Strip #737: Comparative Mythology
Durkon, Dwarf, Hel, Malack, Thor, Xykon
Durkon: - an' then tha orcs started worshippin' tha NEW puppet!
(D): - and then the orcs started worshipping the NEW puppet!
Malack: Heh heh heh. Amusing. I must say, it has been some time since I have entertained a fellow cleric of equal standing. Priests of the Western Gods are much like their flock: always feuding over one thing or another.
<sfx> sip!
Durkon: Really? Tha Northern Gods be pretty much all one big family.
(D): Really? The Northern Gods are pretty much all one big family.
Malack: Yes, the Western Gods, too, but that didn't stop the high priestess of Ishtar from peeing on my altar the last time she visited. I had to bleach the whole thing. Twice.
Durkon: Ugh! Och, great drunken gods above! Wha in Thor's unsanitary ear canal is in this - Uh, I mean, tell me, which gods be thar upon yer altar? Over thar? Behind ye?
(D): Ugh! Oh, great drunken gods above! What in Thor's unsanitary ear canal is in this - Uh, I mean, tell me, which gods are there upon your altar? Over there? Behind you?
Malack: My master is Nergal, lion-headed god of Death and Destruction. His fiery rage brings the end of all things. His wife, Ereshkagal, goddess of the Underworld, stands by his side. You know, neither gods of Death nor their clerics are necessarily Evil. That's a common misconception.
Durkon: Uh huh.
(D): Uh huh.
Malack: If anything, Neutrality suits them better.
Durkon: Fascinatin'.
(D): Fascinating.
Malack: If the power of Death were truly Evil, it would take only the pure and heroic, wouldn't it?
Durkon: Aye, well, after awhile, it starts ta seem like tha's exactly tha case. Only tha Good die fer good, they say. Anyhoo, I woulda thought ye'd worship Tiamat, on account o' bein' a lizard.
(D): Yes, well, after a while, it starts to seem like that's exactly the case. Only the Good die for good, they say. Anyhow, I would have thought you would worship Tiamat, on account of being a lizard.
Malack: No, Tiamat is a fine deity, but she prefers the kobolds to us lizardfolk. Plus she has little inerest in building a strong central government, like we're doing here in the Empire.
<flashback started>
[overlay] Malack: Her followers prefer to hang around in dark caves or hidden valleys, rather than get too involved with world politics.
<text> The Oracle is
OUT
Xykon: Nuts.
<flashback ended>
Malack: Does not your own pantheon have a goddess of Death? Hel, I think?
Durkon: Well, sorta, but nobody worships 'er, much less serves as 'er priest! She's keeper o' tha dishonored dwarven dead - those tha dinnae fall in battle, 'specially those dyin' o' sickness.
(D): Well, sort of, but nobody worships her, much less serves as her priest! She's keeper of the dishonored dwarven dead - those that did not fall in battle, especially those dying of sickness.
Malack: Wait. Do not dwarven souls rest on the Outer Plane that matches their alignment, asi it is with my people, or the humans?
Durkon: Only those, tha die wit honor. Tha rest be lumped tagether an' sent ta Hel. Tha's OK, tho, since most sick dwarves'll just pick a fight wit a conifer an' die in battle. Also, thar be some grey areas.
(D): Only those, that die with honor. The rest is lumped together and sent to Hel. That's OK, though, since most sick dwarves will just pick a fight with a conifer and die in battle. Also, there are some grey areas.
<cutaway>
Hel: He died of disease, that means he's mine!
Thor: But the disease was mummy rot, and he contracted it defending an orphanage!
Hel:
Bah!
Dwarf: ???
<cut back>
Durkon: Also, anyone dyin' o' alcohol-related illnesses be exempt. Na so much fer tha dwarf's sake as ta honor tha brave livers tha fought so long against tha inevitable. Cheers.
(D): Also, anyone dying of alcohol-related illnesses is exempt. Not so much for the dwarf's sake as to honor the brave livers that fought so long against the inevitable. Cheers.