I need advice on a complicated situation... And since no-one on here knows him, I'll use his first name.

Prepare for a large post though..

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Steven and I have been best friends since grade 9 in high school (year I was turning 14) and we always mucked about, as young boys do. But we've also gotten so close to the point we've seen each other in the nude and thought nothing of it. But I've always had a thing for him. I didn't quite know it within the first few months of knowing him, but I always felt... something. Then I discovered in grade 11 (turning 16) that I liked guys.

So I was bi, because I was still attracted to girls at the same time, but unsure about the whole situation. As time passed I became less and less attracted to girls and then I finally thought **** it, I'm gay. Girls really do not do anything for me anymore. So I came out to my friends first, but not him... I was afraid of what he would think. To this day, he doesn't mind, except for one reason which I'll elaborate soon.

So fast forward to the end of grade 12 (had just turned 17). I was out to the whole school, had had one boyfriend previously (of a different school, but that's another story) but I still liked Steven. There was always a special place for him. But there was always the massive problem and barrier - he's straight.

But probably for the past year (turned 18, end of last year), on the odd occasion he's actually flirting back with me. Which shocks me enough to actually go straight out flirting back with him.

He has also several times (3 I think) asked me to come over for a 'fun time' (easy enough to guess what that means, considering the winks) while drinking (sometimes a lot, sometimes practically none), just because his parents were out of town. Speaking of which, he also mentioned to me that his parents are going out of town fairly soon again too. /sigh

Also, one time when he was fairly drunk I actually came out to him and said that well... I love him. That's the easiest way to say it. And he said a few months ago that well... If he was bi/gay, he would go straight for me because I'm the nicest and most caring loving guy he knows.

But then at other times he's so flirty with me and I nearly got him to go on a date with me 'just to see what would happen/if sparks would fly'. But he never ended up catching me up on that...

I'm not sure if anyone can even help me with this. But I love him, and have cried quite a few times over the years because I'm simply lost. I just don't know what to do with him. Sometimes it seems like he wants me (in more ways than just physical), but other times he rejects me straight away and will just change the topic. But he also still wants to play video games with me frequently, hang out etc. I just.. can't handle it anymore. Sometimes I get so depressed about it, and so has he, because he wants me to be happy but he simply can't do it himself without making himself unhappy.



And a song to suit the situation also... (skip to about 0:53 for the music, I think)
You're givin' me such sweet nothing...