"What did you just say?"

[sofawall]

That said, I present

http://notalwaysright.com/

The Backup Mayor links well.

From that site, one that tickled my funny bone:

(A customer walks up to the counter and sets a plastic shopping bag down.)

Customer: “You have to help me!”

Me: “I’d be more than happy to assist you, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “I’m being hacked! You have to get them to stop using my computer!”

Me: “Do you have your computer with you so that I can see what’s going on?”

(She just turns the bag upside down. Parts of a laptop spill everywhere motherboard, LCD panel, hinges, keyboard, palm rest, etc.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Why did you dismantle your computer?”

Customer: “That’s the only way to get them to stop! When computers are powered down, they aren’t really off! Those people in India are hacking into them while you have them off and are using it
to teach their kids how to speak English! That’s why jobs are outsourced!”

Me: “I really don’t think I can help you, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, put back together my computer! I have a warranty with you people. I’ll get the FBI or police to help me with the hackers.”

Me: “Our warranty does not cover you taking apart your computer.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re one of the people helping those hackers, aren’t you?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Aren’t you?!”

[Faceist]

Girl: "Is he tall?"
Friend: "He's the same height as you, but you're a taller version of him"

That's so fundamentally stupid I think it loops back around on itself and becomes wise. These are the kinda sentences that will save our asses when the Robot Revolution occurs. Let's logic bomb some artificial intelligences, baby!

[Partof1]

That's so fundamentally stupid I think it loops back around on itself and becomes wise. These are the kinda sentences that will save our asses when the Robot Revolution occurs. Let's logic bomb some artificial intelligences, baby!

I guarantee it will kill robots. It almost broke me for a few moments there.

Who in any mind, right or wrong, would say that?!

[Serpentine]

Mother nature gets those two mixed up all the time, which is how we get new species.

Sure, but not in a "the different races of humanity are actually different species and anyone who says otherwise is just afraid of being called racist" way. Love ya, He Who Must Not Be Named

[Maximum Zersk]

Not Always Right is always hilarious. Especially the ones where the customers think they know more about something than the people they're talking to.

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”

Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

Me: “Do you mean geography?”

Caller: *click*

[THAC0]

Back in '07, CNN showed a home video of a tornado. It was WAY too close to the camera-person to be safe.

In the background, a child is crying, saying "Daddy, I'm scared!"

Daddy proceeds to say "Don't worry, sweetheart. It's a Magic Cloud!"

[Lioness]

Not Always Right is always hilarious. Especially the ones where the customers think they know more about something than the people they're talking to.

Yeah. I've been reading it all day instead of doing my homework :(

[Thajocoth]

Yeah. I've been reading it all day instead of doing my homework :(

Sites like that one are dangerous, and they just get more dangerous over time as they get more content.

"Sure, I'll just read a few", and before you know it, it's three weeks from next Tuesday!

[Eldan]

Sure, but not in a "the different races of humanity are actually different species and anyone who says otherwise is just afraid of being called racist" way. Love ya, He Who Must Not Be Named

Well, I did that "History of Science" course, where we read a text from the 1920 which said that there was obviously a Homo africanus, Homo caucasicus, Homo mongoliensis and... one more, I can't remember. Australian natives, I think. So, that opinion isn't that old.

[Serpentine]

Did you mean "new"?

[Lioness]

Sites like that one are dangerous, and they just get more dangerous over time as they get more content.

"Sure, I'll just read a few", and before you know it, it's three weeks from next Tuesday!

I'm 153 pages into it, in two days.

I should stop. Now

[potatocubed]

That's why I only read these things at work - eventually someone comes along and I have to stop.

[Thajocoth]

I'm 153 pages into it, in two days.

I should stop. Now

There's only a little over 300 pages... You're about halfway to the end...

[2xMachina]

Quick! Finish it before they add more.

[Cleverdan22]

Our theatre teacher is the master of accidental double entendres.

One day after a rough rehearsal, she said the following: "Sometimes, I know it can get really hard and tense, and you just have to remember to swallow."

Also, when yelling at a student for talking: "Your mouth is always open! That's why I'm always coming on you!"

[Platinum_Mongoose]

Overheard on the sidewalk from a guy on a cell phone: "I know I'm an as*hole, technically, but I'm not that kind of as*hole."

...Then what kind are you? What are the options? What do you mean by "technically?"

[Mystic Muse]

Overheard on the sidewalk from a guy on a cell phone: "I know I'm an as*hole, technically, but I'm not that kind of as*hole."

...Then what kind are you? What are the options? What do you mean by "technically?"

There are two options AFAIK.
Metaphorically.
Literally.

[The Linker]

Our theatre teacher is the master of accidental double entendres.

One day after a rough rehearsal, she said the following: "Sometimes, I know it can get really hard and tense, and you just have to remember to swallow."

Also, when yelling at a student for talking: "Your mouth is always open! That's why I'm always coming on you!"

Fawkes' current signature is my very own semi-accidental double entendre, marked for posterity.

[Lin Bayaseda]

A Chinese guy I work with approached me a few days ago and asked "You know Warlock? I need some help with Warlock."

I didn't quite know what to say ... I had no idea he was into D&D, and why would he need help with Warlock, of all classes? What's wrong with a Wizard?

But he kept asking whether I had any experience with Warlock, whether I used Warlock before ... then he asked me to come to his office and take a look. I glanced at his computer screen, and almost broke my jaw trying to keep myself from laughing. Turns out, he was asking me about ...

Spoiler

Show

Verilog (a programming language)

[Zeb The Troll]

And Pyrian is right, for some odd reason here in Mexico is not celebrated as much as in the states why? I don't know

It's because we yanks need yet another reason to have a drinking holiday.

[Pink]

I was wondering when "not always right" would be mentioned here. That site makes me weep for humanity at least once a page or so.

[PJ the Epic]

My favorite was this:

Antagonizing Student: ...and that is why I can't answer your question.
Teacher: Honestly, I don't care.
Student: But...
Teacher: SHUTUP! SHUTUP AND TALK ALREADY OR I WILL FAIL YOU!!
Student: Uhh?
*laughter*

To be fair she did have a bad cold.

Then of course, we gave her grief, but she did get the better of one kid.

Other student: Shutup and talk [teacher's name]
Teacher: Everyone wishes you'd shutup, but you don't.

[Shas aia Toriia]

I was wondering when "not always right" would be mentioned here. That site makes me weep for humanity at least once a page or so.

Sometimes the people that post them are the ones that make me weep.

Things like this:

Me: Hello welcome to [my store].

Stupid Customer: Can I have a milk?

Me: Look, we haven't had milk here for years, so don't be stupid and just leave.

Stupid Customer: *Mouth open*

Not word for word, but pretty close to one I found there. The worst thing is the surprising number of people that thought the person "Me" was doing well, championing the cause of part-time workers everywhere.

[Pink]

I will admit that there are some where the 'me' does seem to be at fault or a jerk, but I find these in the minority. One I thought was particularly jerkish was not accepting canadian quarters in a US transaction. Are places really that anal about coinage?

[Quincunx]

Unless the person was willing to accept a substantial cut in the exchange rate to make up for the jerkishness of using illegal tender, yes, people are that anal about accepting money from another country. . .

[Shas aia Toriia]

Unless the person was willing to accept a substantial cut in the exchange rate to make up for the jerkishness of using illegal tender, yes, people are that anal about accepting money from another country. . .

But coins?
Besides, USD and CAD money is worth the same amount.

[Pyrian]

U.S. and Canadian currencies are very close at the moment, but there's nothing locking them to each other. Regardless, getting money changed is a cost to the business, at best. If they're not doing so regularly, the cost in labor to get the money changed properly will dwarf the amount of money involved. I.e., send someone off on an hour-long (or even half-hour-long) errand to exchange a few dollars? You're better off just throwing the money away. More likely, you'll just hand it to your bank in your regular deposit, and they'll charge a fee because they can.

[Quincunx]

(This is the sound of me repeatedly slamming my forehead into my desk. It's not adding anything to the conversation, but it's there.)

Yes, especially coins and bills which resemble the currency you're trying to imitate; there's then an added assumption that you are trying to imitate and thus debase the target currency. What are the honest reasons behind saying "I don't have the money you use, but this kind is almost as valuable, so why not treat it the same"? Additionally, almost all currencies are floating currencies, so no, no two different currencies are not worth the same amount; they may not even be worth the same amount relative to each other by the time the merchant goes to change it into usable money. Your money ceases to be money when you step outside the region where it is legal tender. It becomes pretty, yet worthless, circles of metal.

(Yes, I've lived outside the U.S. Yes, I have lived near a border with differing currency on the other side of it. Yes, I have exchanged money in order to trade with the natives, instead of waving a fistful of USD at them and hoping for universality.)

[Shas aia Toriia]

Well, maybe its been different for you, but if I have to give somebody change for something and 5 cents of a different currency gets thrown in, I don't care and neither do they.

[Cealocanth]

Overheard a call on speakerphone. Someone ordering a pizza:

Worker:Thank you for choosing [our store] will this be order or delivery?
Person: Delivery please, I'd like a plain pizza with no sauce or cheese, oh and can you cut it up into little strips and put it in a bag?
Worker: Of course sir, but we already have a product here like that. We call it [insert product name here.]
Person: I know what I asked for I said I want a plain pizza with no cheese or sauce cut up into slices and put in a bag.
Worker:I understand sir, but we already have...
Person: Forget this! If you're not willing to get me some [insert same product here[ then I'll just go to annother store!
Worker: I'm completely willing to I just want you...
Person: -hangs up-

That was weird. Person probably has a problem putting 2 and 2 together. I weep for the dying Wisdom of humanity.