More Funny D&D Stories

[Wookieetank]

To put it simply, Tim the barkeep would not have been convinced that he was an imposter, because he has proof that he isn't. Unless you convince him that magic removed his memories or something.

I dunno, seems that an insane mage could pull that off: "You have memories of being Tim and Tim ID? I did that with my magic to make you THINK you were Tim. You're actually Bob and will forgot about having ever been Tim once the spell wears off."

I'd let it fly as a DM.

[Ionbound]

To put it simply, Tim the barkeep would not have been convinced that he was an imposter, because he has proof that he isn't. Unless you convince him that magic removed his memories or something.

The really cool thing about bluff though, is that IIRC, if you roll high enough, nothing else matters. It's why Haley was able to convince that guard he had been polymophed in that comic a while ago (can't remember the exact number, and can't be bothered to look)

[Scow2]

The really cool thing about bluff though, is that IIRC, if you roll high enough, nothing else matters. It's why Haley was able to convince that guard he had been polymophed in that comic a while ago (can't remember the exact number, and can't be bothered to look)

That comic was a violation of RAW and RAI, intentionally making the skill out to be absurd for comedic effect.

[Gabe the Bard]

Bluff is always up to the DM and what makes for a good story. I saw a wizard bluff a chimera into believing he was his long lost human brother who had been polymorphed into a chimera. Then he polymorphed the chimera into an actual human and they lived happily ever after.

[Lord Raziere]

That comic was a violation of RAW and RAI, intentionally making the skill out to be absurd for comedic effect.

but not RAA. (Read As Awesome, where you read it in the most awesome possible way). or in this case RAF (Read As Funny)

[Dundee15]

The Cast:
Alex (Male Human Rogue, Skill Monkey, Merc)
Gar (Male Dwarf Fighter, leader/plan guy, Merc)
Belle (Female Elf Ranger, 2nd in command, Merc)
Sir Gant (Male Human Paladin, thinks he's in command)
Becca (Female Human Cleric (12 year old character), team mascot)

Ward (Male Human Wizard, 'Ladies Man', Scholar)

Spoiler: Don't call me Alexis, Part 1

Show

The party was traveling through a forest with a religious artifact for Sir Gant and Becca's church when they were attacked by bandits that were trying to steal it. After the battle they noticed that the wagon that was holding their food and other traveling supplies had been robbed and they didn't have enough to make it to the next town. So Gant tries to hunt for food, and fails miserably. Belle takes over and gets a few rabbits for dinner. With some lucky rolls they are able to skin the rabbits and make 3 water skins. The second order of business was to get some fresh water as they could hunt on the way, so Belle ends up finding a spring. The party then spends the next 3 minutes arguing if it's safe to drink or not. So Gant gets annoyed and shoves Alex into the spring. (DM rolled on a random effect chart he had) After coming up for air he notices that he feels a bit different and the rest of the party bursts out in laughter. Becca tries to dispel the effect but DM ruled that it needed to be cured with a potion so Alex(is), Belle, and Becca drink out of the fountain while Gar and Gant look for other sources of water.

Spoiler: Meet the Wizard

Show

(in the next session) After arriving at the next town in their journey, the party splits up to take care of business and introduce another member to the party. Alexis goes off in search for somebody who can cure him, Gar and Belle shop for supplies, and Gant and Becca stop at the local church to pay their respects and offer assistance. At the church they learn that the wizard at the end of town needs help with something and would be willing to assist anyone who would help him however he could. Gant and Becca head out to the wizard's hut and find Ward. He offers his services to the party if they help him 'take care of' some problems in a cave to the north of town. Apparently he's been using it as a lab for testing spells and what-not when some monsters (can't remember what) took it over. Gant agrees (for the party without the full party being there) and rushes off... at dusk. The rest of the party meets back at the inn and rests the night. Alexis wasn't able to find anyone who could cure him. The next morning Becca takes the group to meet Ward and Gar decides that it would be best to go get Gant before he gets himself killed. Ward's player asks about Belle and Alexis and then has Ward start hitting on the two of them, much to Alexis' displeasure. The party gets to the cave to find Gant hanging upside down from a tree halfway to the cave. They undo the rope and go inside, clear out the monsters and recover Ward's books and then they go on their way.

I'll post part 2 when i'm not falling asleep

[The Random NPC]

I dunno, seems that an insane mage could pull that off: "You have memories of being Tim and Tim ID? I did that with my magic to make you THINK you were Tim. You're actually Bob and will forgot about having ever been Tim once the spell wears off."

I'd let it fly as a DM.

You misunderstand, that is totally doable, you just need to justify the lie to make it plausible, otherwise all you get is six seconds of bewildered staring.

The really cool thing about bluff though, is that IIRC, if you roll high enough, nothing else matters. It's why Haley was able to convince that guard he had been polymophed in that comic a while ago (can't remember the exact number, and can't be bothered to look)

Like Scow2 said, that was a joke that breaks the rules.

[Ionbound]

Note the "The lie is impossible" section. This is RAW that if you can pass a bluff check at a -20 penalty, you can make someone believe something that is impossible. Like, say, they are polymorphed into a chinchilla, even if they aren't. Or just about anything else.

[The Random NPC]

Note the "The lie is impossible" section. This is RAW that if you can pass a bluff check at a -20 penalty, you can make someone believe something that is impossible. Like, say, they are polymorphed into a chinchilla, even if they aren't. Or just about anything else.

A successful Bluff check indicates that the target reacts as you wish, at least for a short time (usually 1 round or less) or believes something that you want it to believe. Bluff, however, is not a suggestion spell.

Note the first and last part of the quoted section. I realize that it says that your target believes something you want it to believe, but without something to make the lie plausible, the target just believes that you believe what you're saying. I will point out that it is incredibility easy to make a plausible lie, really all you have to do is preface everything with, "a wizard got angry and...".

[Red Fel]

Except the regular Bluff description is contradicted by the Epic Bluff description:

Example Circumstance: Instill suggestion in target
Sense Motive Modifier: +50

Instill Suggestion in Target

This is identical to the effect of the suggestion spell, except that it is nonmagical and lasts for only 10 minutes. It can be sensed as if it were an enchantment effect (Sense Motive DC 25).

Yes. An awesome enough Bluff can in fact brainwash the subject.

[The Random NPC]

Except the regular Bluff description is contradicted by the Epic Bluff description:


Yes. An awesome enough Bluff can in fact brainwash the subject.

I was discounting Epic skill checks, but even still, the warlock got "something above a 40", which indicates that it's less than 50. Even if the check was greater than 51, the suggestion only lasts for 10 minutes, after which Tim the Barkeep would come back and reclaim his bar.

[TheHoodedTeddy]

1e dnd.
My first ever campaign.
Cast:
Me: a gnome fighter illusionist
A paladin
The rest aren't that important to the story.

At 2nd level, we had to liberate a town from a Zombie lord and his horde of zombies. He has two powers that were giving us problems; his ability to see through the eyes of the zombies, and his ability to once a day, touch someone and turn them into a zombie, with no save. I was just fighting my way through all the encounters, and when we had to get in the walled portion of the town, I had an realization. He didn't know I was an illusionist. I also had an idea to get him to waste his ability. I sent, right through the front gates, an illusion of a hogh level Paladin with a Holy avenger's sword, yelling a battlecry. He bought it. He jumped down from his perch (gracefully for a dead guy). And, eager to add a high level unholy paladin zombie thing to his army, used his touch of zombification. It , naturally, Didn't work he then crit failed his next 3 disbeleive checks, and the dm said that it was so real to him, he was actually hacked to pieces and before he was, panicked and called the horde out from hiding before he was dispatched, and with his demise became just mindless drones ( the kind that just stands there drooling, as opposed to the norm for zombies). So yes:
I beat my first BBEG with an illusionary Leeroy Jenkins.

[illyahr]

I beat my first BBEG with an illusionary Leeroy Jenkins.

Well played, sir.

[TheHoodedTeddy]

I feel I should have put this at the end:
Deal with it.
My new signature \/ V \/

[Dunsparce]

One time in one of my groups we were searching a villain's personal study. We didn't roll very well and found a book called "A Brief History of Limes". It obviously had no use to us.

Over a year later(IRL, not in-game) we were in a different villain's library, and our cleric rolled badly and thus found "An Extended History of Limes, Volumes I-XVI".

[Artemicion]

The players were exploring the Dreamrealm, a home brewed version of the demi plane of dream. Suddenly they decided they did not want to follow the plot hook I had provided, but instead wanted to explore the dream of the most powerful being around.

I had once decided that one of the most powerful beings in the Dreamrealm was the Queen Ridiculous, an enormous, completely crazy demi-god who praised herself as the Queen of the land (somewhat inspired by the Queen of Hearts). So of course their research brought the PCs directly into her domain.

I will not go into too many details, as my memories of the evening a somehow hazy (this was pure improvisation), but here is a summary of one the funniest and most creative game session I ever had.

The PCs (a mute mime, a dwarf barbarian with hygiene issues and a vampire cat who had complete control over her cage holder) quickly realised that the only way to flee the chaotic, crazy domain of the Queen Ridiculous (where grass screamed when walked upon, mushrooms spit in your face if you were not polite and peeing ladies claimed to be teapots) was to gain the permission by the Queen. However, they had made the Queen very angry when they refused to wear the hat she was handing them, given that wearing a hat was punishable by death, so they decided that they needed to intimidate her to get the permission.

After talking to everyone and everything, the PCs learned that there was a great rivalry between brick and clay tiles, the bricks being tired of always being the ones supporting the clay tiles. With a few good diplomacy rolls, they were able to convince the bricks of the Queen's castle to revolt against her rule and enter war against the clay tiles of the castle. They basically stole all the bricks from the castle and built one of their own, leaving the poor Queen with nothing but clay tiles.

She finally agreed to give them permission to leave and even let them ride her hydravion (a huge hot air balloon that was made of a bloated hydra that the queen had temporarily filled with hot air by blowing through its nose).

[turbo164]

(Dreamworld story)

Haha, I feel like I need to roll a Will save after reading that! Sounded fun

The following is a lesson in misscommunication:

DM: As you search the room, a few of you think that the back wall looks like an illusion.
Ranger: I step through!
DM: *rolls dice* Make a Fort save
Ranger: *low number*
DM: You see a wave of fire and a splash of acid coming at your face, and then, blackness.
Ranger: I STEP BACK! Do I see anything?
DM: Nope, still nothing.
Teammate: Are you ok, Ranger?
Ranger: *to DM* I'm not on fire or anything am I?
DM: No, you're not on fire...
Ranger: Yeah, I'm fine! *pantomimes brushing dust off of sleeves*
Teammate: ...
Other teammates: ...
DM: ...
Ranger: What?
DM: Maybe I'm being too subtle here. You saw fire and acid coming at your face, then failed a fort save, then saw "blackness" and "nothing." YOU ARE BLIND.
Ranger: *pantomimes brushing dust off other sleeve* Wait a minute, where's...HOLY CRAP I'M BLIND!

Later when the Dwarf was in another room and failed his listen check to notice the battle occurring with the rest of the group, the Ranger teased him when he FINALLY got there...

"Hey, it took him less time to notice a fight going on than it took you to notice you were BLIND!"

The grand finale was when the enemy forces were reduced to a single, severely injured flying monster. The Dragon Shaman decided that rather than toss a javelin, he'd pick up the (archer) ranger and aim him at the monster.

DM: All right, um, guess we'll have you make an attack roll to see how well you aim him, and add or subtract from his roll accordingly.
Shaman: *rolls low*
DM: Eh we'll call that a -4 I guess. *rolls concealment three times* well one of your arrows makes it through the blindness, now make your roll with the penalty
Ranger: *natural 20* *confirmed* *almost max damage*
DM: ...Alrighty, the blind archer manages to pin the final Quasit to the ceiling.
Shaman: I knew that would work better than a javelin!

[veti]

This is what follows when you insert a homebrewed critical and hit location system into D&D:

DM: "OK, so the blade trap took your legs off, your right arm is broken, and with your left arm you're clinging on for dear life to the rail above your head. The revenant stands over you, glowering. What do you do?"

Paladin: "Bite it!"

DM: "OK, you've got a Bite - I mean, Smite - Evil attempt left, wanna use that?"

Paladin: "Absolutely!" (rolls dice) "Nat 20!"

DM: "Critical, nice going. Roll for location, and given your position best reroll anything above the waist."

Paladin: "Ouch, groin shot!"

Other player: "Wait a minute, didn't that guy with the axe knock the paladin's teeth out?"

Paladin: "..."

DM: "... Good point."

DM: "The revenant looks surprised, but not displeased."

DM: "The paladin may have acquired a new nickname."

[The Glyphstone]

Wouldn't he have been displeased (and in great pain) when the Smite Evil damage hit? Or did Rule of Funny take over and prevent the Smite from taking effect?

[veti]

Wouldn't he have been displeased (and in great pain) when the Smite Evil damage hit? Or did Rule of Funny take over and prevent the Smite from taking effect?

I guess that's open for speculation.

My speculation is that (the DM decided then and there) - undead monstrosities are kinky that way.

[Mono Vertigo]

... that hit system reminds me of Dwarf Fortress, is it intentional? If it is, I'm not surprised, anything coming from Dwarf Fortress lends itself to fun shenanigans.

[veti]

... that hit system reminds me of Dwarf Fortress, is it intentional? If it is, I'm not surprised, anything coming from Dwarf Fortress lends itself to fun shenanigans.

Nah, this is an ooooold story - this session was played long, long before Dwarf Fortress came out.

[illyahr]

Wouldn't he have been displeased (and in great pain) when the Smite Evil damage hit? Or did Rule of Funny take over and prevent the Smite from taking effect?

Need teeth to make a Bite attack. I'm guessing a Gum attack counts as an unarmed strike and does nonlethal damage.

[Fumble Jack]

I have a few stories, some D&D, some not.

1. My first Ad&d game experience, I was playing an Elven fighter, there was a cleric, a wizard and another pc whose class I forget atm. So as the game progresses the party manages to find itself trapped in a room. Doors slam shut on us and we have to search the room for a way out.

Cleric: Everyone use your heads on this one.

I figure I'll search the walls for anything unusual. The DM has me roll int and I botch it, and thus take the cleric's advice literally. DM has me roll for damage, I crit and roll max damage. Turns out, that I do find the mechanism that gets us out, I just managed to bludgeon myself to death, with a headbutt to the wall in the process.

2. Same game, just about an hour later, another player, our wizard, does not realize what wedged means. He ends up turning into an arcane pancake as he successfully pulls out a staff holding the ceiling from crashing into the floor.

3. 3.0 I'm the DM this time around, and there are 2 incidents that occur both due to one player being new to d&d and the other because another player is a our groups' token jerk.

1st one: our newbie and group jerk we're playing a Shugenja and Cleric respectively, and the first thing asked of them by the town was to clear up some monsters that had been seen near town.

The monsters we're just zombies, shambling about and I was giving description of their rotted look and shambling gait. The Shugenja (newbie) thinks they are simply diseased villagers and tries to strike a conversation with them and convince them, they must be cured.

The Cleric just facepalms both in and out of character and then starts laughing his bum off, whilst the zombies engage the Shugenja, trying to grapple and overpower him. For a few rounds the Shugenja is fighting for his life, whilst the Cleric fails to do anything til the Shugenja is about to drop.

2nd one: Same game, same Shugenja, although the whole party is there this time. The party sees a wide chasm they have to cross. However they are on horses and the wizard in the party is able to get all of the horses to fly. So it isn't a problem, except our Shugenja player is really bad at paying attention to significant detail.

What he does is jump off his horse, and begins to cast fire wings on himself. I blink, a bit taken aback by this, thinking maybe he just forgot and ask 3 times.
Are you sure, you want to jump off your flying horse and do this? He replies yes and would have fallen to his death if it weren't for the character playing a Sohei, who caught him with the pole side of his naginata in the Shugenja's posterior. (It was a semi Oriental adventures game.) Later the Shugenja player said he had no idea the horses were flying. The entire group facepalmed.


4. This one was in Sw the revised edition and will be the last on this post til I remember more, cause this post is a bit long already.

The characters: (and remembering this game, it was rather fun.)

A jedi Kushiban (hands down this player was one of our best roleplayers)

An ewok force adept that later turned into a follower of the Zeishon sha tradition.

And last a squib wannabe sith (this player made such intentional bad choices he was permanently dubbed f*tard for the rest of our games and was sadly proud of it.)

This was near the middle, would have been end of the game, if not for the squib. They were able to take down the 2 major BBEG, sith lord and their apprentice and were about to wrap up on Korrriban (sith planet). Squib has the bright idea to bring a corpse, that can be possessed and awakens a slumbering spirit of an ancient sith lord.

Funny thing is, the squib's ambition was to be true lord of the sith. When he did this, we as a group look at him and ask if he's sure. The Sith spirit possesses the body and ends the squib there and then as gratitude, and mainly because he doesn't want an incompetent apprentice, who also happenned to be ambitious. We then collectively inform the player of squib, he had actually had his wish, as he was Dark Lord of the Sith for all of 10 minutes.

[tophatngoggles]

So this requires a tad bit of set up.

Our party is a group of Daedric Knights, and serve as the protectors from those who mess with demonic stuff they know little about, and we have an airship (group idea).

So, we're arrested and all of our stuff is confiscated and sold. This includes our weapons (most of which were enchanted), armor, items, potions, everything on the airship AND EVEN THE AIRSHIP. So we had to go hunt that stuff down.

Mid way through the adventure, we find ourselves trapped in a mystical forest, and the only way out was to appease the crotchety old wizard. Our Cleric has the idea to burn down the forest with this lantern he stole. Our DM at the time, me, let him roll and he got a 19. So he burned down the forest, we escaped, and hauled donkey to the next city.

The exchange went something like this.

DM: "You finally stop the wagon in the outskirts of the elven city of Isatay...oh dear..."
Cleric: "What's wrong?"
DM: (trying to hold back laughter) "Isatay is famous because the entire city is built...within the tree tops..."

The entire party erupts in laughter. The only two survivors were an old man without a leg ranting about windows...and a BABY.

So we force the child upon the cleric since it was indeed his fault, and now the Knights have a baby we named Peef.

[YossarianLives]

The cast

Beurt a warforged fighter

Samuel a kobald sorcerer (me)

Richard a warforged wizard

So were walking merrily along through a forest when we ran into a river drake.
After slaying the beast we continue walking. A few minutes later we ran into a pack of kobalds who were apparently not hostile. After talking to them for a few minutes they ask. So have you seen our pet river drake we've lost him. Basically Richard started saying something along the lines of. TREMBLE BEFORE BY MIGHT PUNY FLESH BAGS BOW DOWN BEFORE ME OR BY BLASTED INTO OBLIVION THEN MADE INTO PASTE. While i who did not want to kill other kobalds unless forced to was trying to convince them not to attack.

Unfortunately Beurt had already started hitting them with his warhammer.

[Drake2009]

I'm Baaack! Ahh the sight of funny dnd stories always warms my heart... Oh right the story...Best....character....ever...
Ok so were outside a city thats been taken over by gnolls for a while. Its me and the halfling cleric! I am....An 8 ft 6 half celestial paladin who has angel wings and is blue...Effective character level 3... The halfling uses a spell that fascinates all the gnolls (8 in all) and while most of them are fascinated, i take out all the aware ones and then pwn the rest... The rest of the party finally comes (They were having to run, I LOVE FLYING!) and everything is dead... The cleric has stabilized the torch-er victim (the gnolls were torchering a human... ok next story!

Same town, town square essentially. Big guy (not as big as me!) huge axe,evil and possesed by a demon. I make a big speech about how he is not worthy (he used to be a good guy, friends with a saint!)... I hit him for some good damage...And then get knocked out of the sky. The cleric heals me and now the sorcerer (possessed by the saint... not like taken over but has like 2 minds the saint is silent sometimes.) starts yelling at the guy. The guy comes down and looks in pain. "KILL ME! I CANT HOLD HIM MUCH LONGER!! KIILLL! MEEEEE!!!!!" so what do i do? well obviously i start chopping at him with my sword. He dies (like a gin i might add...) and you know what i think? "WOOH I GET HIS COOL AXE!"

KK now what? Well its the final battle! Big guy who looks like the possessed man.. Sorcerer dispels it and BOOM big scorpion... I do the natural thing. Charge it with smite evil and yell! BOOM its hurt and i get hit with the color spray. Im out for 4 rounds and the scorpion attacks my friends. 2 rounds later and with the bard shooting icicles at the guy its DEAD!...Turns out i took out 2/3 of his health in one shot!

Man that was one fun campaign... Other interesting things are the STUPID PUGWAMPIES! reroll EVERYTHING! We took out a big boss battle when we werent supposed to. The sorcerer shot the boss in the pants with a ray of frost by accident... Creepy harpy lady flirting with me... Oh and i scared the drug dealer so bad that he peed his pants... oh yeah i loved that campaign...

Edit: My guy is so strong, he can actually drag an elephant. 24 STRENGTH BABY!

[Seto]

Here's the story of an unrealistic but funny DM fiat. We were low-level adventurers, and barely managed to stay alive (we didn't die often, but every single encounter sent half the party into negative HP). That's not because our DM was mean, rather that we were unlucky and/or incompetent.
That's when we faced a half-elf ranger in a forest... Our Bard got unlucky and died. Our DM hadn't wanted that to happen. But well, it sometimes does... And suddenly the enemy rolls a natural 1. Our DM rolls to see what kind of failure it's going to be... Second natural 1 in a row. The odds of that happening were, like, 0,25%. The description in the Critonomicon read "A failure so epic that bards will sing it."
Our DM hesitated... then was like "Oh, Hell. Let's make this literal". As our foe was holding his sword high in the air, ready to strike me, lightning fell on him. He fell backwards, his sword entering the body of our bard. Lightning brought him back to 0 HP, in a Frankenstein-like reaction. And the enemy ended up dead.

Don't worry about the DM. He blamed himself a little, but is currently learning not to pull his punches : the Bard died again, so did I.

[Paynetrain72]

I have so many stories, I'll only tell a few. First of all, I play two characters in two different campaigns, A Half-Orc Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker, and a Dwarf wizard/Incantatrix. Three stories from my Barbarian. First, is when we were in a level 6 dungeon I think. The idea behind the dungeon was that there were four main rooms, and each room contained a monster of a specific element. This had been a recurring theme for this dungeon. We reached a large iron door and our DM said that there was a lot of heat coming from the door. So naturally, my character tries to open the door. Naturally, I take fire damage, and now my character is both pissed and untrusting of doors. Anyway, myy character just rushes the door and rolls a natural 20 and busts the door off its hinges and we run into the room and see a demon covered in flames. I can't remember the name but it wasn't a balor. So what does my party do? They start to argue about what to do with the door. Meanwhile the rogue and I are sitting there going, "Guys... DEMON. ON FIRE. FREAKING FIRE DEMON." The best part is that during the fight the door got destroyed by the demon. Next one is twofold. We were in Greyhawk for the first time, and the halfing rogue and I go to the beggars guild because we're bored and want to kill some beggars. We get there and my character hands his double axe to the other guy who was there to watch and I go in there and grapple the first beggar I see. I win by a landslide and the conversation was as follows.
DM: Okay, you have him in a grapple, now what?
Me: Beggars are really light, right? Because they're starving and stuff?
DM: I guess.
Me: I take the beggar and start using him as a club to kill the other beggars.
DM: I guess it would be considered a club.
Me: *Proceeds to kill all but one beggar with the first beggar while the rogue kills a few with his shortswords* *A man towards the front of the room who isn't a beggar pulls a lever that drops an inescapable net on the rogue and I and the last beggar*
Rogue: What should we do with the last beggar?
Me: He deserves a special death!
Rogue: Hold on, what race is he?
Dm: Well... I guess human.
Rogue: We're not the same race! It isn't cannibilism!
We then rolled to eat the beggar and Halfling happens to roll a natural 20 so we say he pulls out a fork, knife, and napkin and consumes most of the beggar.
The third story is a recent one. We had just returned to a town after retrieving some documents from a destroyed white dragon temple in the arctic. My character goes to a bar while the rest explored the town. The bar doesn't allow weapons so I am forced to leave my baby (A huge greatsword that I roll 2d12 for damage) and my +5 Vorpal Bastard Sword outside.I go in and there are two shady people beside me at the bar. After several failed attempts to get their attention (My character is an idiot) I accidentally make fun of their god because they are members of the cult of Tiamat which is who we had been investigating and start a fight with them. They had snuck weapons into the bar and were armed with daggers and I had nothing, because I wanted a more fair fight, I roll a strength check and rip the bar off the ground and use it as a weapon. When the bar breaks, I use nearby tables, chairs, patrons of the bar as my weapons. Eventually my party walks in during the fight but one of the guys I'm fighting is a cleric and casts a magic circle against law to prevent guards interfering and most of my party is lawful so that hurt me. I ended up dying and they took my belt of Titan strength and teleported out. Our Cleric ressurected me and we ended up going to their temple next and I absolutely destroyed a lot of stuff. Morale of that story, never piss of a Frenzied Berserker.

[Threadnaught]

The PCs.

Spoiler: Izzodrin

Show

Drow Invisible Guardian who sleeps with anything female. Chooses ugly women in order to prevent Vehk from stealing them.
Speaks in an Oirish accent to NPCs.
We refer to the character as Izzy in the group, so I'll do it for the story too.

Spoiler: Vehk

Show

Drow Warrior Poet based on the character from the third Elder Scrolls game of the same name. Player is attempting to play him as closely to the character he's based on as possible.
Vehk is deathly afraid of cats due to interrupting his best friend's fun one time, with a crazy cat lady, who threw several of her cats at him while he ran.

Okay, the characters are set, let's get the game on.
Sharn: The City of Towers is where most of the action takes place.

Spoiler: Epic Funtime Adventures in Sharn

Show

The PCs walk into a tavern and see a group of Halflings having a heated discussion in hushed tones, in a dark corner of the room sits a man with a hood smoking a pipe, in another dark corner there sits a man reading several notes and there is a dagger stabbed into a table with seven notches carved into it (the table, not the knife) and at the bar is a group of Elves who look like they're worried about something. The Barkeeper is of course, eying them suspiciously as they enter and sit down at a table near the Hobbits Halflings.
The barmaid, who is both described as being ugly and sounds like a man (that's about as feminine as I want her) is seduced by Izzy, who takes her out back to have some fun. During which, I take a moment to try to ruin this for the Player by reminding him that every romantic encounter is with the DM, he doesn't seem to mind. After this he rolls a Fortitude Save for Disease. Then he takes her underwear and heads on back inside to find out what Vehk managed to find for the two of them.

While Izzy is enjoying himself, Vehk overhears the Hobbits Halflings talking about their friend and the ring that drove him crazy. He asks them what they're talking about and they immediately clam up, he Intimidates them and they tell him all about how their good friend Dorfo found a Magic Ring which drove him mad after he put it on and caused him to "blow up" his friend Sam, who was established as having had feelings for Dorfo.
Vehk convinced them into giving him the Ring with threats of violence if they didn't and they didn't want trouble. They take the time to listen to the Hobbits Halflings who tell them that the ring was created in Ashtalaka and the PCs study the ring themselves, to find engraved on the inside the Abyssal word for "Insanity", obviously putting this thing on is a bad idea.
The guy smoking the pipe shook his head at the Hobbits Halflings' behaviour the whole time.

Izzy comes back into the tavern and joins Vehk, they're told the other Hobbits Halflings left Dorfo in the King's Forest, temporarily tied up. Naturally the Players want to go out and collect the bounty on the head of all murderers, regardless of whether there's a bounty or not. So they leave Sharn and step on out into the King's Forest, they travel for about, a minute and then they hear ranting which they travel towards. The ranting is coming from a Hobbit Halfling who is accusing a corpse of stealing his "lovely".
They speak to the Hobbit Halfling about his predicament and manage to convince him that not only do they not have the ring, but that neither of the PCs are gay. Dorfo actually mentions that he killed Sam for being gay, yes, he's a little (heh) homophobic. The corpse interestingly, is clutching the handle of a broken dagger with an insignia on the pommel which the players want because they're greedy, but they suspect that I may enjoy using Undead (which I do, it's my favourite Type), so they decide to pin the corpse to the floor before taking the broken dagger. Izzy even stuffs the shards of the blade into the barmaid's panties for safe keeping. Then Dorfo begins screaming that "the nine" are coming, so the PCs hide themselves and Vehk is terrified right now because "the nine" are house catsm just strolling by for no apparent reason.

After the cats go by, the Players decide to threaten Dorfo and try him with a rope. On their way back to Sharn, they see the Elves from the tavern leaving, taking the road north. It is quite late, sun had been setting since they left Sharn, when they get back Vehk goes looking for a guard who can assist them with their prisoner. A successful Bluff Check from Dorfo and failed Sense Motive Check by the guard, means he orders the PCs to let the Hobbit Halfling go or be arrested.
Vehk takes offence to how incompetent the guard appears to be, so he Intimidates the guard with his weapon drawn and not only does he succeed, but a roll in the 30s is pretty entertaining, so the guard wets himself for comedy. He attempts to take the Hobbit Halfling but the PCs deny him custody of the prisoner until they get their reward, so he transports them some of the way and they're in a heated discussion when the guard notices some of his colleagues walking by and decides to become more aggressive. Izzy swings the knicker-mace (blade filled panties) at his face and hit for 1HP damage, guard failed Fortitude Save for Disease. The PCs ran dragging the Hobbit Halfling behind them and hid in an alleyway, they left Dorfo and threw the rope so it wouldn't lead from him to either PC, as he wasn't attempting to hide. Guards came by and took the Hobbit Halfling away.

They go back to the tavern where they began and complain to the Hobbits Halflings who sent them on the quest, which the Players finally figure was just me screwing with them.
In the Elves' place is a humanoid in a blue garb, giving them the appearance of a ninja with a hat. The man reading his notes was still there, the table now had another two notches and the smoker started complaining about the PCs' behaviour under his breath.
The Hobbits Halflings all leave to go to their room for the night, the PCs both decide to talk to the blue ninja, whose voice terrifies them.
He turns out to be a man called Strider, he is a Monster Hunter who wishes to travel the world and experience all kinds of creatures to add more abilities to his repertoire.

Spoiler: Strider

Show

Strider is indeed a Blue Mage and has Paralysis from a Ghoul he encountered ready to use.
The voice that terrifies my players? There is an NPC in Skyrim, his name is Nazeem. He is best know for saying "do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh what am I saying? Of course you don't." every time Dovahkiin goes near him.
That's the same voice I try to mimic with Strider.

Strider talks with the PCs for a minute or two, then leaves. It is dark outside now and the PCs leave to escape the city before the guard who wet himself (Senór Pee Pants) manages to get them killed. On their way out, they see Strider pinning a woman up against a wall, he asks them for assistance. Vehk knocks Strider to the floor and pins him, while Izzy holds the woman who turns out to be a Vampire, they fight her and are able to knock her out, but they're struggling to decide what to do with her. They have no way of finishing her off, but leaving her could endanger the citizens of Sharn, and Vehk is uncomfortable about seeking help from the guards because Senór Pee Pants. Strider bets against Vehk, that the guards wouldn't attack if they take the Vampire to the guards.

So eventually they reach a rather conveniently located guard post thingy place and take the Vampire inside, also rather conveniently, none of the guards seem to recognize either Izzy or Vehk. They lay the body on a desk after it's cleared and discuss a Vampirism problem the city may have, a pair of guards leave to bring a priest/cleric and everyone who brought the Vampire in gets paid. Senór Pee Pants comes in from the back room and demands the PCs be arrested, but the other guards just laugh at him and tell him to sit down. He whips out his weapon and approached Vehk, everybody else, including Strider, get their weapons out ready to attack Senór Pee Pants and the other guards try to negotiate with him to stand down. Senór Pee Pants attacks Vehk, everybody else in the room attacks him, ending in his expulsion from the city guard and arrest. The PCs and Strider are rewarded for helping to detain the criminal. Strider claims to have won the bet on a technicality, Vehk tries Diplomacy, but fails and agrees to work for Strider, who attempts to appease the Drow by offering them each 30% of any money they earn and first pick of any special items they find. Strider is of course, in charge of expenses.

The bet was for Strider to give the PCs 50gp, or for the PCs to work for Strider, for free. I think once Strider gets 1000gp, he'll be willing to let them go. And if the PCs try to murder him, they'll have to fight against his Ghoul Paralysis.

That's the first session of my Australian group. The game in which I banned Official Classes for Player use.
And just in case anyone is wondering, the Players referred to the Halflings as Hobbits the entire session, I kept correcting them, but at one point referred to them as Hobbits myself.

Yes, these are the players I intend to send against Sauron the Black and his Squirrel kin.

Spoiler: More Strider

Show

I've been considering turning Strider into a villain at some point. If the PCs try to murder him and he manages to survive, he'll of course make it a goal for them to pay. If they kill him and he successfully makes it difficult for them before croaking it, I'll probably get him rezzed by a villain down the line. Who may find his voice just as awful as the Players do.