Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[Keld Denar]

"Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?"

"Babe, nothing could make your butt look bigger."

*smack*

[Pyrian]

When your "personal philosophy" is a wide-spread internet meme (see rule 44), it's not really personal any more.

[xPANCAKEx]

whats a meme?

"Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?"

"Babe, nothing could make your butt look bigger."

*smack*

and you sir, i like your moxy

[Pyrian]

Meme: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=meme

[xPANCAKEx]

ah see - well i'd reached that personally held philosopy (henceforce refered to as 'personal philosophy' - as its what i go by... bloody e-pedants ) at my own accord

as it is, it serves me well

[Superglucose]

That's what I wrote, isn't it? It's certainly what I meant to write, and it's how it reads to me, but if both you and Superglucose didn't catch the implication that the subtext is being intentionally ignored, clearly I did not succeed.

I didn't do the what now? I didn't even respond to what you said!

Hell, I've always said that men aren't clueless, we act clueless because it lets women feel superior. I think the only time I've missed serious subtext was when my friend B was like "Come over and play Settlers of Catan with Katie, myself, and Addy!" and what she really meant was "Come over because I'm really upset with you and we need to talk about our friendship." But in my defense, 1) wtf and 2) it was over AIM.

EDIT: our GM is 40 and has never been on a date. It's beginning to affect game because he asked out one of our players and she said 'no.' Now he's in a super moody state.

Thing of it is, he isn't the kind of guy I'd feel bad about introducing someone to. I've played with someone like that before, he was like 32 and never had a girlfriend, but I wouldn't inflict him on my worst enemy. Well except he was really cool the one time he took us for burgers (and not just because he paid, I mean seriously we had a great time... if he would act like that all the time...), but yeah.

Unfortunately, I'm fresh out of nerdy 40 year old girls.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Hell, I've always said that men aren't clueless, we act clueless because it lets women feel superior.

Here we go again, Rabbit jumping in without any context-
Sometimes, you men really are clueless. Just sayin'
Its okay, though, 'cause sometimes girls are clueless too. And sometimes, we are also acting to make men feel superior.

Because playing stupid is the BEST way to get out of a ticket. Ever.

[Superglucose]

Watch me talk about the differences between men and women I'll be very impressed because it will take me precisely 0 seconds.

[Keld Denar]

Because playing stupid is the BEST way to get out of a ticket. Ever.

Um...no. Low cut tops and miniskirts are the best way to get out of a ticket. Playing stupid is probably the 2nd best way.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Watch me talk about the differences between men and women I'll be very impressed because it will take me precisely 0 seconds.

You can't get out of a ticket by showing cleavage can you?
There. About five seconds.

[Kumo]

When the best possible scenario is both people dieing before the other finds out, it's NOT a good idea >.>

[Superglucose]

Um...no. Low cut tops and miniskirts are the best way to get out of a ticket. Playing stupid is probably the 2nd best way.

That usually does not work where I am. If it does work where you are, I would be inclined to report those officers.

(I know plenty of cute girls who've gotten steep fines for minor traffic violations and I on the other hand have had cops catch me running stopsigns and/or riding my bike without a helmet or a light at 2am and just let me go on with a warning.)

(And if you think the bike thing is something I wouldn't normally get caught for... well, not in my town. In my town my friend got a stern talking-to from a cop for walking his bike with no light or helmet in sight.)

[Eadin]

Saying sorry and admitting you made a mistake and saying you won't do it again usually works for me...

[Pyrian]

I didn't do the what now? I didn't even respond to what you said!

Sorry, 'twas Mountain King.

[Coidzor]

"Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?"

"Babe, nothing could make your butt look bigger."

*smack*

I love how they ask you that even when they know you're a butt man too. So silly.

And there should be... hmm. Either a double-smack initially followed up by a single smack from her or three smacks.

[Keld Denar]

I heard a trick from a state trooper's kid. When you get stopped, do nothing other than rolling down your window. Place both hands on the window in plain sight. Wait until the officer approaches the vehicle and addresses you to move from there. Tell the officer everything you need to do to get your information (license, registration, insurance, etc) before you do it.

The point behind this being, walking up on a vehicle is the most dangerous part of pulling someone over. You can't see below the window level to know if you are hiding a weapon or such. By putting your hands on the window, you are showing the officer that you are non-threatening. This helps put him at easy, making both of your jobs easier. It also shows the officer a great deal of respect, showing that you know how dangerous his profession is and that you are willing to do everything in your power to make his job easier. The combination of these factors can often diplomacize the officer’s mood up 1-2 categories, and the higher his disposition, the better chance you have of getting off with a warning.

*Note: Keld is not an officer of the law, nor does he play one on TV. Your results may vary. Offer valid only in certain states. No purchase necessary, see store for details, some exclusions may apply. All characters are fictional and any similarities to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited.

EDIT: And now back to our regularly scheduled ranting about relationships.

After giving the advice to a number of people to join a gym because getting in shape is good for you, builds self confidence, naturally drugs your system with dopamine and endorphines, and is a good place to meet *insert opposite sex*, I rejoined my old gym. Which leads me to my next question...how exactly does one hit on a girl in the gym? Especially since they all seem to have no idea whats going on around them thanks to iPod blindness.

[Eadin]

^steal her water bottle ?

or,if you have a sixpack or whatever they call it : take of your shirt

[Coidzor]

After giving the advice to a number of people to join a gym because getting in shape is good for you, builds self confidence, naturally drugs your system with dopamine and endorphines, and is a good place to meet *insert opposite sex*, I rejoined my old gym. Which leads me to my next question...how exactly does one hit on a girl in the gym? Especially since they all seem to have no idea whats going on around them thanks to iPod blindness.

Very brief windows of opportunity upon as they're entering or exiting?

The ones that aren't using their iPods to try to tell the rest of the world to **** off while they do this ****?

*shrug*

Seems like a good point with the cop bit.

I wonder why they don't include anything about that in the driving manuals for when you're learning.

[skywalker]

my personal philosophy involves INTENTIONALLY taking them at their word, even when i know its a lie, so that they when they finally decide to pick a fight i can (quite rightly) say "if there was such a problem, why didn't you say when i asked first time around so we could have sorted it out then. Instead you've let it build up and made a mountain out of a mole hill... what the hell is wrong with you?"

I approve of this message as well. Generally, the first time this happens, I say "I have received and understand your message. In the future, I'd like you to actually tell me plainly if it's clear we're not in agreement, especially about something serious." I actually had a conversation with my friend last night. I told him about a girlfriend who said "we can't be together anymore," and he asked if I thought it was a test question. I responded that I didn't give a damn for playing that game, and that I had made that perfectly clear to start with. He was impressed.

Here we go again, Rabbit jumping in without any context-
Sometimes, you men really are clueless. Just sayin'
Its okay, though, 'cause sometimes girls are clueless too. And sometimes, we are also acting to make men feel superior.

The little dramas of human life can be both incredibly enjoyable, and also mind-bogglingly annoying.

I heard a trick from a state trooper's kid. When you get stopped, do nothing other than rolling down your window. Place both hands on the window in plain sight. Wait until the officer approaches the vehicle and addresses you to move from there. Tell the officer everything you need to do to get your information (license, registration, insurance, etc) before you do it.

The point behind this being, walking up on a vehicle is the most dangerous part of pulling someone over. You can't see below the window level to know if you are hiding a weapon or such. By putting your hands on the window, you are showing the officer that you are non-threatening. This helps put him at easy, making both of your jobs easier. It also shows the officer a great deal of respect, showing that you know how dangerous his profession is and that you are willing to do everything in your power to make his job easier. The combination of these factors can often diplomacize the officer’s mood up 1-2 categories, and the higher his disposition, the better chance you have of getting off with a warning.

This is the best way for guys to get out of a ticket. Courtesy and consideration that this is just another human being trying to get through their (as you said, very dangerous) day.

For girls? Tears. Works every time. Bonus points if you say "I know everybody cries and I really don't want to but I just. Can't. HELP IT! *SOB SOB SOB*"

[Coidzor]

Its okay, though, 'cause sometimes girls are clueless too. And sometimes, we are also acting to make men feel superior.

The little dramas of human life can be both incredibly enjoyable, and also mind-bogglingly annoying.

Yeah, me, I just don't get it. Such things always just make me annoyed at people's preoccupation with trying to gain the upperhand on their lover or being overly obsessed with being submissive or dominant.

I'll never understand people. What's the point on the illusion of caring about another person in such a close way if you're not equals?

[Trellan]

What's the point on the illusion of caring about another person in such a close way if you're not equals?

This. It baffles me that the need to feel superior to the people one supposedly loves/cares about is so common.

[Pyrian]

...being overly obsessed with being submissive or dominant.

"A dominant is someone who wants their partner to obey what they're told. A submissive is someone who wants their partner to obey without having to be told."

I'll never understand people.

You must observe more dispassionately.

What's the point on the illusion of caring about another person in such a close way if you're not equals?

What, I can't love my cat? You ask "what's the point" but I don't even see a connection. No two humans are equals (except theoretically in the eyes of the law ). All relationships sooner or later involve compromise, usually for both members, and a perfect compromise is unlikely. Given that, I find it difficult to imagine that people wouldn't struggle with negotiations.

EDIT:

This. It baffles me that the need to feel superior to the people one supposedly loves/cares about is so common.

People are competitive. It doesn't really matter to whom. We'll argue passionately about some minor point to anonymous people on the internet. With loved ones, it's usually either more subtle or less so...

[skywalker]

I'll never understand people. What's the point on the illusion of caring about another person in such a close way if you're not equals?

You misunderstand. The illusion is that you aren't equals. And that, my friend, can be a very fun game to play indeed.

[The Succubus]

"Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?"

"Babe, nothing could make your butt look bigger."

*smack*

A wise man knows that whenever a question such as "Does this make me look fat?" is asked by his SO, the best time to start running is around the "D" in "Does". A foolish man will try to answer the question, resulting in a slap for lying, a slap for being thought to lie or a slap, swiftly followed by tears, for telling the truth.

[term1nally s1ck]

There is a perfect answer to that. It involves a swift grab, a quick kiss, and a "Baby bear would approve."

[Umael]

Partners in a relationship are not equals.

They are congruent.

(Well, that's my angle on it.)

[arguskos]

Partners in a relationship are not equals.

(Well, that's my angle on it.)

Fixed for my perspective. No one is equal, really, at least not in my view of the world. Call me cynical if you want, you'd be right.

[Coidzor]

You misunderstand. The illusion is that you aren't equals. And that, my friend, can be a very fun game to play indeed.

Then why spend so much money and blood on it?

Shedding blood to further a lie for one's own amusement... It just...GAH.

[Trog]

Whether or not you are equals is irrelevant - put your partner first.

Probably best advice I can give. At best, it makes for a happy relationship. At worst you get trampled on... but you can at least look back and hold your head high and know you did the best you could have done.

Staying mindful of doing this is really the tricky part in all this. It's easy to forget. So if you're reading this right now and are in a relationship give it a try right now. Your partner will surely appreciate your effort.

[Pyrian]

Wait, where'd bloodshed get into this conversation, exactly? Coidzor, that may have more to do with your cousin.