Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[The Rose Dragon]

Are you friends? Even casually? In that case a slight shove on the shoulder (very, very slight - just enough to be felt) and asking for a private chat later should also suffice. Even when she's with other friends.

[Partof1]

Yeah, we are. Thanks for the idea

[Crispy Dave]

hopefully not too far away we will be doing roleplaying together with a few others. It will most likely be an all day thing and I can attempt to get her to go to lunch with just me that day.

[Jae]

Sooo..how do I stop liking someone before I have to start liking them??

Here's the dealll...

I know myself, all too well. and I definitely know when I'm starting to like somebody. Im a very daydreamy person and my mind drifts. I met this guy recently..er, no. I knew this guy in Junior High and recently i've started to hang out with some of my friends from Junior High again. This weekend and the weekend before that, at least. So I've re-met this guy I used to know who never ever crossed my mind and we never really talked but uhhh I've definitely noticed him now. But it would never really work because he's far out of my league and we dont go to the same school or even live in the same town and i have zero free time and im pretty sure he's into this girl who is 20x more gorgeous than me.

So, needless to say, I don't want to be interested in this boy. But he's funny and nice and so so so cute. And knowing I do not want to be interested in him does not stop me from joking with him and talking to him and being all smiley when he talks back and dfkajhdfajfakfhask

I cant ever like simple people!!

=[[[

I need helpppp

[Felixaar]

crispydave, when it comes to girls, that is the one body part you should not listen too. But, the following is advice for both you and partof1.

Felix's Updated Advice for Talking To, and Asking Out, Girls!
So, you've met a girl. She's nice, she's friendly, she's funny, she's interesting, she's intelligent, she's a nerd/geek/dork, she likes DnD, she speaks in backwards phoenetics... whatever you're into! And to top it all off she's probably drop dead gorgeous as well. You like her and haven't got a clue whether she even recognizes your existence, and the only way to work it all out is to ask her out.

The only problem is, said girl is probably always surrounded by a gaggle of friends in those few small moments where shes not at school or working or busy doing some other activity which you cant ask her out during. If she's got plenty of free time and you're always hanging out one on one, bonus! - but otherwise, you're just going to have to man-up, and ask her if the two of you can speak alone for a moment. Alternatively, if you're already friends with her, you could invite her to a party and draw her off on her own, or just invite her over.

Now before you go any further, you have to have a plan. And making a plan is ultimately going to be rather pointless because nine times out of ten things will mess up and try to stop you, but you still need to make a plan anyway - so, what's it going to be?

If you're the shy, nervous type - as most of us are - you might consider writing things down in a letter and asking her to read it. I tried this once simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to remember everything I wanted to say, and it was a complicated situation. It... sort of worked. I don't think the end result would've been any better depending on the medium in which I had asked.

If you're bold and/or eloquent enough to think you can put your thoughts into words and say them in the right order - or atleast courageous enough to try! - then good for you! If you have a lot to say before getting to the crux of the issue, you might like to start with "I've got a few things to say, so hear me out..." so that you can avoid interruption. Obviously talking over her would not be a good idea.

After that, just speak - or write - from the heart. The words will come, believe me, they'll come. It's probably a good idea to try and go over what you will say a few times before you do it, so that way you'll avoid rambling and repeating yourself. If you think you're in love, it might not be a good idea to say it just yet - it could scare the girl off, if she doesnt yet feel the same. Better to show you have interest in a relationship and simply let things develope as they will.

The number one problem, of course, is working up the nerve to do it, but there's no simple trick to it - you just have to do it, blurt it out unprepared if need be - believe me, the only way to get confidence is by doing something that requires it, and later on you can look back and say "that's right! I did it before and I can do it again!". The first time is always hardest, and it doesnt get much easier, but theres no other way to do it, so suck it up and get to work, solider.

Finally: Theres nothing more important than a good attitude. If you go in there thinking "Oh, there's no chance! She'll never like me! She's gunna say no!" then, well, of course she is ya dink. But if you are confident - not arrogant, but confident, and tell yourself, "I'm the greatest person in the world and any girl would love to be with me," (and only tell yourself. telling others just makes you seem like a pompous ass), then you might actually have a chance.

Jae, look at the paragraph above this one and switch girls for guys. Go for it, dawlin'! You'll never know if you don't try! *hugs*

[CrimsonAngel]

Sooo..how do I stop liking someone before I have to start liking them??

Here's the dealll...

I know myself, all too well. and I definitely know when I'm starting to like somebody. Im a very daydreamy person and my mind drifts. I met this guy recently..er, no. I knew this guy in Junior High and recently i've started to hang out with some of my friends from Junior High again. This weekend and the weekend before that, at least. So I've re-met this guy I used to know who never ever crossed my mind and we never really talked but uhhh I've definitely noticed him now. But it would never really work because he's far out of my league and we dont go to the same school or even live in the same town and i have zero free time and im pretty sure he's into this girl who is 20x more gorgeous than me.

So, needless to say, I don't want to be interested in this boy. But he's funny and nice and so so so cute. And knowing I do not want to be interested in him does not stop me from joking with him and talking to him and being all smiley when he talks back and dfkajhdfajfakfhask

I cant ever like simple people!!

=[[[

I need helpppp

*hugz* It's ok, I know what it's like.
Pretend they ate a puppy.

[Syka]

Jae, repeat after me- there is no such thing as leagues. One's perception of oneself is notoriously flawed- for better or for worse- and as such one is one's least accurate judge of what league one belongs in.

You don't KNOW he likes the other girl and you don't KNOW that he doesn't like you. Who says he doesn't think YOU are out of his league? The worst that happens if you ask him out or whatever is he says no. Either way, you will then know and that is better than always wondering what if.

[Copacetic]

crispydave, when it comes to girls, that is the one body part you should not listen too. But, the following is advice for both you and partof1.

Felix's Updated Advice for Talking To, and Asking Out, Girls!
So, you've met a girl. She's nice, she's friendly, she's funny, she's interesting, she's intelligent, she's a nerd/geek/dork, she likes DnD, she speaks in backwards phoenetics... whatever you're into! And to top it all off she's probably drop dead gorgeous as well. You like her and haven't got a clue whether she even recognizes your existence, and the only way to work it all out is to ask her out.

The only problem is, said girl is probably always surrounded by a gaggle of friends in those few small moments where shes not at school or working or busy doing some other activity which you cant ask her out during. If she's got plenty of free time and you're always hanging out one on one, bonus! - but otherwise, you're just going to have to man-up, and ask her if the two of you can speak alone for a moment. Alternatively, if you're already friends with her, you could invite her to a party and draw her off on her own, or just invite her over.

Now before you go any further, you have to have a plan. And making a plan is ultimately going to be rather pointless because nine times out of ten things will mess up and try to stop you, but you still need to make a plan anyway - so, what's it going to be?

If you're the shy, nervous type - as most of us are - you might consider writing things down in a letter and asking her to read it. I tried this once simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to remember everything I wanted to say, and it was a complicated situation. It... sort of worked. I don't think the end result would've been any better depending on the medium in which I had asked.

If you're bold and/or eloquent enough to think you can put your thoughts into words and say them in the right order - or atleast courageous enough to try! - then good for you! If you have a lot to say before getting to the crux of the issue, you might like to start with "I've got a few things to say, so hear me out..." so that you can avoid interruption. Obviously talking over her would not be a good idea.

After that, just speak - or write - from the heart. The words will come, believe me, they'll come. It's probably a good idea to try and go over what you will say a few times before you do it, so that way you'll avoid rambling and repeating yourself. If you think you're in love, it might not be a good idea to say it just yet - it could scare the girl off, if she doesnt yet feel the same. Better to show you have interest in a relationship and simply let things develope as they will.

The number one problem, of course, is working up the nerve to do it, but there's no simple trick to it - you just have to do it, blurt it out unprepared if need be - believe me, the only way to get confidence is by doing something that requires it, and later on you can look back and say "that's right! I did it before and I can do it again!". The first time is always hardest, and it doesnt get much easier, but theres no other way to do it, so suck it up and get to work, solider.

Finally: Theres nothing more important than a good attitude. If you go in there thinking "Oh, there's no chance! She'll never like me! She's gunna say no!" then, well, of course she is ya dink. But if you are confident - not arrogant, but confident, and tell yourself, "I'm the greatest person in the world and any girl would love to be with me," (and only tell yourself. telling others just makes you seem like a pompous ass), then you might actually have a chance.

Jae, look at the paragraph above this one and switch girls for guys. Go for it, dawlin'! You'll never know if you don't try! *hugs*

I'll keep this in mind. Thanks for the tips, Felix.

[Felixaar]

Thanks, Frigs! But would you mind snipping that so it doesnt clunk up the topic?

Also, Syka, I beleive you're forgetting about the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

[snoopy13a]

Sooo..how do I stop liking someone before I have to start liking them??

Here's the dealll...

I know myself, all too well. and I definitely know when I'm starting to like somebody. Im a very daydreamy person and my mind drifts. I met this guy recently..er, no. I knew this guy in Junior High and recently i've started to hang out with some of my friends from Junior High again. This weekend and the weekend before that, at least. So I've re-met this guy I used to know who never ever crossed my mind and we never really talked but uhhh I've definitely noticed him now. But it would never really work because he's far out of my league and we dont go to the same school or even live in the same town and i have zero free time and im pretty sure he's into this girl who is 20x more gorgeous than me.

So, needless to say, I don't want to be interested in this boy. But he's funny and nice and so so so cute. And knowing I do not want to be interested in him does not stop me from joking with him and talking to him and being all smiley when he talks back and dfkajhdfajfakfhask

I cant ever like simple people!!

=[[[

I need helpppp

You don't need help. You just like someone. I think all of us have been in similar situations. Honestly, don't worry too much and just continue your friendly filrtations around him.

[Crispy Dave]

that you everyone. I am going to talk to her sister about getting a group together for D&D and make sure she comes too.

[Felixaar]

That's a good plan, Dave. Just don't get too distracted with her sister

[xPANCAKEx]

that you everyone. I am going to talk to her sister about getting a group together for D&D and make sure she comes too.

the only problem with this is trying to turn a group activity (D&D) into a date activity (you and her grabbing lunch) without everyone else wanting to tag along and you having to politely try and give them a hint to give you some space to try and ... *ahem*... 'woe' her

[Crispy Dave]

*ahem*... 'woe' her

that would be woo.

Well last time we walked into town and we grouped off to different restaurants.

[Felixaar]

I believe you mean woo her, Pan - to woe her would be rather counterproductive in the romance area.

[xPANCAKEx]

could be worse... could be "wound" her - that certainly would ruin things with most girls

[Syka]

Well, the way to a person's heart IS through the ribs so...

[xPANCAKEx]

"the way to mans heart is through his stomach

it avoids the pesky ribcage" - Faye, questionablecontent

[Felixaar]

Hmm, I've just been injecting nanobots into peoples blood stream. Y'all ideas are much better.

[littlebottom]

sorry to make things more serious in here again, but i was smitten with this girl a fair while back (about a year? give or take a few months), since then, ive been single, as i could never quite get the courage to ask her out or anything... but i dont see her anymore, so thats a dead end now anyway... the problem is, is that i still like her, and i often end up comparing other girls to her in my mind and due to this ive remained single as everytime i see a girl i like i go "oh but she isnt as cute as [name removed]" and "she make me laugh, i enjoy her company maybe i should ask her out [flash back fun and laughter with other girl]" and its realy annoying me, because ive accepted that i cant go out with her since i dont see her anymore anyway, i have no way of contacting her anymore either, and that i dont mind, just something in my mind is clinging on to her and i dont know why

EDIT: alot of that sounds stupid, or makes no sense but thats because its 5 AM for me

[skywalker]

could be worse... could be "wound" her - that certainly would ruin things with most girls

Key word most... Cripes, I have dated some strange people.

Not that that's a bad thing. I just found out that they were stranger than I prefer

Felix, I am giving your advice to a friend of mine. Who's Australian, incidentally.

[Felixaar]

So... these girls... they wouldn't happen to have left a forwarding address, or...

Also, go for it. I hope it helps.

littlebottom Ah, regret. It happens to us all. The only thing you can do is wait it out until either you forget about the other girl (unlikely) or, (more likely) a girl comes along who you like as much if not better. I hope you learn from the experience and ask her out while you have the chance. Unfortunately, outside of that there is no real trick to forgetting about someone - the brain does not work that way. Just have to give it time.

'lso, are you absolutely certain you can't get back into contact with the first girl? because hey, anything is worth a try.

'cept leeches. I learned that from experience. ahem.

Anyway, when you do get around to asking a girl out, make sure to check out my talking to girls post. Theres a link in my sig or you can just scroll up.

Cheers and best of luck!

[Ninja Chocobo]

Hokay.
So, I'm lonely. Very lonely. 'Can't-get-to-sleep-at-night' lonely*.
*Not to say I don't go to bed, or more often, curl up on the floor next to my computer.

It doesn't help that I'm damn near completely irredeemable. Unattractive, overweight, the whole wahoonie. My personality is mostly an amalgam of my friends' sans mercury; I'm pretty much a collection of anime nerd stereotypes held together by fat and bitterness. My confidence is about the same size and worth as the gunk you get under a freshly cut fingernail, and not the "Hrm, I should trim that hangnail down a bit" kind, the "Owowow why did I cut my nail so close argh this hurts" kind.

I've talked to a grand total of two girls in the last six years, one being my friend's sister, the other I ****ed up more royally than the Queen's annual rooster-launching gala.

I also kind of think that I might perhaps have an inferiority complex, but I can't contact the psychologist I wanted to get it diagnosed by, much less make an appointment.

Anyway, it's getting close to the point where I drink myself to sleep, so I suppose I'll see you folks around.

[Felixaar]

I'd say the first step is to get out and get active, to be a bit more excited about life and do things - you really need to build up your confidence and self worth, and I think the best way to do that would be start by getting rid of that weight.

Think about it - to start with, it's a good way of building your confidence up. After all, if you can lose weight, which is a very hard thing to do, what cant you do? It would also make you look better, and get you out of the house/apartment on a regular basis for excercise.

Of course, I'm not a nutrionist so I can't give you a lot of good advice on losing weight, but I have lost over 20Kg myself in the past six months. So, if you want some tips, do tell. I'd also reccomend getting in touch with a Playgrounder called The Crow, cause he seems to know a lot about this sort of stuff as well.

Also, I would kill to see the Queen with a Rooster-Launcher. But, being as this is good/evil twin week, I'd probably just kill anyway.

[littlebottom]

'lso, are you absolutely certain you can't get back into contact with the first girl? because hey, anything is worth a try.

thanks for the advice, and to answer that, ive got her old Email, but she changed it but come to think of it, i could ask a few friends if they happen to have her new one, or her number... but, then even if they do have a way to contact her, they will tell her that i was asking about and that would make me look needy and pathetic (or it would make me feel as if i was being needy and pathetic) to her and then i would have no chance... but i suppose it wouldnt hurt, in the sense it wont cause awkwardness as i wouldnt see her again (unless i randomly bump into her) so its worth a shot. what do you think?

[xPANCAKEx]

Key word most... Cripes, I have dated some strange people.

Not that that's a bad thing. I just found out that they were stranger than I prefer

haha... we're in the same boat it seems.

thanks for the advice, and to answer that, ive got her old Email, but she changed it but come to think of it, i could ask a few friends if they happen to have her new one, or her number... but, then even if they do have a way to contact her, they will tell her that i was asking about and that would make me look needy and pathetic (or it would make me feel as if i was being needy and pathetic) to her and then i would have no chance... but i suppose it wouldnt hurt, in the sense it wont cause awkwardness as i wouldnt see her again (unless i randomly bump into her) so its worth a shot. what do you think?

I'd see nothing wrong with trying to get back in contact with her - just depends how you go about it. And theres nothing needy or pathetic about it, as long as you carry yourself with confidence. No "i need you back in my life" antics - just take it more on a "hey, haven't seen you in a while, how do you fancy catching up some time". Don't go into the situation expecting her to be perfect and bring you all the happiness in the world, because for all you know she may have turned into a massive ass in the last year (people do change after all). Go into it as neutral as possible. This also has the benifit of calming your nerves as you won't be out trying to impress her from the get-go and can instead be more relaxed and, if you still want to go for it, win her over with your natural charms.

i do have one concern though. Make sure you're not idealising this girl or putting her on a pedistal. She is after all *just another person*. With all the other girls you meet, its going to be different with them, and they won't make you feel the same, but different isn't neccisarily better or worse. Its just different. If you're having fun with another girl, even if its not the same as with the girl from the past, then go with it and see where it leads you. Different isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[The Rose Dragon]

I talked to the Smiley again today. We talked about how weird it was snowing in the middle of March and her hair.

Then I caught her looking my way with her friend next door during class, but I'm not sure if she was looking at me.

She still didn't contact me, though.

Any further advice?

[littlebottom]

Spoiler

Show

I'd see nothing wrong with trying to get back in contact with her - just depends how you go about it. And theres nothing needy or pathetic about it, as long as you carry yourself with confidence. No "i need you back in my life" antics - just take it more on a "hey, haven't seen you in a while, how do you fancy catching up some time". Don't go into the situation expecting her to be perfect and bring you all the happiness in the world, because for all you know she may have turned into a massive ass in the last year (people do change after all). Go into it as neutral as possible. This also has the benifit of calming your nerves as you won't be out trying to impress her from the get-go and can instead be more relaxed and, if you still want to go for it, win her over with your natural charms.

i do have one concern though. Make sure you're not idealising this girl or putting her on a pedistal. She is after all *just another person*. With all the other girls you meet, its going to be different with them, and they won't make you feel the same, but different isn't neccisarily better or worse. Its just different. If you're having fun with another girl, even if its not the same as with the girl from the past, then go with it and see where it leads you. Different isn't necessarily a bad thing.

spoilered for length.

im not putting her on a pedistal or anything, and i know that its not like "shes the only one" and all that, i mean i obviously like her (and hope she hasnt changed) but, its not the end of the world even if she has changed.

i think that if it doesnt work out then i wouldnt even feel "upset" even if she just turns round and blatently says "no not ever, not even in a million years" although id be disapointed, i mean ive lived all my life without her so in that sense, what would be the difference if she rejected me? i cant lose anything realy, other than a bit of time, but ive got plenty of that ;) (my veiw on being rejected, it saves dwelling over it causeing depression) but like i said, i hope she doesnt.

actually having said that above, i think the whole reason im still thinking of her is that i just dont know weather she would of said yes or no... i can deal with her saying no, but i cant deal with "never knowing"...

anyway, thanks for the help

[Jae]

You guys! that is all go-for-it advice and I have many reasons to NOT go for it!


okay, lets assume I do have a chance, I am in his super-cute smile-to-die-for league, and that he does not like the other girl.

He still doesnt live in my town, Im still a crazy-busy high school student with a part time job, and I still wouldnt get to see him. This is on top of the fact that I've become a total cynic when it comes to romance. I am so sick of guys and relationships that all end in the same exact way. And I'm more sick of falling for guys who aren't good for me and yes, I'll admit, this guy is unlike my usual type but don't I always think that at first?? And besides, I always fall for the average to not-so-cute boys who are really smart and/or sweet and usually I cant even get THEM to be interested...how would I get this one to be?

and it is getting worse because Im talking to him more and YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING ME STOP THIS CRUSH!

[The Rose Dragon]

You guys! that is all go-for-it advice and I have many reasons to NOT go for it!

That's definitely not the way to think.

I assume you're one of the following things:

1) a giraffe
2) World of Warcraft
3) hot
4) yourself
5) "stupid, awkward and eyelid-fluttery" (don't deny you are - we all are exactly those sometimes)
6) interested in nerd boys

So, chances are, he likes you.

You're a girl, right? He has no chance.

And even if he doesn't, what do you really have to lose if you make a go for it? Self-respect? Comes back in the morning. Respect of your friends? If they laugh at you for trying, then they are not very good friends after all. Comfortable and wonderful single life?

...OK, that one might be worth thinking about.

STILL! Crushes come and go. Make out sessions are forever.

No, that's not my advice.

My advice is, stop making excuses and give it a shot. If he says no, well, you tried and your life will go one without a hick. If he says yes, hey, you got a guy who (whom?) you like as a boyfriend! Three cheers to that!