They are parties before the wedding or before the baby and everyone is required to bring a gift for her. Maybe it's an American idea. So I don't know if the answer is "you will find out soon" or maybe you don't have them at all where you live.
I have lost friends that way even if they are still alive. If I call her and try to talk she is not the same person any more. We're strangers. I am grieving. That's OK. We can grieve together about our own woes. The classic grief drink is something stronger than tea though.
Oh. I see now. And why not. It seems OK to me now to have a different person make the thread and claim the thread. What did The Rose Dragon call it? A surrogate, that was it.