Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[BlackestOfMages]

query: how did we get from 1999 to 1935? I know 2000 is a scary number but...

[The Reverend]

2001: As a trained orator and stage actor I am NEVER allowed to play a Bard or the party face. Because improving speeches, conversation, and arguments that were clearly Nat 20s is just not fair to the dm.

[Ksheep]

Next post should be 2007.

[Vknight]

2007: This is not my theme song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8MO2...eature=related
2008: Zen Monks are no longer allowed
2008b: I can no longer play a combat maneuver master
2008c: I can't play monks ever again
2009: When left alone my character cannot secretly rig all the alchemist fires and other explosives he carries to the bag of holding being opened.
2010: Portable Hole and Bag of Holding arrows are no longer allowed

[Freelancer Jack]

2011: Make a whole order of Paladins fall because the all attempted to kill me and I was Lawful Good.
2011a: It was also considered in bad taste to Butcher them all once they were fallen.

[kaomera]

query: how did we get from 1999 to 1935? I know 2000 is a scary number but...

Left turn at Albuquerque?

2012: Just because your alignment is lawful good, that doesn't mean that any random bystanders you slaughter must have been evil cultists or something (because, being lawful good you otherwise would not have killed them...)

[Freelancer Jack]

2013: I am not aloud to cast teleport on an enemy so that they fall 5ft, then teleport them again before they hit the ground, and continue doing this until they reach terminal volasity.

[Esprit15]

2013: I am not aloud to cast teleport on an enemy so that they fall 5ft, then teleport them again before they hit the ground, and continue doing this until they reach terminal volasity.

Well of course not. It takes barely less than a second to fall e feet even from rest. They'd hit the ground well in advance of you being able to cast teleport a second time.

2014: Wizards are not to be used as shields.
2014b: Especially if I pick them up and keep going.
2014c: No, that does not mean pick up a barbarian instead.

[Rankar]

2015: I am not allowed to start a zombie apocalypse just to prove I can. This goes for in the game as well as real life.

[Rockphed]

2015: I am not allowed to start a zombie apocalypse just to prove I can. This goes for in the game as well as real life.

2015b: reanimating the DM if he dies of natural causes is in bad taste.

[BlackestOfMages]

2015c: Unless the game was in the last stages, in which case it is not only acceptable but encouraged

[The Glyphstone]

2015d: Keeping his severed head alive in your fridge afterwards, on the other hand, is just plain wrong.

[BlackestOfMages]

2015d: Keeping his severed head alive in your fridge afterwards, on the other hand, is just plain wrong.

2015e: Unless he's a good cook, where it's just practicallity

2016: May not make points to why zombie based reanimation is not herrendously wrong

[Skelengar]

2014c: No, that does not mean pick up a barbarian instead.

Quite frankly, if you can pick up a barbarian and use him as a shield, you've earned the right to.

2017: May not argue that the ability to pull off ridiculous antics equals the right to.

[Freelancer Jack]

2015d: Keeping his severed head alive in your fridge afterwards, on the other hand, is just plain wrong.

2015e: Unless he had promised to do a follow up after the original game, or you intend to attach his head to a robot body.

[Ksheep]

2018: May not base any characters on any of GlaDOS's personality spheres.
2019: May not base any characters on GlaDOS.
2020: Mat NOT base any characters on Wheatley.

[Giarc]

2015e: Unless he had promised to do a follow up after the original game, or you intend to attach his head to a robot body.

2015f: If his head ever says "Kill me." I am obligated to say "Later."

[Randomguy]

2021: I can't sneak attack using a thrown cat.

[ryu]

2021a: Of course not. It's the cat that's attacking. No it doesn't get sneak attack either.

[Rankar]

2021b: unless its an awakened cat with levels in rogue in which case its perfectly acceptable (gotta explain how higher level commoners get killed)

[Need_A_Life]

2022: In DFRPG must not acquire Supernatural Speed solely so that I can run up and punch people with guns in the face, when I was out of their range at the start of the exchange.

[UrsielHauke]

2023: I am never allowed to make a bargain with greater fae, as it will always come back to haunt me later.
2023a: Unless this is the basis for a character concept.

[Doorhandle]

A few random ones:

2024: Rakasha are not Charlie Sheen, even if pathfinder fluff says they are devoted to carnal sin.
2024.b: They do not have Adonis D.N.A, and they are not from mars.
2024.C: Nor are they required to be Vatican clerics, assassins, or warlocks.
2024.D: My character can be any of the above, DM permitting, but if he is all of the above simitaiously, he dies. It doesn't matter if he us unoptimised!

2025: not, at any point, to have more attacks per round than the caster has spells per day
2025.B: At epic level, this is acceptable, but still crass.

2026: even if I am a Tetori monk, cannot grapple a giant thrice my size and win.

And some 4th ed goodness from mah campaign.

2027: if a member of the party is trying to maul and rob friendly npcs, they are to check if the rest of the party is on board with it.
2027: Not to snerk on how they got what they deserved if their intimidate check results in the leprechauns laughing at them.
2027.B: The D.M is not to be surprised if, when the plot battle starts, this same player immediately bun-rushes and slays the nearest leprechaun, possession or no.

2028: uprooting a tree in one strike will not endear me to the same group of leprechauns.
2028.B: besides, aren't I meant to be a WARDEN?

2029: The rogue should think twice before rushing to the frontline of the battle.
2029: Earth spikes or otherwise, my foes' deathbed was not a bed of nails.


2030: the Hag BBEG is not Grunty, and her giant cohort is not Klungo.
2030.B Not to point out the hypocrisy of her saying not to meddle in her affairs after she kidnapped the heirs of two countries on the brink of war.
2030.C: I am to refrain from speaking elaborate death threats if there is a chance that their target is of a MUCH higher level than me.


2032: not allowed to tag passing locations using my character's symbol.
2033: doing so on the corpses of fallen foes is just crass.

2034: If the keys to the Big Bad's castle are a shamrock, an oak, a Rose, and a maple, not to just pick bits off random plants and hope it works.

To be fair, a lot of these players were new.

[BlackestOfMages]

2035: Persisted Timestop is considered crass, no matter how I look at it
2035a: May not get that 8 hours rest + spell preparation during my persisted time stop
2035b: Making a hopscotch chain with teleportation circles during this time is right out
2035c: As is Move Earth
2035d: Prestidigitation to give my foes/allies silly faces and/or mustaches is considered wrong as well
2035e: Restarting the chain just before it run out will get my fellow players trying to harm me.
2035f: further more so if I am the DM
2035g: Screw it, No time stop

[Silverscale]

2036: Though it's considered nice/Good to raise the orphaned little animal after you kill it's mother; going out looking for nursing mothers to slay so that you can raise their babies into a bunch of animals to fight for you is considered poor taste and will cause an Alignment Shift toward Evil.

[Sgt. Cookie]

2036a If you are a Ranger, however, this is considered an approprate tactic and will merely shift your alignment to Neutral.

[Freelancer Jack]

2037:
It is considered moronic to say, "You and what army?" when talking to the high king.

[jindra34]

2037.b. Or a high wizard.
2037.c. Really saying it to anyone is problematic.

[Freelancer Jack]

2037d: or a necromancer in a graveyard.
2037e: and responding to it by, "Punting his dwarf ass to the moon after he finishes that sentence." is unacceptable.

[BlackestOfMages]

2037d: Yes, even the peseant you just robbed. most storylines will have him and the high king be the same person.