or...

"You *pointing to player* now have a +1 to intelligence and realize that you shouldn't try to outsmart the GM with game talk. Your character's guardian avatar probably now thinks better than short-changing the game with quick trips to power."

or...

"Sure... Here's a cursed item that makes you cluck like a chicken... but hey. It DOES give a +1 to intelligence."

or...

"Your intelligence is now a 12. You have a +1 inherent bonus to intelligence."

or...

"A Lich appears in front of your ready to teach you all he knows. You're an evil super-servant now, but hey. +1 to int."

Are these REALLY mean interpretations of the wish? Yes.
Do some of these stretch credibility? Yes.

But the point is... If your GM does not want you to have it, there is ALWAYS a way around it. Existence is infinite and there's always going to be some small problem...

Even if you wish for "I wish for <Insert Character's name> to have an intelligence score of <int + 1> that is gained solely by the magical effects of this spell and no outside forces or items without the loss of any other abilities or items (material or metaphysical) and without any change in my character's general mental health or alignment and most importantly without any negative OR positive connotations to other sentient or non-sentient entities in the world that may cause them to come find me."

Even THAT can be corrupted if your GM thinks about it enough.

[lsfreak]

But the point is... If your GM does not want you to have it, there is ALWAYS a way around it. Existence is infinite and there's always going to be some small problem...

Wish has a list of things that are GUARANTEED to work. If your DM corrupts your wish for one of those, get yourself a DM that isn't a power-hungry prick.

[2xMachina]

Not a GM, and I never got wishes before...

But I prefer the wish to fulfill it as well as it can. If you wish for something that's too powerful for the wish, it gives you part of it (within the wish limits).

Say, you want 1million GP? Wish gives you 15k and that's it.

[Dairun Cates]

Wish has a list of things that are GUARANTEED to work. If your DM corrupts your wish for one of those, get yourself a DM that isn't a power-hungry prick.

And +1 to Int is one of those bonuses, but if you're actually wording it instead of just casting the spell, you either:
A). Already got your +1 and don't want to have to cast 2 more wish spells to get a +2 total
B). Don't understand how the spell works and didn't decide to read up on it before casting.
C). Just want to see what your DM can come up with for the heck of it.

My point in that post is that if it's left up to your DM to decide the consequence instead of the game mechanics, even the simplest wish can be turned against you. There's NO Perfect wish. The best you can hope for is wishing for something your GM considers acceptable or trying to slow down how fast your DM will screw you.

You seemed to insinuate that just saying the Wish in SIMPLE game mechanics terms will save you. I just wanted to point out that this is far from the truth.

Saying: I wish my Base Attack Bonus was 20 is insanely corruptable (with the most obvious answer being to turn your Wizard into a level 20 fighter).

It gets even worse though, when you put on TOO many restrictions on a wish, you can also open up new loopholes.

For instance: I want X in my hand...

Can literally graft X into your hand.

[Seffbasilisk]

"I wish this story would have a happy ending."

[hangedman1984]

"I wish this story would have a happy ending."

you never specified for whom
mhahahahaha

[Funkyodor]

The way our DM has done wishes in the past was to consider the source. Wish from an evil Effreti, there's always a twist for the worse. Directly from a spell, literal translation. From a good source like Djinni or God, best possible outcome. Sometimes characters received cursed wish items. Like "make a wish, but it has to be a rhyming haiku." nonsense. The DM should consider the source of the Wish effect when trying to screw the character over.

[Dairun Cates]

The way our DM has done wishes in the past was to consider the source. Wish from an evil Effreti, there's always a twist for the worse. Directly from a spell, literal translation. From a good source like Djinni or God, best possible outcome. Sometimes characters received cursed wish items. Like "make a wish, but it has to be a rhyming haiku." nonsense. The DM should consider the source of the Wish effect when trying to screw the character over.

Honestly, giving an unlimited wish to a player is like putting the Deck of Many Things in your game. Most players are sensible enough to not go crazy (pulling 1-2 cards at most if any), and it's fun when you do the whole thing, but ultimately, the potential for completely destroying your campaign is too much.

So, I'd hand out a good wish as a VERY VERY near the end if not end of campaign reward and only do it on characters I don't expect my players to reuse.

[The Glyphstone]

"I wish for a sandwich."

It's the perfect 'is your DM a jerkface' test.

[afroakuma]

There's NO Perfect wish.

Amen to that. There was a thread in which I played the genie, corrupting every single wish presented (including the ones done up in painfully thorough legalese). While I agree that wishes within the reasonable scope of the spell should be accepted (provided they are worded properly and in-character), there are excesses which must be... curbed.

Also, I don't allow wishes for candles of invocation, no matter what their listed value claims. WotC is full of stupid from time to time, as that item illustrates vividly, and I never see reason to honor the game-breaking silliness of their mistakes.

[Radar]

"I wish this story would have a happy ending."

Better yet: "Let my inner desires be the good ones, and Happiness for Everyone!"

[molten_dragon]

I had a em once that liked to mess around with wishes. I used the old standby "I wish you wouldn't grant this wish" and he stopped after that.

[CubeB]

If a DM doesn't want to give out wishes, then they should just ban the spell.

Easy. :D

[Tinydwarfman]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

[afroakuma]

"I wish you wouldn't grant this wish"

An efreeti pops up out of nowhere and says Granted.

The original being offering the wish did not grant the wish, another being granted it, therefore granting that the original being did not grant the wish.

"I wish this wish would not be granted" is better, but instead if causing a paradox, the being simply has to not declare "granted" or "not granted" as regards that particular wish, in perpetuity. Schroedinger's Wish, essentially.

[lsfreak]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

"No can do, bub, I'm not that awesome. But this guy can."
And you suddenly find yourself standing before Asmodeus.

[Caliphbubba]

Wish has a list of things that are GUARANTEED to work. If your DM corrupts your wish for one of those, get yourself a DM that isn't a power-hungry prick.

This.

heck for the 5000 xp cost there ought to be SOME wishes that are guaranteeded to work.

[Tanuki Tales]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

That's easy. You're never directly affected by what you wished against but harm and misfortune befall you indirectly, magic affects you indirectly, you're constrained and controlled indirectly and influence is put over your being indirectly.

I.E.: The entire multiverse implodes and you're left in the void as the single piece of creation. Oh and magic went with the multiverse so have fun floating until you starve to death, suffocate or die of old age.

Of course you only mentioned your mind and body, never your soul.

[Tinydwarfman]

"No can do, bub, I'm not that awesome. But this guy can."
And you suddenly find yourself standing before Asmodeus.

So you're saying that since you can't find a way to pervert the wish, you're just going to not grant it and screw over the player anyway? Huh. Well, I concede defeat to genius. You truly have won.

[Lord Vampyre]

Generally, I remove Wish, Limited Wish, and Miracle from any spell repertoire if I'm running the game. It's the concept that I don't like. On that note I allow players to develop spells that replace what they wanted to do with a Wish spell.

If I do give the players a "wish", it is to enhance the game in some fashion. As a matter of fact, I rarely reveal that they have a wish in their possession. I am normally just waiting for them to say something in or out of game using the word wish. I then allow something coincidental to happen.

I have seen too many DMs allow players to abuse the wish. In 2ed, I had a character with a score of 25 in every stat except Cha. My Cha was only 22, all because my DM in an epic campaign allowed me to abuse rings of wishes.

It really depends on the DM, but the DM can either mess with the players or allow horrible abuse of the wish, no matter how they word it. They're the DM, and wishes don't always work the way players think they do.

I mean just look at Jafar in the second Alladin movie. If you wish to have something, you could either be taken to it or have it brought to you. I've played with a number of DMs that required additional wishes to be used if there was any kind of conditional modifier on the wish such as and/or/but/not.

The point is, you can never out think the DM, unless he allows you to.

[Mr.Moron]

"I wish that this wish won't be granted"

[afroakuma]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

Granted
...but the magic of the wish is shorted out by your requirement that no magic can effect you, and thus your wish flares and dies (as do your protections) in an instant. Then bears eat you.

"I wish that this wish won't be granted"

Granted
...two minutes ago. It will never be granted in the future, though, rest assured.

Oh, the power of grammar.

[Tanuki Tales]

Aw, I'm the only one who came up with a plausible perversion of his uber protection wish.

Since harm and misfortune befell the multiverse, not his character, and he's just stuck with the pure facts of mystical psuedo-physics after everything went belly up.

[2xMachina]

I wish to replicate Prestidigitation!

(Seriously, the DM's a jerk if they screw with that)

[Lord Vampyre]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

Easy, your character is suddenly teleported to a demiplane with only him in it. Nothing else exists except for him. It is a gray void where he will exist for the rest of eternity.

The problem comes down to the interpretation of misfortune. What the wizard interprets as being misfortunate may not be what the being or power granting the wish interprets as being misfortunate.

[Tanuki Tales]

Easy, your character is suddenly teleported to a demiplane with only him in it. Nothing else exists except for him. It is a gray void where he will exist for the rest of eternity.

The problem comes down to the interpretation of misfortune. What the wizard interprets as being misfortunate may not be what the being or power granting the wish interprets as being misfortunate.

Nothing stops anything from Planeshifting in and killing him horribly or at least giving him a paper cut, so the wish wasn't even really granted and perverted.

[2xMachina]

I wish that no harm or misfortune ever befalls me, no magics, not even the divine could effect me, nothing except myself could constrain or control me, or hold influence over my mind or body.

Pervert that wish. (note that I am an evil wizard, or I would have done the same for my loved ones.)

It emulates 1 of: Stonebody (or whatever DR spell), (a luck spell), Spell Turning, Freedom of Movement or Mind blank.