Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[Coidzor]

The OKCupid question refers to sex, not gender...

That's what I'd thought, yeah...

I'd consider a transexual person fully able to select their preferred sex, still, because it doesn't specify *birth* sex and that's not really the important bit.

Indeed. I've seen transsexuals who had it all sorts of ways, sometimes even with explanations that were actually decent reads in and of themselves, like one who had a profile before SRS and then either changed it or deleted and made a new one afterward.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

A question of etiquette.

The site wants me to rate 10 people.

I feel disingenuous rating someone a 5 if I haven't even talked to them at all, and it seems to me like flattery. On the other hand, giving a 4 or less could be seen as insulting.

No idea what the common practice is, because I have no idea what I'm doing. Also don't know if you're supposed to let someone know you added them to favorites, or what you should do after messaging them, if anything.

[noparlpf]

A question of etiquette.

The site wants me to rate 10 people.

I feel disingenuous rating someone a 5 if I haven't even talked to them at all, and it seems to me like flattery. On the other hand, giving a 4 or less could be seen as insulting.

No idea what the common practice is, because I have no idea what I'm doing. Also don't know if you're supposed to let someone know you added them to favorites, or what you should do after messaging them, if anything.

You're on OKCupid now? I assume they mean to just rate their visual appeal. I also assume this isn't something the site will tell those people because, as you said, it could be insulting to give somebody less than a 5. And besides these numbers only apply to your opinion, so they don't hold any value for anybody else.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

You're on OKCupid now? I assume they mean to just rate their visual appeal. I also assume this isn't something the site will tell those people because, as you said, it could be insulting to give somebody less than a 5. And besides these numbers only apply to your opinion, so they don't hold any value for anybody else.

It tells them if you give them a 4 or 5.

[noparlpf]

It tells them if you give them a 4 or 5.

Well that's not very nice. >:|

[Serpentine]

I mostly ignore it...
(also mine tells me to rate 25 <.<)

[DeadManSleeping]

It tells people who rated whom? I thought that stuff would just be for data-gathering purposes. H-uh.

[Serpentine]

Eeeeeh... IIRC (probably don't), you can rate whomever however much. If you rate someone 4 or 5 start, OKCupid sends them a message with about 3 people, including you, saying "one of these people rated you 4 or 5! Rate them all!" If they rate you 4 or 5 as well, you both get a message saying so.
I don't really know what the point is, and as I said, it's totally ignorable.

[hawkboy772042]

How do you guys normally deal with a female {scrubbed}? It's one thing when a girl just turns you down, but when her friend intervenes, it leaves you wondering "What could have been?". Overally, I find it really annoying since it takes some courage just to step up and then to have someone else intervene due to jeolousy or snobbery is just a pisser. (Not to mention that I really haven't found that many women in the city I live in now even worth approaching)

[dehro]

How do you guys normally deal with a female {scrubbed the post, scrubbed the quote}?

avoiding them like the plague whenever possible and giving up a priori when it isn't

[DeadManSleeping]

1. Might wanna watch the language
2. The sex of the person interfering with your actions shouldn't matter.

[AtlanteanTroll]

1. Might wanna watch the language

It is the standard term though.

[Frozen_Feet]

Why, ask them for coffee, of course.

[Sholos]

So.... I really need to learn to stop being optimistic. Third date is apparently not happening for some reason (not that I'll ever find out because girls apparently don't ever tell people why they stop talking to them) so I'm back to where I was. Wish I knew what went wrong, though...

[DeadManSleeping]

It is the standard term though.

That...isn't terribly relevant to the language being board-appropriate or not.

(not that I'll ever find out because girls apparently don't ever tell people why they stop talking to them)

Well, yes, that would require talking to them. D-doy.

[Skeppio]

Well, turns out she was into another guy the whole time. Figures.

[AtlanteanTroll]

That...isn't terribly relevant to the language being board-appropriate or not.

It wasn't censored. *shrug*

Well, turns out she was into another guy the whole time. Figures.

Skepp, I just want to let you know, even though I haven't been paying attention to this particular predicament, I'm up to listen and support in AIM or whatever.

How do you guys normally deal with a female {scrubbed the post, scrubbed the quote}? It's one thing when a girl just turns you down, but when her friend intervenes, it leaves you wondering "What could have been?". Overally, I find it really annoying since it takes some courage just to step up and then to have someone else intervene due to jeolousy or snobbery is just a pisser. (Not to mention that I really haven't found that many women in the city I live in now even worth approaching)

By going for it anyway. If the friend was right, well, darn. If she was wrong, hey, there you go. You can never know if you don't try.

[Marillion]

So, the girl I like was talking about this other guy who likes her. This is how it went.

S: I am just too crazy busy and stressed to have a relationship right now.
Me: I know. That's kinda why I haven't made a move on you.
S: Huh? Made a move? What do you mean?
Me: I...Thought we'd been over this. I like you, S. Like...A lot.
S: Oh yeah!
Me: Oh yeah?
S:...I kind of forgot.

This fills me with equal parts and

[Coidzor]

Wow. How long ago was the first time you told her?

[Cobra_Ikari]

So, the girl I like was talking about this other guy who likes her. This is how it went.

S: I am just too crazy busy and stressed to have a relationship right now.
Me: I know. That's kinda why I haven't made a move on you.
S: Huh? Made a move? What do you mean?
Me: I...Thought we'd been over this. I like you, S. Like...A lot.
S: Oh yeah!
Me: Oh yeah?
S:...I kind of forgot.

This fills me with equal parts and

I'm mostly filled with . In my experience, if the liking is unwanted, they won't forget because they'll be all "reinterpret your every move", whereas if the liking is wanted, some form or reciprocation or at least no forgetting will be going on. This is...weird.

[dehro]

that would mostly depend on for how long and how deeply he's entrenched in the friend zone

[Coidzor]

That and how much of a ditz she be, and the exchange does a rather good job of painting her in such a light.

I suppose if the man managed to be so unimpressive the attention wasn't believed enough to be skeeved out about that might also be a thing?

But speculation is just that. spec spec spec.

[Marillion]

It was just over a month ago that I told her, but we've talked about it on and off since then. I mean, she isn't stoopid. She is a chemistry major, and actually getting an academic award for it. I guess it's possible for it to have slipped her mind, since I haven't acted on it besides telling her and she is so busy, but still.

[mattrwh]

It was just over a month ago that I told her, but we've talked about it on and off since then. I mean, she isn't stoopid. She is a chemistry major, and actually getting an academic award for it. I guess it's possible for it to have slipped her mind, since I haven't acted on it besides telling her and she is so busy, but still.

honestly, she sounds like a sociopath. that or she doesn't respect you in the way you might hope. might be best to try to move on, maybe even cut her off even as a friend. In my opinion, a friend would remember something like that if they cared enough about you. sorry man

[Serpentine]

...or she could've had other things on her mind, and she's neither threatened by nor obsessed with the idea of someone fancying her? It might be a little hard knowing you're not on her mind as much as she's on yours, but frankly I think as far as maintaining a friendship goes it means she's not letting that piece of information dominate your relationship.

[Form]

honestly, she sounds like a sociopath. that or she doesn't respect you in the way you might hope. might be best to try to move on, maybe even cut her off even as a friend. In my opinion, a friend would remember something like that if they cared enough about you. sorry man

Eh? I think that's jumping to conclusions, especially considering we don't really know that much. This may be kind of painful, but I don't think we should immediately assume the worst.

[mattrwh]

Eh? I think that's jumping to conclusions, especially considering we don't really know that much. This may be kind of painful, but I don't think we should immediately assume the worst.

I'll agree that we don't know enough about the situation to make any real judgments here, but if a person who was supposed to me my friend forgot that I had feelings for her only a month after telling her, I'd probably feel like she isn't worth even my friendship. I'm not saying I'd write her off completely, but still.

Of course this is talking from a sterile viewpoint, if I were in that position in real life I'm sure I'd lie to myself to keep up the fantasy as I am wont to do.

[Serpentine]

Or, you know, she's forgetful or distracted or had a brain fart or any number of other things that aren't sociopathy...

[Coidzor]

...or she could've had other things on her mind, and she's neither threatened by nor obsessed with the idea of someone fancying her? It might be a little hard knowing you're not on her mind as much as she's on yours, but frankly I think as far as maintaining a friendship goes it means she's not letting that piece of information dominate your relationship.

Then again, if she forgets something that major, how important does she view one's friendship if she's forgetting stuff about one's self like that?

Unless it was a deliberate choice to repress out of necessity or something, which isn't good either.

Many ways to apply pessimism here!

[Serpentine]

I don't believe we have anything close to enough information to judge something like that.
I forget things about my friends all the time - Hell, I fail to notice my friends when they're standing right in front of me. I've even been known to tell my friends' anecdotes back to them, forgetting that it was they who told them to me. It is no reflection of my opinion of my friends nor the strength of our friendship, and is entirely a reflection on my horrendous memory and abysmally low Wisdom score.