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2009-09-14, 08:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Hello, and welcome to the Second Crack Pairings thread. If you haven't read the first one yet, you can do so here.
Or, if you don't wish to read through all 49 pages, here's the short version: we have a roller and some tables. You roll a pairing, and maybe a plot device, then you write it, draw it, act it out, interpretive dance it, whatever! Apparently we like this sort of thing.
Please remember to keep it clean, folks! The board rules still apply!
When posting a pairing, please at least try to do something with it. We like it when people try!
Should you wish to roll a pairing, Sgeo coded up a roller for us. If you want that personal touch, go roll on the tables, or make up your own pairing!
Banners!
Spoiler
Text:
Zanaril's
Spoiler
Funky Goose's
Spoiler
Discord's
Spoiler
Saeyan
Spoiler
rangermania
Spoiler
Trixie
Spoiler
MReav
Spoiler
half-halfling
Spoiler
Tables!
Spoiler
Initial Table
Roll 2d6 (or more!) decide which tables to pick the characters from.
- OotS Table 1
- OotS Table 2
- OotS Table 3
- OotS Table 4
- Minion List
- Dead Guy List
Table 1 - By Minion992929
- Roy
- Durkon
- Celia
- Xykon
- Tsukiko
- Vaarsuvius
- Monster in The Dark
- Miko
- Nale
- Elan
- Haley
- Belkar
- Lord Shojo
- Redcloak
- Hinjo
- Daigo
- Kazumi
- Inkyrius
- Roll again twice
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 2 - By Minion 992929
- The Guy with a halberd
- Sarah Greenhilt
- Haley's dad
- Thanh
- Julio Scoundrél
- Mr. Rodriguez
- Horace Greenhilt
- Therkla
- Zz'Dtri
- YokYok
- Leeky Windstaff
- The Cliffport chief of police
- Windstriker
- Jirix
- Lien
- Argent
- Yor
- Roll again twice
- Roll again on twice on Initial Table
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 3 - By Minion992929
- Soon Kim (incorporeal)
- Shadowdancer
- Hilgya
- Dorukan
- Bozzok
- Crystal
- Bandit King
- Ancient Black Dragon
- O-Chul
- The Snarl
- The Eye of Fear and Flame
- Lord Kubota
- Thog
- Julia Greenhilt
- Belkar
- The oracle
- Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
- Roll again twice on Initial Table
- Roll again twice
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 4 - By Minion 992929
- The dragon's hoard
- The chimera
- The really dangerous trap
- Roy's Archon
- The Hydra
- Teevo
- Xykon's zombie dragon head
- Roy's sword
- The entire Hobgoblin army
- The orc chieftain
- The IFCC
- Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
- Mr Scruffy
- Hieronymus Grubwiggler
- All of the Demon Roaches at once
- Bone golem Roy
- Roll again twice
- Roll again on Tables 1, 2, and 3
- Roll again twice on Initial Table
- Roll again and switch gender
Minion List -Made By MReav
- Goblin
- Hobgoblin
- Kobold
- Ogre
- Lizardfolk
- Bug-people
- Azure City Soldier
- Bandit or Thieves Guild Member
- Orc
- Owlbear
- Troll (flip coin to determine land or sea)
- Zombie
- Ghoul
- City Guardsman
- Angel-thing
- Ghost Martyr
- Roll again on another table.
- Roll again twice
- Roll Again and invert alignment
- Roll again for minion army
Dead Guy List -Made By MReav
- Samantha
- Sangwaan
- Hobgoblin General
- Azure City General
- Death Knight
- Huecva
- Trigak
- Earth Dungeon Guardian
- Fire Dungeon Guardian
- Kraagor
- Mijung
- Eugene Greenhilt
- Old Blind Pete
- Giant Devil
- Buggy-Lou
- Isamu.
- Roll Again on a different table
- Roll Again Twice
- Roll Again and Switch Gender
- Roll again. If you roll this option twice in a row: Eastern Pantheon and World 1.0
Supplemental Plot Devices (Optional!) - By Nerdanel
- Unrequited love
- Love potion
- Drunkenness
- Snowed in
- Stuck on a desert island
- In the afterlife
- Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
- True love
- Love/hate relationship
- Adultery
- Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
- Pink frills and white lace
- French maid costume
- Police/military uniform
- High heels and black leather
- American high school setting
- Someone is a vampire
- Everyone is a furry version of themselves
- Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)
- Roll again twice
Of course, feel free to make up your own pairings!Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-10-20 at 05:16 PM.
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-09-14, 08:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Crack Pairings Story Index
Stories by badam104172
Stories by baf
Stories by BatRobin
Belkar/Eye of Fear and FlameStories by Belkster11
Hilgya/YokYok
Julio Scoundrel/Entire Hobgolbin Army
Therkla/Vaarsuvius
Tsukiko/Jirix
Thog/Julio Scoundrel
Stories by The Blackbird
Stories by TheBibliophile
Stories by CheeseMuncher
Redcloak/O-ChulStories by ClericOfBelker
Tsukiko/Redcloak
Teevo/Hieronymus Grubwiggler
Roy/Roy's Archon
Roy's Sword/Nale
Belkar/Vaarsuvius
Elan/Vaarsuvius [Part 1]
Elan/Vaarsuvius [Part 2]
Redcloak/Tsukiko [Part 1]
Redcloak/Tsukiko [Part 2]
Redcloak/Tsukiko [Part 3]
Gender-swapped OOTS [Part "2"]Stories by Closak
Gender-swapped OOTS [Part 3]
Gender-swapped OOTS [Part 4]
Gender-swapped OOTS [Part 5]
Gender-swapped OOTS [Part 6]
Belkar/Roy
O-Chul/ABD
Elan/Belkar/Haley/Roy
Stories by CoffeeIncluded
Elan/Julio ScoundrelStories by Cracklord
O-Chul/Lien
Haley/Roy's Sword and Sara Greenhilt/Soon Kim
Inkyrius/Belkar
Julia/Pompey
Pompey/Sabine
Xykon/Roy's Sword
Belkar/Hinjo
Crystal/Vaarsuvius
Zz'Drti/Nale
Shojo/Aarindarius
Miko/DurkonStories by CurlyKitGirl
Inkyrius/Bozzok
O-Chul/Thog
Therkla/Crystal
Nale/The Shadow Dancer/Soulsplice
Tsukiko/Soon
Leeky Windstaff/Lord Kubota
Teevo/Thanh
O-Chul/Chief Grukgruk
Bozzok/Tsukiko/Crystal
Nale/Hinjo/O-Chul/Julia
Xykon/Thog
Edward Cullen/Harry Potter/Raistlin Majere/Xykon/Tsukiko/Lien/Stanley the Tool/Winston Churchill
Xykon/Julio Scoundrel
Belkar/Jenny
Eugene/Ydranna
Bozzok/Haley
Lord Shojo/Julio Scoundrel
Durkon/Lien
Durkon/Lien
Durkon/Lien
Durkon/Lien
Durkon/Lien [The Beginning]
Julia Greenhilt/Xykon
Bozzok/Zz'Dtri
Julia/Roy's Sword
Durkon/Lien
Roy/Sabine
Shojo/Miko
Durkon/Lien
Belkar in Hell [Part 1]
Belkar in Hell [Part 2]
Belkar in Hell [Part 3]
Belkar in Hell [Part 4]
Stories by Dak Frostwrath
Stories by The Dark Fiddler
Roy/RedcloakStories by Discord
MiTD/Entitre Hobgoblin Army
Celia/Gender-Flipped Celia
Crystal/Argent
Miko/Vaarsuvius
Nale/Tsukiko
Miko/VaarsuviusStories by doliest
Miko/Vaarsuvius
Vaarsuvius/Zz'dtri
Vaarsuvius/Mother Black Dragon
Miko/Vaarsuvius
Jirix/Tsukiko
Stories by Dra-Goon
Xykon/KazumiStories by Dr.Gunsforhands
Sarah Greenhilt/Roy's Archon
Celia/Mr Scruffy
The Eye of Fear and Flame/Haley
Roy's Sword/Bone Golem Roy
Ancient Black Dragon/Tsukiko/Monster in the Dark
Haley/Vaarsuvius/Durkon
Stories by Elan's Modron
Stories by Elvenblade
Stories by esmerelder
Stories by Expeditious
Stories by Forevernade
Stories by Gimliggamer
Stories by Hijax
Stories by Introbulus
The Cliffport Chief of Police/KazumiStories by jogiff
Hydra/Lien
Tsukiko/Roy's Archon
Lord Shojo/Jirix
Durokan/Haley
Belkar/Hinjo
Haley/Crystal
Kazumi/Durkon
Stories by Kaytara
Mr. Scruffy/The SnarlStories by Kirby
Ancient Black Dragon/Inkyrius
IFCC Fiends/The Chimera Trigak
Banjo/Giggles
Vaarsuvius/Durkon
Vaarsuvius/Durkon [Continuation]
Stories by Kitteh
Stories by Kobold-Bard
Stories by Kraggi
Stories by Kyronea
Stories by lindorm
Stories by Lollie
Stories by Lycan 01
Orc Chief Grukgruk/Haley/KazumiStories by MagicianMan5
The Guy With the Halberd/Demon Roaches/Hydra
Daigo/Kubota
Yor/Belkar
Kazumi/Therkla
O-Chul/IFCC
Miko/Redcloak
Miko/Redcloak [Continued]
The Eye of Fear and Flame/Haley
Blackwing/Mr. Scruffy
Hinjo/Redcloak
Crystal/The Chimera
Belkar/Roy's Sword
Stories by Malkar Grumbo
Stories by MasamuneSSX
Stories by Metalhead
Stories by mizzim
Stories by Monzach
Stories by Moofin Bard
Stories by Moon_Called
Stories by MReav
Stories by NamonakiRei
Stories by NemoUtopia
Stories by Nerdanel
Stories by The Odor
Stories by Pid6
Stories by pnewman
Stories by PsychoPat
Nale/Haley and Elan/CeliaStories by Ronnoc
Haley/Vampire Shadowdancer
Redcloak/Tsukiko/Julio Scoundrel
Thog/Sabine
Thog/Sabine [Continued]
Thog/Sabine [Continued]
Thog/Sabine [Continued]
Stories by RPGAgmJAY
Stories by Saeyan
Stories by SaintRidley
Stories by Sequinox
Stories by Silverraptor
Belkar/NaleStories by Somniloquist
Miko/Hinjo
Inkyrius [Part 1], [Part 2], [Part 3], [Part 4]
Julia/Celia
Crystal/Belkar
Haley's Dream
Guy with the Halberd/Girl with the Halberd
Kazumi/Daigo
Kubota/Lien
Ceila/Mr Rodriguez
Stories by Taekwondodo
Hinjo/Zz'dtriStories by Tatterdemalion
Bozzak/Mr Rodriguez
Elan/The Cliffport Chief of Police
Therkla/Julio Scoundrel
Nale/Julio Scoundrel
Thanh/Female NPC
Stories by Thor Person Guy
Stories by Tira-chan
Stories by TooManySecrets
Stories by TSED
Stories by waterpenguin43
Stories by Water-Smurf
In the Arms of MorpheusStories by WeimannRedcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 1]IcelusCurse of Phobetor
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 2]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 3]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 4]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 5]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 6]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 7]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 8]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 9]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 10]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 11]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 12]
Redcloak/Vaarsuvius [Part 13]
Jephton/Haetra/Ganonron/Julia Greenhilt/JirixStories by WhereamI?
Overpriced Apple Girl/The Most Awesome Pickpockets In The ENTIRE WORLD!
Overpriced Apple Girl/The Most Awesome Pickpockets In The ENTIRE WORLD! [Continued]
Stories by Xesirin
Stories by yubel
Stories by Zanaril
Male Sarah Greenhilt/Female Zz'dtri/IFCCStories by Zen_Heart
Xykon/Vaarsuvius
Therkla/Belkar/Tsukiko
Therkla/Belkar/Tsukiko [Continued]
Mr Rodrigez/Gender-Swiched Mr Rodrigez
Vaarsuvius/Zz'dtri [continuation of Discord's story]
Vaarsuvius/Zz'dtri
Aarindarius/Inkyrius
Aarindarius/Inkyrius
Aarindarius/Inkyrius
Aarindarius/Inkyrius
Blackwing/Lizard Vaarsuvius
The IFCC/Zombie Dragon Head
Vaarsuvius/The Snarl
Vaarsuvius/Inkyrius/Aarindarius
Vaarsuvius/Haerta
Stories by Ziren
Stories by Zolkabro
Last edited by Lira; 2009-10-28 at 06:24 PM.
Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.
...............................................
Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
Looking for a new webcomic to read? Take a look at the Webcomic List.
-
2009-09-14, 08:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Crack Pairings Art Compilation
A compilation of the art made specifically for the Crack Pairings Thread.
Spoiler
Art by Belkster11
Sangwaan and Hinjo.
Art by CheeseMuncher
Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.
Belkar.
Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.
Vaarsuvius and Roy.
Xykon and Redcloak.
Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.
Tsukiko and Redcloak.
Tsukiko and Redcloak, coloured version.
Spliced Inkyrius.
Vaarsuvius.
Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.
Art by Delorges
Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.
Miko and O-Chul.
Art by Expeditious
Vaarsuvius and Blackwing.
Art by Funky Goose
A comic version of Water-Smurf's Vaarsuvius/Redcloak story.
Half-dragon child of Belkar.
Young Roy and the Little Psion that Could.
Art by half-halfling
Vaarsuvius and V's personifications of femininity and masculinity.
Vaarsuvius, Inkyrius, their children and the soul splice.
Tsukiko and Jirix.
Haley and Vaarsuvius.
MiTD and Tsukiko.
Child of Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.
Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.
Vaarsuvius' Parent and young Vaarsuvius.
Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.
Art by Kaytara
Vaarsuvius.
Vaarsuvius and Redcloak.
Vaarsuvius.
Vaarsuvius and Roy.
Vaarsuvius and Roy, coloured version.
Young Vaarsuvius.
Art by Kirby
Haley and Vaarsuvius.
Spliced Elan.
Art by The Neoclassic
Lien and the Yellow-Eyed Fiend.
Evil Lien.
Art by Saeyan
Vaarsuvius with a Miko doll.
Vaarsuvius with a Miko doll.
Aarindarius and Inkyrius.
Zz'dtri and Vaarsuvius.
Inkyrius.
Aarindarius, Inkyrius, and Vaarsuvius.
A wanted sign for Zanaril.
Vaarsuvius.
Inkyrius and Aarindarius, with Vaarsuvius and Zz'dtri in chibi form.
Aarindarius, Inkyrius, and Vaarsuvius.
Inkyrius, Vaarsuvius, and Aarindarius.
Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.
Art by Tira-chan
Spock and Vaarsuvius.
Art by TooManySecrets
Female living Xykon.
Art by Trixie
Celia and Belkar.
Xykon, Tsukiko, and Miko.
Art by Zanaril
Undead Vaarsuvius and Xykon.
Miko and Vaarsuvius.
Redcloak and Vaarsuvius.
Xykon.
Spliced Inkyrius.
Spliced Inkyrius.
Spliced Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius.
Young Vaarsuvius.Last edited by Lira; 2009-10-28 at 06:30 PM.
Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.
...............................................
Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
Looking for a new webcomic to read? Take a look at the Webcomic List.
-
2009-09-14, 08:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Before I go off to bed, and to kick off the new thread, I'm gonna say right now, be on the lookout for the next few days. I'm entertaining ideas of a contest.
And a plot bunny, but nobody cares about that.It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
-
2009-09-14, 09:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
And thus the maddess continues. And were out of Bleach. Oh my, this is going to be interesting.
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2009-09-14, 09:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Figure I should open with a story.
Someone rolled Julia/Roy's sword
Here we go. Didn't put much effort in, but still want critique.
Spoiler
Julia stretched out on the bed in her dorm. The walls were plain, the sheets were coarse and only white by virtue of being bleached every few days, the furniture was so crude it seemed deliberate, and her roommate never shut up, but it was hers. She had earned her scholarship, she had chosen her courses. This was her life.
The day was warm, and she was wearing as little as she dared, wishing she knew more ice spells so she could cool off. More then that, she wished there was some sort of release.
She sighed, running her hand through her dark hair. She wasnt sure she liked it. It was straight, and shiny, and all her friends liked it, but it wasnt her. There was nothing about it that differentiated her from everyone else with dark hair. It wasn''t hers, it was just generic dark hair.
Stretching her long legs over the side of her bed, she got to her feet and padded over to the door, which she checked was securely closed, and then locked. Just in case she cast hold portal as well. Most wizards agreed it was a useless spell, but when you were a nubile young girl who half the students drooled over and liked your privacy (or rather, didnt feel like giving anyone a free show), then it was worth the effort of learning a few safeguards.
Taking a deep breath she reached into her bag and retrieved the sword.
The sword was who she was. It was who her family was. Where they came from, and what they were. Her father may have forgotten that, but she never would.
She could barely heft it, but she held it up nonetheless, admiring its functional elegance, its raw simplicity. In its own way, it was prettier then any rose. Running her hand down the edge gently, she gasped as it cut through the skin, a single bright bead of blood running down the edge. A bright flush crept over her cheeks, giving her dark skin a warm look.
She clutched it closer, enjoying the cold feel of the metal against her warm, yielding flesh. Youre not my knight." She said huskily, her green eyes wide, undoing the clasp at the back of her bra. "Youre not my saviour. Youre me. And I am you.
Also, we are now on the second thread. Yay!Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-09-14, 09:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Could the Crack Pairing story index be spoilered? Thanks.
Use Twitter? Subscribe to @oots_update to always be informed of the latest OotS.
Use Facebook? Like Order of the Stick Automatic to always be informed of the latest OotS.
-
2009-09-14, 09:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Texas
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Wazam! New thread! Crap, threads not old enough for ale.
Facebook!Dolla dolla bill, y'allLeague of Legends S3 Ranked Challenge: 6/100 wins, Silver IV
-
2009-09-14, 10:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- It would break your mind.
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Yay! New thread!
Boo! No brain bleach! You know how expensive that stuff is?I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 9
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 11
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2009-09-14, 11:49 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Bah, thread ends right after I post my latest literary abomination? How bothersome... I wanted feedback!
Oh well. Lets see if I can whip something up to celebrate the birth of our newest Crack Pairing Thread...
Lets see... IIRC, my current challenges are:
Kazumi x Therkla
Yor x Belkar (Aliens made them do it)
Redcloak x Miko
Tsukiko x Therkla
Eye of Fear and Flame x Haley (French Maid outfit)
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Am I missing any?
Lets go wiiiiiiith...
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Spoiler
"This is actually starting to bore me..." Xykon sighed as he watched O-Chul twitch and squirm in a burning room full of acid-spitting, lightning-breathing, spike covered kittens. The fact that the kittens were more focused on playing with the frayed ends of the ropes binding the Paladin, rather than the prisoner himself, didn't add much to the entertainment value. "I need some new ideas..."
"We might be of service..." a voice crooned from behind the Lich. Turning about, Xykon found himself in the company of three red-robed fiends with varying eye colors. "We are the IFCC, and we might have what you're looking for..." the center figure nodded slowly.
"And that would be?" Xykon cocked his skull to the side.
"An unbelievably cruel way of torturing the Paladin you've been using as a torture sponge..." the robed figure on the right clapped its hands together jovially.
"A way you would have never, ever thought of yourself..." the left-hand figure added.
Xykon studied the three fiends for a few seconds, before finally replying. "I'm listening..."
---
9 months later, Xykon was standing in a hospital, the dark voids that represented his eyes stretched to their limit. He was staring, in what could only be described as horror, through a window into a hospital room. Hideous screams could be heard through the glass - the screams of a man enduring agony that no man before him had ever experienced, and was in no way prepared to endure. Xykon slowly turned around, and just stared at the three red-robed fiends behind him. His jaw worked back and forth, as if he was trying to say words that just wouldn't, or couldn't, form. Finally, he simply shook his head and said, "Wow."
"What?" the center figure asked.
"You... You out-eviled me. I never would have thought of making him pregnant. That didn't even seem physically possible! How on earth did you come up with such a torture method?"
"Um... Chance?" the figure on the left shrugged.
"Yeah... Just pure chance..." the right figures hood nodded vigorously.
"Yes, the Paladin getting pregnant was totally our idea for the torture..." the center figure clapped his hands together.
A few moments of dead silence passed. Finally, Xykon spoke. "Him getting pregnant was just a side effect of what ya'll call torture, wasn't it?"
"..." the three fiends looked back and forth amongst each other. Suddenly, one of them gasped. "Oh would you look at the time, we're late for that... thing!"
"Oh yes, that thing! Lets go!" the right IFCC member exclaimed.
"But I want to see my newborn so-" the left figure started, but both fiends grabbed him before he could finish.
"You can sue for custody later!" growled the center one.
"Lets go!" the right fiend yelped.
And with that, the IFCC vanished. Xykon was left standing there, trying to block out the wailing of whatever had just been born on the other side of the glass. He then looked down at his watch, and began to count down the seconds. "Three, two, one..."
---
"Gya!" Xykon bolted upright, looking around his room in horror. He then laid back down in his bed, and growled to himself, "I can't wait for these weird dreams to stop..."
"Sir..." Redcloak suddenly entered the room, covered in bandages and nursing a serious black-eye. "The prisoner's........ spawn...... appears to be teething."
"Hold on a second Redcloak..." Xykon sighed. He then pulled back his sleeve, and began to count down the seconds. "Five, four, three, two, one..."
---
"Hurk!" Xykon gasped, jolting up in his seat. He'd fallen asleep at his desk again, having once again plotted evil to the point where he'd passed out. The Lich growled to himself, and snarled: "I'm getting tired of these dreams! AND SINCE WHEN AM I PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF SLEEPING?!?"
I don't know why, but I just love making Xykon have nightmares about Crack Pairings. Its just funny to me, for some reason...
Btw, Minion, interesting story. And by interesting, I mean creepy. Nah, but seriously, good writing.Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
-
2009-09-15, 12:54 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Location
- Portland
- Gender
-
2009-09-15, 01:10 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
When this whole thing started, I never dreamt we'd get as far and a second thread. Here's hoping for another 50 pages.
I suppose it's time to update the link in my signature.This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-15, 01:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Yeah, I know. But that's the glory of crack fics.
Seriously, if everyone else can get away with the stuff they write, I think I can take a little creative liberty with the sleeping habits of the undead.
Speaking of undead, I've got an idea on how to do that Miko x Redcloak story... The question is, should I just write it as a short crack fic, or actually try to go somewhere with it? The idea I have could work both ways... It would either make for a rather silly one shot, or be turned into a pretty funny series of shorts. Theoretically, at least... So yeah - Miko x Redcloak: one shot, or series?Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-09-15, 01:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-15, 03:55 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Last edited by TheBibliophile; 2009-09-15 at 05:49 AM.
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
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2009-09-15, 05:49 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
HEY! HEY! HEY!!!
That list lacks the Peter Griffin/Xykon Crack Pairing. Therefore, it's not perfect.Wait, what signature?
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2009-09-15, 06:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Near St Andews, Scotland.
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Vaarsuvius x Haley: The one you've all been hoping would never get a sequel due to the author's total incompetence!
Chapter 2: Section 1
SpoilerI was awoken from my cross-legged trancing by a gentle shake. I hovered down to the hard, lice-infested bed, heartily glad that I had not slept there, and opened an eye. A pair of hazel-brown eyes stared at me, and a lilting voice spoke.
"Hey, Vaarsuvius, time to get up! There's a party meeting downstairs in the bar!"
"Please, Miss Starshine, call me V. I believe you humans prefer short, easy-to-say names to complicated ones, though I cannot imagine why for the life of me."
"Alright, V, but only if you call me Haley! Now come on, already, Roy will be getting grumpy!"
Miss Starshine (Haley, I corrected myself) skipped down the stairs from the living section of the inn, humming a tune which seemed to be about treasure. I got up and stumbled over to the door, casting Prestidigation to iron my robes as I did so. For some reason, I cared more about my appearance than usual today.
More to come later.Last edited by TheBibliophile; 2009-09-15 at 06:45 AM.
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
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2009-09-15, 07:15 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Alabama
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
This is probably going to be the last of my ElanxRoy thing. I'll think up of other crack fics later. XD
SpoilerAs Elan walked slowly to Roy's tent, he was unsure of what to say. He opened the flaps of the entrance and stepped in. He was in for a shock: Roy wasn't in his tent, and even more strange was a note tacked to the post. Elan took it.
"Meet me outside the encampment, please. ~Roy" Elan read. His knees were wobbly. What was Roy going to do? Fire him? Berate him? He sighed and pocketed the note.
Roy was standing just a few feet away, facing away from the camp. His sword was jammed into the sand beside him.
Elan cleared his throat.
"R-Roy?" He asked.
"Yes?" Roy replied. He didn't sound too angry.
"About what happened last night, I'm..."
"Elan, listen." Roy interuppted." Then he turned around and walked up to Elan.
"My time being dead had me thinking: You've really grown up." Roy put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"How could you see us if you were dead?" Elan asked.
"Scrying. Don't ask me how." Roy took a few steps away. "Want to do some swordplay?" He took out his sword. "I'll go easy on you."
Elan took out his raiper and did a pose.
"Now attack."
Elan didn't budge.
"Elan, you think I'm gonna let you kill me? Besides, it's not like we don't have a healer in case we do mortally wound ourselves."
Elan took that as encouragement and brought down a vertical strike. Roy quickly blocked it.
"Good, very good." Roy nodded, a cunning smile creeping on his face. "But you may not want to pause for too long or else-"
Roy suddenly pushed his sword off of Elan's and brought it just close to Elan's waist. Elan stepped back.
"Is this punishment?" Elan asked.
"Training, Elan. Training. I wouldn't mind having a pupil, Brother Elan."
Elan's heart jumped. Did Roy just call him what he...Brother Elan?!
"B-Brother?" Elan gasped.
"That's what we called ourselves in Fighter Academy." Roy explained.
"Should I call you Master, then?"
"Brother Roy." Roy said. "Let's do it, then."
Elan and Roy then began to swing their swords at each other, getting quicker and quicker. Their breathing quickened and sweat poured down their face. Their swords rang loudly throughout the encampment and the glistening sun reflected from the blades, blinding the two warriors every so often. Around this time, Elan would be shouting puns, but today, this one special day, when he finally had Roy on his side sparring, he refused to adhere to his "punny"-side.
In his head, there was one song that was near and dear to his heart, a song he sung during the Azure City battle after Roy's death.
O' Buddy Roy...Last edited by Belkster11; 2009-09-15 at 07:16 AM.
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2009-09-15, 08:13 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- Lurkers Anonymous
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
It's pretty amazing to see "Crack Pairings II". Roman numerals are badass.
Lira, thanks for all the hard work you've put into the compilation threads. If you have the time, maybe the art post could be sorted by character or artist? Because it's a little messy right now.
Hurray, V/H! I like the treasure song and robe-ironing. It's details like that which make the story so cute. Though I always imagined it would be Haley doing the name-shortening.It just doesn't quite seem in line with V's character to hack up his name like that.Though I just realized he allows Kyrie to call him Suvie, so never mind. Though he does say "your Vaarsuvius" instead of "your Suvie".
Edit: Also, I just tried my luck with the automatic roller...
Dorukan + Inkyrius
Unrequited love
Last edited by Saeyan; 2009-09-15 at 08:17 AM.
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2009-09-15, 09:28 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-15 at 09:31 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-15, 12:15 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Germany
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Poor Water-Smurf. So buried in schoolwork (I can sympathise, I truly can, today is the first time I've been able to complete a sketch in class in four weeks - horrible!) that she is forced to leave us starving for a new dose of VxRedcloak...
In lieu of completed sketches, it should come as no surprise precisely what it is I turned my sketching to.
(Lined paper. Sorry about that.)
Spoiler
Another jab at Water-Smurf's story. :) Maybe tribute will bring the goddess out of hiding.
And a separate picture of V looking all distant and worried.
Spoiler
Probably at the start of the fleet arc no wait that's not crackworthy enoughHe has fallen in love. Yes. With... um... *rolls* Eep. Durkon. Okay.
Since I have the time, maybe I'll just try and write that. :D
Be right back.
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2009-09-15, 12:39 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2008
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- Netherlands
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
The Eye of Fear and Flame + Haley
AmericanJapanese high school setting
Gah, and now I need to keep it PG-13. Ah, let's not bother too much with plot (and of course use all the anime stereotypes...). Probably quite NSFW towards the end:
Spoiler
Haley adjusted her uniform. She pulled her shirt straight, and checked whether her skirt was still in one piece.
She had just come off the Tokio underground, and again the women-only carriages had been full. So she had to take the mixed ones, full of the usual pervs. They had tried to molest her, as usual, but after what she had done to them, they'd never try again. The main issue with her solution would be that she just filled the women-only carriages a bit more... She did hope that none of them would circulate under-skirt mobile phone panty shots of her on the internet as a revenge.
But of course, all that was nothing compared to what she would have to do today. Haley grinned. The school she went to had been possessed by a truly evil demon. She really had to eradicate it today, otherwise the Order would be rather unhappy with her. Haley set off to her highschool in a determined mind.
Once there, she greeted several of her classmates. She quickly took the stairs to the second floor. But before she could reach it, someone called out her name.
"Hey Haley!"
Haley turned around. Of course it was him. Elan. Another member of the Order, but one that was kept out of the more 'special' operations. Why now?!? Just when she didn't need him at all. Elan ran to her, his blonde-tainted hair waving up and down.
"Look, Haley, I can make a puppet illusion with blue clothes!" With these words Elan showed off his newest puppet illusion. Haley looked at it, told him it was looking "Real good", and then made use of his puppet-obsession by pointing out some non-existing puppets and quickly slipping away while Elan looked for the puppets.
Haley quickly reached the second floor, and walked straight to the Biology Class. She carefully pushed open the door. No-one was there, as Biology classes only happened in the afternoon. She equally carefully closed the door, locked it, and walked to a cupboard. There He sat. His hollow orbits dark with emptyness, his bare bones hidden in the shadows. Although just a skull, this was a creature of pure evil, a tremendous demon from the nether dimensions. It spoke:
"Hey, chickie, come again to get spanked?"
"Nah, today it's you that is going to get spanked."
"Really?"
The skull's hollow orbits suddenly flamed with fire, and it launched itself out of the cupboard, narrowly missing Haley's head. The draft created by the sudden movement caused Haley to lose balance. She fell backwards. When she tried to right herself, she spotted the skull carefully inspecting her nether areas.
"Fancy panties, chickie. Pink with light blue lines. Mmmmmh, tasty birdie."
"Eye of Fear and Flame, you PERV! But this time I came prepared! Bag of Holding!"
Taking out her bag of holding, Haley plunged her hand into it, pulling a lighted firecracker out. She threw it right in front of the Eye, temporarilly blinding it. Haley lunged at the skull, and clasped her hands around it. The Eye of Fear and Flame gasped. Kneeling down, Haley brought it to the same level as her own head. She said, with malice in her eyes:
"I told you today was my turn."
(NSFW from here)
Spoiler
With these words she drew the skull closer to her face. She licked her lips. This was going to be fun. She then kissed the Eye right on his fleshless mouth. As again he gasped, she pushed her tongue into his mouth, licking his bare teeth and jaws, while at the same time stroking the back of the skull. She could see the fire in its eyesockets flare up. She moved her right hand so that she could hold the Eye tightly against her lips one-handed. With her left hand she began unbuttoning her shirt, revealing a sexy pink frilly bra. She pulled away from the skull. Pointing its eyesockets at her chest she said:
"Here, want to go down a bit?"
The Eye of Fear and Flame didn't answer. It oggled Haley's bra instead.
"I'll make it a bit easier for you. Like this." Grinning, Haley pulled down her bra, and lowered the Eye. "You may call me "Mistress", by the way."
The Eye stammered "A-Ar-Are y-you going to str-strip entirely?"
""Mistress"."
"Are you going to strip entirely, Mistress?"
"No, not entirely. Just enough for you to do your job."
Haley pushed the Eye against her chest, this time gasping herself. She then flicked up her short skirt, and slipped down her remaining hand...
And I'll stop there.
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2009-09-15, 12:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
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- Near St Andews, Scotland.
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
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2009-09-15, 12:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Sure, lets go with that.
I think I'm going to make it a series. I can tell you now that it will be deliciously cracky, but also have a decent plot. Once I figure out what that plot will be, at least. So far, all I have is the introduction and how the story gets set up...
Oh, and Elves have "little body hair" according to the PHB, but I always assumed that an elf could grow a goatee or some sort of "civilized" facial hair if he so desired...
Also, good job with the V x Haley literature. But don't stop there!
@ Belkster11: BRAVO!! That was a GREAT way to wrap up your little tale. I enjoyed it, and I can't wait to see your next piece of work...
@ Kaytara: I hereby give you a cookie in return for you showing us such awesome art. Interesting portrayels of two of my favorite characters...
@ Dra-Goon: I think I'll actually have to pass on this one. While I don't doubt your writing capabilities... I'd rather not have to deal with liquid gray matter dribbling out of my eyes and ears.
The first section of my Miko x Redcloak thing will be posted up later in the afternoon. I just have to fine tune a few details, and then actually write it out. Wish me luck!Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-09-15, 12:56 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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- Germany.
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
A new crack thread, Great!
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2009-09-15, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- UK
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
please could someone explain this thread.
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2009-09-15, 01:18 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Alabama
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2009-09-15, 02:05 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- UK
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2009-09-15, 02:09 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2008
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
You know, that's a good question. Personally, I think its funnier when its OotS characters only, but the occassional non-OotS character is okay. Actually, somebody mentioned Peter Griffon x Xykon earlier, and I was going to tackle that one after my Miko x Redcloak fic...
But if you have an idea that you think is funny, we won't say no to you. In fact, I'm curious to see what you can come up with... So yeah, give the crack pairing thread a try. I did, and I turned out *twitch* okay!Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-09-15, 02:30 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Ummm...Peter Griffin x Xykon was done, and there's a banner for it, just go look (in the old thread).
Ok, rolllling time! I'll edit in a sec with a few crackos to add to the queue.Last edited by BatRobin; 2009-09-15 at 02:34 PM.