What DM says and what players hear

[Chrono22]

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[The Rabbler]

DM Says: "Do you want to rest here?"
DM Means: "You're all too injured/weak to continue. Now is a safe place to rest."
Players Hear: "Get ready for a night-time encounter."

[JaxGaret]

DM: *Anything, anything at all.*

Players: "Obviously, the solution is murder!"

Or grand larceny... or lying through your teeth if neither of the other two are viable.

[Ravens_cry]

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[Fiery Diamond]

I posted this in the other thread as well...

DM says: I don't allow evil PCs in my campaign.
DM means: PCs are supposed to be heroes.
Players hear: So CN is okay, yeah? SLAUGHTER TIME!

DM says: If it doesn't say it in the rules, then I decide how it works.
DM means: Stop contradicting me.
Players hear: I need you to keep arguing with me.

DM says: Be nice to the other players.
DM means: Don't antagonize people.
Players hear: Be mean to the DM instead.

DM says: *NPC dialogue*
DM means: Listen up, because this might be important. Or it might not. You never know.
Some players hear: Blah blah blah, let's get on with it already!
Some players hear: Ever single syllable is vitally important! Let's take notes!


All of the above are from campaigns I ran.

Edit:
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[Serpentine]

DM Says: You find a book.
Novice Players Hear: Boooring, lets find something to kill.
Intermediate Players Hear: Oooh, is it a tome? MINE!
Veteran Players: Well, he's got the Call of Cthulu book open again. I need fire.

Or, in my game -
Players Think: Is it Bilbo's Biggun?!
DM Rolls: It is!

DM Says: There is a big red button on a plinth.
DM Means: Go on. Push it
Players Hear: If you push this something terrible will happen
Players Think: ...but it's a big red button! Onna plinth!

[Rayek4eq]

We'll see how this one turns out (we haven't officially rolled yet):

DM says: "I'd prefer if you stuck to the PHB, but I want people to have fun..."
DM means: "Pick a Fighter, dammit."
Players hear: "...Maybe a Githyanki Psion?"

DM says: "...darkness you see the walls of the cathedral are lined with grotesque-looking gargoyles and....."
DM means: "Ahem.... pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
Players think: "Elf, Spot Check! Spot Check!"

[Serpentine]

DM Says: Okay, it's a +2 Holy Smiting Doodad of Awesome Stuff that does Three Different Effects x times a day.
DM Means: Write all this down so I don't have to keep remembering where I wrote it down - if I did at all - every time you want to use it.
Players Hear: +2 Doodad of Stuff, got it.

[Mikeavelli]

Can i sig this

I'd be honored if you would :D.

Now, more to contribute!

DM Says: "The fighter advances towards you, wielding a glowing red blade that looks like it's made out of light"

DM Means: "Dude has a Brilliant Weapon"

Players Hear: "Star Wars!"

[Choco]

DM says: "What's your marching order?"
Players hear: "Come up with the most strategically sound formation to be travelling in cause you are about to be attacked."

DM says: "Guys, I want this to be a serious campaign this time!"
Players hear: "Every good serious story has at least one comic relief character, the more the better!"

DM says: "If your character is someone who could not have survived past the age of 5 acting the way he does in game, you cannot play that character."
Players hear: "Come up with a good reason that your psycho Chaotic Stupid character made it to 30"

[arrowhen]

DM says: This campaign will feature an even mix of combat and roleplaying opportunities.
Players hear: Kill everything that moves!

DM says: This is a story-focused, RP-intense campaign.
Players hear: Write a 20 page backstory, then kill everything that moves!

[MarkusWolfe]

DM says: This campaign will feature an even mix of combat and roleplaying opportunities.
Players hear: Kill everything that moves!

I dunno, I heard: Have a character who is an actual person, with an actual personality, backstory and motives. You will need it for between combat sessions.

[Choco]

DM says: This campaign will feature an even mix of combat and roleplaying opportunities.
Players hear: Kill everything that moves!

How true. There is no "roleplaying opportunity" that cannot be solved with combat after all.

DM says: "I want you guys to work together."
Players hear: "I want you guys to put up with the other PC's just because they are PC's"

DM says: "This monster is way too powerful for you to take on at this time."
Players hear: "Get back on the rails, punks!"

DM says: "You come across a Balor mounted on a Tarrasque."
DM means/players hear: "Keep acting stupid/powergaming and see what happens."

[Maryring]

DM says: "You come across a Balor mounted on a Tarrasque."

Someone should draw that.

[Rhavin]

From a campaign I'm a player in:

DM says: A Khadoran flagged warship begins to overtake your steamboat. They're calling for you to heave to for inspection.

Players think: Awesome! We're getting a new ship!

[Starbuck_II]

DM says: If it doesn't say it in the rules, then I decide how it works.
DM means: Stop contradicting me.
Players hear: I need you to keep arguing with me.

So true.
I think that is what he means.

[Seatbelt]

DM: He appears to be unarmed.
Players hear: This guy can kill you all on the spot, and doesn't need weapons to do it.

My group hears 1 of 2 things differently from yours.

Players hear: It's a mage. Run!
Players hear: Its a monk! Kill it.

[LibraryOgre]

The Mod Wonder: Posting entirely in Binary or Hex, especially without providing a translation, falls under the "posting in another language" of the "Please Don'ts". Warnings will be issued as appropriate.

[Arbane]

DM says: This is a story-focused, RP-intense campaign.
Players hear: Write a 20 page backstory, then kill everything that moves!

No, no - that's the behavior of immature troglodytes who don't understand REAL Roleplaying.

It's "Kill everything that moves, then ANGST about it!"

[MarkusWolfe]

No, no - that's the behavior of immature troglodytes who don't understand REAL Roleplaying.

It's "Kill everything that moves, then ANGST about it!"

No, no, no. You got it all wrong. It's "Kill everything that moves, then pick up chicks with the story about that time you killed everything that moved."

[Tyndmyr]

DM says: "You come across a Balor mounted on a Tarrasque."
DM means/players hear: "Keep acting stupid/powergaming and see what happens."
Players Hear: The Dm realized we're awesome enough to kill this. Extra xp, booyah!

Fixed that for ya.

[Choco]

Fixed that for ya.

Ah, what was I thinking, thanks for that!

Of course that would be followed by whining about how a bad DM caused a TPK by forcing the party into a fight they couldn't win.

Which leads us to:

DM says: "That's what you get for picking a fight with something obviously much more powerful than you."
Players hear: "That's what you get for trying to derail my plot train."

[arrowhen]

DM says: Core only.
Players hear: Bring 40 different splatbooks, just in case.

[Ruinix]

Originally Posted by Choco View Post
DM says: "You come across a Balor mounted on a Tarrasque."
DM means/players hear: "Keep acting stupid/powergaming and see what happens."
Players Hear: The Dm realized we're awesome enough to kill this. Extra xp, booyah!

Fixed that for ya.

you r mean, you know that right ?

DM say: *BBEG yaba yaba very climatic speach in wich explain his own point of view where don't appearas to be that bad*
Players hear: ROLL INITIATIVE & roll high

[grarrrg]

The Mod Wonder: Posting entirely in Binary or Hex, especially without providing a translation, falls under the "posting in another language" of the "Please Don'ts". Warnings will be issued as appropriate.

Wait.
You mean my fake warning to knock it off was actually, inadvertantly, a correct warning? (in an "ends justify the means" kinda way)

I'm...I'm not sure how to take this...I...I was just messing around...I...I didn't mean to be right about it...I didn't mean to be right about anything...I...I need to lie down for a bit...


On a related note:
DM says: Wow, I...I didn't think you guys would do that?...I'm going to call for a short break so I can quick whip something up for that...
Players Hear: WE BROKE THE DM WHOOOOOOOOOO! WE WIN!!

[Ruinix]

On a related note:
DM says: Wow, I...I didn't think you guys would do that?...I'm going to call for a short break so I can quick whip something up for that...
Players Hear: WE BROKE THE DM WHOOOOOOOOOO! WE WIN!!

nice one.
i have another :P

DM Say: how much damage?!?! oook i think u can't use that power in that way.
DM Think: how the hell it pass snip that ?!
Player hear: finally i get it around!!! whooooohaaa!

[Ravens_cry]

What DM's say:No, never!
What Players hear: What, never?
What DM's mean: Hardly ever.

[RdMarquis]

Here's one from my campaign.

DM says: You suddenly realize that you've been thrown two thousand years into the past.
Players hear: I dare you to try and conquer the ancient world.

[Urpriest]

What DM's say:No, never!
What Players hear: What, never?
What DM's mean: Hardly ever.

1 Gilbert+1 Sullivan= 1 Internet

Well done sir.

[Aux-Ash]

In my experience:

DM says: Interesting...
Players hear: *Omnious organ music of doom*

*DM rolls dice*
DM says: *nods* Very well, the hallway/room seems empty
Players hear: There is something there and it's watching you.