Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[xPANCAKEx]

Jimp - if you can keep your college life and personal life seperate, then sure, why not?

If however, he voices an opinion that it may create an ethical conflict for him, then it might be wise to steer clear. You don't want to seem to defering to him, but at the same time you have to be understanding about the awkward position it may put him in.
However - if he says he's fine with it, then go for it, and don't bring it up. If you make an issue out of something that isn't an issue, then its just going to cause problems

also - make sure for his class you have all your assignments in an on time. Infact, make it a priority to get them done. It will help you avoid ever mixing college and personal life together

[snoopy13a]

Say... What's something appropriate for a first date that's also on valentine's day?

I've known her off and on for about 5 years now, but I'm not really sure how to wrap myself around the whole first date and valentine's day occurring together...

I've gone with the single rose with baby's breath before. It looks nice and isn't expensive at all. Plus, it isn't over the top which you don't want to do on a first date. Essentially, you want to show consideration but not be overwhelming about it. Pink is probably the best color for first dates. Red is for significant others and yellow is for platonic friendships .

I've also gone on a valentine's day first date with no gift

[Serpentine]

NEWSBLAST: Ex and Gorgeous-former-Friend have started working where they know I work. Sister described it as "extremely rude". I'm inclined to think "if they can't get jobs anywhere else, fair enough, but seriously man, you're asking for trouble." Dolphin says "sardines are delicious". News at 6.

[Syka]

That is quite coincidental. :\ I take it you aren't on speaking terms with either, given the former friend label?

Not much advice I can give other than just treat them like you would any other coworker. :) I know it's not the same but Ex and I actually both joined the same game on these forums post-break up and post-not talking. He IM'ed me asking what I wanted to do about it. I told him I had no problem, he would be treated like any other player, and it didn't mean I wanted to speak with him.

So, just do your best to not pay them any more attention than you would a new coworker.

[xPANCAKEx]

Serp - be professional. If either of them try to talk to you about anything non-work related, don't be rude, but just keep it short. Don't ask any follow up questions/anything in return

if they ask you why, tell them while you're not going to be friends any time soon, you can be co-workers and adults about everything and leave it at that

[GrandMasterMe]

So I would like some advice. I am currently a junior in high school in a very small town. I am somewhat of an outcast with many of the male members of our school, due in part, to my facination with clothing and my getting along unusually well with members of the oppisite sex in friendships. A friend of mine and I spoke about how we feel about each other this afternoon and came to the conclusion that we like each other but are not sure if we want to do anything about it. I would certianly like to pursue the relationship but she claims that she is worried what people will say. To me this seems a little silly, but I can empathize with her sentimants since people in high school can be exceptionaly cruel. I am not sure what I should do and would apreciate any feedback you fellow playgrounders can give me.

[Syka]

Actually tell her that you are interested in a relationship, not just "Well, I'm not really sure." You sound like you ARE sure, and if you let her know you are sure it might give her a reason to go out on the limb and risk that. I wouldn't want to risk anything for someone who was only half heartedly in it.

So let her know you definitely would like to and see where it goes from there.

Cheers~

[Serpentine]

That is quite coincidental. :\ I take it you aren't on speaking terms with either, given the former friend label?

I don't think coincidental counts when they both know I work there. It's more "disregarding facts". And it's not so much "not on speaking terms" as "I can't stand being in their presence". And she has the nerve to be angry at me - apparently, moreover, for the chief reason that I didn't react the way she expected.
Sort-of-update kinda note, the main remaining reason I'm angry at them: The beginning of the Really Bad Bit was at least as much my fault as theirs. I told him I'd be fine with him having her over when he was in the studio (WRONG!). When I started not being fine with it, I didn't say anything because of the above and I felt like I should be fine with it, and I was positive that he'd refuse to change anything as a matter of principle. So, I squished it, and when at the end of that first week back she was still there, I exploded into nastiness. So far, all my fault. They didn't, and couldn't, know that would happen.
HOWEVER. At that point, and over... weeks, maybe a month or two, it was very, very clear to them that I couldn't handle it, through means quite civil or much less so. They knew that what they were doing was practically killing me, and they did nothing about it. She had her own place, granted with a housemate but one who wouldn't give a rat's what they did. Instead, she kept on coming here. She started sneaking in - not because she thought it might make it easier on me if I didn't see her waltzing in through the front door, but because she was "sick of being glared at". They knew that what they were doing was hurting me, they had an easy solution at hand that would be no more than a mild inconvenience to them, and they did. Absolutely. Freaking. Nothing. No, wait: They blamed me for it. They blamed their refusal to change the behaviour that made me react terribly on the fact that I reacted terribly.
And they don't even see that maybe, just maybe, they're not utterly and comprehensively in the right, don't acknowledge even the possibility that maybe they made a teensy mistake or two. She's aware that she's lost all her female friends in all this, and she still acknowledges nothing wrong in her behaviour! (this stuff goes out wider than just me and them, btw. Man that was a ****ed-up year)

So, yeah. Not really on speaking terms. And now they're moving in on my turf, so to speak Really, it's pretty unlikely I'm going to have to deal with them at all. I'm mostly down in the basement, and they're probably on shelving. I'll shelve sometimes, too, but it'll be easy enough to avoid overlapping times. Worst-case scenario, they're actually working the front desk when I'm working there, so I'll have to see them when I come in and leave, and talk to them when I call the library. Well, worst worst but less likely scenario, it turns out they're freaking brilliant at their jobs and end up muscling me out of mah newspaper ironing gig. But that's just me being paranoid and insecure. It's more just the principle of the matter, y'know? They really are just asking for trouble.

Lessons learned, friends tested, moving on. Slowly.


GMM: Ha, giving advice after all the above Yeah, I think tell her exactly how interested you are, and then proceed to be a very good, interesting, fun friend - you know, like you already are Maybe sneak some hand-holdings in the dark or when noone's looking... If she's worried about what other people will think, try to get alone with her more and leave any romanticness to then. If you do anything publicly, you'll make her uncomfortable and more likely to (possibly unconciously) resist. So, in public just be a good friend. In private, think about doing some cosier things to remind her you're still interested.

[SilentNight]

Well, it seems chance has led me here again dear playground.

Spoilered for length and general lack of coherentness.

Spoiler

Show

So Valentine's day is coming and I find myself without a significant other. A friend of mine suggests I ask my ex, citing the evidence, "You know, she's probably not gonna have a valentine." And this has got me thinking as I haven't really felt anything for anyone else since. For those that weren't here for round one, a couple months back we developed feelings for each other, decided to give it a try and then stopped after about a month as a combination of awkwardness (we've known each other since kindergarden) and mutual shyness caused the relationship to stall and plummet. We've still been good friends in the interim months and things are pretty good. So what I've come to ask playground is how? Currently my plan is simply to say something along the lines of "Hey, you know, we never really found out what could have happened with us. You want to give it another try?" And then inviting her to a sort of valentines day get together with a couple other couples. If it matters, it was she who asked me out the first time and I who suggested breaking it off.

So, advice?

[skywalker]

I don't think coincidental counts when they both know I work there. It's more "disregarding facts".

I fink Foxy Lady (don't tell Oz I said that, I don't want to die) was being sarcastic.

So I would like some advice. I am currently a junior in high school in a very small town. I am somewhat of an outcast with many of the male members of our school, due in part, to my facination with clothing and my getting along unusually well with members of the oppisite sex in friendships. A friend of mine and I spoke about how we feel about each other this afternoon and came to the conclusion that we like each other but are not sure if we want to do anything about it. I would certianly like to pursue the relationship but she claims that she is worried what people will say. To me this seems a little silly, but I can empathize with her sentimants since people in high school can be exceptionaly cruel. I am not sure what I should do and would apreciate any feedback you fellow playgrounders can give me.

What does she think people will say?

EDIT: @SN Do it!!! Persistence pays off!

[Coidzor]

Any recommendations in particular about what kind of boxed chocolates might be a good idea for Vday?

Serps: I'm sorry. ... yeah... I'm kinda speechless right now.

SN: As long as you're prepared to eat your crow and do what's necessary to give things another chance... No worries. But don't just do it for a date on V-Day unless that's what you're communicating to her.

[Syka]

This makes me so happy that I don't have to deal with exes in any form. And gives me a whole new respect for Oz and his ex maintaining a friendship post-breakup while still living together.

Honestly, though, it could have happened with any roommates (the whole anger at her being over). A couple of friends recently had a falling out. A, D, and Z all lived together with the express agreement Z's girlfriend, AL, not stay over since they weren't comfortable with her. Well, D had to move out 3 months before the end of the lease for medical reasons but kept paying rent AND utilities. About a month and half before the lease was up, A finds out that AL has been staying over. She talks to Z about AL paying some rent, since she is there ALL THE TIME. He blows up at her. They don't talk. A subsequently finds out that AL started getting her mail sent there. There is a bit more, but A and D don't talk to Z anymore.


Skywalker, no worries. :) Oz isn't the jealous sort, he'd see it as an ego boost to him.


SN, I generally advise against trying a second time with an ex. Usually the reason you broke up would still be there, and I think that would be the case with you guys. If you want a Valentine, go to uncharted territory. Don't feel obligated to have a Valentine, either.

[skywalker]

Skywalker, no worries. :) Oz isn't the jealous sort, he'd see it as an ego boost to him.

I would want to kill me. But then, I am, obviously, the jealous sort... /

SN, I generally advise against trying a second time with an ex. Usually the reason you broke up would still be there, and I think that would be the case with you guys. If you want a Valentine, go to uncharted territory. Don't feel obligated to have a Valentine, either.

But the reason was silly.

[Syka]

It's not really that silly. Awkwardness isn't a bad reason- maybe they are just better friends than lovers.

But even given that, I doubt that reason would have changed in the last month. It will still likely be awkward and unless one of them has had a major personality change, they will likely still be shy.

[SilentNight]

For the record, it's been about three months, please continue.

[Syka]

Sorry, the couple of months thing threw me off. Thanks for clarification.

[Serpentine]

Syka: I still think it could have worked, except for various ****-ups and all-round naiivity (well... considering She had been doing this for a good 3 or 4 other men previously, maybe she could've had an idea of what to expect, except that everyone acts like she has chocolate-flavoured nipples and a halo, so this is the very first time there've been any real repercussions).

I also think it could work, having another shot with your ex, so long as you both have a frank and honest discussion of what each person perceives as going wrong and whether the problems are still there, and if they are whether they can be solved. It doesn't sound as though there was any resentment in this case, so it might be more likely than others to work.

[averagejoe]

I'd just like to say how much I've grown to despise Valentine's day. So many of my friends seem bummed out about being single on this particular day, even though there's really no reason to feel so beyond the reasons one might usually have. Of course, this seems to be, broadly speaking, an extension of the problem people have where they desire to have a boyfriend/girlfriend for the sake of having one instead of, well, for good reasons. This stupid holiday just reminds single people that they're single and puts more pressure on people to be with someone.

So, in conclusion, the only good thing about Valentine's day is Batman and Power Rangers Valentine cards.

[Rawhide]

So, in conclusion, the only good thing about Valentine's day is Batman and Power Rangers Valentine cards.

What about videos like this?

[averagejoe]

What about videos like this?

I'm torn between gushing over how cute that is and stern disappointment in the cat for failing at the only thing those animals do that make them worth having around.

[eidreff]

@ Serp:

I have an ex that I still work with. The first few weeks were hardest, I ended up taking leave and going on a long holiday because proximity to the woman grated against wounds that hadn't healed. Space was required, and from the sound is what you want. Can you take leave/holidays? Even just a few days to set yourself in order and brace for the inevitable contact? It does take time and after a while you can become inured to the point where they are like a part of the office furniture.

After about 18 months (I was the one with the problem, and was majorly peeved by her actions) I was able to talk to her reasonably about subjects other than work. We are now reasonably good friends to the point of being able to go for lunch together and talk candidly.

I guess what I am trying to say, in my roundabout way, is that any kind of reconciliation won't happen whilst one party or other feels the injury still. Avoid re-opening wounds, and be professional.

I know it's not the best advice in the worl but hope it helps.


Edit: Valentines day = A commercial dream, the warping of what is essentially a good idea with hyper inflated prices, and a "beat the Joneses" whirl of who got what for whom.

[SilentNight]

Well, thanks guys, I think I am gonna try to have a talk with her, at the very least to figure out where things stand.

As far as Valentines day: I agree with Joe, although it is a handy excuse.

[evil-frosty]

Well I am finally ready to move on from my last relationship. And there actually is a girl i like but i am your stereotypical dork who cant talk to girls at all. So does anyone have advice for asking a girl out?

[averagejoe]

Edit: Valentines day = A commercial dream, the warping of what is essentially a good idea with hyper inflated prices, and a "beat the Joneses" whirl of who got what for whom.

I dunno about that, I just think a lot of people react self-detrimentally to it due to something that's only true if they think it is.

@SilentNight: I wasn't really reacting to your post, sorry if there was a mix up. It's just that a few of my friends have seemed pretty bummed out of late.

Well I am finally ready to move on from my last relationship. And there actually is a girl i like but i am your stereotypical dork who cant talk to girls at all. So does anyone have advice for asking a girl out?

Just ask her out. Be sincere, direct, confident, and upfront about it. It's just like, say, jumping off the high dive, you just have to grit your teeth and take the plunge. There's really no way around that, except that it becomes easier with practice.

[Coidzor]

Felixaar has an entire guide to how to talk to girls in his signature.

First off. Have you ever spoken to her?

[evil-frosty]

yes i have spoken to her. But i just get really nervous when i am talking to a girl i like and its just us, i just want advice on how to overcome my nervousness.

[Gray Jester]

yes i have spoken to her. But i just get really nervous when i am talking to a girl i like and its just us, i just want advice on how to overcome my nervousness.

Felixaar has a guide, but I think the advice is probably going to boil down to this: Tell yourself it doesn't matter. Take a deep breath, and go with it. You can't force yourself to not be nervous, but you can control your response to it: just pretend it's normal, and eventually, it will be. It'll take some practice, though. You can't just get good at talking to people you like overnight. Don't get discouraged, and keep working on it.

[evil-frosty]

Thanks i guess thats all i can do.

[Felixaar]

Serp, I reccomend knives, or possibly axes. Though admittedly, reorith is better with that kind of advice. Seriously though, I don't really know what you could do. If they start to actually harass you you could talk to your boss, otherwise your best bet is just to avoid them. Of course, you could always try talking to them about it but that kind of sounds like a lost cause.

GMM, I agree with everyone else, she definetly needs to know how you feel. After all she could be feeling the same way about it, wanting to but not sure if you do. Go double or nothing and hope for the best. You might want to check out the talking to girls link in my sig.

SilentNight, I hate to be a downer but I have to agree with Syka on this one. Unless you feel like you have fundamentally changed and are ready to be a bit less awkward and a bit more confident in the relationship, it just seems like going back for another beating. Of course, if you are ready to try again from a new angle and with more knowledge, then all speed ahead, captain. Keep in mind you don't necessarily have to be in a relationship with someone to be their Valentine, or have any romantic feelings towards them.

Coid, best to go with something neutral since you don't have any knowledge yet. Perhaps just some typical milk chocolates in a heart shaped box. A lot of girls tend to like Dark chocolate as well, I've found.

evil-frosty, first of, congratulations on getting over your previous relaitonship. That's a very hard thing to do, and you should be commeneded for doing it. As for asking girls out, as Coid already mentioned there is a talking to girls link in my sig which should be of some help.

edit: I find the best way to get over nervousness is just to do things despite the nervousness. After you do it once, it'll be easier, and so forth. The important thing is just to do things before you can think too much about the consequences (obviously this should not be applied to some situations, but when it comes to talking to girls I think it's pretty safe).

On Valentines Day, I like it. The key is not to get to serious about and just to have some fun with the whole idea. After all, if I ask a million girls sooner or later one of them will say yes and then we can enjoy the day.

[Shraik]

I don't nessecarily feel like I need advice, just, err stuff.

Well, beginning of the school year I met this girl. Rather cute. We're great friends now. Do stuff together and all that, saw a play last week. We saw a movie a while aog and are planning for watchmen. In december, I asked her to a movie, and then she later asked me if it was meant as a date(I had meant to ask her if she wanted to consider it that), stating she wants to stay friends. So we're still friends. More time goes by, more stuff happens, and after me asking her, she tells me she thinks it'll never happen between us. Depressing, quite. I'm a bit more calm with it now. I'm one of the few people from School she really talks to outside of school, we spend alot of time together during the day, hugs and all that jazz still going on, and we are for the most part comfortable with each other.
Even though she said it will never happen, I stil have this odd feeling that it could. A sense of optimism I usually don't have even without rejection. Things just seem so different this time. It's weird.(and of course things are alot more serious this time also. Crushes previously were trying to find someone when I felt lonely and teenage lust. Neither are good. THis girl really is something great, someone well versed, smart, mature, and really caring, and well basicly the premise of the song "Bargain" by the Who sums up what I think. No matter what I do, if I won her, it would be a bargain. It's alot more sweet then it sounds.)