*Session from 2 weeks ago when I DM'd*
Librarian: "According to this legend, you need a wing that fits inside a shoe that can be stapled to your shoulder."
*beat*
Librarian: "Did I read that wrong?"


Lore: "I interrogate the water!"


Halfling: "I need your hair *points to Bell*, your hair *points to Sleep*, and your saliva *points to Lore*."




*Normal session with normal DM*
Lore: "Why do we have to go back to our slaver?"
Quill: "Employer."
Lore: "We don't have anything left to lose."
Quill: *puts hand on Lore's shoulder* "We still have each other, brother."
*beat*
Lore: "Are you picking up that overworld s***?"
Quill: *breaks out laughing* "I can't believe I kept a straight face for so long!"
Random wizard NPC and rest of party: "Why did the drow walk to the other side of the room and start whispering and laughing?"


Shield: "I think I accidentally killed someone."
Quill: "That doesn't sound like you." *Stares accusingly at Lore*


Quill, monotone: "She's not dead so long as she lives in your heart."
*Shield does nothing*
Quill, monotone: "The power was inside you all along."
*Shield does nothing*
Peanut Gallery: "Use the heart of the cards!"
Quill: "Close your eyes." *beat* "Unlock your inner Alien." *beat* "Stab the cactus."
*much later*
Quill: "Stab the dragon like the cactus!"
Shield: *rolls* "Yay! Just like the cactus!"


Quill: "We're going to die! Get the stuff!"
Bell, IC: *breaks out laughing*