Comedic Fantasy Novel

[Maxios]

A few days ago, a D&D session inspired me to write a comedic fantasy novel. Some events in it are based upon encounters in the RPG, some not.

Characters
Ford: He's the party leader, and a fighter.
Bax: The main source for comic relief. Not very intelligent, and the party's other fighter.
Grod: The wizard. He believes himself to be better then the others (and in most cases, is)
Armes: The rouge. He's not very greedy, but became a rouge because he likes to be stealthy.
Cadar: The cleric. Tries to say whatever he does is in the favor of his god.

This is a sample from the novel. I'll be posting them occasionaly.

The Spiderhead Sceanario (based off an actual event in a D&D session)

Spoiler

Show

“You killed the spiders?” the barkeep asked the party excitedly.
“Of course. We felled each with one blow.” Ford told the barkeep. “And, we took their heads.”
Bax held up the spider heads, one in each hand. The barkeep’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he passed out.
“Ah crap.” Ford said. The party went over to the barkeep, and started to shake him in an effort to wake him. Well not all the party, Bax went over to the right side of the tavern and started to mount the heads on the wall.
After a few minutes of shaking, the barkeep woke up. “Sorry, I just HATE spiders.” He explained. He looks at the group, then cautiously asked “Where uh, where’s the spiders heads.”
Grod sighed, and pointed towards the wall. Ford beamed when the barkeep looked over towards his direction, saw the spider heads…then passed out again.
“Get rid of the spider heads Bax.” Ford said annoyed, pouring a bottle of ale over the barkeep’s head. Bax sighed, then ripped the spider heads off the wall. He then proceeded to toss them out the window.

Six kids were outside, merrily chasing each other with some worms on sticks. Then, two spider heads suddenly flew towards them. The kids screamed in fright, and ran off.

The barkeeper stirred after about five bottles of ale got poured on his head. “Mother! I don’t want to go to Sir Mixalot’s school today!” he said anguished.
“Wait…what?” Ford said, obviously confused.
“Nothing. Just reliving an old memory.” The barkeep said sitting up. “What uh, what did you do with the spider heads?”
“I tossed them out the window.” Bax said proudly.
“Oh. As long as they’re gone, that’s what is important.” The barkeep said.

[Maxios]

What Male Dryads are called

Spoiler

Show

The party had ran out of food a day ago, and was extremely hungry. Ford, who was the hungriest, was in the middle of eating an acorn when Grod rushed over, and smacked the acorn out of his hand. "Do you know where acorns come from!" he said panicking.
"Trees. And your point is?" Ford asked angrily.
"Tree spirits are called Dryads." Croix said nervously.
"I knew that." Ford said annoyed.
"Male dryads are called Oaks." Croix said now, obviously panicking. Ford shrieked in horror, and puked on a nearby plant.

[leakingpen]

Snerk. Love the joke on the last.

[Maxios]

Snerk. Love the joke on the last.

Thank you. The next sample will be up today.

[Maxios]

The Bandit Reward

Spoiler

Show

Note: Previously to this, the group encountered a group of bandits. Right when Grod was going to cast a spell to knock the leader out, Bax went into a rage, slaying the bandit leader. They are now at the city, with one captured bandit in tow

"Hello adventurers. Did you find any adventure in the woods?" The guard at the city gate asked.
"Yup. We fought some bandits." Ford said. "We captured one here. Is there a bounty on the bandits, and if so, how much?"
"300 gold per bandit." the guard said, already grabbing the captured bandit to take him to the dungeon. He handed Ford the gold needed. "These are not bandits, but spies in the cover of bandits." The guard explained.
Right before the guard entered the gate, Grod asked the guard what the bandit leader would be worth.
"2000 Gold." the guard said. An angry Grod proceeded to chase Bax across the city, zapping him, and hitting him over the head with his wizard's staff

Can anyone guess which D&D adventure this is based on, with two giant spiders, and spies pretending to be bandits?

[Halna LeGavilk]

They show a lot of promise. They need lengthening. Especially that last one, the action developed waaaaaay to quickly. I would also recommend someone to edit them.

"2000 Gold." the guard said. An angry Grod proceeded to chase Bax across the city, zapping him, and hitting him over the head with his wizard's staff

Here, there could be a lot more action, more description. Describe how Grod is angry, something like, "Grod's eye twitched when he heard the guard's word. As he turned toward Bax, an baleful glare in his eyes, Bax shrunk down and began to back away, sweat beading on his forehead. Grod erupted in a shout sending..." blah blah blah. You just need to lengthen it out a lot, give more descriptions and the like.

You use the situation for the humor, but a lot of times, it feels like the situation ends really quickly.

Six kids were outside, merrily chasing each other with some worms on sticks. Then, two spider heads suddenly flew towards them. The kids screamed in fright, and ran off.

This part also needs more description, and I think you could really develop this part a lot more. In general, you also need some editing, and could use some better formatting. I don't know how it is in Word (or whatever you're using), but on the forums, the format is really weird. Comma use is a big one here too.

[Maxios]

The Bandit's Reward: Version 2.0

Spoiler

Show

Note: Previously to this, the group encountered a group of bandits. Right when Grod was going to cast a spell to knock the leader out, Bax went into a rage, slaying the bandit leader. They are now at the city, with one captured bandit in tow

"Hello adventurers. Did you find any adventure in the woods?" The guard at the city gate asked.
"Yup. We fought some bandits." Ford said. "We captured one here. Is there a bounty on the bandits, and if so, how much?"
"300 gold per bandit." the guard said, already grabbing the captured bandit to take him to the dungeon. He handed Ford the gold needed. "These are not bandits, but spies in the cover of bandits." The guard explained.
Right before the guard entered the gate, Grod asked the guard what the bandit leader would be worth.
"2000 Gold." the guard said. Grod's eyes started to glow yellow, and he began shaking with rage. He looked hatefully at Bax. The barbarian, realizing what was about to happen, began to take a few steps back.
Grod muttered a incantation, and a bolt of lightning flew from his wizard's staff, striking the barbarian. Bax wimpered, and ran throgh the gate. Grod ran off after the barbarian, zapping him, and when he got the chance, hitting him over the head with his staff.

Thank you for your tips, and I begin using more description and formatting from now on

[Halna LeGavilk]

100% better man! Just keep on writing. I think I'll be following this closely. You have a lot of potential man.

[Maxios]

100% better man! Just keep on writing. I think I'll be following this closely. You have a lot of potential man.

Thanks

[leakingpen]

Agreed, much better! Its amazing how small changes can have big effect on the flow, yes?

[Maxios]

Agreed, much better! Its amazing how small changes can have big effect on the flow, yes?

Indeed! The next part will be up tonight

[Glass Mouse]

I'll join the "much better" crowd!
You're actually really good with words and descriptions when you put the effort into it

One bit of constructive critisism, though... When you're doing short, comedic pieces, the comedy will shine through a lot better if you end with the punchline/surprise.

Fx: "what a shame this isn't the bandit leader. We'd pay 2000 gold for that guy." or something like that. Like you do with the male dryads story.

At the most, have a sentence or two after the punchline.
With short pieces like this, you can afford to build it up like a "classic" joke :-)

[Maxios]

I'll join the "much better" crowd!
You're actually really good with words and descriptions when you put the effort into it

One bit of constructive critisism, though... When you're doing short, comedic pieces, the comedy will shine through a lot better if you end with the punchline/surprise.

Fx: "what a shame this isn't the bandit leader. We'd pay 2000 gold for that guy." or something like that. Like you do with the male dryads story.

At the most, have a sentence or two after the punchline.
With short pieces like this, you can afford to build it up like a "classic" joke :-)

Okay! Thanks for the tips
Also, can anyone guess which D&D adventure a part of this is based on, with Two Giant Spiders in the woods, as well as spies working as bandits?

[Maxios]

The numbing properties of Gold

Spoiler

Show

"Why are we doing this again?" Armes grunted. The party had been hired to explore some recently discovered caves, and found out that they were not alone in them. Various tribes of monsters existed in there, Gnolls, Goblins, Kobolds, Orcs, the whole shebang. The party had recently come to blows with the Gnolls. The monsters were easily defeated, but Armes took a poison arrow to the gut. "Because we'll get paid. You like gold don't you?" Ford told Armes.
"Of course!" Armes said, scoffing.
"Really? How much do you like gold?" Ford said.
"I love gold!" Armes said loudly.
"You just love gold? Is that it?" Ford said, moving slowly.
"I LOVE GOLD! GOLD is my LIFE!" Armes yelled. He felt a sudden pain in his gut. During his yelling, Ford had taken out the arrow.
"Gold can apparently do anything, including numbing pain when you talk about it." Grod said dryly.