Shipping VIII: Yes, Eight. No, really. We are THAT insane.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Heh. Well, now they're at war with the Morally justified thread because they assassinated me.

Edit: And you first say they are not at war with the Crack-pairing. Then you say Shipping is at war? Which is it?

The reference! It is wasted!

[Reinholdt]

Good stuff.

@ Silverraptor - I grinned a lot. It was well done.
Though I'd never let anyone else anywhere near MY time machine.
And now I don't have a choice.

@ Rabbit - Looking forward to it.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Fred: Ummm. Thenks?

SilverRapter: Hmm, not really me. Me = chaotic, paranoid and doesn't like taking orders.

Rabbit: Ditto. And looking forward to it.

[Grim ranger]

Looking forward to seeing all the ships people are planning at the moment... After playing Oblivion, I think my equilibrium ship will have to make room for little while longer, as I have inspiration at last! I need fife people. Who's in?

[Dallas-Dakota]

Me, dude, I'm always in. Or want to be in.

[TwoBitWriter]

It's always interesting to take a peek in Shipping, after a couple months of inactivity, and seeing some of the new shippers that have come around.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Ah, Twobit, where have you been?

Shall I reward your return with a ship featuring you?

[TwoBitWriter]

That will hardly be necessary, I have a lot to catch up on.

[Helgraf]

Looking forward to seeing all the ships people are planning at the moment... After playing Oblivion, I think my equilibrium ship will have to make room for little while longer, as I have inspiration at last! I need fife people. Who's in?

Yo dawg, I hear you liek shippers, so I put some shippers in your shippers so you'd have more shippers for your shipping.

((Translation: I'm applying))

[Dallas-Dakota]

Helgraf and catspeak......Just so...wrong

Just want to crawl...
RHL/Helgraf

Spoiler

Show

A small flat, the living room.
''I just want to crawl to you.''
''We both know you can't do that...''
''But we both want to...''
''We must resist....''

Suddenly the woman, Rabbit softly sung.
''We all live in a yellow submarine...Yellow submarine''
And Rabbit, snuggled and sank beneath her yellow submarine blanket.

'Ah, Rabbit has sunken below surface in her yellow submarine once more...' the man, Helgraf thought.

Helgraf looked up as one candle went out, only two more left for the night. The stores were closed and those were the candles they had left.

They were are a rather poor couple and the power company had shut down their electricity last month. It was hard and sometimes Rabbit had her moods where she'd need physical intimacy or she'd sink away into herself, usually under her treasured childhood item, her Yellow Submarine blanket.

But right now, he couldn't give Rabbit the physical intimacy, it'd distract them both, and him from his writings.

He had long ago tried to get a steady and boring office job. But he'd gotten bored and frustrated with that. Helgraf was a creative man who hated the boring and repetive paterns such regular and steady jobs forced onto him.

Helgraf was a writer, not one much known or much earning, but usually good enough selling to make a living. Two months ago he had hit a writers block and his last book's sellings were almost done being profitable.

Rabbit was a technician, with a degree and all, but with the recession, coupled with her mood swings, made her company fire her.

Helgraf had been there for her, Rabbit had been in a circling depression since being fired, with only small ups from Helgraf.

She continously needed him, and he'd be there for her.

Helgraf looked at the adorable face of Rabbit sleeping and snuggling her blanket and wrote on till the candles went out.

He joined Rabbit under the blanket, not caring that they were both still dressed in daytime clothes, or that they weren't in bed or such.

''Sleep tight and sweat dreams, my dear Rabbit.''

[Thufir]

Now, I would like to take a moment to say that we are NOT at war with the Member Shipping Thread, and have always been at war with the Morally Justified Thread. That's right, we've always been at war with the Member Shipping Thread.

Long live Big Brother. Down with Goldstein.

[Reinholdt]

Helgraf and catspeak......Just so...wrong

Just want to crawl...
RHL/Helgraf

Spoiler

Show

A small flat, the living room.
''I just want to crawl to you.''
''We both know you can't do that...''
''But we both want to...''
''We must resist....''

Suddenly the woman, Rabbit softly sung.
''We all live in a yellow submarine...Yellow submarine''
And Rabbit, snuggled and sank beneath her yellow submarine blanket.

'Ah, Rabbit has sunken below surface in her yellow submarine once more...' the man, Helgraf thought.

Helgraf looked up as one candle went out, only two more left for the night. The stores were closed and those were the candles they had left.

They were are a rather poor couple and the power company had shut down their electricity last month. It was hard and sometimes Rabbit had her moods where she'd need physical intimacy or she'd sink away into herself, usually under her treasured childhood item, her Yellow Submarine blanket.

But right now, he couldn't give Rabbit the physical intimacy, it'd distract them both, and him from his writings.

He had long ago tried to get a steady and boring office job. But he'd gotten bored and frustrated with that. Helgraf was a creative man who hated the boring and repetive paterns such regular and steady jobs forced onto him.

Helgraf was a writer, not one much known or much earning, but usually good enough selling to make a living. Two months ago he had hit a writers block and his last book's sellings were almost done being profitable.

Rabbit was a technician, with a degree and all, but with the recession, coupled with her mood swings, made her company fire her.

Helgraf had been there for her, Rabbit had been in a circling depression since being fired, with only small ups from Helgraf.

She continously needed him, and he'd be there for her.

Helgraf looked at the adorable face of Rabbit sleeping and snuggling her blanket and wrote on till the candles went out.

He joined Rabbit under the blanket, not caring that they were both still dressed in daytime clothes, or that they weren't in bed or such.

''Sleep tight and sweet dreams, my dear Rabbit.''

Well that was sweet and depressing.
Good job DD.

[EleventhHour]

Aww, DD!

[loopy]

*sneaks into the Shipping thread*

*sets up observational tent and spy cameras*

*waits*

[loopy]

Helgraf and catspeak......Just so...wrong

Just want to crawl...
RHL/Helgraf

Spoiler

Show

A small flat, the living room.
''I just want to crawl to you.''
''We both know you can't do that...''
''But we both want to...''
''We must resist....''

Suddenly the woman, Rabbit softly sung.
''We all live in a yellow submarine...Yellow submarine''
And Rabbit, snuggled and sank beneath her yellow submarine blanket.

'Ah, Rabbit has sunken below surface in her yellow submarine once more...' the man, Helgraf thought.

Helgraf looked up as one candle went out, only two more left for the night. The stores were closed and those were the candles they had left.

They were are a rather poor couple and the power company had shut down their electricity last month. It was hard and sometimes Rabbit had her moods where she'd need physical intimacy or she'd sink away into herself, usually under her treasured childhood item, her Yellow Submarine blanket.

But right now, he couldn't give Rabbit the physical intimacy, it'd distract them both, and him from his writings.

He had long ago tried to get a steady and boring office job. But he'd gotten bored and frustrated with that. Helgraf was a creative man who hated the boring and repetive paterns such regular and steady jobs forced onto him.

Helgraf was a writer, not one much known or much earning, but usually good enough selling to make a living. Two months ago he had hit a writers block and his last book's sellings were almost done being profitable.

Rabbit was a technician, with a degree and all, but with the recession, coupled with her mood swings, made her company fire her.

Helgraf had been there for her, Rabbit had been in a circling depression since being fired, with only small ups from Helgraf.

She continously needed him, and he'd be there for her.

Helgraf looked at the adorable face of Rabbit sleeping and snuggling her blanket and wrote on till the candles went out.

He joined Rabbit under the blanket, not caring that they were both still dressed in daytime clothes, or that they weren't in bed or such.

''Sleep tight and sweat dreams, my dear Rabbit.''

That was moving, melancholy, and romantic. I approve wholeheartedly, though I want to give a hug to all involved.

[Silverraptor]

@ Silverraptor - I grinned a lot. It was well done.
Though I'd never let anyone else anywhere near MY time machine.
And now I don't have a choice.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

SilverRapter: Hmm, not really me. Me = chaotic, paranoid and doesn't like taking orders.

Like I said, don't really know people yet. So I tried my best...

[Lord Magtok]

And here it is, the last part of Holy ___, Batman! I know it's a bit later than I promised, but the first draft was AWFUL, and I had to rewrite the whole thing.

Holy Hoaxes, Batman!

Spoiler

Show

"So...I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad, I did so want to have you here. Shame about your tardiness, you just missed Mordy's grand finale."

Happy raced down the hall, headed straight for Magtok's inner sanctum. There was something different about the pathway this time, though. All the old traps had been taken out, and the cameras were only there to track her progress and didn't fire any lasers. Not a single Magbot tried to shoot her down, and one maintenance worker repairing a control panel waved as the familiar figure went racing by. It was eerie, and vaguely more unpleasant than the assorted death traps had ever been.

[hr]

It wasn't too hard for Magtok to find Mangosta. In fact, it seemed as if he wanted to meet Magtok, that somehow he felt he was going to get a big hug and an early birthday present for all his heartless slaughter and cruelty.

As the Marvelous Mangosta did some inferior act for some smaller audience, Magtok quietly tiptoed along behind the curtain, taking down a guard with a hospital syringe along the way. The goon had a pretty-looking pistol on his hip, which was quickly yoinked away by our vengeful villain. Spotting a ladder, he quietly made his way up to the top of the stage, where he could look down upon his enemy and wait for the right moment to pounce.

[hr]

"You know that it doesn't matter if you catch me and toss me in the jail again, right? I mean, I'm just going to waltz back out and do something like this again. We know that you won't kill me because you don't want to stoop to murder and you're still hoping I can be redeemed, and I won't kill you because...well, I have my reasons."

The door to the inner sanctum slid open, and Magtok nervously whirled about to face his enemy. If not for the scars Happy'd acquired from less scrupulous nemeses, she'd probably be the loveliest woman he'd ever tried to kidnap and ransom back to his enemies. They could've made a magnificent duo. A shame then, that the two of them had so deeply rooted themselves into their respective moral alignments.

"Anyways, as I was saying, there's no way to stop me."

The sanctum's door slid shut with the press of a button, along with every other possible entrance or exit. Happy was trapped with the would-be subjugator of humanity.

"I've won. Mordokai is dead, the zeppelins are armed and ready, and all that's left to do is push a button."

Magtok lifted up a thumb, and slowly lowered it down towards the bright red doomsday remote. No longer would petty magic spells or barbaric assaults would put him behind bars anymore, the world would be his alone.

[hr]

Mangosta clutched at his face, trying to his swelling features from the horrified crowd.

"Honestly, Magtok?! I thought you'd be thankful, that you'd be out enjoying yourself! I went to all the trouble of fixing you because I felt like doing a fellow villain a favor, and this is how you repay me?!"

Fix me? You ruined my life!

Magtok shot Mangosta's knee, and then kicked him to the ground. He cried in pain, and looked at Mag with bewilderment.

"I slayed that awful do-gooder and freed you! Pulled you away from that life of mediocrity! Even took this miserable job so I could get close enough to bring the old you and the old Magtok face back!"

Magtok pointed the gun again to plug a round in Mangosta's face, and then blinked. His face turned to shock, then abject horror, and he dropped to his knees.

"I...I remember."

[hr]

"But you won't do it."

Magtok froze, looked at his zeppelin-launch remote, and then at the heroine.

"What?"

"You're better than that Magtok, you always have been."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Happy?"

"The only reason you've done all this is because you couldn't find anything else to do with your life, correct? Everything else seemed mediocre?"

"What are you trying to..."

"We've done this heroine and villain thing for far too long, Magtok, and we're both tired of hurting each other. Tonight, all that changes."

Happy raised up a palm towards Magtok, glowing with magical energy. Magtok nervously took a few steps back, holding his doomsday remote out in front of him.

"Hey, wh-what is this?! Get away from me!"

She lunged forward, knocking the cyborg to the ground, and pressed the arcane energy against Magtok's forehead and her own.

Forget

[hr]

Five years later, a content man stood on a stage before his crowd, a wide grin on his face and flowing psuedo-occult robes around his body. Whilst engaged in a heated and comical argument with a ventriloquist dummy, he'd pull himself out of straitjacket and get to the other side of a tightrope suspended over a tank of hungry sharks. He was, without a doubt, completely reckless, charming, and the best thing since keyboard cat.

He smiled down at a young brunette in the crowd, a fairly attractive woman, even in spite of the scars. Ms. Morrow, the girl he'd be proposing to tonight.

"And now, for my next act, we'll be performing an old classic, the "woman sawed in half", with a twist. If I could get an audience volunteer..."

[loopy]

By the way, would one of you 'in-crowd' Shippers put me on the permissions list already?

[Recaiden]

1st, that was great Magtok. Very good. Maybe a little too happy.

Loopy, put yourself on the list.

[Silverraptor]

Looking forward to seeing all the ships people are planning at the moment... After playing Oblivion, I think my equilibrium ship will have to make room for little while longer, as I have inspiration at last! I need fife people. Who's in?

Sure, I'm in.

Edit: After all, I put you in mine. It's your chance to mess with me now. (Although, in mine you kill me. So...)

[Reinholdt]

And here it is, the last part of Holy ___, Batman! I know it's a bit later than I promised, but the first draft was AWFUL, and I had to rewrite the whole thing.

Holy Hoaxes, Batman!

Spoiler

Show

"So...I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad, I did so want to have you here. Shame about your tardiness, you just missed Mordy's grand finale."

Happy raced down the hall, headed straight for Magtok's inner sanctum. There was something different about the pathway this time, though. All the old traps had been taken out, and the cameras were only there to track her progress and didn't fire any lasers. Not a single Magbot tried to shoot her down, and one maintenance worker repairing a control panel waved as the familiar figure went racing by. It was eerie, and vaguely more unpleasant than the assorted death traps had ever been.

<hr>

It wasn't too hard for Magtok to find Mangosta. In fact, it seemed as if he wanted to meet Magtok, that somehow he felt he was going to get a big hug and an early birthday present for all his heartless slaughter and cruelty.

As the Marvelous Mangosta did some inferior act for some smaller audience, Magtok quietly tiptoed along behind the curtain, taking down a guard with a hospital syringe along the way. The goon had a pretty-looking pistol on his hip, which was quickly yoinked away by our vengeful villain. Spotting a ladder, he quietly made his way up to the top of the stage, where he could look down upon his enemy and wait for the right moment to pounce.

<hr>

"You know that it doesn't matter if you catch me and toss me in the jail again, right? I mean, I'm just going to waltz back out and do something like this again. We know that you won't kill me because you don't want to stoop to murder and you're still hoping I can be redeemed, and I won't kill you because...well, I have my reasons."

The door to the inner sanctum slid open, and Magtok nervously whirled about to face his enemy. If not for the scars Happy'd acquired from less scrupulous nemeses, she'd probably be the loveliest woman he'd ever tried to kidnap and ransom back to his enemies. They could've made a magnificent duo. A shame then, that the two of them had so deeply rooted themselves into their respective moral alignments.

"Anyways, as I was saying, there's no way to stop me."

The sanctum's door slid shut with the press of a button, along with every other possible entrance or exit. Happy was trapped with the would-be subjugator of humanity.

"I've won. Mordokai is dead, the zeppelins are armed and ready, and all that's left to do is push a button."

Magtok lifted up a thumb, and slowly lowered it down towards the bright red doomsday remote. No longer would petty magic spells or barbaric assaults would put him behind bars anymore, the world would be his alone.

<hr>

Mangosta clutched at his face, trying to his swelling features from the horrified crowd.

"Honestly, Magtok?! I thought you'd be thankful, that you'd be out enjoying yourself! I went to all the trouble of fixing you because I felt like doing a fellow villain a favor, and this is how you repay me?!"

Fix me? You ruined my life!

Magtok shot Mangosta's knee, and then kicked him to the ground. He cried in pain, and looked at Mag with bewilderment.

"I slayed that awful do-gooder and freed you! Pulled you away from that life of mediocrity! Even took this miserable job so I could get close enough to bring the old you and the old Magtok face back!"

Magtok pointed the gun again to plug a round in Mangosta's face, and then blinked. His face turned to shock, then abject horror, and he dropped to his knees.

"I...I remember."

<hr>

"But you won't do it."

Magtok froze, looked at his zeppelin-launch remote, and then at the heroine.

"What?"

"You're better than that Magtok, you always have been."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Happy?"

"The only reason you've done all this is because you couldn't find anything else to do with your life, correct? Everything else seemed mediocre?"

"What are you trying to..."

"We've done this heroine and villain thing for far too long, Magtok, and we're both tired of hurting each other. Tonight, all that changes."

Happy raised up a palm towards Magtok, glowing with magical energy. Magtok nervously took a few steps back, holding his doomsday remote out in front of him.

"Hey, wh-what is this?! Get away from me!"

She lunged forward, knocking the cyborg to the ground, and pressed the arcane energy against Magtok's forehead and her own.

Forget

<hr>

Five years later, a content man stood on a stage before his crowd, a wide grin on his face and flowing psuedo-occult robes around his body. Whilst engaged in a heated and comical argument with a ventriloquist dummy, he'd pull himself out of straitjacket and get to the other side of a tightrope suspended over a tank of hungry sharks. He was, without a doubt, completely reckless, charming, and the best thing since keyboard cat.

He smiled down at a young brunette in the crowd, a fairly attractive woman, even in spite of the scars. Ms. Morrow, the girl he'd be proposing to tonight.

"And now, for my next act, we'll be performing an old classic, the "woman sawed in half", with a twist. If I could get an audience volunteer..."

You're a very good writer Magtok.
I believe Recaiden is mildly confused as to the order of events though, if he believes this story to be happy at all. It may be among the saddest I've ever read.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Aren't some of my ships there, Reinholdt?

[RabbitHoleLost]

DD: But Helgraf always calls me Coney!
It was really rather sweet, and a pleasure to come home to.

Also, I love my Yellow Submarine blanket. Is snuggly <3
Good to see it make an appearance in a ship.

Magtok: D=
Cycles! Always with the cycles!
Are you a plaything of the Fates, sweet, horrible Maggums?

[EleventhHour]

MAG-TOK, MAG-TOK, MAG-TOK!

Lord Magtok The Supervillian

Good story!

[Grim ranger]

MAG-TOK, MAG-TOK, MAG-TOK!

Lord Magtok The Supervillian

Good story!

I agree wholeheartedly to this!

This last one actually made me weep, and I am not an emotional person. Just...splendid work

@V: *casually loads his handguns* Maybe you would like to rephrase, dear rabbit, as long as you are still healthy and not riddled with bullets? I might be new villain but I am constantly striving to improve

[RabbitHoleLost]

I agree wholeheartedly to this!

This last one actually made me weep, and I am not an emotional person. Just...splendid work

The more I read your posts in Shipping, the more I think you're just a cute widdle kid trying to be ebil-webil.
Awww, widdle Grim is so cayuuuuute.

[Dallas-Dakota]

The more I read your posts in Shipping, the more I think you're just a cute widdle kid trying to be ebil-webil.
Awww, widdle Grim is so cayuuuuute.

Yeah, this.

Also, Rabs. He was scared and disturbed when I wrote a small ship featuring him and Fred. D'aww. You know, that one a couple of pages ago, the pretty crazy meme-filled one.

[Thufir]

(Part 1, Part 2)

The Mysterious History of Doctor Koorli
(With thanks to Christopher Marlowe)

Witness this interlude, by Koorli herself
Written out, of spiritual journeys below:
Of her travels through fire to Tarterian depths;
Meetings with devils, and rivalries spawned.

Interlude Part the First
(With thanks to Mike Carey, etc.)

Spoiler

Show

I write this account for the benefit of future generations, that they may know of my great experience, as doubtless I shall be too busy to recount the tale myself. I do believe parts of it will not be fully understood by anyone who has not experienced themselves a similar occurrence, but they shall be here described to the best of my eloquence.
I could not sleep this night, yet lay that I might be as rested as I could be, exercising nought but my mind, which flitted hither and thither on matters of great import, among them my anticipations of my coming diabolical visitation. The loathsome beast Draken appeared first in my mind, and transported me such that it might seem still my own imaginings; but I perceived this to be a true change.
And here begins confusion; for I had a multiplicity of sensation at this point. I recall it now as many separate occurrences, too many to fit in the time they took, for I know they all assailed my senses concurrently. I know this, yet my mind is not now equipped to recall it truly.
Most numerous were the things I saw. Prominent among them I recall that I stood in a dense forest – I fell, as one falls asleep, to find myself on the dusty plain beside Charon’s ferry; and that I was transported out of the world to the dark where all the luminescent orbs may be seen, and flew down the road drawn by sin and death until I arrived at the great gate; that I was taken up above the world through a starry ocean of singing silver firmament, beyond which were wondrous dominions, among them a dark and fiery world of caverns, on which I alighted; and that I descended through to the foundations of the world, through the grinding entropic maelstrom of the elemental chaos which must surely be the engine of the universe, to a yawning chasm of size like to the world- no, rather the world was barely of size like to this chasm.
All these at once, and more. Perhaps the way to hell is all of these, or none. As yet this remains beyond my meagre knowledge, but I shall learn of it. This I so determine.
While I experienced all these journeys, yet at the same time I was transported instantly, and stood by a certain door of hell, and yet though this was quicker, the others took not more time. I followed my escort as he boarded the ferry, opened the gate and led the way down a road of iced over corpses, their faces fixed in grins, and cheap suits showing their lack of quality in the throes of their deaths.
I stood on the first of nine vast stairs, extending down to the lowest pit imaginable; and I stood at the edge of great abyss in the dark; and I stood within the walls and gates at the border of an endless plain, the fashioned dominion of a high power whose obsession is freedom. As far as angels’ ken a dungeon horrible, on all sides round as one great furnace flamed, yet from those flames no light, but rather darkness visible served only to discover the sights.
I had no grand tour of this tenebrous realm in any of its many aspects. Images flashed before my eyes, all like to what I have already described. Then my companion transported me to a place known as Effrul. A place fashioned in likeness of an English county, for, so he informed me, such was the will of the High Lord. The devils there spent much of their time in intrigue and indulgence, guising themselves as aristocrats in stately homes. Truly there was much there to delight both body and mind.
At that particular moment, a ball was in progress. The butler announced my companion and I as we entered.
“Hell-Prince Draken, and mortal guest.”
This caused quite a stir. My companion was of course one of the highest nobility of that fell kingdom, whatever its aspect, and for a mortal to be present at such a gathering as this was, I was soon informed, previously unheard of. My companion left me for a time as he wished to speak with the High Lord. I will refrain from providing a full account of my conversations with the fiends there present, but for one of particular note:
“So... a real living human woman at the High Lord’s ball... this beggars belief, strains credulity; is truly astounding. And brought here by Draken, no less.” This slender and apparently mutilated figure continually circled me in a highly characterised stalking gait all the while he was talking, and leered. “And for what purpose, I wonder? I suppose it’s doubtful you actually know. Merely mortal mind, after all...”
“Now, now, dear Mangosta, we don’t wish to frighten our guest. She seems well enough to my eyes.”
“My sister, I cannot recall the last time a visitor did not seem well to your eyes.”
“Such is the way of the immortal, is it not? The longer one exists, the more one learns to appreciate all manner of variety. And after so many millennia, to see something new is truly enrapturing. And you, dear lady,” She turned back to me, “Are most definitely something... new.” With a look of intoxication she took my hand and raised it to her lips. “I am Brandi, daughter of the High Lord. The mysterious and highly dangerous man you see before you is my brother, who goes by the title of Night Surgeon, though he had another name, some time ago. And Mangosta you’ve met, though I doubt he was so polite as to introduce himself prior to insulting you. He’s delightfully abrasive in more ways than one.”
“Excuse me, my Lord, my Lady.”
“Yes, Thanatos, what is it?” All the while the Lady Brandi spoke her eyes had remained fixed intensely on mine.
“Forgive me Lady Brandi, High Lord Destro has sent me to bring Dr. Koorli to his presence.”
“While all these nobles stand idle awaiting his pleasure, the High Lord wishes to see a mortal? Pfah!”
“Oh, don’t worry Mango darling. I’m sure I can keep you entertained until Dr. Koorli has had her audience.” She turned again to me. “But don’t be too long, if you please. I’ve a great desire to be more closely acquainted with you, while you’re here.” With a wink and a sultry smile she turned and led Mangosta across into the dance. The Night Surgeon had already left without my noticing.
“This way, if you please, Lady.”
The butler, Thanatos, led me through to a large chamber just off the ballroom. Draken hovered an inch off the floor beside a throne. On the throne sat what appeared to be a human skeleton in regal robes, whose eyes glowed green, and at his hand on the other side of the throne was what appeared to be some sort of demonic panther. Its red eyes fixed on me, displaying something more than animal intelligence.
“Welcome, Koorli. I am Destro Yersul, High Lord of Effrul. The Abomination informs me your visit is the product of an investment of power on the part of Lord Helgraf. I congratulate you – it is rare that a mortal has such fortitude, even rarer that they come down here.”
“My thanks, High Lord.”
“I must ask – being privileged as you are with great knowledge of your own world – how accurate is our little imitation of your nobility?”
“I am uncertain as to whether your realm is accurate to the present period, but it is accurate to some period. That is, in appearance, and ignoring some of your guests’ more visibly demonic countenances. Beyond what I see, I am uncertain. More is in the action than in the appearance, and I have yet much more to see, I think. May I question you, my Lord, about this imitative domain you rule?”
“By all means.”
“For what purpose do you do this?"
“Why, to amuse ourselves. Though the flow of time may be different here than in the mortal realm, we live for eternity, and it is long and tedious if one does not insert a certain amount of variety, to while away the centuries.”
“I see. I take it my timing was fortuitous, to arrive on the night of this ball?”
“Actually, no. In fact, the ball is perpetual – or at least it will continue until we tire of this masquerade and intrigue. The guests come and go, periodically I retire here and speak with whichever of the lesser nobles wish to ask something of me – usually all of them – the ball as a whole continues.”
“And such are the delights of Effrul?”
“I understand we have all manner of delights here, to suit all tastes. I confine myself to the ball, the politics, and the library; but I believe my children between them have sampled every variety of experience they could dream.”
“Do demons dream, then?”
“Nay, not truly, for we do not truly sleep.”
“If I may ask, my lord, what is the reason for your own appearance?”
“These bones I wear? The guise of a lich, undoubtedly something within the compass of your knowledge, but it is seeming only. We demons have no soul separate to our bodies and cannot become undead as mortals can.”
“How long may I stay here?”
“As long as you wish, and you are free to ask after anything you may find here. If you come to see the delights of this nether plane, my children are, I think, the best people to show them to you.”
“Your daughter already expressed a wish to know me better.”
“Naturally she would. If you have no other questions, I suggest you return to the ball and seek her out. Thanatos, I’ll see Mangosta next.”
I returned to the ball, and took the place of Mangosta in dancing with Lady Brandi. She was a rather charming companion, and seemed to exude an almost palpable aura of concentrated pleasure and intoxication – clearly the ideal she principally devoted herself to, such auras of various feelings being a trait of these devils. We conversed on this, and she revealed to me that her aura was one of the few things which could not be easily disguised.
“All aspects of my physical nature, as you see and feel are...optional. Observe.”
As she spoke this last word, she increased in height, her hair switched through a series of colours, and she appeared in various different states of undress before returning to the form she had when she first greeted me. With each change came merely a slight flicker, seen and also felt as something mysterious flashing through the surrounding reality at the speed of thought.
“And finally, say goodbye to Brandi-”
“-And hello to Dirk.”
With one last flicker, her form shifted to that of a man, appropriately attired in a style similar to that of his female form, but altered to fit the gender-change and an appearance perhaps more fitting a man of action.
“So tell me, darling Doctor: how would you like me?”
“Seducing the guest already? Do you think of nothing else, sibling of mine?”
“It’s the pleasure I live for, brother, just as you live for the adrenaline rush of combat.”
“Are all your lives consumed with naught but the satisfaction of your principal pleasures?”
“Of all our pleasures, dear Koorli, but yes. What else can there be here? We have no obligations and no restrictions – we are above such things. And so what is to be done but to obtain whatsoever we desire?”
“I see why Draken brought me to this place in particular. And what of you, Sir Mangosta? While you skulk around your friend, have you aught to say to me of your joys?”
“I have no joy. The High Lord rejects my proposal, he does not deign to offer reasons, he belittles me. And it seems I am less in favour than this woefully limited human wretch, who seems to take her delight in foolishness and aspirations beyond her miniscule wit and will. Continue wowing your mortal plaything with these parlour tricks, I’ve no stomach for such trivialities. Night Surgeon, I’ll likely see you tomorrow.”
As he stormed off, a disappointed Brandi followed in his wake, offering entreaties that he might stay, clearly to no avail. I took the opportunity to question the Night Surgeon.
“Tell me sir, do the powers of magic hold the same sway in this realm is on the mortal plane?”
“Indeed so, for the most part. The majority of daemonic nobility are accomplished mages of some degree. Why have you some knowledge of magic?”
“But of course. It was by magic I first gained my acquaintance with your people.”
“Ah, of course. But naturally, such magicks as would summon and bind us are among those that do not retain their power here, though few can truly master them in any case. I believe my father has in his library a book detailing the differences in magical effect between planes of existence.”
“Now, we don’t wish to bore our guest, brother!” Brandi’s light-hearted tone belied her apparent frustration. “Another dance, perhaps? Or perhaps we could... move things along? Upstairs?” Seeing Mangosta glaring back at us from the doorway as Brandi draped herself over me, knowing I was entering some form of rivalry with a deadly enemy, and delighted by the intellectual stimulation of it, I responded by taking Brandi’s hand and leading her to the stairs, from whence she took me up with exuberant glee to her chambers.
I learned many things in the ensuing hours, which showed me clearly the value of immortal experience and supernatural aptitude, but also that the strength of a human soul is not to be underestimated in any context.
I left Dirk resting and turned my mind to more wholly cerebral pleasures.
“Excuse me? Thanatos, was it? Would you kindly direct me to the library?”
“Certainly. I shall take you there immediately.”
“Tell me – are there no other servants here? You are the only one I have seen, but surely in such a house of such ever-active masters it must be impossible for one alone to handle all the demands of the household?”
“I manage, Lady. There are occasional dissatisfactions – Lady Brandi/Lord Dirk’s requests can be rather demanding and lengthy, but my talents run the way of usefulness in that regard. And indeed there are a few other servants, usually unseen. I am simply the chief among them."
As he named Brandi/Dirk, through some demonic ability he contrived to say both "Lady Brandi" and "Lord Dirk" simultaneously, much as the landscape of hell held several forms at once.
"This is the library, Lady. Anything in particular you seek?”
“Books regarding this realm itself, and regarding magic.”
“Over there and over there. The library catalogue may be found here, or you may call upon me if you have further questions. Excuse me, I’m required back in the ballroom.”
As I sat perusing the books of High Lord Destro’s library, the creature he had had with him in his throne room padded up to me and leapt onto the table to examine the book I was reading.
“You... are more than the pet you appear to be.”
It stared at me again with those eyes that belied the mind greater than would be thought to fit the body. The look it gave me seemed to be appraising.
“Indeed. I am in fact High Lord Yersul’s chief adviser. I adopt this animal shape merely because I prefer to be underestimated. As, I think, do you.”
I sighed wearily. “I have ever been underestimated. But I have ever used whatsoever resources I had to my advantage. Sir, you have me at a disadvantage – I would be obliged if you would tell me your name.”
“Jacklu. I trust you acknowledge the honour in this, for few know my name, and less hear it from my own lips.”
“I realise. And I value your respect.”
“You are a deep one, Doctor Koorli. I can see why Helgraf chose you. You have greatly angered Mangosta, I think, though he needs little cause for rage. I think you know this, and yet you courted this animosity, not out of impetuous emotion, but out of rapidly but carefully considered... what? Ambition? Or simply curiosity?”
“My motives and purposes are ever my own, so long as my will is free. I feel I am equal to what is before me.”
“Indeed, I believe you are. But I will vouchsafe you this ’ere I go: while you are here, you are spirit only – your body remains mortal, and cannot pass the gates of this place. While you remain in Hell, Koorli, you may suffer no bodily harm, but what does befall you will cause damage directly to the soul. Remember that, lest you become impetuous.”
I took this information stoically. I am certain I betrayed nothing, and if the creature Jacklu gleaned any information from my reaction, he gave no indication of it. As he silently reached the door he turned back and added, “Have a care also that should your plans set you against Effrul as a whole, I will show no mercy. Good day, Doctor.”

And so it gets even longer and more complicated, and the references just pile up...

[Thanatos 51-50]

(Part 1, Part 2)

The Mysterious History of Doctor Koorli
(With thanks to Christopher Marlowe)

Witness this interlude, by Koorli herself
Written out, of spiritual journeys below:
Of her travels through fire to Tarterian depths;
Meetings with devils, and rivalries spawned.

Interlude Part the First
(With thanks to Mike Carey, etc.)

Spoiler

Show

<Long, detailed ship that caused me to want to read the other parts goes here. It's actually rather good and an enjoyable read.>

I'm a butler!
/totally doesn't poison the wine

[RabbitHoleLost]

@V: *casually loads his handguns* Maybe you would like to rephrase, dear rabbit, as long as you are still healthy and not riddled with bullets? I might be new villain but I am constantly striving to improve

I've dealt with green villains before. Ones much more intimidating than you.

Don't make me toss you over my lap and discipline you.