[Steam]Survivors Vs. Blu Team Vs. Gordon Freeman Vs. Little Babies Vs. GLaDOS

[Emlyn]

Ohmygod, you too Emlyn?! I never knew we had so much in common! We should exchange tips and share victims an



...Oh. Nevermind then.
time to drown sorrows in the blood of my enemies and chocolate ice cream

That's okay, I know someone who loves murder. In fact they may like it even more then you! To get in contact with them just call 911 and start sharing your interest.

Edit: Good choice of ice cream, though you should the the kind with peanut butter.

[Dogmantra]

So Spies who are disguised as a Soldier holding the Equaliser can be healed. It's not even a convincing disguise!

[KBF]

That's okay, I know someone who loves murder. In fact they may like it even more then you! To get in contact with them just call 911 and start sharing your interest.

Edit: Good choice of ice cream, though you should the the kind with peanut butter.

Oh cool, I'll just wait a minuuttteee.. That's the number those sleeping people tried to call right before nap time..

And yeah, but I haven't seen that kind in anyone's freezers lately. EDIT: wait, do people have garage freezers? This guy's house has a garage freezer. Hold on, I gots check in with some friend's houses.

So Spies who are disguised as a Soldier holding the Equaliser can be healed. It's not even a convincing disguise!

Waitwaitwait. The Equalizer is now a passive counter against spies. I think that might be game set and murder match, Dogmantra.

[tyckspoon]

So Spies who are disguised as a Soldier holding the Equaliser can be healed. It's not even a convincing disguise!

I thought you turned from Equalizer-bearing Soldiers in disgust and/or yelled at them until they put it away? What are you doing trying to heal one?

[Dogmantra]

I thought you turned from Equalizer-bearing Soldiers in disgust and/or yelled at them until they put it away? What are you doing trying to heal one?

I do. I was just curious and I did a little experiment with the help of Blackfox and Imposter.

Waitwaitwait. The Equalizer is now a passive counter against spies. I think that might be game set and murder match, Dogmantra.

It's now a passive counter against like, three Spies in the entire world - the three that actually change their disguise weapon to the Equaliser and expect that they're going to get anywhere when people see they don't have a speed boost. Wowee.

Now, negatives:
Counters Medics... on your own team.
Um... wait, there doesn't need to be another negative because that is such a stupid design choice!

There isn't an unlock that does lots of damage but makes Snipers on your own team unable to scope in if they're within a certain distance of you. There's no unlock that speeds everyone up but stops Spies from cloaking or disguising. There's not a little flag you can plant in the ground which makes people cap faster at the expense of friendly Engineers being unable to build in that area.

WHY IS THERE A PICKAXE THAT STOPS MEDICS HEALING!?

You know, I bet that if the Equaliser stopped a more popular class from doing its job, Valve would have hung their heads in shame and said "Sorry we messed up guys", before promptly changing it completely.

[Smiling-Jack]

Smiling Jack Owns TF2, L4D, L4D2, PORTAL AND HL2

[Faulty]

Smiling Jack Owns TF2, L4D, L4D2, PORTAL AND HL2

I like your name.

[Rutskarn]

Smiling Jack Owns TF2, L4D, L4D2, PORTAL AND HL2

We're happy for you, Jack. I've got a wonderful silver pony, but you don't see me coming around here boasting about it.

(Just kidding. Welcome to the Playground.)

[KBF]

I like your name.

Wish he did more for the GitP cause, but hey.. he's Smilin' Jack. He just keeps doin' his thing.

WHY IS THERE A PICKAXE THAT STOPS MEDICS HEALING!?

Because healing makes the pickaxe less effective, which would mean medics could effectively teamkill. Which is against a few design goals.

Letting the soldiers kill themselves by not switching when they should is better. Because then it's their fault.

[Scorpionica]

CTF_Doublecross happy fun time.

[Volatar]

wojonatior needs to add people to the darn first post

[Byrnbot08]

Note to ChHa: Jibar Phase, Phase Jibar? Jibar Jibar Phase. Jibar Phase Jibar Emlyn.

(TRANSLATION: Oh my god Phase, why do you have the Jibar tag when you're not Jibar. This confuses me and causes me to RAGE JOY.)

[Volatar]

CTF_Doublecross happy fun time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Imposter]

(TRANSLATION: Oh my god Phase, why do you have the Jibar tag when you're not Jibar. This confuses me and causes me to RAGE JOY.)

I thought this died? Or do I have an excuse to go [Imposter]Jibar again?

[shadow_archmagi]

Yeah, he's totally not following the gold standard that I set

[KBF]

I thought this died? Or do I have an excuse to go [Imposter]Jibar again?

I'm just going to go "Imposter" then and bask in the literal-ness of everything.

[Jibar]

Everybody is a Jibar.
Eventually.
We are the unending swarm, the unstoppable tide.
What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to a mind? Our unity is full of wonder, which your tiny individualism... cannot even conceive.
We are Jibar, and you... are one. How can you hope to prevail against us?

[shadow_archmagi]

Everybody is a Jibar.
Eventually.
We are the unending swarm, the unstoppable tide.
What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to a mind? Our unity is full of wonder, which your tiny individualism... cannot even conceive.
We are Jibar, and you... are one. How can you hope to prevail against us?

Sheer.

Unmitigated.

Brindle.

MAN THE FLAG

PREPARE THE SOUP

LOAD THE BADGERS INTO THE CANNONS

MONOCLES POLISHED?

WE'RE OFF, CHUMS

[watsyurname529]

So ignoring the fact that I have no idea what's going on in the above posts, I come here looking for some opinions, because I know you all got 'em, and they're pretty funny to read.

I'm looking to get a new mp3 player for my birthday, and here comes the question:

16 GB iTouch or 16 GB Zune HD?

[Byrnbot08]

Everybody is a Jibar.
Eventually.
We are the unending swarm, the unstoppable tide.
What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to a mind? Our unity is full of wonder, which your tiny individualism... cannot even conceive.
We are Jibar, and you... are one. How can you hope to prevail against us?

I am but one man. But I am one with myself and with perfection.
I am one who sees through the maelstrom of fire and fury.
I am one who lives through the strife of war, everlasting.
I am one who sees men of valour born and broken.
I am one who toils tirelessly to ever greater works.
I am one who remains silent in the coming storm,
For I am prepared to do what I must, for those who cannot.
I am Byrnbot. And none shall escape my gaze.

And I am one man. What hope do you have?

Alternatively: Gunboat and Razorback equipped Civilian with a Homewrecker.

[Imposter]

I'm just going to go "Imposter" then and bask in the literal-ness of everything.

I approve of and endorse this plan. I look forward to being blamed for things you did under my description/name.

[KBF]

We're going to ship an update with another small set of Pyro changes this week. Like our previous update, our goal is to increase the degree to which skill can make a difference between two Pyro players. We received a bunch of useful feedback after the last update, and we think we've managed to address most of it, without removing the skill-based additions. As always, play with it for a bit, and then let us know what you think.

You guys should raeg at Valve less. They got their shiznit together.

[Rutskarn]

THE JIBPOCALYPSE

CHAPTER ONE

The sun drenched the Eastern European cafe like a load of green crap onto an underpaid Nickelodeon kid's show host. Because it was outside, there was no shady corner to sit in, so for principle's sake I had to prop up a blanket and make a little personal brood-awning.

The contact crossed the parking lot, glancing about nervously and wiping the sweat from his brow. He was absolutely sweating buckets; sheets, literally sheets of perspiration were pouring off of this guy, forming rivers and estuaries that probably exist to this day. If he ever joined a sweatshop, the union would bust him for bringing his work home with him. I was mildly impressed, and not a little nauseated.

The contact adjusted his designer sunglasses, straightened his tie, and glanced around the cafe until he spotted me. Anxiously, he approached.

"You're the one they call Rutskarn."

"Only my friends," I said, pouring a shot straight from the bottle. "My enemies have different names for me. In Britain, the Chocolate Bandit. In Spain, El Gallo Caballero. In Japan, The Hawk That Preys on the Crippled Field Mouse. Also Buttksarn. I'm working on that one."

"Yes, just the man we need." He sat down at the table, then glanced at the cafe. "I, um, I don't see a waiter."

"Yeah, this place is closed on weekends. I bought this at the gas station." I shook my shot of Strawberry Fanta. "It's some powerful local liquor. You've probably never heard of it."

"Right, right." The man reached into his suit and pulled out a tablet PC, then placed it on the table in front of me. Luckily, the Dora the Explorer blanket kept the glare off of the screen, and it was easy to read. All too easy. There were big, captioned pictures and everything. At one point, it defined the word "convening" in the margins. I hate it when they do that.

"Well," I said. "You're right about one thing. It's Jibar. He's mobilizing."

"Yes, we know. Now...we need your advice. You used to be..."

"Partners," I said, blankly. "Yes. I used to be a member of his organization."

"Until?"

"Until I was no longer a member of his organization. What's done is done. What's past is past. I have other tautological definitions, should these ones fail to persuade you."

"No, no, that will suffice." The man leaned across the table, then winced, straightened, and starting wiping his hands and elbows off.

"Table's sticky," I said, helpfully. "Some tool spilled strawberry fanta on it."

"Yes, so I see." He hesitated, then pulled a few napkins out of the holder and put them down on the table. Then he leaned over it again.

"The question is: are you on board?"

I stared at the tablet for a long, long time--about eighteen seconds longer than is comfortable, which is exactly the point where they'll decide you didn't hear the question and open their mouth to repeat it, or ask if you heard them. That's when I cut in with:

"I'll need to get a team together. And I know just the people..."

---Feel free to take it from here, everyone--

[tyckspoon]

You guys should raeg at Valve less. They got their shiznit together.

But if we don't raeg, how will they know when they screwed up? Millions of poorly-thought out internet screamers are the foundation of software design!

[Byrnbot08]

THE JIBPOCALIPSE

Chapter One point Five

"We'll need Emlyn, of the Hit clan. He is an angry soul, but a strong willed fighter," Rutskarn began, "I believe he is hunting down some dog or another in the Sahara. We'll also need the Djinn. I wouldn't trust anyone else with my life, and he has so far managed to stop anybody who tried with his skills."

At that, the suited man shifted uncomfortably, "Surely the Djinn is a myth; he's never been seen out of..."

"He exists. I met him not too long ago, exploring the abandoned Fortress at Batu Merah," Rutskarn continued, wringing out the remainder of his Fanta stained sleeve. "I am sure that we will need a medical expert on the team, and my old acquaintance Monarch, may be able to help us out. I last remember meeting Monarch working for the BLU company as a field medic.

"And finally, the best sniper I know of, Qwazes, is probably relaxing in some mansion or another, living the life from his contracts and assasinations. I guess the man needs a rest, but I'd rather not resort to talking to Byrn again."

"Why not this Byrn person?"

"He is a crazed gunman, who couldn't care less about the mission than picking a fight with anyone who would indulge him. He is too fond of gloating and far too inpatient."

[xp194]

My duplicate items, let me show you them

List of things xp194 has learnt today on Chocolate Hammer

Spoiler

Show

1. xp194 can't play as
Medic
Scout
Heavy
Pyro
Soldier
Sniper
Engineer
Spy
Memodan Demoman

2. Dear gods Airblast is hard to remember.

3. Scouts do NOT use teleporters

4. Flamethrower + Shotty combo is actually pretty good.

5. xp194 is 'detriment' to team (aka: charging forward dun't work)

6. Umm...

7. That's pretty much it

[Volatar]

I wanna be on Team Jibar!

16 GB iTouch or 16 GB Zune HD?

iTouch, definitely. You can play a ton of games on it while listening to music AND posting on these forums in the middle of the night!

My duplicate items, let me show you them

Only duplicate I see is your Equalizers. You have two, which is two too many.

[blackfox]

I wanna be on Team Jibar!

CAREFUL. IT'S A TRAP.

[Dogmantra]

Because healing makes the pickaxe less effective, which would mean medics could effectively teamkill. Which is against a few design goals.

And the design goals that the Equaliser breaks:
Allowing clever Medics to charge Uber faster by healing hurt team-mates.
Allowing a player to know exactly what a class is capable of based on which weapon he has out.
Allowing a player to know exactly what a class is capable of based on its sillhouette.
Allowing a player to formulate their own heal order/pocket priority and stick to it.

Also if anyone is interested in playing Medic in a PUG comp. match: me and Emlyn have a spot free on tf2lobby.com

[xp194]

Only duplicate I see is your Equalizers. You have two, which is two too many.

And Huntsman and Cloak and Dagger and Dead Ringer. It's gotten better since I melted down three ambassadors