A Thread in Which Banter Most Random is Expulsed Into Existence, By Ravens_cry #142

[Jokasti]

My (idiot) chemistry teacher had a picture with a sphere in a suit at a bar. His name was Ionic Bond, and he liked it Taken, not Shared. I hated that teacher.
On sausages: go kosher. Best.

[Dogmantra]

ION: NO₃^-

I see what you're doing there Sneak, and I can't say I approve of puns like that. I mean, NITRATES? Seriously?

[Coidzor]

I'm fairly certain that you mean immorality, not amorality. Totally different things.[/niptick]

Nah, amoral business practices to get publicity as opposed to immoral ones specifically to genocide people in certain parts of the globe.

Immorality's bad too, yes. Heck, I'm just in a mood to punish people, I guess.

[Thajocoth]

I see what you're doing there Sneak, and I can't say I approve of puns like that. I mean, NITRATES? Seriously?

I don't see it... Been a long time since a chem course though.

[Dogmantra]

I don't see it... Been a long time since a chem course though.

Oh right, if you're referring to what I said, I just decided I have a thing against nitrates. I felt like being controversial.

[Thajocoth]

Oh right, if you're referring to what I said, I just decided I have a thing against nitrates. I felt like being controversial.

And I was hoping for a good pun...

[Em Blackleaf]

My (idiot) chemistry teacher had a picture with a sphere in a suit at a bar. His name was Ionic Bond, and he liked it Taken, not Shared. I hated that teacher.

But... I like dumb science jokes. >.>

My chemistry teacher told the same "Two protons walk into a bar. One said, 'I think I lost an electron!' The other said, 'Are you sure?' 'I'm positive!'" joke many times this year.

I think a requirement for being a science teacher is to have a cheesy sense of humor.

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

I once knew someone (one of the stupidest, most memorable and most quotable men I have ever met) who claimed to be allergic to nitrates. When pressed about it, he told us "I'm only allergic to some nitrates, mine are not major." No, I have no idea what that means. Then he recounted to us the discovery of his allergy: "I ate a plate of cucumbers, and the nitrates took over my body!"

I miss him so very much.

[Pheehelm]

I read "ION: NO₃^-" as "I'unno." Not sure if that's the joke. Or where the ₃^- comes in.


Ahem:

So a cop pulls Heisenberg for speeding. The cop asks "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" And Heisenberg answers "yes, but I have no idea where I am!"

[Sneak]

I read "ION: NO₃^-" as "I'unno." Not sure if that's the joke. Or where the ₃^- comes in.

Not really. People in Random Banter use ION as an acronym for In Other News all the time. So it was just a joke. You know. Because nitrate is an ion. And all that.

Yeah.

[Trog]

sausaginity.

Def.: The virginity of a sausage. Lost when poked with a fork.

[Dragonrider]

So a cop pulls Heisenberg for speeding. The cop asks "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" And Heisenberg answers "yes, but I have no idea where I am!"

I bow to you, sir. That is most excellent.

Oh, sweet. It's only the 12th through the 15th, but I'm staying in a dorm for the duration, so this oughta be cool. How many songs did you pick up in that time?

5-8? I don't remember exactly. It was a long time ago.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Sent: Trog is a mass De-Sausagnitar and regularly chain-desausiginates.

[Ravens_cry]

Def.: The virginity of a sausage. Lost when poked with a fork.

I am never eating a sausage with a fork again.

[Coidzor]

I am never eating a sausage with a fork again.

Indeed, the proper method is to just jam it into your mouth and chomp down.

Like russian roulette with hot, greasy deliciousness.

[Em Blackleaf]

Indeed, the proper method is to just jam it into your mouth and chomp down.

Yes, that would take it's sausaginity, technically.

I'm a bad person... >.< :P

[Jokasti]

But... I like dumb science jokes. >.>

My chemistry teacher told the same "Two protons walk into a bar. One said, 'I think I lost an electron!' The other said, 'Are you sure?' 'I'm positive!'" joke many times this year.

I think a requirement for being a science teacher is to have a cheesy sense of humor.

Brings back repressed memories.

[Dogmantra]

My chemistry teacher told the same "Two protons walk into a bar. One said, 'I think I lost an electron!' The other said, 'Are you sure?' 'I'm positive!'" joke many times this year.

Two atoms are talking. One's Hydrogen. One's Helium. Helium says "I'll never make it as a Hydrogen atom. I've just got too many electrons." Hydrogen replies

Spoiler

Show

"Don't be so negative!"

Hands up if you saw this coming four miles away.

[Trog]

Sent: Trog is a mass De-Sausagnitar and regularly chain-desausiginates.

Feer mah fork!!

Indeed, the proper method is to just jam it into your mouth and chomp down.

*SNRK!!*

[Thajocoth]

Not really. People in Random Banter use ION as an acronym for In Other News all the time. So it was just a joke. You know. Because nitrate is an ion. And all that.

Yeah.

Ah, I've never seen the "In other news" acronym myself, so I didn't initially get it.

[Em Blackleaf]

Two atoms are talking. One's Hydrogen. One's Helium. Helium says "I'll never make it as a Hydrogen atom. I've just got too many electrons." Hydrogen replies

Spoiler

Show

"Don't be so negative!"

Hands up if you saw this coming four miles away.

Ahh. I'm in a punny mood. I loves this. <3

[Pheehelm]

"So Dad, how do you like our cattle ranch?"
"Well, I like what you and your brothers are doing, but why'd you call it Focus?"
"'Cuz it's where the sons raise meat."

[Ravens_cry]

"So Dad, how do you like our cattle ranch?"
"Well, I like what you and your brothers are doing, but why'd you call it Focus?"
"'Cuz it's where the sons raise meat."

*Ravens Cry scratches her head quizzically*
Huh?

[Dogmantra]

Ahh. I'm in a punny mood. I loves this. <3

Punny Business I: Weevils
Mr and Mrs Weevil had two sons, one of whom they named Fred, the other, Jim. Fred turned out to be a talented actor, who was soon cast as all the most prestigious roles in Broadway productions, and later made a career in film and television. He earnt millions of pounds every day and soon became the richest weevil in the world. Everyone knew his name, but he let it get to his head. Fred became misanthropic, and eventually purchased an island and hired an army, declaring war on everyone, just because it wasn't perfect, like he thought he deserved. Meanwhile, Jim was content in his job as a fireman. It was tough work, with poor pay, but he always came home satisfied when he knew he'd prevented a fire, and even saved lives.

Spoiler

Show

Jim was clearly the lesser of two weevils.

Punny Business II: Straw Hut
Long ago, in a country far away, lived a young boy and his family, in a hut made of straw. The boy was a very fussy eater, and one day, was given a cheese and ham scone to eat. Not only was it a savoury scone, which the boy considered an abomination, but the ham was also improperly cured and had gone slightly off. In a fit, the boy chucked the scone into the corner, never to be seen again. Soon, however, the family was visited by some wild animals who smelt the ham and wanted it for themselves. Upon reaching the hut, all that the wild animals could tell is that the source of the smell was from inside the hut. They easily broke apart the straw walls, letting the hut collapse onto the boy's mother and father. and took the cheese and ham scone away to eat. The boy, who had been playing outside, turned around to see he was now homeless, and unless he acted fast, parentless. From that day forward, the boy knew that

Spoiler

Show

people in grass houses shouldn't throw scones.

THE END???

[Neko Toast]

You guys want puns? I'll give you puns.

Though I can't remember how I found this site, I think it might have been from these forums somehow.. I guess the Playground really likes puns.

[Dogmantra]

Punny Business QUICK SHOT 1: Peanut!
Two peanuts were walking down the road.

Spoiler

Show

One was assaulted.

Punny Business QUICK SHOT 2: Pharmacist!
An man was running down the street, chasing a Hearse, on which he had left the handbrake off. He popped into the pharmacy and asked

Spoiler

Show

"Have you got anything to stop this coffin?"

[The Bushranger]

Two detectives were investigating the murder of golfer Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"The witnesses said the killer used a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?" the first detective exclaimed. "What the heck is a golf gun?!"

The second detective replied:

Spoiler

Show

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

[Dogmantra]

*Ravens Cry scratches her head quizzically*
Huh?

I just got this one. It's the focus because the sun's rays meet there.

[Ravens_cry]

I just got this one. It's the focus because the sun's rays meet there.

*looks again*
<> insert disgusted groan</>

[Em Blackleaf]

What's this? Puns? For me? :O

Punny Business I: Weevils

I saw that coming when I read the word, "Weevil". Just cause I heard the joke in Master and Commander.

Punny Business II: Straw Hut

That is the best one. Ever. You win the internet.

@All other puns/punners: I love you and you made me laugh.