[Nexus] Trog's Tavern CCXXXVII

[Gullara]

*Upon entering the tavern you find it to be rustic, dim, cramped, and smelling of spilled beer. Moving through the crowd, half of which seem to be deadtiming, you spot a fireplace with a banjowood carving on the mantle, you also make out through the haze the curving bar and private booths hidden behind ferns. A side door leading to a patio outside reveals a hungry looking dumpster mimic sneaking towards an unsuspecting customer.

Near the stairs to the second floor rooms is a small white stone platform with a blue tree-like symbol on it. Standing on this platform will teleport someone to the Sanctuary Fortress located Inside where healers are always standing by in case of bar-brawls.

Trog's can be found right around the corner from any place in the Nexus. Somehow. It's best not to question it.

Staff:
Owner and Proprietor: Trog
Manager: El Jaspero
Bartenders: The Watchers (they're nice deranged cultists, really!), Phoebe, Ashna, Ambrosia

Trog's Tavern hires only the finest NPC servers:
((Since all are NPCs they are up for communal control. Feel free to say what they do or say to you or any other patron. To a point.))

Bouncer: Baby (NPC, a dwarf who was raised by orcs and has the intellect of Thog.)

Servers:
Nina - A fiesty and vivacious tiefling. Mean, self-centered and completely unavailable. You may have seen her recently on the WotC 4E cartoon.
Paige - A sweet, wholesome, flirty elf working her way through PC school.
Cosmo - A quick-witted and oppressed gnome scoundrel. Truly a monster. RAWR!

DRINK MENU:
Wines:
Catoblepas Sauvingnon
Chimera Cabernet - A hearty red with a hits of oak and black cherry.
Chuul Lounge - Bacardi Limon, Aberration , creme de bananes and juices into a Chuul shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a highball glass half-filled with ice cubes, and serve.
Constitution Crushing Wine - Fort. DC 35 or pass out!
Cormyrian Fireamber - Imported and very good.
Eladrin Carbernet - Official Feywine of the Wild Hunt
Feline's Fancy - A purplish, swirly mixture that any feline will adore.
Funky Llama - A rich fruity wine, available in white or red.
Iames Agonia - This tart, dark red wine will stun you and leave you feeling good for hours.
Kobold Chianti - Tart. Tangy. Shifty.
Merfolk Merlot - Full-bodied with a hint of rose.
Powerlust Pinot - For those corruptable humans
Shadar-Kai Shadowine - Served in a jagged, broken glass
Spoonake Chablis - Straight from the Underdark!
Warlock Wine - Best served cold
Xorn Zinfandel - Sweet and fruity!

Mixed Drinks:
A Drink - Generic booze with ice that can be shaken, stirred, or you know, whatever. Try to be more imaginative next time.
Aboleth Absinthe - Far Realmilicious!
Black Shadow - A strong concoction guaranteed to send a chill down your spine at any temperature.
Coffee Martini - Buzzzzz.
Djinn and Tonic - Whirling ice cubes, fizzy soda, and one drunk genie.
Dragon Liver Buster - Strongest drink in the house
Dwarf Spirits
Fire Archon Asylum Rum - "FAAR!!!"
Haley's Liquer - Named for the redheaded rogue, a sweet creme liquer, excellent over ice.
Hemo Colada - 100% less coconut, 100% more ichor
Ice Liquer - From the Plane of Ice: guaranteed to cool you down.
Ichor Liquor - Made from a fermented mix of various kinds of blood
Jasphattan - El J's Secret Recipie, vermouth & bitters
LEVEL UP LIQUER - Need a few extra XP? We gots XP in a bottle!
Long Island Iced Tea - Tastes better than it will make you feel in the morning
Murderita - Wasted away again...
Piña CoLlama - If you're not into yoga and have half a brain.
Rampaging Rail Mixer - Mad strong!
Rust Monster - Scotch, drambuie shaken in a wooden mixer.
Sneak on the Beach - Peach vodka, cran-pineapple juice, a cat hair
Swampwater - Phosphorescent lemon-lime
White Russian Wukei - for bounty hunters who dig dairy
Wizard Blizzard - Crushed ice and Bourbon. The effect depends on the spell stored in it.

Beers & Such:
Ales: Archon, Guilders, Balthor's Best
Grim Brewery Ginger Beer - Death-o-licious!
Mind Flayer Mead - Mmm... brains.

Other Fine Beverages:
Celestial Soda Pop - Soda specially brewed in Celestia. Tastes divine.
Darknight Coffee - cream has no effect
Dragon's Fire Breath (cherry Kool-Aid) - for the kids!
Fox Cola - the choice of the furry generation
Llamonade - That cool, refreshing drink for quadrupeds
Oni Tea - From the far east.
Red Minotaur Energy Drink - a-MAZE-ing energy!
Root Beer
Save vs. Slow Slurpees™ - C-c-c-cold
Hot Chocolate - Mmmmmmarshmallows

MUNCHIES MENU:
AbyssalNuts - damned and spicy
Baked Goods - Scones and Muffins and Brownies oh my! We have no cake - the cake is a lie!
Bamhacon - where the ham meets the bacon. Served with eggs.
Court of Stars Salad - Fresh fey greens
Hero Sandwiches - what else? Served with Villain vinegrette
Velvet Elfish - Trogtilla chips and hot meat and cheese dip
Yuan-ti Gyros - Lamb. Or halfling. We're not sure.
Trog's Floor Chili - Don't ask Trog where it came from and Trog won't tell you "the floor"

SMOKABLES:
Dwarven Cigars - From our axe-hewn humidor
Coffin Nail™ Cigarettes - Get Nailed!
Halfling Pipeweed - Bogart™ brand

((When this thread reaches page 50, anyone can make the next thread. However, if you want to make changes to the OP, please check in the OOC thread first to make sure everyone agrees.))

[Chas the mage]

Aether undeadtimes. He's got a pint in his mechanical hand, and then a smoke in his right. With a belly full of beer, and a head full of nicotine and war stories, he relaxes in his chair. He has a slightly glazed look on his deep-set eyes and upon his scarred, unshaven face. His neck-length, blond mane of hair is like organized chaos; some how good-looking, but with a bed-head sort of look to it. His clothing is of obvious thrift-store origin, with some dirt and wrinkles and such on it.

[PurityIcekiller]

A man in dark blue robes carefully opened the tavern door and didn't die instantly.

"I guess this is a decent establishment," said Xalicus as he looked around. "At least, as small, dank, miserable taverns go." He nodded politely to the other patrons, then sat down and looked at the menu.

[Zefir]

On one table appears a little Lizard out of nowhere. For real he was there the whole time but used camonflage to hide himself. The creature is only a few inch big, smaller than a human fist. For the Lizard the table is near as big as the tavern is for other people, so he starts walking around on it waiting for his meal he orderd.

[Rebonack]

Amil is here!

When did she arrive? Who knows!

But the jeanstealer has been quietly relieving a number of dead-timed patrons of their pants. Because what do people stuck in temporal stasis need trousers for, anyway?

At present anyone who spots her would notice two things. First of all, she looks rather human. She also looks disturbing inhuman. Though that might not register right away due to the subtle mental compulsion that surrounds her. Said compulsion insists that she's just a normal human and that she shouldn't be examined with any great scrutiny.

Move along.

Nothing to see here.

Meanwhile!

What's that up in the rafters?

Looks almost like...

...a forming pixelated portal...

[TechnoScrabble]

Riley returns, looking unusually giddy and happy!
It may have something to do with the large sum of platinum coins lining his pockets.

[Artemis97]

Raril blinks awake and, ever alert to things that might try to get the drop on him, notices something odd going on in the rafters. A portal was opening, made of thousands of tiny colored squares... Wait, he'd seen those before.

"Get ready, folks. We've got a Random Encounter^TM heading our way." The drow rests a hand on his sword and braces himself for the blare of the klaxons.

[Gullara]

After an altogether too long deadtime, one Wortarg Mugshak makes his way into the tavern. The large ork wears his usual outfit of purple leathers. Two purple bottles hang from his belt and a choppa with the haft made of a bone spike is slung across his back.

He smells strongly of booze, but pparently he doesn't think that strong enough as he takes a seat at the bar and demands, "Squig beer!" rather loudly. He peers around for Zee, but his attention is distracted by some skinny woman spouting some nonsense about random encounters.

[TechnoScrabble]

"A what now?" Riley immediately ducks behind a table!

[Rebonack]

Amil mutter something that sounds an awful lot like, 'Random encounter?' with a mouthful of denim as Raril speaks up, turning her attention toward the ceiling. In one swift motion she kicks over the table she was sitting at as her right arm warps into a Spike Rifle!

Divaonar looks very excited!

He wants to watch his dad beat the Encounter! The half-drow hops on top of a nearby stool and waits expectantly!

The portal abruptly rends open into a rather wide rift in space as flashing red lights descend from the ceiling and klaxons begin to scream!

Warning! Random Encounter™ detected!
Warning! Random Encounter™ detected!

And what gets spit out by the portal today?

*THOOM!*

A huge golem composed completely of little tiny colorful plastic bricks!

[Lord Magtok]

Thomas Godlark steps in through the door, and then almost immediately afterward wishes he hadn't, clutching his head with one hand as it looks like something terrible is about to happen. There's more than enough documented footage of previous Random Encounters, most of which earlier MagClones shied away from, for this rogue clone to know precisely what sort of madness is in store. He instinctively reaches into his white doctorly coat, expecting to find a handgun of some sort, before unhappily realizing that his and Percilia's weapons are still back in NO.

"Space Jesus, that is so typical..."

Well, he is a doctor. Maybe he could grab a first aid kit, take on a role as team medic for whatever unlucky fools decide to fight this thing, and then talk his way into claiming a portion of the booty once it's all said and done. It couldn't be that hard to charm a couple of unwashed, inebriated brawlers into sparing him a toy or two, right?

Besides, what's the worst that could-

"...Is that a Lego Golem?"

[Mr. Moon]

Speaking of unwashed, inebriated brawlers...

Allen Parker is leaning back in a corner, his booted feet up on his table and a tall mug of something murky and disgusting in his hand. Two other mugs stand upright next to him, with an inches worth of the dregs of whatever the murky and disgusting drink is in both of them. Apparently the dregs are the worst part.
That, or Allen's getting soft.

The cowboy looks up at the mention of a random encounter. "A random who now?" He asks, but his voice is lost in the din as the portal opens up and a massive, brightly coloured plastic golem falls to the ground.

"... Oh." Allen glances down at his mugs, tilting his head. They were kicking in a lot faster than usual. Maybe he was getting soft.

[Gullara]

Wortarg's ugly mug splits into a toothy grin as the golem appears. He slings the choppa off his back and gives a mighty cry.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

He rushes head long at the construct, aiming a mighty overhead swing at it.

[Zefir]

Wait a random encounter in the bar.

The little lizzard thing is shocked for a moment and then starts to run around on the table running a circle.

"OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodO hmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOh myGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhm yGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmy GodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!"

Most of it sound more like squeaking, but sometimes he uses other languages like common or elv or dwarf or whatever languages can be understand here.

[PurityIcekiller]

"Holy carpentry!" Xalicus quickly pulled out his staff and aimed it at the golem, trying to keep it at bay until he could escape outside. "Why does everywhere I go turn into a deathtrap?"

He then realized that it was a mindless construct and the staff would do nothing to dissuade it from attacking him. "Oh great. What can I do? That thing's going to kill us all! ...Oh, wait, there's competent warriors in here. And I know magic."

He focused and fired a bolt of indigo energy at the Lego Golem. It wasn't a very powerful spell, but it would probably at least hurt the thing a bit.

[TechnoScrabble]

The rampaging ork happens to exacerbate Riley's panic. Who woulda figured, right?

Anywho, there is now a horrified, schizophrenic young boy with a bloodthirsty monster in his arm about to pass out beneath a table. Probably not the best mix.

"I'll be fine I'll be fine I'll be fine..."

[Rebonack]

Indeed it is, Thomas. Indeed it is.

The Ork attacks with his choppa! The brutish weapon cleaves into the golem's plastic bulk, but the strange material seems far more resilient than one might expect it to be. The choppa still manages to bite into the golem's shoulder, though it doesn't show any significant distress at the wound.

The bricks in the thing's chest rearrange into a large fist-shaped piston before lashing outward to punch the Ork right in his comically misshapen teeth!

ka-POW!

The little lizard runs around in circles, flying into a wild panic!

...it's not very effective.

Xalicus wonders aloud why everywhere he goes turns out to be a death-trap! The golem rewards his positive thinking by launching a Lego grenade at him! The colorful projectile sails end over end and will be exploding once it gets near him.

His energy bolt melts a goopy black crater in the construct's side.

Amil fires several Spike rounds at the golem, the gun making a gross concussive slurping sound every time it fires instead of the traditional BANG BANG! The spines imbed themselves in the golem and... well...

The golem has some spines sticking out of it now.

"Not sure if that's working very well..." Amil mutters to no one in particular.

[Mr. Moon]

... Okay. So. There was a possibly hallucinatory(?) multicoloured man-monster in the middle of the tavern. There are other people in the tavern that probably aren't hallucinatory(?). The non-hallucinatory(?) people seem to be aware of and are attacking the possibly hallucinatory(?) man-monster.

Now, there were two possibilities here. The first, Allen reasoned, was that this was all one big hallucination and that if he tried to get involved in it, by, say, shooting at the man-monster, then that might be a bad idea. Because if it is a hallucination that means he's drunk, and drunk people tend not to be very good shots. And these folks got surprisingly uppity when he accidentally shot people. The second possibility was that he wasn't drunk. Which meant that this could all very well be real. He'd only had three mugs, which wasn't really enough to get him drunk. Five, maybe, but three? And this sort of crazy stuff wasn't really out of place in this city.
And besides. Allen wanted to shoot something.

That seemed to be enough reason for the cowboy. He rises to his feet, kicking his table over. The mugs fall to the ground with a crash, leaving little pieces of glass and murky alcohol on the floor. Dropping behind the table, Allen unslings his rifle, turns off the safety, and peaks out from under cover to fire off a pair of shots.

[Gullara]

"Oof!" Is the exact sound the nob makes as he's punched in the face. He gets launched backward comically and lands with a loud THUMP.

The ork is far from down for the count though. He stands, but first retrieves a dislodged tooth. Good thing those grow back. Wortarg hefts his choppa and sends it spinning through the air at the golem.

[Lord Magtok]

Thomas dashes away from the door, hoping to put as much distance between himself and the huge monster as he can, possibly whilst grabbing a first aid kit off the wall, if Trog's is the sort of place that would bother to have that sort of thing. Probably not. In any case, he'll probably find a spot underneath a table, looking around for any sort of injuries, or maybe a discarded weapon or two. A gun made out of Legos might even be of some use right now, but the odds of anything like that just lying on the floor is ridiculously slim.

[Lady Serpentine]

Rael hisses, and slices open his palm. After a few moments, a large pool of blood will have formed in the air in front of him, and shaped itself into a Quill Wolf. Once it's done so, the wound seals itself. He then tries to leap onto the Lego Golem's back, hopefully digging his claws in as he does so, to avoid being thrown off.

The Quill Wolf begins to fire quills at it. They can pierce quarter inch steel, though how effective they are here is questionable. They're also poisoned, but since it's a golem made of legos, it's probably immune.

[PurityIcekiller]

When Xalicus saw the Lego grenade flying at him, he dove under a table, and thus merely got struck by shrapnel instead of blown to pieces. Unfortunately, he was now further from the exit than before.

"Confound it. I'll have to fight my way out." He crept along the ground to get further from the golem, then observed his spell's results. "...I guess that works. Better than nothing, anyway." With that, he quickly flung another energy bolt.

[Rebonack]

Thomas dives under a table!

...Huh. Would you look at that? There's a backpack down there with a few legos inside. A backpack with some pyramids on it! Probably Divaonar's. Might those be useful? And there's totally a first aid kit on the wall, too.

Allen fires several rifle-rounds at the golem! Like Amil's spikes the bullets punch into the plastic monstrosity, shattering a number of bricks. But the damage just doesn't seem to be bothering the golem that much.

Amil scrunches her lips off to the side a bit, pondering. The impact of spikes and bullets doesn't seem to be doing all that much. Maybe... Amil's spike rifle shortens as the weapon reforms, the barrel widening out into a nozzle. The new gun is raised at the golem and-!

*splurch!*

Shoots a grub at it!

The grub hits the golem and bursts like a disgusting living paintball, smearing toxic green goop across the golem's surface. The powerful acid begins eating through the golem's block armor!

"Yeah! That's bet-" then the golem lobs a grenade at Amil. "-ter..."

Explosion!

The Tyranid is showered in a painful storm of lego fragments!

Xalicus blasts the golem with another energy bolt! The attack is exactly as effective (ineffective?) as it was the first time around.

A quill wolf made from some guy's blood then leaps on the golem! The golem reacts to this by reaching up to yank the wolf off and then rip it in half. Yeesh...

Then flying choppa! The axe imbeds itself firmly in the golem's torso!

...

The golem now has a choppa sticking out of its torso. And the Nob is down a weapon. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea...

[TechnoScrabble]

Riley passes out from the sheer fear he's feeling. It only lasts a few seconds, but that's all it takes. When he stands back up, his brand is pulsing, his eyes glowing deep red and much larger than they should be.

"Why won't you all just STOP FIGHTING!?!?" his brand expands so suddenly to release the Rileybeast that Riley's forearm quite literally explodes, shattering the table Riley stands behind and possibly showering the inhabitants of the tavern with gore and splinters as dozens of large, blood and slime soaked tentacles lash out and attempt to disarm the combatants and pin them against the walls!

[Rae Artemi]

The rampaging ork happens to exacerbate Riley's panic. Who woulda figured, right?

Anywho, there is now a horrified, schizophrenic young boy with a bloodthirsty monster in his arm about to pass out beneath a table. Probably not the best mix.

"I'll be fine I'll be fine I'll be fine..."

Riley may find a small brown kitten walking around the table he's hiding behind and trying to nuzzle up to him. "Mew!" Says the kitten, looking up at him with big eyes, seemingly trying to calm him down.

The kitten then shrinks back as its player is ninja'd there is an explosion and runs away to hide.

[Lady Serpentine]

((Er... Rael was the one that leaped onto it. The Quill Wolf stayed back and shot quills, so there shouldn't be any reason for it to have gotten near, much less on, the golem.))

[Rebonack]

Well then apparently Rael risks getting ripped in half instead. Because lego golems don't take kindly to getting leaped upon.

Amil is now sporting several lovely new gashes from the exploding lego bombs. Thankfully her hide is pretty darn resilient. She quickly rights herself again, taking aim at the golem and-!

Gets grabbed by a tentacle and smashed face-first into a wall. The Tyranid Siren makes a pained whimper as a result. Oh. And her Deathspitter fires off a few wild shots. Sure hope those don't hit anyone.

The grub itself hits with impact comparable to getting shot by a hand gun. And then the grub bursts in a spray of caustic toxins.

The golem gets grabbed as well!

It reacts to this attack by crumbling into a huge heap of lego bricks. Bricks which then go tumbling across the floor in a surging wave before reassembling into the golem. If Rael was still being held during this process he'll probably look like he was fed through some industrial equipment by the time the golem reforms.

...there was an NPC in the golem's wave-path.

They aren't there anymore. And there's muffled screaming coming from inside the golem.

[Lady Serpentine]

It's safe to say that it was pretty well coated in blood, correct?

If so, Rael, once he's out, tries to make the blood on it boil.

[Gullara]

Wortarg bull rushes the golem, lowering his head to crash into it first with his thick skull. With any luck, he'll smash the thing into the ground! Then smashin can begin in earnest.

((TS, trying to put an end to the fight like that in one broad stroke not only stinks of being OP, it is also ruining the fun of others who just want to enjoy the random encounter. I will not be replying to Riley and I hope you choose to not continue that course of action.))

[TechnoScrabble]

((Who said abything about actually trying to end the fight? Or the tentacles being able to stop an ork Nob? Riley wanting the fight to end isn't the same as me exacerbating it))