Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[SilentNight]

Jkoshe: Hadrian's right, that's how it is. If you think low self-esteem is the problem. *SMACK*. Unless you are a drug-addicted serial killer or a lying, cheating dirtbag there is no reason you should have low self-esteem. You're you, feel good about that. If you like yourself the odds the other person will as well increase immensely. If you for some reason don't, this thread has a plethora of good advice for increasing your confidence. First among these is feel good about your appearence, wear clothes and a hairstyle that not only suit you but are comfortable. This will make you and other people feel more at ease. Serpentine's sig has a number of useful links if you need some help. Secondly, make sure you're comfortable when asking that special someone out. Now, this is much easier said than done, but try as best you can to conquer your nerves. Listen to reggae, meditate, do whatever relaxes you immediately prior. Then go for it. If it works, great. If it doesn't, yes it'll sting but at least you gave it a shot and rejection sucks a lot worse than regret.

[H. Zee]

Low self-esteem is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you hate yourself, other people will too. If you learn to like yourself for what you are, rather than wallowing in self-pity or trying to change into something that you're not, then people will warm to you correspondingly.

Cheesy and cliched, yeah. True? Hell yes.

[Jkoshe]

I don't hate myself.. I'm just terrified of asking people out...

Main problem being that the only people I'd ask out are people I'm already friends with. I worry that rejection will make future conversations far too awkward.

[Pyrian]

Hi, Jkoshe. Try starting with the basic compliment. This is just a good life skill to pick up anyway. Think of something specific and situational to compliment the object of your affection on. If you really like the person, this should be pretty easy - start with, why do you like them? (Aside from shared interests, of course, and preferably aside from their treatment of you and inherent physical appearance - clothes and accessories are fair game, but less effective than complimenting admirable behaviors.) Then, when they evince a behavior you find admirable, tell them. (Just, y'know, make sure it doesn't come out too creepy.)

[Jkoshe]

So if the person brightens my day when they are around just...go out and tell them that?

[Pyrian]

So if the person brightens my day when they are around just...go out and tell them that?

Well, that might be a start, but I would try to be more specific. What do they do that brightens your day?

[Jkoshe]

Ah I see. That makes sense, thanks.

[Felixaar]

Jkoshe, check out the 'talking to girls' link in my sig

[Jkoshe]

I have now read it again. It's quite helpful... But now the second question that this was all leading up to. How do you ask out a friend and keep it from being awkward.. Actually the situation has enough things I'd like to talk about, would someone be willing to put up with my question in PM form?

[Serpentine]

I was 6 when it happened. I can clearly remembering trying to stand between them when they were fighting, trying in vain to break it up. Since then, I've gotten mixed messages from both sides as I went back and forth between homes. It's taken me years to just begin to chip away at the pile of issues that the situation had generated in my world view.

I was 6 when my mum left, too, though my sister was more like 12-13. Our parents never ever fought, though I sort of made up memories of them fighting. They also never bitched about each other, and only recently has my dad even talked about the break-up at all. One thing that might've made a difference, though, is i never "went back and forth between homes". I lived with mum and dad, then with dad and went to mum's in the holidays, then lived with mum and visited dad in the holidays.
All in all, it was a pretty sedate sort of a "broken family"...

That's... Sad. Doesn't that imply that if a random individual's first marriage fails, their chance of making it to "happily ever after" becomes miserably low?

I would guess that there might be fairly substantial differences between the UK and the US, but I haven't got the motivation to actually dig enough to find out...

As was said, not at all. All it means is that if the person's first marriage fails, they just decide not to marry their next partner. My aunt and uncle have been together for... something in the viscinity of 30 years, I think, but they're not married. I don't think it's fair at all to suggest that they don't have a "happily ever after".
If your first marriage fails, maybe the institution of marriage just doesn't matter so much any more...

[Pyrian]

New thread, everyone!