Homebrewed Gag Items (Seriousness is optional)

[Crisis21]

This is a place for everyone to post items/spells/components/etc. that are essentially name gags (like The Giant's own 'Magic Items to Put Back') but may (or may not) also be serious additions to a campaign in their own way.

Simply post in the following format

<Name>
<Use(s)> (i.e. what it does or what it is used for)
<Variations> (if any)
<(origin of the joke)> (optional)


I'll start.

Lemory Moss
A primary ingredient in memory restoration potions
A rare variety known as 'Tong Lerm' Lemory Moss is required to brew an amnesia cure.
(Lemory Moss is a spoonerism of Memory Loss)

[Debihuman]

These items were originally made for the Acolyte of the Blessed Imelda Marcos Prestige Class (it's linked in my signature).

Shoes of Protection and Teleportation
These slippers offer +2 protection from evil, but the only place you can teleport is home. They come in either Silver or Ruby. [The masculine versions come in attractive gun-metal gray and maroon snake-skin leather.]
Moderate Conjuration; CL 6th; Craft Wondrous Item, protection from evil, teleport; Price 2,500 GP, Weight 1 lb.

Boots of Fascination
Any member of the opposite sex who see these must make a Will save (DC 20) or be fascinated for 1d4 rounds. Any member of the same sex is envious that you have great shoes and will ask where you got them.
Faint Enchantment; CL 1st; Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotism, Price 100, GP Weight 3 lbs.

Bunny Sippers of Warmth
These are especially coveted by the Fashionista who likes creature comforts. Usually they come in pink or white, but also can be found as Bear Slippers of Warmth for the discerning male Acolyte [known colloquially as the Metrosexual]. These slippers give a +2 bonus to saving throws against cold-based effects.
Faint Abjuration; CL 1st; Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements; Price 500 GP, Weight 1 lb.

Cursed Rubber Galoshes of Practicality
These are thoroughly practical galoshes, completely rainproof, but anyone wearing them must take a -2 penalty to all Charisma based checks. No respectable Fashionista would be caught dead in a pair of these. However, once donned they are impossible to remove without a remove curse spell. Once the curse is removed, the boots remain practical but will eventually wear out and become leaky.
Faint Necromancy; CL 3rd, Craft Wondrous Item, bestow curse, mending; Price 400 GP, Weight 1 lb.

Hippie sandals
Hippie sandals give you a +2 bonus on Diplomacy checks when dealing with Fey creatures. Dwarves traditionally think they look better with socks but a real Fashionista knows that sandals should never be worn with socks. Wearing socks lowers the bonus to only +1.
Faint Enchantment; CL 3rd; Craft Wondrous Item; good hope; Price 200 GP, Weight 2 lbs.

Stiletto Shoes of Salsa Dancing
These open-toed shoes come in variety of colors, with or without sequins. In either case, the heels add 3-5 inches of height to the wearer. These strappy shoes look deceptively fragile, but have a steel bar supporting the heel. They add +2 to Perform (Dance) and add 5 feet to the speed of anyone wearing them. As a last resort, the wearer can remove a shoe and use it as a weapon. The heel does 1d3 points of piercing damage. The shoe may be thrown and has a 10-foot range.
Moderate Transmutation; CL 6, Craft Wondrous Item; cat's grace, haste; Cost 8,000 GP Weight 2 lbs.


Cowboy Boots of Foot Stomping and Butt Kicking
While there are a few male Acolytes of the Blessed Imelda Marcos who are secure in their masculinity to wear stilettos, most prefer the Cowboy Boots of Foot Stomping and Butt Kicking. They add +1 to Perform (Dance) and +1 to Tumble. They need not be removed to be used as a weapon. The boots add 1d4 points of bludgeoning damage to any kick made by the wearer.
Moderate Transmutation; CL 6, Craft Wondrous Item; cat's grace, haste; Cost 8,000 GP Weight 4 lbs.

[Nihilarian]

The Convincing Lyre
This masterwork harp lets everyone know how good a lyre it is. Any user with 1 or more rank in Perform (string instruments) can use the harp to cast Ventriloquism and Magic Mouth 1/day each; but to unlock it's true lyre capabilities the performer must have 9 or more ranks in Perform (string Instruments). This lets him use Confusion, Glibness and Major Image 1/day each.
(Get it? It's a pun!)

[SamsDisciple]

vorpal handkerchief
Last (or first) resort for the eloquent dandy or noble. Just wind it up and flip it at the enemy then "off with their head!"
An item made by request for a PC evangelist who was highly opposed to weapons and would exclaim as much to the rogue as he was sneaking up on the enemy

[BigDumbWeirdo]

Noodle of Doom
A box of 3' long dry spaghetti noodles with runes covering the entire surface. Drawing a noddle from the box instantly cooks it (rendering it wet and limp) and allows it to be used to make an attack, which does 1d6 points of bludgeoning damage. Once an attack is made, whether successful or not, the noodle is destroyed. The box contains 30 such noodles.

I got this idea as a teenager, when my mother walked in on me playing D&D with some friends and half-jokingly threatened to hit me with a wet noodle if I didn't stop (she thought it was The Devil's Game).

[DracoDei]

Gummy Sphere
These elastic spheres are made of the same material as the real world Gummy Bears and Gummy Worms (TM, although the spelling may be off). They are much more popular among the children of the nobility and court jesters than they are serious adventurers in the field. When ingested they allow the blowing of "soap" bubbles out of the ears. For creatures with external ears, the diameter of the bubbles is twice the longest dimension of said ears, meaning that if the campaign setting includes anthropomorphic rabbits then they can make some really big ones. For creatures without external ears, the diameter is equal to the diameter of the ear-hole. Creatures without ear-holes can not benefit from gummy spheres. The effect lasts 1d4 minutes, or until the creature (if medium sized) has produced 2 cubic feet of bubbles and only one such effect may be in place at a time. The maximum volume scales up and down with the size of the eater. The bubbles are completely and totally non-irritating to the eyes etc.
Caster level 1, Craft Wondrous Item, 10 gold pieces market price per batch of 100 for creation purposes, but normally available for individual sale for 1 silver piece for a single gummy sphere.


The rest of the thread isn't half-bad either....